In a minute we were all killing ourselves with laughter.
“For goodness’s sake, will you listen to me!” Alyosha’s ringing voice rose above ours. “You think it’s always the same with me… that I’ll come up with some cock-and-bull story again… I tell you, I’ve got something really interesting for you. Will you both keep quiet for a moment!”
He was desperate to tell us something. We could see by his expression that he had some important news. But his deliberate air of self-importance and naive pride at being the bearer of such news immediately provoked Natasha to laughter. I couldn’t help joining in. And the more annoyed he became, the more we laughed. In the end his vexation and childish despair brought us to such a pitch that were splitting our sides at the slightest pretext, like Gogol’s Mr Midshipman* at the sight of a raised finger. Mavra had come out of the kitchen and was standing in the doorway watching us, highly indignant that Natasha hadn’t given Alyosha the dressing-down she had been looking forward to for the past five days, and that instead we were all so merry together.
At last, seeing that our laughter was upsetting Alyosha, Natasha stopped laughing.
“What did you want to tell us?” she asked.
“Shall I bring the samovar or shan’t I?” Mavra asked, interrupting Alyosha with scant regard for ceremony.
“Go away, Mavra, go away,” he said, waving her away, wanting to be rid of her as quickly as possible. “I’m going to tell you everything that’s happened, everything that’s happening now and everything that’s going to happen, because I know it all. I can see, dear friends, you can’t wait to know where I’ve been for the last five days – that’s what I’ve been dying to tell you, if only you’d let me. Well, and this is the first thing – I’ve been deceiving you all along, Natasha, the whole of this time, I’ve been deceiving you for so long, and that’s really the most important thing.”
“Deceiving me?”
“Yes, deceiving you, for a whole month – I started even before my father arrived. Now the time has come to be completely frank. A month ago, when my father was still away, I quite unexpectedly got a really long letter from him, but I kept it secret from you both. He came straight to the point in his letter – and I tell you, the gravity of his tone really shocked me – he made it plain that my engagement was all settled, that my fiancée was nothing short of perfection, that of course I wasn’t worthy of her, but that I must nevertheless marry her come what may. And therefore I should prepare myself, I should knock all my stupid notions out of my head, and so on, and so forth – well, you know what he means by stupid notions. So you see, it was this letter that I kept from you…”
“You did nothing of the sort!” Natasha interrupted, “fancy boasting about it! As a matter of fact, you told us all about it straight away. I remember you suddenly became so agreeable and affectionate, you kept close to me, as if you felt guilty about something, and bit by bit you told us everything that was in the letter.”
“I couldn’t have – I don’t believe I could have told you the most important thing. Perhaps the two of you had guessed something – I wouldn’t know about that – but you didn’t hear it from me. I kept it quiet and suffered dreadfully.”
“I remember, Alyosha,” I added, looking at Natasha, “you kept turning to me for advice, and you told me everything bit by bit, in a roundabout way, of course.”
“You told us everything! So please don’t boast about it!” she confirmed. “What would you know about keeping a secret? As if you could deceive anyone! Even Mavra knew all about it. You knew, didn’t you, Mavra?”
“Well, how could I not know!” Mavra responded, poking her head round the door. “You let it all out before three days were up. You don’t know the first thing about deceit!”
“Oh dear, it’s such a pain talking to you all! Natasha, you’re doing all this out of spite! And you’re wrong too, Mavra. I remember, I was out of my mind at the time. You remember, Mavra, don’t you?”
“As if I could forget. And you’re still out of your mind.”
“No, no, I’m not talking about that. Surely you remember! We were hard up at the time, and you took my silver cigar case to the pawnbroker. But, the main thing, let me point this out to you, Mavra, you’re forgetting yourself dreadfully. It’s Natasha who’s let you get above yourself. Well, let’s suppose I did tell you everything there and then, bit by bit (it’s coming back to me now). But it’s the tone, the tone of the letter you didn’t know, and it’s the tone that is the most important thing about a letter. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
“So what about the tone then?” Natasha asked.
“Listen Natasha, you’re asking me as if it were a joke. It’s not a joke! I assure you this is very important. That tone took the wind out of me. My father had never spoken to me like that before. He’d rather have seen the world go up in smoke than have his will thwarted. That’s the sort of tone it was!”
“All right, go on then, tell me – why did you need to keep it secret from me?”
“Oh Lord! So as not to worry you of course! I was hoping to settle everything myself. Well then, it was after I got the letter, as soon as my father returned, that my misery began. I was all set to answer him firmly, clearly and to the point, but somehow I couldn’t manage it. And he wouldn’t even ask any questions, the sly old devil! On the contrary, he just acted as if the whole thing had been settled, and there could be no room whatsoever for any argument or misunderstanding between us. Can you imagine? No room whatsoever! Such self-assurance! And then he started being so friendly, so kind towards me. I was simply astonished. He’s so clever, Ivan Petrovich, if only you knew! He’s read everything, he knows everything – you only have to look at him once and he knows all your thoughts as if they were his own. That’s probably why they call him a Jesuit. Natasha doesn’t like it when I praise him. Don’t be cross, Natasha! So there you are… oh, incidentally! He wouldn’t give me any money at first, but this time, yesterday, he did. Natasha! My angel! Our poverty’s over now! Here, look! Everything he held back from me as punishment these last six months, he made up for yesterday. Look how much! I haven’t counted it yet. Mavra, just look how much money! No more pawning of spoons and cufflinks for us!”
He drew from his pocket a rather large amount of money, about fifteen hundred roubles in silver, and put it on the table. Mavra inspected it with satisfaction and commended Alyosha for it. Natasha pressed him to continue his story.
“Well, I thought, what was I to do?” Alyosha went on. “How could I go against him? That’s to say, I swear to you both, if he’d been nasty to me, if he hadn’t been so nice, I’d never have hesitated. I’d have told him to his face that I was a grown man and able to look after myself, and that was the end of the matter! And believe me, I’d have stood my ground. But as it was – what could I say to him? But don’t blame me. I can see you don’t seem too pleased, Natasha. Why are you looking at each other like that? I suppose you’re thinking he twisted me round his little finger again and that I’ve no firmness. But I do have firmness, I do, and more than you think! And the proof is that, despite my situation, I immediately said to myself, ‘You must tell your father everything, it’s your duty to tell him everything,’ and I spoke, and told him everything, and he heard me out.”
“But what exactly did you tell him?” Natasha asked anxiously.
“That I wanted no other bride, that I already had one – you. Well, that is, I didn’t actually tell him that in so many words, I haven’t told him yet, but I have prepared him for it and I’ll tell him tomorrow. I’ve made up my mind. First, I started to tell him that to marry for money was shameful and dishonourable, and for us to pretend we were some kind of aristocrats was simply silly (I don’t mince words with him, it’s man-to-man between us). Then I put it to him that I was just an ordinary chap, and in the end that was what mattered. That I was proud to be just like everyone else and didn’t want to be singled out in any way… I spoke passionately, persuasively. I surprised myself. I convinced him in the end, even by his way of thinking… I put it to him, ‘What sort of princes are we?’ Only by heredity, but in essence, what’s princely about us? First, we’re not particularly rich – and it’s wealth that counts. The most important aristocrat these days is Rothschild. Secondly, no one’s heard of us in higher social circles for ages. The last of us anyone has ever heard of was Uncle Semyon Valkovsky, but only in Moscow, and then only for having sold off his last three hundred serfs to cover his debts, and if his father hadn’t bailed him out, his grandchildren would probably have been ploughing the land themselves like some other aristocrats I could mention. So we’ve got nothing to put on airs about. In a word, I told him everything that was boiling inside me – everything, frankly and straight from the shoulder. I even laid it on a bit here and there. He had nothing to say, he simply began to reproach me for having turned my back on Count Nainsky, and then said I should try to get into the good books of Princess K., my godmother, and that if I got on with Princess K., I’d be received everywhere and my career would be made, and so he went on and on. He was clearly hinting that since the two of us got together, Natasha, I’d neglected everyone, and that it was all in effect down to your influence. To be honest, though, he didn’t actually mention you, and even seemed to be avoiding talking about you. We were both playing it clever, biding our time and trying to outwit each other – and rest assured, it’s all going to turn out trumps.”
“That’s all very well, but how did it end? What did he decide? That’s the important thing. You’re such a chatterbox, Alyosha…”
“God only knows! I can’t make head or tail of what he thinks. And I’m not a chatterbox, I’m talking sense. He didn’t even try to decide anything – he just smiled at all my arguments with a sort of pitying smile. Of course I know it was humiliating, but I didn’t mind. ‘I quite agree with you,’ he said, ‘but let’s call on Count Nainsky – only make sure you don’t mention any of this there. I happen to understand you, but they won’t.’ I don’t think he’s particularly popular there himself. They’re not happy about something. I just got the overall feeling that somehow Father isn’t much liked in society at present. At first the Count received me very pompously, superciliously in fact; he seemed to forget that I’d grown up in his house, he had to think back to remember it, honestly! He’s simply angry with me for my ingratitude, but really there was no ingratitude at all on my part. It was unbearably boring at his house, so I just stopped going there. And he received my father terribly offhandedly, so offhandedly I wonder how he can still go there. It all made me really mad. Poor Father practically has to crawl before them. I realize it’s all for my benefit, but the point is I just don’t want any of it. Afterwards I wanted to tell my father how I felt about it, but resisted. What would have been the use? I wouldn’t have changed his convictions, I’d have just upset him, and it’s bad enough for him as it is. Well, I thought, I’d resort to cunning. I’d outsmart the lot of them. I’d oblige the Count to respect me – and what do you think? I got what I wanted straight away. In just a single day everything changed! Count Nainsky can’t do enough for me now. And I managed all this myself, by my own cunning, so that Father was left simply speechless!…”
“Listen, Alyosha, you’d better stick to the point!” Natasha exclaimed impatiently. “I thought you were going to say something about us, but all you want to do is show off how you distinguished yourself at Count Nainsky’s. Your Count is no concern of mine!”
“No concern of yours! Did you hear that, Ivan Petrovich – no concern of hers? But that’s the most important thing of all. You’ll see for yourself, Natasha. Everything will become clear in the end. Only let me get on with my story… I admit to you, Natasha, and to you too, Ivan Petrovich – I might as well be frank! – I’m not always very sensible. Well, there’s no hiding it, there have been occasions when I’ve been downright foolish. But this time, I assure you, I was pretty smart… in fact… I’d even say clever, so much so that I thought you’d be pleased to know I’m not always… unintelligent.”
“Look here, Alyosha, stop it! My dearest!…”
Natasha could not bear Alyosha to be thought of as unintelligent. How often had she sulked in silence when with scant ceremony I pointed out to Alyosha that he had committed some folly or other; it was a sore point with her. She could not bear Alyosha being humiliated, probably all the more because deep down she was only too aware of his shortcomings. But she never expressed her own opinion to him for fear of wounding his self-esteem. He was particularly sensitive in this regard and always guessed her innermost feelings. Natasha was aware of this and was troubled by it, so she would at once flatter him and make a fuss of him. That is why his words now found a painful resonance in her heart…
“That’ll do, Alyosha!” she added. “You’re not like that at all, you’re just rather thoughtless. Why do you have to put yourself down so?”
“Well, all right then. So, as I was saying – after my reception at the Count’s, my father went so far as to lose his temper with me. Well, I thought, this won’t do! We were on our way to the Princess’s. I’d heard she had long been in her dotage, was deaf too, and crazy about lapdogs. She has a whole pack of them and adores them. In spite of all this she has a lot of influence in society, and even the high-and-mighty Count Nainsky dances attendance upon her. So on the way there I hatched a complete plan of action. And guess what it was based on? Why, on the fact that all dogs like me – yes, honestly! I’ve noticed it. Either I’ve got some sort of magnetism in me or it’s because I really love animals. I don’t know, but dogs just love me, and that’s all there is to it! By the way, talking of magnetism, I didn’t tell you, Natasha, did I? We were calling up spirits the other day, I was at a spiritualist’s. It’s really strange, Ivan Petrovich, I was quite amazed. I called up Julius Caesar.”
“Good Lord, what did you want with Julius Caesar?” Natasha exclaimed, collapsing with laughter. “That’s all we needed!”
“Well, why not?… You’d think I was some sort of… Why shouldn’t I call up Julius Caesar? It’s no skin off his nose… She’s laughing at me!”
“It’s all right, of course there’s no harm done… oh my dearest! Well, what did Julius Caesar have to say to you?”
“He didn’t say anything. I just held the pencil and the pencil moved by itself across the paper and wrote. They said it was Julius Caesar writing. I didn’t believe it.”
“And what did it say?”
“It said something like ‘Dunk it’,* as in Gogol… now do please stop laughing!
“What about the Princess?”
“Well, you keep interrupting me. We arrived at the Princess’s and I started straight away by making it up to Mimi. That Mimi is the most wretched, obnoxious little animal you ever saw, obstinate and old, and she bites. The Princess absolutely dotes on her, she’s the apple of her eye. I think they’re roughly the same age. So I began to ply Mimi with sweets, and within about ten minutes I’d managed to teach her to give me her paw, something no one had been able to teach her in her whole life. The Princess was simply over the moon, she practically wept for joy. ‘Mimi! Mimi! Mimi can shake hands!’ Someone arrived, ‘Mimi’s shaking hands! My godson taught her!’ Count Nainsky came in, ‘Mimi’s shaking hands!’ She was almost crying with emotion as she looked at me. She’s the dearest old lady, I felt quite sorry for her. I wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip, so I flattered her. She has a snuffbox with a portrait of herself as a bride, some sixty years ago. She happened to drop the snuffbox and I picked it up and said as if in all innocence, “Quelle charmante peinture!* This is exquisite!” Then I had her in the palm of my hand. She went on about this, that and the other, where I’d studied, whom I visit, what glorious hair I had, and so on and so forth. I wasn’t diffident either – I made her laugh. I told her a scandalous story I knew. She loves that sort of thing. She wagged her finger at me but was convulsed with laughter all the same. When I was leaving, she kissed me and gave me her blessing and demanded I come every day to entertain her. The Count shook my hand, his eyes oozing admiration. And my father, who’s the kindest, sincerest man you could ever wish to meet – in a word, a perfect gentleman – was almost weeping with joy – you mightn’t believe it – when the two of us arrived home. He hugged me, became confidential, mysteriously confidential, and started going on about career prospects, connections, money, marriages, much of it over my head. That’s when he gave me the money. That was yesterday. I’m going to the Princess’s again tomorrow, but father’s really a thorough gentleman – don’t misunderstand me, even if he does try to drag me away from you, Natasha, it’s only because he’s dazzled by Katya’s millions, something you haven’t got – and he wants the money, but only for my sake, and it’s only out of ignorance he’s unfair to you. And what father doesn’t want happiness for his son? After all, it’s not his fault he’s used to reckoning happiness in terms of millions. They’re all like that. If one looks at it from that point of view – as one must – he’s perfectly right. I deliberately hurried straight to you, Natasha, to tell you this, because I know you’re prejudiced against him and, of course, you’ve every right to be. I don’t blame you…”
“So all that happened is that you and the Princess hit it off? Is that all your cunning amounts to?” Natasha asked.
“What do you mean? It’s only the beginning… I only told you about the Princess because, you understand, it’s through her I shall win my father round. But I haven’t come to my main story yet.”
“Well, get on with it then!”
“Something else happened to me today, something very strange, and I still haven’t quite got over it,” Alyosha went on. “You have to bear in mind that although as far as my father and the Countess are concerned our betrothal has been all arranged, there’s been nothing official yet, so that even if we broke it all off right now, there’d be no scandal whatever. Count Nainsky alone knows, but he’s considered one of the family and our benefactor. Besides, although in the last two weeks Katya and I have become very close, until tonight we hadn’t spoken a word about our future, that is, about our wedding and… well, about love. Besides, we’re supposed to ask the Princess K. for her permission first, because she can pull all sorts of strings and be Lady Bountiful. In society whatever she says goes – she has such connections… And they can’t wait for me to establish myself and get on in society. But it’s the Countess, Katya’s stepmother, who’s insisting on all these arrangements most of all. The thing is that, because of all her escapades abroad, the Princess may well refuse to receive her, and if the Princess won’t, then the others probably won’t either. So here’s an opportunity – my engagement to Katya. And that’s why the Countess, who originally was against the engagement, was terribly delighted at my success at the Princess’s. But that’s by the by – the most important thing is, I’ve known Katerina Fyodorovna since last year, but I was very immature then and couldn’t understand a thing, so I never quite managed to see anything in her—”
“You were simply more in love with me then,” Natasha interjected. “That’s why you didn’t see anything in her, whereas now—”
“Not a word more, Natasha!” Alyosha cried excitedly. “You’re quite wrong and you insult me!… I’m not even going to answer that… Listen to me and you’ll understand everything… Oh, if only you knew Katya! If only you knew what a tender, fine, sweet soul she is! But you’ll find out soon enough. Just listen to the rest of the story! Two weeks ago after they got back, when my father took me to see Katya, I started to observe her closely. I noticed she was observing me too. That really aroused my curiosity, quite apart from my intention of getting to know her better, which I’d meant to do ever since I got that letter from my father that so astonished me. I’m not going to say anything, I’m not going to praise her, except to say one thing – she’s a shining exception to her whole circle. She’s such an extraordinary character, such a strong and honest soul, so strong in her purity and honesty, you understand, that she makes me look like a child, a younger brother at most, even though she’s only seventeen herself. Another thing I noticed, she has an air of sadness about her, it’s as though she has a secret. She’s not talkative and hardly says a word at home, as if she’s in a state of shock… She seems to be turning something over in her mind. And she appears to be afraid of my father. She doesn’t like her stepmother – that much I gathered. The Countess, for reasons best known to herself, makes out that her stepdaughter is terribly fond of her. It’s all quite untrue. Katya simply does what she’s told unquestioningly, and it seems as though the two have conspired about this. Four days ago, after observing her all that time, I decided to carry out my intention, and tonight I did. That was to tell Katya everything, confess all, get her on our side and put an end to the whole business at a stroke—”
“What? Tell her what, confess what?” Natasha asked apprehensively.
“Everything, the whole lot,” Alyosha replied, “and I thank Almighty God for inspiring me with the idea, but listen, just listen! Four days ago I decided to stay away from you both and deal with the matter myself. If I’d been with you, I’d have shilly-shallied, I’d have listened to you and wouldn’t have been able to pluck up my courage. On my own though, having put myself into a situation where I constantly had to remind myself that I had to resolve the matter, that I must put an end to it, I steeled myself and… I put an end to it! I resolved to come back to you with it all settled, and I have come back with it all settled.”
“What, what happened? How did it go? Tell us!”
“It’s very simple! I approached her directly, honestly and resolutely… But first I must tell you something else that happened before that, and which really astounded me. Before we set out, my father received a letter. I was about to go into his study, but I stopped at the door. He didn’t see me. He was so struck by the letter that he was talking to himself, exclaiming out loud and pacing up and down, quite beside himself. Then at last, with the letter still in his hands, he suddenly burst out laughing. I was quite nervous about entering the room, so I waited a moment and only then went in. My father was so pleased about something, so pleased that he started speaking to me quite strangely. Then he broke off and told me to get ready to leave at once, even though it was still very early. There was no one there at the Countess’s; you were quite mistaken, Natasha, in thinking they were entertaining that night. You were misinformed…”
“Oh Alyosha, stick to the point, please! Just tell me exactly what you told Katya!”
“Luckily they left us alone together for two whole hours. I simply put it to her that though they wanted us to get engaged, marriage was out of the question for us, but that in my heart I was totally for her and that she alone could save me. Then I told her everything. Just fancy, she knew nothing of our situation, nothing about us, Natasha! If you could have seen how moved she was, even frightened at first. She turned pale. I told her all about us, that you left your home for me, that we’re living together, that we’re struggling now, that we’re so afraid of everything and are now appealing to her (I spoke in your name too, Natasha) to side with us and inform her stepmother in no uncertain terms that she herself has no wish to be my wife – thereby offering us our only way out, our only hope. She listened with such interest, such sympathy. You should have seen the look in her eyes at that moment! It was as if her whole soul was in her eyes. She has such deep-blue eyes. She thanked me for trusting her, and promised to do all she could to help us. Then she started asking about you, and said she’d very much like to meet you. She asked me to tell you that she already loved you as a sister and wanted you to love her as a sister, and when she found out that I hadn’t seen you for five days, she immediately started urging me to go to see you…”
Natasha was moved.
“And before telling me this you were going on about your successes with some deaf old princess! Oh Alyosha, you’re impossible!” she cried, gazing reproachfully at him. “Well, what about Katya? Was she happy, cheerful, when she said goodbye to you?”
“Yes, she was happy that she was able to do a noble deed, but she was crying. Because she too loves me, Natasha! She confessed that she was beginning to fall in love with me, that she doesn’t meet any other men and that she took a fancy to me a while ago. She said that what struck her particularly about me was that despite the wiles and duplicity all around, I seemed to be sincere and honest. She stood up and said, “Well, God be with you, Alexei Petrovich. I rather thought…” But then she broke off, burst into tears and left the room. We decided she’d tell her stepmother tomorrow that she didn’t want to marry me, and that tomorrow, come what may, I must tell my father everything and be absolutely firm and honest about it. She reproached me for not having told him before and said that a gentleman shouldn’t be afraid of anything! She’s so high-minded. She doesn’t like my father either, she says he’s sly and a money-grubber. I defended him but she would have none of it. If I don’t get anywhere with my father tomorrow (and she’s quite sure I won’t), she has agreed that I should appeal to Princess K. for protection. Then none of them will dare go against us. We promised each other we’d be like brother and sister. Oh, if only you knew her story, how unhappy she is; she hates living with her stepmother and the whole situation she’s in… She didn’t tell me that in so many words, as if she were afraid of me too, but I put two and two together. Natasha, my darling! How she would admire you if she saw you! She has such a kind heart! She is so easy to be with! You two were made to be sisters and you must love each other. I’ve been thinking about it all the time. I’d really like to bring the two of you together, and then just stand back and admire the pair of you. Don’t imagine anything wrong in this, my dearest Natasha. Just let me talk about her. To talk about her to you and about you to her is what I want most of all. You know that I love you more than anyone, more than her… You are everything to me!”
Natasha was looking at him in silence, affectionately and, somehow, sadly. His words seemed to caress and at the same time torment her.
“It’s some time now, over two weeks, since I recognized Katya’s true worth,” he went on. “I was calling on them every night. And when I’d get back home, I’d think and think about the two of you and compare you.”
“And which of us came off best?” Natasha asked with a smile.
“Sometimes you, sometimes her. But you’ve always been the best. Whenever I talk to her on the other hand, I feel that I become somehow better, cleverer, more gentlemanly. But tomorrow, tomorrow it’ll all be settled!”
“But don’t you feel sorry for her? After all, she does love you, you couldn’t help noticing that yourself, you said.”
“Yes, I do feel sorry for her, Natasha! But we shall all three love one another, and then…”
“And then it’s goodbye,” Natasha said softly as if to herself. Alyosha looked at her in amazement.
But our conversation was suddenly interrupted in a most unexpected fashion. From the kitchen, which also served as an entrance hall, we heard a light bustle, as if someone had entered the house. A minute later Mavra opened the door and began to beckon Alyosha surreptitiously. We all turned towards her.
“There’s someone asking for you, if you please,” she said enigmatically.
“Who could be asking for me?” Alyosha said, looking at us in surprise. “I’ll go and see.”
In the kitchen stood his father’s liveried servant. It transpired that on his way home, the Prince had stopped his carriage at Natasha’s lodgings to enquire if Alyosha was there. Having announced this, the servant immediately withdrew.
“That’s odd! He’s never done that before,” Alyosha said, regarding us in some confusion. “Whatever can it mean?”
Natasha was looking anxiously at him. Suddenly Mavra opened the door again.
“He’s coming himself, the Prince.” she said in a hurried whisper, and disappeared.
Natasha turned pale and stood up. Suddenly her eyes flashed. She stood leaning lightly on the table and in some agitation gazed at the door through which the uninvited guest would enter.
“Natasha, don’t be afraid, you’re with me! I won’t let anyone insult you,” Alyosha whispered, embarrassed but standing firm. The door opened and there stood Prince Valkovsky in propria persona.