ELLIOT FELT COMPLETELY drained when he arrived at work. He had spent a sleepless night, going over and over everything that had happened with Polly. He had kissed a lot of women in his time but he had never experienced that feeling of excitement and anticipation that he’d felt last night. Now all he felt was deflated. Polly might have felt the same as him but she had called a halt out of loyalty to her former fiancé. It hurt to know that she felt guilty about what had happened, and it hurt even more to know that she was still in love with the man who had jilted her. Couldn’t she see what a mistake she was making? Didn’t she understand that if had cheated on her once then he would do it again and again? Apparently not if she was hoping to win him back!
The thought sliced into him like a red-hot knife. It was hard to respond when his secretary wished him a cheerful good morning as he went into his office. He was due in Theatre that morning and he brought up the list on the computer. There had been an admission the previous day, a child suffering from Hirschsprung’s disease, a congenital condition which caused extreme constipation and intestinal blockage. Elliot decided to attend to that first as it also caused painful spasms and he didn’t want the little girl to suffer any longer. He would concentrate on helping her and all the other children and forget about himself and what he wanted. He had everything he needed—a job he loved, a son he adored—and there was no excuse for wanting more, definitely no excuse for wanting Polly to share his life. He had been there, done that, torn up the T-shirt and sworn he wouldn’t get involved again.
Marianna had shown him that love was a myth, something that only happened in fairy tales. He had been taken in by her apparent charm and her beauty but he had soon realised that it was all smoke and mirrors, not real. Her appeal had quickly faded and he’d been on the point of telling her that he wanted a divorce when she had announced that she was pregnant and any thoughts he’d had about them parting had been set aside. Would they have stayed together if Joseph had been born without a disability? Would they have worked through their differences and reached a compromise for the sake of their child?
He doubted it. He and Marianna had had nothing in common, nothing to form a solid basis for their relationship, and that was why it hadn’t worked. It didn’t mean that it would happen again if he met someone else, though, he thought suddenly, someone he could relate to like Polly. She was very different from his ex-wife: kind, caring, loving, faithful. Even this morning when she had explained about that kiss, she hadn’t tried to lie or make excuses. She had told him the truth and even though it was painful to know that she was in love with another man, he valued her honesty. Sadness washed over him. Polly was the woman he could have loved if he’d only had the chance.
* * *
Polly was already awake when her phone rang shortly before six the following morning. She hurriedly answered it, not wanting to wake Beth and the baby. It was Amy Carmichael, her voice shaking with fear as she told Polly that she was having pains. Although Amy wasn’t due for another month, babies with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia often had an increased level of amniotic fluid around them which could lead to an early birth. Polly told Amy that she would be there as soon as she could and that she would phone for an ambulance as well as contact the hospital to warn them. If the baby was on his way then he would need support if he was to have any chance of surviving.
She hurriedly dressed, using the kitchen sink to wash her hands and splash water on her face as there was no time for a shower. Beth appeared as she was checking her case and she grimaced. ‘Sorry. I was trying not to wake you.’
‘You didn’t. I heard Bea huffing and puffing so thought I’d heat up her bottle. That little madam really lets you know when she’s hungry!’
‘In training to be a proper little princess,’ Polly said, laughing.
‘Too right. Anyway, where are you off to? I take it that call was from one of your mums?’
‘Amy Carmichael.’ Polly quickly explained the situation to her.
Beth sighed. ‘Poor Amy. I feel for her. It must be a lot to deal with.’
‘It must.’ Polly sighed. ‘It brings it home to me just how awful it must have been for Elliot when Joseph was born.’
‘He has spina bifida, doesn’t he?’ Beth said. ‘One of the mums I met at the clinic the other day mentioned it. Her son’s in the same class at school as Joseph, apparently.’
‘That’s right, although he doesn’t let it slow him down, believe me. He’s a great little boy, full of fun and interested in everything.’
‘You’re fond of him then?’
‘Oh, yes. It would be hard not to be. He’s so plucky.’
‘So you’re fond of the child and have fallen for the father,’ Beth declared, her eyes twinkling. ‘Do I need to buy myself a new hat?’
‘No!’ Polly rolled her eyes. ‘You’ve still got the one you bought for my last wedding—the wedding that was called off. No way am I going down that particular road again in a hurry!’
‘If you say so. Anyway, give Amy my love, won’t you?’
Beth disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Polly to let herself out. However, as she got into her car, she couldn’t help thinking about what Beth had said. Even though there was no chance of it happening, she found herself wondering how it would feel to walk down the aisle and see Elliot waiting for her…
She drove the thought from her mind as she started the engine. It was pointless wasting time thinking about something that was never going to happen!
* * *
Elliot was eating his breakfast when he received a text message from the hospital informing him that Amy Carmichael was on her way in. Leaving the rest of his toast, he hurried upstairs to fetch his jacket. Fortunately, Mrs Danton had arrived early so he didn’t need to worry about Joseph. He ran back downstairs and quickly kissed his son then left. It was a beautiful day, a clear blue sky proclaiming that spring had arrived at last. The weather hadn’t been this good since the day he had taken Joseph to the waterfall, he thought, then sighed when it immediately unleashed a host of memories he would have preferred not think about. He needed to concentrate on this baby and not start thinking about Polly again.
It was still early and traffic was light so he made good time. He went straight to the maternity unit, where he found a team of doctors waiting. Amy was coming in by ambulance and she hadn’t arrived yet so he drew his colleagues aside and ran through the procedure they would need to follow when the baby was born. His opposite number from Obstetrics, Melanie Price, was also briefing her team. This baby would need all their expertise if he was to survive.
The ambulance arrived at last and the paramedics rushed Amy into the unit. Elliot felt his heart jolt when he realised that Polly was with them. She was talking to Amy and didn’t appear to have noticed him. She suddenly looked up and he saw the colour run up her cheeks when she spotted him standing on the far side of the room. Just for a moment their eyes met before she looked away, but it was enough to tell him that she was remembering everything that had happened the other night. Heat poured through his veins. Polly might have had her reasons for halting that kiss but it didn’t mean she hadn’t wanted it. And him.
* * *
Polly could feel Elliot’s eyes on her as she helped Amy move onto the bed. She should have realised he would be here, she thought as she made Amy comfortable. Elliot and his team would be responsible for the baby after he was born and they needed to be on hand, but she hadn’t given any thought to the fact that she would see him. It was hard to focus on what needed to be done when she was conscious of his gaze following her every move.
‘You won’t leave me, will you, Polly?’ Amy pleaded, gripping tight hold of her hand. ‘Rob’s on his way home but he won’t get here until tonight. I don’t think I can do this on my own.’
‘You won’t be on your own, love. There’s a whole team of doctors and midwives here to help you,’ Polly explained, but it had little effect. She winced when Amy’s grip on her hand tightened.
‘I don’t want them—I want you!’ Amy declared.
Polly sighed when she heard the growing hysteria in Amy’s voice. Amy needed to stay calm if she was to follow their instructions and she wouldn’t be able to do that if she started to panic. Although it wasn’t normal procedure for her to stay and help with a birth in the hospital, she knew it would be better for Amy.
‘I can’t see that it will present a problem if Sister Davies stays to help, can you, Ms Price?’
Polly looked up when Elliot spoke, surprised that he, of all people, should support her. Bearing in mind his views on community midwives, it was the last thing she would have expected.
‘I’m sure it isn’t necessary,’ Melanie Price replied stiffly. ‘My staff are all highly skilled when it comes to a difficult birth like this one.’
‘I’m sure they are. However, I doubt if they’re better qualified than Sister Davies. I have been lucky enough to work with her before and I can assure you that you won’t find anyone more skilful than her.’
Elliot’s tone was level but Polly heard the determination it held. She wasn’t surprised when Ms Price reluctantly agreed that she could stay. She moved aside while one of the other midwives set up the monitoring equipment. The baby’s blood pressure and heartbeat would be constantly checked so that they could tell if a problem arose during the delivery. A birth like this was far from straightforward and they needed all their resources if the baby was to survive. Amy was having regular contractions now so, once the equipment was in place, Polly moved back to the bed and quietly reminded her about everything she had learned in the antenatal classes she had attended. The calmer Amy was, the easier it would be for her and the baby.
It was a couple more hours before the baby was born, by which time Amy was exhausted, both by the physical strain of her labour and the emotional trauma. She could barely raise her head to look at her son before he was whizzed away by one of the neonatal team.
‘What happens now?’ she whispered.
‘Dr Grey and his team are intubating him and starting ventilation,’ Polly explained, glancing over to where Elliot was working to stabilise the little boy. He looked up and nodded and she breathed a sigh of relief because it appeared that the first step had been successful. She smiled at Amy. ‘They’ve done that so they will take him to the neonatal unit now.’
‘And then what’s going to happen?’ Amy asked, tears starting to trickle down her face.
‘He’ll be closely monitored and once it’s clear that his lungs are strong enough then the hole in his diaphragm will be repaired.’
‘And he’ll be all right after that?’ Amy said hopefully. ‘Once he’s had the operation, he’ll be fine?’
‘He may need support with his breathing for several weeks afterwards,’ Polly warned her because it would be wrong to let Amy think that everything was cut and dried. She needed to prepare herself for the fact that her baby would need a lot of extra care in the early days. ‘He will probably need help with feeding as well but the nurses on NICU will show you what to do, so there’s no need to worry about that.’
‘And you’ll be there when I take him home if I have any problems,’ Amy said, sounding relieved.
Polly didn’t say anything but just smiled. She didn’t want to upset Amy any more by explaining that she would be leaving Beesdale very shortly. She helped one of the other midwives to deliver the placenta but the thought preyed on her mind. It was upsetting to know that she wouldn’t be able to play any part in this baby’s life in the future. Once she left then Amy and the rest of her mums would become the responsibility of someone else and she hated to think that she would no longer be involved in their care.
Was she making the right decision? she wondered then sighed. She was no longer sure, if she was honest. She would be leaving so much behind, not just her mums and the town she loved, but Elliot as well. The thought of never seeing him again was incredibly painful, especially after the way he had spoken up for her earlier. If she stayed, was there a chance that he might come to care for her? It was a tantalising thought even though she knew that it was unlikely to happen. Elliot was still in love with his ex-wife and he still bore the scars from her leaving him. There was no place for Polly in his life or in his heart.
* * *
Elliot was quietly optimistic when he left NICU a short time later. The hole in baby Carmichael’s diaphragm was less than an inch long, which meant that only a small section of his gut had entered his chest cavity. Although Elliot had ordered an ultrasound to be done on the baby’s heart, as CDH could be associated with other abnormalities, he didn’t think that was the case in this instance. The baby was responding well to initial treatment, although it was too early to say if he would survive. It depended on how much lung tissue had been damaged but Elliot was hopeful that he would pull through. He hated to think how upset Polly would be if the baby died.
He sighed as he made his way to the coffee shop in the foyer. Once again he was relating everything that happened to Polly. He knew he should stop but it was hard. She gave so much of herself to the mums she cared for and it had brought it home to him once more how wrong he had been about her and the job she did. There was a place for community midwives and it was Polly who had made him understand that—Polly who had changed his view about so many things. He was a different person since he had met her.
Rounding the corner, Elliot stopped dead when he came face to face with the person who seemed to constantly occupy his thoughts. Polly ground to a halt as well, her face colouring, and he frowned. Was she thinking about the other night and feeling guilty? Wishing it had never happened? Logic shouted a resounding yes but he wasn’t listening to logic at that moment. He was listening to his heart and it was screaming, no, no, no! So, if it was right, why had Polly stopped him kissing her, stopped herself from kissing him back? All of a sudden Elliot knew that he wouldn’t rest until he found out the real answer.
‘Hi! I was hoping you hadn’t left,’ he said quickly. ‘I wanted to fill you in on how Amy’s baby is doing.’ He nodded towards the coffee shop in the corner of the foyer. ‘I could murder a cup of coffee—how about you?’
‘Oh…erm…well, all right then.’
Elliot hurriedly led the way when he heard the hesitation in her voice, not wanting to give her time to reconsider. The place was busy as usual but he spotted an empty table near the window and pointed to it. ‘If you grab that table, I’ll fetch the coffee. What do you want?’
‘Just a filter coffee,’ she told him, and he nodded.
‘Okey-dokey. Won’t be long.’
Elliot joined the queue, trying to contain his impatience as he waited his turn. Now that he had decided on a course of action, he was eager to get on with it. He ordered two filter coffees and two bacon rolls to go with them and paid at the till. Polly was staring out of the window when he went back to the table and he found himself admiring the purity of her profile before he forced himself not to get side-tracked. He needed a clear head if he was to solve this mystery and he couldn’t achieve that if he was thinking about how much he wanted her. The thought made his hands tremble and he grimaced when coffee slopped over the sides of the cups as he set the tray on the table.
‘Sorry. I’ll fetch some more napkins to wipe that up.’
‘Don’t bother—it’s fine.’
Polly took one of the cups off the tray. Running her finger down the side, she mopped up the coffee. Elliot’s head began to pound when he saw her lift her finger to her mouth and lick it. There was something incredibly erotic about the gesture…
‘I got us a couple of bacon rolls as well,’ he said, desperate to ward off the thoughts that were rioting around his head. Thinking about how her tongue would taste, flavoured with coffee, was never going to help him focus! ‘I didn’t know if you preferred brown sauce or red so I got both.’
He dumped a handful of sauce packets onto the table and sat down, praying that she couldn’t tell how keyed up he felt. What was it about Polly that made him feel this way? He had made up his mind a long time ago that he would never get involved with a woman again and yet Polly only had to do something as innocuous as lick her finger and he forgot about all that. All he could think about was how wonderful it would be to hold her in his arms and know that she would be his for ever. Was he falling in love with her? His heart lurched. He must be if he was willing to risk being hurt again.
* * *
Polly could feel the tension in the air and wished with all her heart that she had refused the offer of coffee. No good would come of spending more time with Elliot, would it? It merely reminded her how much she was going to miss him when she left. Picking up the cup, she took a sip of the coffee, hoping it would steady her. Elliot was speaking and she forced herself to concentrate. The last thing she wanted was for him to guess how difficult this was for her. She had never been someone who hid her emotions but she had to hide them now.
‘There’s a long way to go before we can even consider the idea that the baby will make it, but I’m hopeful, shall we say.’ He picked up a packet of sauce and squeezed some onto his bacon roll.
‘Not many babies with CDH survive,’ Polly said carefully, measuring every word.
‘Sadly, not.’ He sighed as he wiped his fingers on a paper napkin. ‘Over eighty per cent of babies diagnosed with CDH antenatally die either before or straight after birth.’
‘I didn’t realise it was so many!’ Polly exclaimed in genuine surprise.
‘Unfortunately, yes. As you know, the condition is often linked to other abnormalities as well. However, if there aren’t any then roughly half of those babies survive.’
‘Do you think Amy’s baby has anything else wrong with him?’ she asked quickly, because it was better if she focused on something other than her own feelings.
‘No. I’ve ordered an ultrasound of his heart but I don’t think there’s anything else lurking in the background. If I’m right then he has a fifty-fifty chance of pulling through, assuming he survives the operation, of course.’
‘Does Amy know all this?’ Polly asked, her heart aching at the thought of Amy being hit with all this information. It was such a lot to take in.
‘Not yet. I thought I’d wait until her husband gets home before I explain it all to them.’ He shrugged. ‘It might make it that bit easier for her if he’s with her.’
Polly felt a wave of warmth invade her. Had Elliot’s attitude softened because he could relate to how Amy was feeling? She knew it was true and her heart swelled with joy. That Elliot was allowing himself to actually feel some kind of emotion seemed like a giant step forward. It made her wonder what other steps he might be ready to take.
‘I think that’s a good idea,’ she said, trying to damp down the excitement that filled her. Just because he had come this far, it didn’t mean that he had undergone a complete change of heart. His feelings for his ex-wife must be extremely strong if he still loved her after what she had done. The thought sent a shaft of pain through her so that it was hard not to show how she felt when he looked at her.
‘I’m glad you agree.’ He suddenly smiled. ‘It’s good to know that I’ve done the right thing for once.’
‘Oh, you have!’ Polly exclaimed. Impulsively, she reached across the table and laid her hand on his. ‘Amy needs her husband with her at a time like this—they need each other if they’re to get through it.’
‘That’s what I thought,’ he said huskily. He turned his hand over and Polly’s heart lurched when she felt the warm strength of his fingers enclosing hers. Her eyes rose to his and her breath caught when she saw the urgency they held. ‘What you said the other day, Polly—’ He stopped abruptly when his pager beeped. Letting go of her hand, he checked the display. ‘Maternity. A problem with a baby whose heart rate is sky-high. I’ll have to go.’ He stood up then paused. ‘Joseph keeps asking if you’re still coming to tea on Saturday. What should I tell him?’
‘What do you want to tell him?’ Polly asked, holding her breath. She knew what she wanted to do but it was up to Elliot to decide if he wanted it as well.
‘That you’re coming.’
‘Then it’s all decided.’
‘So it is.’ He gave her a slow smile before he turned away.
Polly watched until he disappeared into the lift. Only then did she let out the breath she’d been holding. Excitement was fizzing through her veins as she picked up the tray and took it over to the rack. She had no idea what was going to happen after Saturday but for now it was enough to know that Elliot wanted her in his life, even if it was only for a few hours.