‘WAIT IN HERE. I need to check on Joseph first.’
Elliot opened the sitting room door then stepped aside while Polly made her way into the room. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this angry. People were gossiping about him and Polly? Blaming him for her dumping her fiancé? Quite frankly, he was entitled to feel angry and a whole lot more!
He made his way up the stairs, pausing at the top while he took a deep breath. He didn’t want Joseph to think there was anything wrong, didn’t want his son becoming involved in this fiasco in any way at all. It could start him wondering if there was any truth in those rumours and that was the last thing Elliot wanted. Joseph had made it clear that he liked Polly but he had no idea what she was really like—that she was exactly the same as his mother. Marianna had had affairs too, several of them during the time they had been married. She had been incapable of being faithful and not just to him either but to her own child. He wasn’t about to allow another woman like that into Joseph’s life!
‘Hi.’ He opened the bedroom door, feeling his insides churning with all the emotions that had gripped him since Polly had told him what was going on. For the past eight years he had refused to allow himself to feel very much but he couldn’t seem to control his feelings now. Of course he was angry. And upset. And worried to death about the effect it could have on Joseph if he heard the rumours. However, worse than all of that, he felt bitterly disappointed. Somewhere along the line, he had placed Polly on a pedestal and what a mistake that had been. Polly was no better than all the other women he had known. No better than his mother, who had ruined his father’s life by sleeping with his business partner, no better than Marianna, who had slept with whoever she had wanted. Polly was the same as them. No kinder. No more caring. Definitely not more faithful! It hurt to face the truth when it was so bitterly unpalatable.
‘Hi, Dad. You’re late. Did something happen so you had to stay at the hospital?’
Joseph smiled up at him and Elliot’s heart ached all the more. He knew that Joseph was waiting to hear all about what had delayed him but this was one subject he had no intention of discussing with him.
‘I was in Theatre,’ he explained, fudging the truth. If he told Joseph that he had run into Polly it would only arouse his interest. Joseph kept asking when he could see her again but, after tonight’s revelations, Elliot was determined that it was never going to happen. ‘It just took longer than I thought to get through the list.’
‘Oh, I see.’ Joseph gave a little shrug as he turned his attention back to the book he was reading and Elliot breathed a sigh of relief that he had got away with it. Bending, he kissed Joseph on the forehead then smiled at him.
‘You can read for another ten minutes and then you must put the light out—OK?’
‘OK,’ Joseph muttered, already engrossed in the story.
Elliot made his way downstairs and headed straight to the kitchen, where Mrs Danton was watching a soap opera on the television. He had failed to find anyone to look after Joseph when he came home from school so Elliot had come to an agreement with his housekeeper. During term time, she would stay with Joseph until Elliot got back from work, although he would have to find someone else to cover during the school holidays as Mrs Danton needed to look after her grandchildren then. He sighed as he saw her out. It was another problem he needed to solve, something more to worry about on top of everything else…
What on earth was he going to do if Joseph heard those rumours about him and Polly?
Elliot could feel his temper rising once more as he made his way to the sitting room. Polly was standing by the fireplace and she looked round when he opened the door. Elliot felt a rush of sympathy hit him when he saw how upset she looked but quashed it. She had brought this on herself so why should he waste his sympathy on her? Maybe he wasn’t the other party involved but there was no smoke without fire. She deserved everything she got for cheating on her fiancé!
* * *
Polly wasn’t sure if it had been a good idea to come back to Elliot’s home. She had hoped that they might be able to straighten things out once she had time to talk to him properly. However, one glance at his face showed her just how difficult that was going to be. Oh, she could understand why he was angry: she felt angry too. But she hadn’t started those stupid rumours. She was as much a victim of the gossipmongers as he was, although she doubted if he appreciated that fact. As far as Elliot was concerned she was to blame for everything that had happened.
The sheer injustice of it roused her and she rounded on him. ‘Look, I know you’re upset but it isn’t my fault. I didn’t start those rumours.’
‘Maybe you didn’t, but you’re the one who was unfaithful.’ He smiled thinly, making no attempt to hide his contempt. ‘I realise it must be galling for you to be found out but you should have thought of that before, shouldn’t you?’
‘Unfaithful?’ Polly repeated, unable to believe her ears. ‘I wasn’t unfaithful to Martin!’
‘No? Then why did he call off the wedding?’ Elliot leant against the mantelpiece and regarded her with undisguised cynicism.
‘I…erm…it was a…a mutual decision, as I already explained,’ she muttered uncomfortably, even though in a way it was true. If Martin had had the courage to tell her what was going on then she would have immediately called off the wedding, wouldn’t she? For some reason the thought made her feel a little better.
Elliot must have heard the hesitation in her voice, however, because he laughed. ‘Really? I have to say that you don’t sound too sure about that. Still, I imagine it’s hard to come out and admit that you were cheating on the man you had promised to marry.’
‘That’s not true! It wasn’t me who was cheating—it was Martin!’ Polly retorted, stung by the taunting note in his voice. Her heart sank when she suddenly realised what she had said but there was no way that she could take back the words now.
‘And you really expect me to believe that?’ Elliot said sceptically.
‘No. I don’t expect you to believe anything I say,’ Polly said huskily. Maybe it was foolish to get upset but it hurt to know that he didn’t believe her when she was telling him the truth.
‘So when did you find out what was going on?’ he asked.
Polly shivered when she realised that his tone sounded less confrontational this time. Was it a sign that he was willing to listen to her? Listen and possibly believe? Hope rose inside her, even though she wasn’t sure why it mattered so much what he thought. ‘The night before the wedding. Martin left me a letter, telling me that he had met someone else and wanted to be with her.’
‘He left you a letter?’ Elliot said incredulously. ‘You mean he didn’t tell you in person?’
‘No. I haven’t seen or spoken to him.’ She felt the ready tears sting her eyes but, now that she had come this far, she had to tell Elliot the rest. ‘When Martin didn’t phone me as we’d arranged the night before the wedding, I realised something must be wrong and drove over to the cottage we’d bought. Martin wasn’t there but he’d left the letter on the mantelpiece in the sitting room.’
The tears spilled over then, pouring down her face as she recalled the shock she’d had. Why had she never realised that Martin hadn’t really loved her? she thought. Had her desire to get married and have a stable family life affected her judgement to such an extent that she had ignored the warning signs? After all, there’d been many evenings when Martin had claimed he’d had to work late, but had it been true or had he been seeing this other woman? With the benefit of hindsight, Polly knew it was so and it hurt to know how stupid she had been. When Elliot put his hand under her arm and led her to a chair, she didn’t protest.
‘You’re well rid of him, from the sound of it,’ he said harshly as he sat her down, but Polly sensed that his anger was no longer directed at her. For some reason, she found the idea comforting.
‘That’s what my brother said,’ she told him, dredging up a watery smile. ‘Peter told me that I’d had a lucky escape.’
‘He was right too.’ Crouching down in front of her, he looked into her eyes. ‘Nobody deserves to be treated so callously, Polly. You definitely don’t.’
Polly felt her breath catch when she saw the way he was looking at her with such concern. All of a sudden all the hurt and humiliation she had felt ever since she had found that letter started to fade away. Maybe she should have realised what was going on but she wasn’t to blame; it was Martin who was at fault for deceiving her.
‘You will get over this, Polly. Oh, I know it probably doesn’t feel as though you will right now, but once you’ve had time to come to terms with what’s happened then you’ll be able to put it behind you.’
‘Do you really think so?’ she whispered, grateful for his reassurance.
‘I know so.’ He squeezed her fingers. ‘I thought I’d never get over Joseph’s mother abandoning him but I did.’
‘It left its mark, though,’ she said softly, and he sighed.
‘Every experience—good or bad—affects us in some way. It’s how we deal with what happens that counts. You’ll put all this behind you in time and get on with your life.’
‘As you’ve got on with your life.’
‘Yes. I had to because I had to think about Joseph and what was best for him. Maybe there are things I wish I’d done differently, but I did what I thought was right. For both of us.’
‘Is that why you distance yourself from other people?’ she asked, holding her breath. She knew she was crossing a lot of boundaries by asking him that. Elliot wasn’t a man who discussed his feelings with anyone and it was a lot to expect him to open up to her.
‘I find it easier not to get emotionally involved,’ he said bluntly. ‘It means I can focus on Joseph’s needs. Making sure he’s safe and happy is my only concern.’
‘I can understand that but it must be lonely at times, surely?’ she said gently, her heart aching. Elliot had put his own life on hold so that he could concentrate on his son and, whilst it was an admirable thing to do in a way, she wasn’t convinced it was the best thing for him or for Joseph.
‘I don’t have time to be lonely,’ he said flatly. ‘Between my work and taking care of Joseph, my days are full.’
‘But surely you need more than that, something for you personally,’ she countered.
‘If you mean another relationship then, no, I don’t. After what happened with Joseph’s mother, I’m not interested in having a relationship with anyone else.’ His brows rose. ‘What about you? Are you keen to try again after what’s happened to you?’
She shook her head. ‘No. It will take some time before I think about anything like that.’
‘Then it appears we’re both in the same boat. Both casualties of love, if love is really what it was, which I very much doubt,’ he added cynically.
Polly felt a knot of pain twist her heart. It hurt to know that Elliot no longer believed in love, although she had no idea why. It was a relief when he changed the subject back to what they had been discussing earlier.
‘So what are you going to do about those rumours that are going around?’ he asked, standing up. ‘I certainly don’t want Joseph to hear them and get the wrong idea.’
‘What can I do?’ Polly sighed. ‘If I kick up a fuss then folk will only think there’s some truth to what’s being said.’
‘So your plan—if one can call it that—is to do nothing?’ He shook his head. ‘It’s not good enough, I’m afraid.’
‘So what do you suggest?’ she said sharply, standing up. After the way he had treated her with such compassion moments earlier, it was doubly upsetting to have him revert to his old ways. ‘Put an advert in the local paper to the effect that you and I are not having an affair and that, contrary to popular belief, I didn’t dump Martin for you?’
‘Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous!’
He swung round, looming over her in a way that made Polly’s heart lurch. All of a sudden she was aware of him in a way she hadn’t been before, aware of how tall he was, how warm his body felt, how good he smelled, a combination of clean fresh skin and adult male… Her eyes rose and she felt her breath catch when she saw the way he was looking at her so intently. Was Elliot aware of her too? she thought giddily. Aware of the heat of her body, the scent of her skin? Aware that it would take only the tiniest movement to reach out and touch her?
The thought had barely crossed her mind when he did exactly that, reached out and grasped her arm. Polly could feel the heat of his hand seeping through her skin and gasped. How could he make her feel this way—hot and aching—just by a touch? How could he arouse her desire without even trying? She had no idea what the answer was but maybe it was the need to find out that made her lean towards him, even though it wasn’t a conscious decision.
Her body came to rest against his and she felt the fire inside her grow even hotter. Could Elliot feel it too? she wondered, staring into his set face. Feel the heat and the desire growing stronger, or was he immune to her nearness? A shudder ran through her when she felt his body suddenly stir to life. When he bent towards her, Polly didn’t move. She simply stood there, waiting for the moment when his mouth would claim hers. What would happen after that was unknown, but it didn’t matter what happened in the future. It was this kiss that mattered, the first touch of his mouth on hers, the first taste of his lips…
A loud crash from upstairs broke the spell. Elliot didn’t utter a word as he pushed her away from him but he didn’t need to. Polly could tell from his expression how he felt and her heart ached. It wasn’t right that he should feel such remorse because he had wanted to kiss her. For once in his life, he had allowed his emotions to lead the way and she knew that he wouldn’t let it happen again, that he would redouble his efforts to remain detached. She bit her lip to hold back the wave of sadness that engulfed her. That kiss which had promised so much had done untold damage.
* * *
Joseph was lying on the floor, crying, when Elliot went into his room. He scooped him up and laid him gently back on the bed, feeling his heart racing. Fear that his son had hurt himself had combined with a sense of self-loathing. He had come within a hair’s breadth of kissing Polly and he would regret it until his dying day. Polly was the last woman he should get involved with. She had baggage—truckloads of baggage!—and he needed to stay well away from her. He knew all that and yet in another second he would have kissed her and kept on kissing her too. What was wrong with him? Why was he behaving this way? Was he having some sort of crisis because he had given up the life he knew in London and moved here? Or was the explanation even less complicated than that? After all, it had been months since he had slept with a woman, so wasn’t it more likely that it had been a natural response to her nearness?
‘Is everything all right?’
Elliot spun round, his stomach knotting with tension when he saw Polly standing in the doorway. Try as he might, he couldn’t hold onto the idea that it had been the lack of sex that had been the trigger for his actions. It was Polly he had wanted to kiss and no other woman would have done. The minute he’d felt her body against his, his desire had awoken. How or why she had this effect on him, he didn’t know, but there was no point trying to deny it. On the contrary, he needed to face up to how he felt and accept how vulnerable he was where she was concerned. Maybe then he wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
‘Polly! I didn’t know you were here.’
The excitement in Joseph’s voice brought Elliot back to the present with a rush and his mouth thinned. The last thing he wanted was Joseph reading anything into the fact that Polly was here in their house. Maybe she wasn’t responsible for calling off her wedding as those rumours claimed, but she definitely had major issues to deal with at the moment. There was no way that he wanted to risk Joseph growing attached to her so the less contact his son had with her the better…
The less contact he had with her too, the better it would be, Elliot amended hurriedly.
‘I only popped in for a few minutes,’ Polly said quietly as she walked over to the bed. ‘So what happened? That was quite a thud, young man.’
‘I was trying to reach my tablet and fell out of bed,’ Joseph explained, his tears forgotten. ‘I didn’t hurt myself though ’cos I landed on the rug.’
‘Well, that’s good to know. You landed with such a thump that I thought the ceiling was going to fall in. It may very well do so the next time so you’d better be careful in future.’
Joseph laughed, forgetting the fright he’d had. Elliot was very aware that he would have handled things differently and that it might not have had the same effect either. Would it have been better to lecture Joseph about the need to take more care or was Polly’s way, making a joke of what had happened, best after all? It was hard to decide and his own indecision annoyed him. He didn’t enjoy having doubts about his parenting skills!
‘So long as you’re sure you didn’t hurt yourself then it’s time you went to sleep.’ He bent down and kissed Joseph, reluctantly moving aside so Polly could kiss him as well.
‘Night, night, sleep tight,’ she murmured, ruffling Joseph’s hair. ‘Mind the bed bugs don’t bite.’
‘That’s funny.’ Joseph grinned up at her. ‘Did you make it up?’
‘No. It’s something my mummy used to say to me when I was a little girl.’
‘I don’t have a mummy,’ Joseph told her, solemnly. ‘She didn’t want me ’cos my legs don’t work properly.’
Elliot was appalled. Whenever Joseph had asked about his mother, he had told him that she lived in another country and that was why they didn’t see her. He’d had no idea that Joseph had worked out the truth for himself and didn’t know what to say. He glanced at Polly and could tell how shocked she was too. No wonder, he thought grimly. Very few women would have rejected their own child so callously, the way Marianna had done.
‘No more chat,’ he said firmly, bending down to kiss Joseph a second time, not that it would make up for his mother abandoning him. His heart was aching as he straightened but he forced himself to smile. ‘It’s school in the morning, don’t forget, and you’ll be tired if you don’t get to sleep.’
‘OK,’ Joseph murmured, closing his eyes. He suddenly opened them again and looked at Polly. ‘When are you coming to see us again, Polly? Can you come this weekend? Then I can show you the pictures I’ve drawn. They’re really good.’
‘I’m not sure, sweetheart.’ Polly glanced at him and Elliot found himself holding his breath. He didn’t want her making any promises, didn’t want her becoming involved in Joseph’s life in any way at all. She had suffered a major shock recently and she needed time to get over it. Although spending time with Joseph might fill a gap for her at the moment, she would soon grow tired of being with him. He certainly didn’t intend to run the risk of Joseph getting hurt if and when that happened. When Joseph opened his mouth to say something else, Elliot quickly forestalled him.
‘That’s quite enough for one night, young man. It’s time you were asleep so settle down and close your eyes.’
Thankfully, Joseph did as he was told this time, although Elliot guessed it was only a temporary reprieve. Now that Joseph had seen Polly again he would keep asking to see her and it was the last thing Elliot wanted. He followed Polly downstairs, waiting while she fetched her bag from the sitting room. They were both rather subdued as he saw her out but that was to be expected after everything that had happened.
Elliot sighed as he closed the front door and made his way to the kitchen. It had been quite a night, one way and another. Apart from the worry about Joseph growing attached to Polly, there were his own feelings to consider. He had come so close to committing a massive error tonight and there was no way that he wanted to risk it happening again. Oh, maybe he should be able to guarantee it wouldn’t now that he understood how vulnerable he was, but it wasn’t that simple. There was something about Polly that pressed all his buttons and made him behave completely out of character. Tonight was the perfect example of that. He’d had no intention of kissing her yet the minute he had touched her, it was as though he had turned into someone else, someone who allowed his emotions to dictate his actions, and it scared him. Polly had the ability to disrupt his life as well as Joseph’s and that was why he needed to stay well away from her in the future.
Elliot picked up the bottle of wine he had bought and put it in the fridge because the last thing he needed was alcohol clouding his brain. He had to keep a clear head and recognise the dangers for what they were. The fact was that he couldn’t trust himself where Polly was concerned. Maybe Joseph would be disappointed about not seeing her again but he would get over it, as he himself would get over this…this crush he seemed to have on her. That was what it was, of course, an infatuation, and nothing more than that. It would soon disappear if he didn’t see her.
Elliot switched off the lights and made his way upstairs, deciding he would have an early night. Eight hours’ sleep would help to clear his head and set him back on course, he assured himself as he undressed. He slid beneath the duvet and closed his eyes, but sleep proved elusive. When it did finally claim him, his dreams were full of what had happened that night, full of Polly: the scent of her skin; the heat of her body; the sweet promise of her lips…
He came awake with a rush, his heart pounding, his blood racing through his veins. If this was a crush then it wasn’t going to be easy to rid himself of it!