POLLY COULD FEEL the waves of anger coming off Elliot and knew she was the reason for it. He was annoyed about her joining them for this picnic, she thought as she watched him arrange pieces of cooked chicken on a paper plate. Although his reaction seemed extreme to her mind, maybe she should make an effort to smooth things over. After all, she didn’t want Joseph to think there was anything wrong when it would only upset him. She went over and knelt down on the rug, lowering her voice so that the child couldn’t hear her.
‘Look, I’m sorry if you have a problem with my being here. The last thing I want is to cause any trouble.’
‘You should have thought of that before you agreed to join us,’ Elliot said harshly, lifting a bottle of orange juice out of the cool box.
Polly bit back her sharp retort because it was obvious that Elliot wasn’t interested in hearing her apology. He didn’t want her there and that was it. It made her see that there was only one thing she could do in the circumstances. ‘You’re right; I should have done,’ she said flatly. She glanced over at Joseph, who was busily colouring in his picture, oblivious to what was going on. It had been obvious how delighted he’d been to see her and it made her feel guilty all of a sudden. She didn’t want him growing attached to her when she was leaving Beesdale in a few weeks’ time. Maybe she had been trying to put Elliot in his place, but not at the expense of hurting his son.
‘I’ll make some excuse and get out of your way,’ she said quietly as she turned back to Elliot.
‘And that’s your answer, is it? Run away and to hell with Joseph and the fact that he will be bitterly disappointed if you don’t stay for the picnic?’ He smiled grimly. ‘Why am I not surprised? After all, why would you want to spend time with him when I’m sure you can find more exciting things to do?’
‘That’s not fair,’ she protested then stopped when a car drove into the car park and parked next to where they were sitting. A couple got out and started walking towards the waterfall. The young woman was heavily pregnant and Polly saw the man put his arm around her to help her over the rough ground. It was such a loving gesture that it brought a lump to Polly’s throat. It brought it home to her that there was nobody who cared about her that much, nobody to help her if she needed it. She was completely on her own and whatever happened, good or bad, she would have to deal with it herself.
Polly felt her eyes fill with tears all of a sudden. She scrambled to her feet, not wanting to break down again in front of Elliot. Knowing him, he would probably think that she was doing it on purpose to gain his sympathy. She hurried over to her car, feeling more wretched than ever. Every time she did anything, it backfired on her. She’d thought she was doing the right thing by marrying Martin but look how that had turned out. And those stupid rumours would never have started if she hadn’t tried to make sure that Elliot wasn’t injured. It was as though she was jinxed!
‘Wait! Don’t go. Not like this, Polly.’
The urgency in Elliot’s voice surprised her so much that she stopped. She turned around, her breath catching when she saw the expression on his face. Why was he looking at her as though he cared? He didn’t care about her, as he had made it abundantly clear. The thought brought more tears to her eyes and she heard him sigh as he came over to her.
‘I’m sorry, Polly. I never meant to upset you.’
‘No?’ She gave a broken little laugh. ‘From where I’m standing I’d say it was precisely what you wanted to do.’
‘Of course not.’ He hesitated and she could tell that he was choosing his words with care. ‘I just don’t want you to upset Joseph. He’s already growing very attached to you and I don’t want him getting hurt.’
‘I don’t want him getting hurt either,’ she said quietly.
Elliot sighed. ‘I know you don’t. It’s just that I worry so much.’
‘Because of the way his mother left him?’ she suggested.
‘Yes.’ He grimaced. ‘I suppose it was stupid of me to hope that Marianna would change her mind once he was born. After all, I knew to my cost how self-centred she was and having a child with a major handicap would have changed her life completely. But I still hoped that when she saw him she would feel differently.’
‘Only she didn’t.’
‘No. She didn’t even want to see him after he was born. I don’t think she could face the thought of giving birth to a child who wasn’t perfect.’
‘So she’s never seen him?’ Polly asked, appalled.
‘Once and that was only by accident when we bumped into her while we were out shopping.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘She couldn’t wait to get away either.’
‘How awful! Was Joseph upset?’ she asked, her heart aching at the thought of the child suffering such a rejection.
‘Very much so. He cried himself to sleep for several nights afterwards.’ Elliot took a deep breath. ‘That’s why I can’t risk him growing attached to anyone else, Polly. I don’t want him getting hurt again. Even though I know you would never deliberately hurt him, you have enough to deal with right now, what with the wedding and everything else. That’s why I feel it would be better if we didn’t spend too much time together.’
‘I understand,’ she began then broke off when she heard someone shouting for help. The sound was coming from the direction of the waterfall and her heart sank as she recalled the young couple who had gone that way a short time earlier.
Elliot spun round. ‘I’ll go and see what’s happened. Can you stay with Joseph?’
‘Of course.’ Polly hurried over to the little boy. Bending down, she gave him a hug when she saw the alarm on his face. ‘Don’t worry, sweetheart, your dad’s gone to see what’s happened. He won’t be long.’
They waited for what seemed like ages. Polly was starting to get really worried as the minutes ticked past and there was no sign of Elliot. Was he all right or had something happened to him as well? She had visions of him diving into the river to rescue someone and getting swept away. In the end, she couldn’t bear it any longer and took out her mobile phone so she could summon help. Her finger was actually hovering over the button when Elliot suddenly appeared. He wasn’t alone; he had the young man she’d seen earlier with him and they were supporting the young woman between them. He looked over and beckoned to her.
‘Can you lend a hand here, Polly? It looks like Sarah has gone into labour.’
‘Good heavens!’ Polly rushed over to them, smiling ruefully at the other woman. ‘What a time for this to happen! Babies certainly choose their moment, don’t they?’
Sarah dredged up a smile although Polly could tell how scared she was. ‘This one certainly has. I’m not due for another couple of weeks, which is why Dave and I thought it would be all right if we had a day out. Everyone keeps telling me that first babies are always late so I never expected this to happen.’
‘Well, there’s nothing to worry about. We’ll soon get you sorted out,’ Polly assured her. ‘It just so happens that I’m the local midwife, Polly Davies, and Elliot—Dr Grey—is in charge of the paediatric surgical unit at the local hospital.’ She grinned at Sarah, wanting to reassure her. The last thing they needed was for Sarah to start panicking. ‘You couldn’t have chosen a better time and place to go into labour!’
* * *
‘You’re almost there. One more push should do it… Yes! That’s it. Keep going.’
Elliot listened as Polly talked Sarah through the final stages of the delivery. The birth had been swift although none the less intense for that. Several times Sarah had shown signs of panic when the contractions had been very strong, but Polly had managed to keep her focused and he had to admit that he was impressed. It was clear that Polly was an excellent midwife and he found himself readjusting his opinion of the job she did. She was a professional through and through, yet she still had the gift of being able to connect with people. He could learn a lot from her.
The baby suddenly slid out into Polly’s waiting hands and Elliot shook off the moment of introspection with a feeling of relief. His life had already changed thanks to Polly and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to make any more adjustments just yet! He watched as Polly picked up a towel and started to rub the baby, feeling the first flicker of alarm run through him when he realised that the child still hadn’t started crying. He could feel himself grow tense as he watched Polly gently flick her finger against the soles of the little boy’s feet in an attempt to stimulate him to breathe, but it had no effect.
‘What’s wrong?’ Sarah demanded shrilly. ‘Why isn’t he crying?’
‘Just give me a second,’ Polly murmured, quickly turning the baby over and patting his back. She looked up and Elliot could see the concern on her face when the baby still failed to take a breath. ‘We need to clear his airway.’
‘Right.’
Elliot didn’t need to hear any more as he took a length of narrow tubing from the birthing kit and deftly inserted it into the baby’s mouth while Polly held him. It took only seconds to draw off the mucus but he was very conscious of the time ticking past. Without access to any proper ventilating equipment, the baby wouldn’t stand a chance if this didn’t work. He held his breath as Polly laid the baby face down again and patted his back, but there was still no response. Reaching out, Elliot took him from her, fitting his mouth over the child’s nose and mouth while he blew gently into his lungs. Every second that passed made the situation even more critical. The baby suddenly took a gasping breath and Elliot smiled in relief when the infant let out a loud wail as soon as he removed his mouth.
‘Well, there doesn’t seem to be much wrong with his lungs,’ he observed, handing the squalling infant to Polly so she could clamp the cord and wrap him in the towel.
‘Thank you so much,’ Dave mumbled when Polly passed the baby to him. Tears were streaming down both parents’ faces now and Elliot felt a lump come to his throat. Their relief was palpable and he couldn’t help being affected by it.
He stood up, using the excuse that he needed to check on Joseph to make his escape. He hadn’t felt like this for years, his emotions bubbling up and spilling over, and it scared him to realise how little control he had. He had felt like this when he had met Marianna and it had been all that emotion that had led him to marry her. Would he have done so if he’d been thinking clearly? Would he have ignored all the warning signs that she wasn’t the sweetly innocent woman she pretended to be? Of course he wouldn’t! He would have let things run their course, enjoyed spending time with her, enjoyed sleeping with her, but he would never have married her. He had allowed his feelings to skew his judgement and he had paid the price for it too.
Elliot felt a wave of pain wash over him as he looked back at Polly. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again because it wasn’t only him who could get hurt this time. Joseph would be devastated if he grew to love Polly and she let him down. It was a risk Elliot wasn’t prepared to take and that was why he couldn’t allow Polly into his life, no matter how much he longed to do so.
* * *
The ambulance arrived about half an hour later. By that time Polly had delivered the placenta and got Sarah tidied up. Joseph had come to see the baby and he was fascinated by the sight of the tiny infant.
‘Was I that little when I was born?’ he asked Elliot.
‘Yes, you were, although it’s a normal size for a newborn baby,’ Elliot explained quietly.
Polly sighed when she heard the emotion in his voice. Was he thinking about how different Joseph’s arrival into the world had been? she wondered sadly. Although there’d been that hiccup when Sarah’s baby had failed to breathe initially, he was perfect in every respect. Elliot wouldn’t be human if he didn’t compare him to how Joseph must have looked when he’d been born. The thought brought a lump to her throat and she busied herself with helping Sarah into the ambulance. Elliot wouldn’t appreciate it if she tried to comfort him.
‘Thank you so much. I don’t know what would have happened if you and Dr Grey hadn’t been here—’ Sarah broke off, shuddering at the thought.
‘But we were here so don’t think about it.’ Polly squeezed her hand. ‘Just concentrate on enjoying that gorgeous little boy of yours.’
‘I will.’ Sarah looked at Joseph and bit her lip. ‘It makes me realise just how lucky we are.’
Polly didn’t say anything. To an outsider it must seem as though Joseph’s disability was a huge drawback but, having spent time with him, she knew that wasn’t the case at all. He was such a plucky little boy that one soon forgot that he was different from other children.
She had a final word with the paramedics to make sure they knew that the baby had had a problem breathing initially then stood aside while the ambulance drove out of the car park. Although Sarah was booked into a hospital close to where she lived, she would be taken to their local hospital and stay there for the next twenty-four hours at least. It might not be what she had planned but she and the baby were both safe and well and that was what mattered most of all.
‘That’s that then.’
She looked round when Elliot spoke, feeling all sorts of emotions churning inside her. He had been the consummate professional while they had dealt with Sarah’s baby, but she could tell that what had happened had affected him. However, typically, he was hiding his feelings.
‘So it seems,’ Polly said, wishing she could make him understand what a mistake it was. Bottling up his feelings wouldn’t do him any good; he needed to face up to them and admit that he cared, but there seemed very little chance of that happening. ‘At least everything worked out in the end,’ she said, trying not to dwell on that thought. ‘There was a moment when I was afraid we weren’t going to be able to start the baby breathing.’
‘So was I, which is why I think it’s a mistake to allow a woman to give birth at home,’ he said curtly. ‘All right, so what happened today couldn’t have been foreseen, but the same situation could have occurred during a home birth. That’s why home births should be banned.’
His tone was confrontational and Polly frowned. She had a feeling that he was being deliberately provocative, but why? Because it was easier than admitting how relieved he’d been when Sarah’s baby had taken his first breath? It was on the tip of her tongue to say something and force him to admit it when Joseph interrupted them.
‘Are we going to have our picnic now, Dad?’
‘I think it’s a bit too late to have it now.’ Elliot glanced at the sky, which had become very overcast. ‘It looks like it’s going to rain so why don’t we pack everything up and take it home? I’ll put the rug on the sitting room floor and we can have our picnic in there instead.’
‘Cool!’ Joseph exclaimed. He turned excitedly to Polly. ‘It’ll be fun, won’t it?’
‘Oh…erm…I’m not sure if I can come,’ she said hurriedly.
‘But you have to!’
Joseph sounded really upset and she sighed. Although she hated to disappoint him, she wasn’t sure if it would be wise to prolong the afternoon after what Elliot had told her earlier. The last thing she wanted was Joseph growing attached to her when she would be leaving Beesdale. He had already suffered the heartache of having his mother abandon him and, while she didn’t consider herself to be in that category, it could upset him if she left him as well. Difficult though it was, she knew there was only one thing she could do.
‘I’m sorry, Joseph, but I have things to do,’ she explained, feeling awful when his face fell.
‘Can’t you do them and then come to the picnic?’ he pleaded. ‘We can wait for you, can’t we, Dad?’
‘Polly has just explained that she can’t come,’ Elliot said firmly. He glanced at her and she knew that she’d made the right decision when she saw the relief in his eyes. ‘You can’t expect her to spend the whole day with us when she has things to do.’
‘What sort of things?’ Joseph demanded.
‘First of all I need to re-pack my bag in case I get called out. Then I’ll have to write a report about what happened this afternoon and email it to the hospital as well as send a copy to the senior midwife who supervises this area,’ she explained, dredging up reasons because it was what she needed to do. ‘Much as I’d love to come, Joseph, I’ll have to miss your picnic, I’m afraid.’
‘Then maybe you can come for tea next week instead,’ Joseph said quickly. He turned to Elliot. ‘Polly can come on Saturday when I’m not at school, can’t she?’
‘That’s up to Polly. She may have already made plans for the weekend,’ Elliot replied evenly, but Polly could tell that he wasn’t happy about the idea. She wasn’t happy about it either, although it was hard to come up with an excuse when she had been put on the spot like that.
‘I may have to work next weekend,’ she said, fudging the truth. Although she had agreed to provide cover for a neighbouring area, she wasn’t actually rostered to work.
‘But you’ll come if you can?’ Joseph insisted.
‘I suppose so,’ she agreed reluctantly.
‘Promise?’ Joseph demanded and she sighed. He wasn’t going to give up easily, just like his father, in fact. Once Elliot got an idea into his head, like the dangers of home births, for instance, then it would take a miracle to shift it!
‘Promise,’ she said because it was easier than trying to put Joseph off.
‘Now you have to come,’ Joseph declared. ‘Once you’ve made a promise then you can’t break it. Can you, Dad?’
‘No, you can’t, although not everyone understands that, unfortunately.’
Polly shivered when she heard the bitterness in his voice. Was Elliot thinking about the promises his ex-wife had made when they had married? She knew it was true and it hurt to know how he must have suffered. The fact that he had hoped she would change her mind once Joseph was born was an indication of how much he must have loved her. Did he still love her? she wondered. Bearing in mind that he kept a photograph of her in his study, it appeared that he did and for some reason it made it even more painful to know that, after all this time and everything she had done, he still hadn’t got over her. She bit her lip as she was forced to face the truth. He probably never would get over her.