The time was upon the Frivolities women to face an end-of-season fall inventory before the rush to stock for Christmas. But why did it have to happen right before Moselle’s wedding? Geneva was frustrated, spinning in circles, her mind as scattered in points and circles as a crazed spider’s web. She felt as though she accomplished nothing, yet when she looked later, would see that tasks were completed she couldn’t remember doing.
In between customers she went to and from the office, trying to match sales and account for what was on the sales floor, and at the same time do some on-line ordering for spring. She perused Native-American dream catchers by an artist who lived north of Omaha, and wondered if they would have a place in Frivolities.
One customer brought up Rainn’s name. “It’s sure too bad Rainn Harris doesn’t plan to stay in Platteville. At our city council meeting last night, the mayor said the three-story building where Lamson’s used to be is on the market. It would be a perfect art studio. Rainn could do freelance stained glass and have room to showcase other Nebraska artists. Platteville could use a store to draw men and complement sales from Frivolities.”
Dream on, woman.
Another customer came in to purchase a christening gown for her new granddaughter, embellished by Lanae’s crochet. “You’ve come a long way, Geneva, since you babysat for Mikey. Now my little Mikey is a new daddy.”
“Congratulations again on the baby. Your son was my first babysitting job after I turned thirteen.”
That made Mike the exact same age as Rainn. The sobering fact made her nauseated.
Rainn came in from the office to stand before her, Mia in tow. She was still in the midst of shaking off the jarring illusion of being old enough to babysit the man she dreamt of being her lover.
He’d better not expect me to drop everything to take over care for Mia. I am not in the mood.
She allowed no warm intimacies with Rainn to cloud her thoughts. That picture of the boy she’d babysat stood uppermost in her mind. She could live with the guilt of turning Rainn down. But what would she lose, living without taking a shot at an abundant life with Rainn? She’d learn to stand firm and put selfish desires aside.
She tried to harden her heart at the sight of Mia’s sweet smile. Mia’s smile faded to a puzzled mask.
“I’m really busy in the store today.”
“That’s a poor excuse for a greeting.”
Is it selfish to want Frivolities to succeed, to see Mia as a distraction and roadblock to that success? Even if I love her?
Geneva erected a protective wall, and never gave him a chance to open his mouth. “I love spending time with you, Rainn, and having Mia around. But right now I see that it’s necessary to be here at Frivolities with Lanae and Moselle. I have way too much on my mind at the moment.”
He took a gentle grasp of Mia’s shoulders, steered her away from a stack of mosaic crafts, and sat her in a child-size rocking chair with the electronic game.
Her pixie face frowned. She began rubbing her arms against her sides. “I am galloping full of frustration.”
“Not now, Mia. Geneva is having a bad day but it’ll work out. You did nothing wrong.” When he turned back, his frown matched Mia’s. “What exactly are you trying to say, Geneva?”
“It’s not coming out right.” What am I trying to say?
Geneva leaned over and cupped Mia’s shoulder. “I saved a pony for you. It’s on my desk if you’d like to check it out. And it’s yours to keep if you want to take it home.”
Mia kept her eyes on the game in her hands but probably felt like a Jack-in-the-Box, the way the adults had pushed her down and popped her up.
Geneva took a fortifying breath. When Mia was out of earshot, she spoke. “It’s for the best, Rainn. You and I aren’t going to work, right now. You need a woman from your own generation. The two of you deserve someone with youth and energy. As much as it hurts, I got by this long without you in my life. If it’s meant to be, I can continue. But right now I need my own time, Rainn.”
For something to do with her hands, Geneva grabbed the current year’s example of unique birdhouses, cows and pigs painted on ceramic gourd shapes. She slapped them onto the cart that crowded the aisle between them. “…and I don’t need to be pressured.”
Do I know what I need?
I need some time to myself. I need time with the Lord; it’s been sparse lately.
“Have I asked anything of you, Geneva?”
She felt so overwhelmed. Geneva’s emotions burbled over like the boiling steamed milk for a latte. “Besides, Lanae needs me.”
“Well Mia needs me too, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have time for others I care about.”
“Call me nuts right now. I’ve got thousands of items to sort through, and Moselle’s wedding is right around the corner.”
“Surprise, Geneva. I only stopped by to tell you something. I wasn’t asking you to run away and be my love, even though I admit dreaming about it.” The little grin didn’t quite form. He rubbed the back of his neck. “And just because Mia is with me, doesn’t mean I planned to leave her with you today.”
All that roiling air whooshed out of Geneva as she tried to form a meaningful apology.
“They’re coming, by the way.” His frown matched Mia’s.
“What? Who?”
“Mom and Dad, though it’s easier to think of them as my parents.”
“What do you mean, coming? As in, here? To Platteville?”
“Yep. They’ve sold the fifth-wheel and put down earnest money on a condo close to Elkhorn. Claim they’re ready to be part of Mia’s life.”
Geneva was absorbing the shock when Mia chose that moment to let loose a string of jumbled song lyrics. “I need your love would you promise to be true when you hold me in your arms so tight.”
Names of artists danced through Geneva’s mind as she warped back to an earlier, less stressful time. Have I lost my mind to be so distracted?
“I think you’re all worked up. Or maybe overworked.”
Rainn didn’t have to tell her something she already knew. “Well, that’s a good thing, I suppose, your mom and dad coming. I guess you’ll have your family here for Thanksgiving. I’ll be so busy with Moselle’s wedding. You’ll have time to spend with them.”
“That’s why we stopped. To let you know Mia will be spending time with her grandparents.”
He searched her face, gave Geneva a look that went soul deep. “Don’t work too hard, then. But you know, a person can’t eat, sleep, and breathe a business. We all need separate lives from what we do to put bread on the table.”
Ouch.
Rainn closed the distance between them, never breaking eye contact.
Geneva whimpered at the intensity of his gaze. Her mouth twitched and her stomach jumped at the brush of his fingers. He pulled a painted flower pot from her lifeless hands.
The clunk of clay against the metal cart shelf echoed the thump of her heart.
“Don’t break my heart, Geneva. I doubt I’d recover.”
Geneva already knew her heart would never recover from Rainn’s impact on her life. After knowing him, touching him, she’d never be as she once was.
“Mia, we’re leaving,” he said, in the same even tone.
She rose to her feet, pushing musical buttons, still singing silly phrases of love words.
Geneva watched them wind their way through the shop toward the back. Due to a comment Rainn made once, she had been thinking about that alley entrance a lot. Rainn had suggested that a patio off the back door would be nice. She envisioned a cast iron bench, maybe a fountain. Flagstones.
That’s good, isn’t it? Her mind returning to the future of Frivolities rather than dwelling on Rainn?
Well, for two seconds.
She went from that thought to a picture of Mia next to a fountain, where the tinkling water would probably be as soothing to her as a swinging motion. Geneva pictured a mini-garden as well, and made a mental note to put it on her calendar for things to do in the spring.
Mia crooned on their way through, juxtaposing phrases from several songs she’d heard play at Frivolities. No doubt the words didn’t sink in while Mia sang her single note, somewhere around middle C. They just came from her subconscious.
Geneva jumbled up some lyrics of her own. Rainn didn’t realize what he did to her. He turned her on and she wanted him to keep it up—but she didn’t need that distraction when she had so much work to do—especially now that she’d said she didn’t have time for him in her life.
She stared at the door after Mia went through. Somehow, a connective, invisible thread wound between Rainn and Geneva, through that little girl. And she missed them already.
How could she keep fighting their pull on her heartstrings?
The next words came from the hidden stereo speakers, a song about need.
Across the span filled with the stock of what she believed signified her future, Rainn crooked a sad smile that she felt to the tips of her toes.
He looks like I’ve broken his heart.
“By the way,” he said, “the college offered me the job. I’m staying in Platteville.”
And they were gone.
Geneva felt like a DVD movie on pause, at first frozen on the screen, then flashed into blackness.
What had she done?
What was wrong with her?
She wanted to fall to the floor in a heap, and weep.
She needed him.
She loved him.
That love would be best kept deep within, locked in a special corner of her heart, not revealed to him or anyone else.
Wouldn’t it?
Geneva was trying to persuade her heart she and Rainn had no future together.
She missed him already.
Could a woman shrivel? Like a bloom hit by the last hard freeze of spring, Geneva felt her insides draw up.
Tonight I’ll absorb the shock of what I’ve done.
Tomorrow I’ll be all dried up.
And alone.
****
“At least it looks like Christmas in the storeroom,” Lanae said, attempting to smother a yawn.
“I’m winding down, too. You know how I refuse to stock the shelves and corners for Christmas before Moselle’s wedding.” Geneva wanted to keep busy until she had no reserve strength left, no energy to give a thought to what she had said to Rainn. People knew her as “nice and naïve Geneva,” so afraid to make a mistake that when she tried to be assertive, she often made a fool of herself.
Rainn hadn’t come to ask a thing of her, yet she’d gone off like a crazed woman, turning him away; turning Mia away right along with him.
She and Lanae meandered through the office and into the show room. Ceiling lattice waited for hanging merchandise. Leaf garlands would be replaced by holly and pine. The themed nooks and crannies sat in tasteful separation—patriotic, special occasions, crafts and crazies, kitchens, country, dolls. And garden art remained a popular gift choice, no matter the season.
“Before Thanksgiving don’t you mean,” Lanae continued their discussion.
“This year they’re at the same time, Thanksgiving and the wedding.”
“We’ll be all ready for Christmas the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, Sis. Hope I didn’t tire you out.” Geneva arched forward, hands at the small of her back.
“God’s good timing, I guess. I had the energy today.”
Geneva looked around, couldn’t escape the feeling of pride and satisfaction. “You wouldn’t call it a psychedelic nightmare right now, would you?”
Lanae surveyed their handiwork. “Nope. Sure looks tasteful at the moment. Smart thing, when you got that gazebo-shaped divider in easy-to-assemble pieces. She’s just waiting for countless confections of Christmas ornaments.”
Originally, the gazebo surrounded the food preparation area, but Geneva wanted to show off the espresso maker, so they started moving the gazebo around. The food and merchandise had yet to run into each other. They’d never let them mix.
Lanae busied herself with the reds and purples of the hatters’ display. Through the night her movements had progressively become slower.
“I’m ready to go home to sink into my recliner.” Geneva whipped off her apron, but the apron strap caught on her glasses and in the tussle she couldn’t believe her ears. She stopped struggling to listen. “What in the world are you singing?”
Lanae carried on much as Mia had earlier, only she sang about rain. She sang the varied tunes so slow that each rich alto note lingered in the air.
Geneva recognized lines from five different songs. When Lanae sang the Elvis tune that Rainn had shared, Geneva could bear it no more.
“Enough already!” She hadn’t meant to shout, but that’s how it came out, even muffled by an apron.
“What bee got in your bonnet?” Lanae asked, still singing.
“We did good tonight, got a lot accomplished. But I’m so frazzled. I keep thinking I have to do more. Work harder, keep pushing. I feel like I’m running out of time. And I don’t have time for Rainn, if Rainn is the purpose of your little ditty.”
“Aren’t you ready to end this spiritual conflict, Sis?”
Geneva opted not to answer. Instead, she looped the neck strap over a finger, lifted the apron over her head, and straightened her glasses. “When Rainn was here I jumped on him about watching Mia. More or less said I didn’t have time for either of them. He hadn’t even come to leave her with us.”
“Maybe it’s just mother-of-the-bride jitters. Then again, maybe you need to look deep inside. I know when I’ve struggled with God’s will for my life, He hadn’t left me, I’d run from His guidance.”
Lanae took Geneva’s apron in passing and hooked it next to hers on a bronze coat tree. “I’ve got an idea for you. Why don’t you take all those rain songs, the whole kit and caboodle, record them on a CD, and play them at your wedding?”
Geneva raised her gaze to the ceiling, followed the crisscross of the lattice design, as she imagined the Christmas decorations that would soon hang there. She gave a weary head shake and chose not to comment. No doubt about it, she’d pretty well nixed any future wedding plans of her own.
“I’m a Christian and I try to be content. But I have to keep myself busy, because…” Geneva lowered her gaze and focused on a crooked poinsettia-red and holly-green crocheted doll dress. Maybe she felt unfocused from fatigue, but she walked away to straighten the dress so the teddy bear wore it with grace. Christmas was on display after all.
“Because?” Lanae prompted.
“All right. I’ll say it, and it’s probably a sin. I’ve wondered more times than I care to admit, even to myself, ‘is this all there is to life?’ Then I feel guilty.”
“So, you think what’s been missing from your life is a love that Rainn could provide?”
“That would probably balance my responsibility. My calling, if you will. It’s become a major guilt issue for me. The idea that a Christian serves, and a Christian woman nurtures—the whole family deal.”
So I should be available for Mia. And Rainn.
Lanae and Frivolities receded. Geneva entered a strange tunnel of conversation deep in her soul. So focused, it seemed as though the Lord spoke from a point of light at the other end:
Be still and know that I am God.
“Lord, I feel so helpless.”
That’s where I want you, so I can be your Helper.
“I’m pouring my heart out to You. I want Rainn. But do I want Mia? I want Frivolities. But my life doesn’t seem to be my life anymore, like I don’t have a say in things.”
Isn’t your life Mine?
“I’ve waited so long to finally have a chance to do something with my creativity, an outlet to give me fulfillment my life with Bret never did. Besides, Moselle doesn’t need me anymore.”
Does Frivolities have eternal significance?
“Aren’t I doing a service to Platteville? Am I not supposed to be in business so others can see Christ in me?”
So you think I made a mistake in giving Frivolities to you?
“Not at all. You know the desires of my heart. But I’m tired. It takes too much out of me to deal with the shop, the pain in my hands. Most of the time I feel like I don’t have much energy to express my love. There’s Moselle and Eric. And Lanae. Would Rainn settle for left-over time and energy? And Mia, Lord. Mia takes so much out of me.”
Now you’ve hit on the core of the matter. She is the higher calling I have for you. Your influence on her life does indeed have eternal value.
“Am I up to that?”
Lean on Me, daughter. I do not call inadequate people.
The reference to Moses and other Old Testament leaders brought clarity of mind.
“If I am to be in Mia’s life, I am to be part of Rainn’s life. I believe he thinks he wants me, at least, right now. But if I choose to pursue this relationship with Rainn, will he lose interest in me when all of a sudden it sinks in that I’m twelve years older, and no longer attractive to him?”
Rainn is also adequately equipped for the life I have called him to.
“So, if Rainn and I continue to see one another, You will enable me to give of myself to all these needy people? And since You know the desires of my heart, I will continue quilting projects, and keep Frivolities solvent?”
My daughter, leave the future to me. For now, live with your focus on the eternal. You have nothing to fear.
The voice from deep within faded away, leaving her with a calm tranquility unlike anything she had ever experienced.
“Geneva, you’re scaring me.” Lanae’s voice came from afar.
“Give me a moment,” Geneva managed to say out loud, feeling as though she was coming out of a faint.
“What happened?” Lanae asked as she led Geneva to the office, where she sank into the sage-green softness of the sofa.
Lanae’s face appeared out of focus. Geneva blinked for clear perspective.
Lanae patted Geneva’s arm. “Be back in a jiff with some tea.”
Time meant nothing. Soon the hot peppermint revived Geneva.
“What happened?” Lanae repeated. As much as possible, Geneva told her about her strange conversation with the Lord.
“Ah, dear sister. You’ve been advised to learn how to be, to rest through God’s grace, not to always be doing…searching for your purpose in life.”
Geneva knew without a doubt she had to get the excuse of the age difference over with, shake it right out of her system forever, and focus on her abundant life with Christ.
And accept Rainn as a blessing.
Geneva’s time with Frivolities was a blessing, no matter how long the adventure lasted. But a business was inanimate.
Mothering Mia would be a blessing…
Could Geneva learn how to just be, to live and enjoy life, to view Rainn and Mia and her responsibilities as gifts, maybe even grace, and get over whatever guilt she felt for wanting time for herself?
Had she remained busy so she wouldn’t dwell on making things right with the Lord?
“Remember what’s kept me going the past months? I’ve tried to live like I was dying. If you knew you were going to die sooner rather than later, wouldn’t you take the chance to love Rainn?”
Lanae’s question slammed into Geneva.
She’d prayerfully consider it, chew on the idea later.
Right now, Geneva wanted time with her sister. “How about Sunday, I won’t do a thing. Since you’re better now, with your Interferon treatments almost over, after church let’s turn on your favorite movie channel and have a movie marathon.”
****
Geneva and Lanae were both drained from their late night, followed by a full Saturday. After work Geneva prepared crock pot ingredients to slow cook overnight. She noticed the light flickered on the answering machine when she turned from pulling the pot from the cupboard. Moselle had teased her about what she called “antiquated machinery” ever since she’d moved back from Kansas City.
No one had convinced Geneva yet that she should be tied down to a cell phone. She could ignore the blinking light at the moment, but a jarring ring from a cell would prevent her from continuing on with what she was doing.
After brushing the roast with flour, she browned it in a little oil. She lined up seasonings; set out onion, celery, carrots, potatoes, cutting board, and knife. She flipped the beef over, turned down the flame, wiped her hands, and finally punched the blinking light.
Rainn’s chuckle hit her right in the midsection. “One of these days you need to join the twenty-first century and get a cell phone.”
He’d been spending way too much time with Moselle and Eric.
“Uh, I hate this, much rather be looking at you and talking to you. I know you’ve been under some stress. I woke up wondering what I’d miss about you the most if I took your words seriously. Maybe the sound of your laughter, or the way you swish your hands around your throat when you’re uneasy. I’d miss your coffee, and walking into your fluffy chick store to receive it from your lovely hand.” He laughed again and Geneva moved the meat from burner to the crock-pot heating element.
“And I don’t think you believe I’m some kind of stalker, or you’d have Eric butt me out of your life. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate the special relationship you have with your sister and your daughter. I’d never want to come between you. But, the Lord will care for them. Neither was created to keep your bed warm on a cold winter’s night.”
“Oh!” Geneva gasped and slammed the faucet off, realizing she’d better wait before she started chopping the vegetables.
She grasped the edge of the sink and swayed, absorbing the sound of his voice through her very pores.
“Mia won’t be with me forever, either, Neva. I want to grow old with you. I need you to complete me. You didn’t expect me in your life and now I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ll save the three little words for when I’m looking into your spicy warm eyes.”
Tears rained down Geneva’s cheeks. Neva. No one had ever called her Neva.
“Think of me when you lie down tonight. Even tucked up snug in a blanket cocoon, your heart won’t be warm until things are right between us.”
His voice clicked off. She turned on the faucet.
Her weeping washed the celery stalks along with the running water.
****
Goodies all lined up within reach, Geneva and Lanae cozied in for their movie marathon.
“I once told Moselle she needed to quit running.”
“I’m no longer running. I want the right time to set things straight with Rainn.”
If it wasn’t too late to set them straight.
Without Rainn, the love and soul would go out of her days. He was a gift, a blessing even. And she had misused their time together by turning into someone she didn’t recognize for a while.
No more. As soon as she could, Geneva planned to find out if his feelings had changed toward her. Not every woman had such a wonderful man to love her.
For now, she planned to live in the moment with Lanae. The first movie she selected was The Tall Men on the western channel. Clark Gable and Jane Russell discussed dreaming big or dreaming small.
After the actors ended up together, Lanae turned to Geneva. “When I’m back to my normal self,” she announced. “I’m going to log on to one of those dot-coms and see if I can get the man of my dreams.”
“Think you’ll be up to that, huh?”
“Hey, maybe you don’t need estrogen to keep you glowing because you have Rainn Harris, but I need a lift. And now that my liver tests free from disease, I’m almost ready to meet someone. Maybe a guy who advertises ‘fun to be with,’ or ‘free from worry,’ or how about...‘movie buff?’”
“Dreams do come true.”
Geneva didn’t know if she was up for Elizabeth Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but that’s what they got on satellite. With popcorn, candy corn, chocolate, and mixed nuts, they settled in.
“The eyes have it, that’s for sure,” Lanae commented. “Elizabeth Taylor and Paul Newman—”
“I’ll take Rainn’s eyes over Newman blues, or Taylor’s lavenders, any day.”
And Geneva wondered when she’d see him next. Since his parents were coming, he wouldn’t need her to keep Mia occupied. He was probably afraid to ask, anyway.
Eric had planned for Rainn to be an usher at their wedding. The time was almost at hand when Geneva would see Rainn at rehearsal.
Enough. She was finally ready to live in the moment.
Am I able to live fully, Lord? To put my reservations and insecurities behind? To not be afraid to live life with gusto—and take on Lanae’s motto to live like I was dying?
Contemplations behind, her stomach and sides soon ached from laughter at Lanae’s quick wit. The actors spoke their lines and Lanae added editorial comments.
When Maggie called the kids “no necks” in the film, Geneva almost choked on a kernel of corn.
“Hmmm. No-neck stuffed animals,” Lanae said, “we could find some beaver or porcupine accents for the shop. Think they’d be cuddly?”
They shared a robust laugh
“Did you ever get upset enough with Bret you hit something the way Big Momma did when she pounded the mattress?” Lanae asked seriously.
“I love that scene. But in my case it wasn’t so funny. Sometimes I was so frustrated I wanted to hit something, but unlike her conclusion regarding Big Daddy in the movie, I never thought my marriage to Bret was on the rocks.”
Lanae was enthralled by the film for about another thirty seconds. Then she jumped up and spilled popcorn like falling leaves driven by a stiff wind, at Big Daddy’s line: “You can be young without money, but you can’t be old without it.”
Geneva’s mouth dropped open. “We’re both nuts.”
Lanae threw a bright blue chocolate candy and hit the target.
Geneva sputtered. Then she croaked. The candy flew out of her mouth.
Lanae was so exuberant she couldn’t be contained. “That’s it! I’ll use that for my singles ad slogan.”
And it hit Geneva like the weight of a whole bag of candy, if she didn’t straighten up her attitude toward Rainn, she’d be facing a lonely life.
I want a man in my life.
And there was only one man she’d choose.
If he’d still have her.