ELLIOT COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time he had felt so nervous. As he put the finishing touches to the table, he thought back over all the major events in his life. His final exams had passed without a flicker of nerves showing, as had his rotations, despite the fact that the first consultant he had worked for had been a tartar. His wedding day had been more a trial than anything else but even then he hadn’t suffered from nerves. Joseph’s birth had been incredibly stressful, but once again he hadn’t felt nervous, merely determined to do his very best for his son. And yet here he was, all wound up, because Polly was coming for tea!
The doorbell rang and Elliot dropped the napkins he was holding on the floor. He stooped down to pick them up, hearing the sound of Joseph’s wheelchair whizzing along the hall as he went to let her in. Joseph was thrilled that Polly was coming that evening and it brought it home to Elliot all of a sudden just how careful he needed to be. He didn’t want Joseph becoming attached to her just yet.
‘Polly’s here,’ Joseph announced happily, leading the way into the kitchen.
Elliot felt the butterflies in his stomach multiply tenfold when he found Polly standing in front of him as he straightened up. He had only ever seen her wearing jeans or her uniform before but tonight she had chosen to wear a dress and he couldn’t drag his gaze away from her. His eyes skimmed over her, drinking in every detail, from how the deep amber colour complimented the richness of her red hair to the way the silky fabric clung to every delicious curve. She looked beautiful—so beautiful that she completely stole his breath. He could only stand there and stare at her like some mindless idiot.
‘I hope I’m not too early.’ She hesitated when Elliot didn’t say anything then hurried on. ‘I don’t think we actually set a time but if it’s awkward then I can come back later—’
‘No!’ The word exploded from his lips and he saw her jump. He dredged up a smile but he could feel himself cringing. Idiot was too kind a description for him. Moron would be more accurate! ‘Of course you aren’t too early. We’re just pleased that you could come, aren’t we, Joseph?’ he said, passing the baton to his son in the hope that Joseph would make a better job of welcoming her than he was doing.
‘Yes. It’s brilliant,’ Joseph declared enthusiastically. ‘You’ll be able to play a game with me while Dad finishes making the tea.’
‘That sounds like fun, so long as your dad doesn’t need any help.’
She looked at him and once again Elliot felt the words disappear down some long dark tunnel. Digging them out again was far too difficult so he simply shook his head. He felt relief wash over him when she gave him a quick smile then turned away. At least he had a breathing space now, time to get his act together. What was that expression Joseph used? Chillax—that was it. He needed to do exactly that, chill out and relax, or this evening was going to turn into a complete disaster.
* * *
Polly ate everything that was put in front of her, although she couldn’t have named a single thing she had eaten afterwards. She kept thinking about the way Elliot had looked at her when she had arrived. A shiver ran down her spine as she recalled the expression in his eyes. He had looked at her the way a man looked at a woman he wanted, but was it true? Did he want her? And, if so, what was he going to do about it?
That question unleashed a maelstrom of feelings so that she found it difficult to follow the conversation. It was a relief when Elliot got up to make the coffee. Joseph asked if he could watch a DVD and headed to the television after he had helped to clear away his dishes. Polly collected up the glasses and took them to the sink. ‘Shall I wash these?’ she asked, glancing over to where Elliot was filling the coffee maker.
‘No, it’s fine. They can go in the dishwasher along with everything else.’ He opened the dishwasher and started to load the dirty dishes into it, rolling his eyes when she handed him the glasses. ‘Thank heavens for dishwashers. I don’t mind doing most jobs but I absolutely hate washing dishes.’
‘Some of us don’t have any choice,’ she replied tartly, and he laughed.
‘Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch a nerve, although you could always buy yourself a dishwasher if it would make life easier.’
‘I’d need somewhere to put it and at the moment I don’t even have that,’ she told him wryly.
‘Of course. What’s happening about the cottage? Is the landlord sorting it out?’
‘I’m not sure. I’ve spoken to the letting agents and they’ve been in touch with the owners but they’re being very evasive, apparently,’ she explained. ‘They won’t say when they’re going to start the repairs. They’ve also refused to let me move into one of the other cottages in the meantime, so I don’t know what’s going on.’
‘So where are you living at the moment?’ Elliot asked and she was warmed to hear genuine concern in his voice.
‘I’m staying with Beth, although it’s a bit of a squeeze. She’s one of the doctors at The Larches,’ she added when he looked blank. ‘She’s on maternity leave at the moment, although she’s planning to return to work later in the year. Her cottage is only small though, so fitting in an extra person now she has baby Beatrix isn’t easy.’
‘I see. What about the baby’s father—is he not around?’ he asked curiously.
‘No.’ Polly sighed. ‘Beth and Callum split up before she discovered she was pregnant. She wrote and told Callum she was expecting his baby but he’s not made any attempt to contact her, so she can only assume that he doesn’t want anything to do with Beatrix.’
‘Some people don’t deserve to have children,’ he said harshly, slamming the dishwasher door.
Polly sighed as he went back to the coffee maker. It was obvious that he was thinking about what Joseph’s mother had done and it hurt to know that it still had such a huge effect on him. Would he ever get over it? she wondered sadly. Would he ever reach a point where he could let go of the past and concentrate on the future? She hoped so but, from what she had seen, it seemed unlikely. It was a depressing thought and she tried not to think about it as she found cups and saucers and loaded them onto a tray. Once the coffee was ready, Elliot put the carafe on the tray as well.
‘Shall we have this in the sitting room?’ He glanced over to where Joseph was engrossed in a film about dinosaurs, grimacing when a couple of the creatures started fighting. ‘It should be a bit quieter in there, not to mention a lot less gory!’
‘Surely you’re not put off by a drop of blood, Doctor?’ Polly taunted.
Elliot laughed as he picked up the tray. ‘A drop is fine. What I don’t fancy is watching buckets of the stuff swilling all over the place while I drink my coffee.’
Polly laughed as well as she hurried along the hall and opened the sitting room door, taking heart from the fact that he had responded to her teasing. Elliot had changed a lot from the uptight man he’d been when they had met, and who was to say that he wouldn’t change even more? Drawing over the coffee table in front of the sofa, she waited while he placed the tray on it, trying to keep a rein on the excitement fizzing through her veins. She mustn’t forget that she might not be around to witness the transformation if it did happen.
‘Shall I pour?’ she suggested, blanking out that thought because it was too painful.
‘Please.’ Elliot huffed out a sigh as he sat down. ‘Phew, am I glad that’s over. I’m not the world’s best cook, as you probably could tell, but Joseph insisted that we should do the cooking ourselves tonight in honour of your visit. That’s why we ended up with sausage and mash. I have a very limited repertoire, so I can only apologise if you were expecting something a tad more sophisticated.’
Polly laughed when he rolled his eyes. ‘There’s no need to apologise. I love sausage and mash, as it happens. I much prefer something like that to all those cheffy meals you see on the television.’
‘You mean you don’t go in for foam and micro herbs?’ He shook his head in mock dismay. ‘Heavens above, woman, have you no taste at all?’
‘Not when it comes to folk using tweezers to primp my dinner,’ she retorted, loving the fact that he was teasing her now. That he felt relaxed enough to do so set up a warm little glow inside her and she replied in the same joking vein. ‘Don’t tell me that’s the sort of food you prefer—quenelles of this and dots of that?’
‘Nope. I like my food to look the way it’s supposed to and not be turned into a culinary work of art.’
‘It seems we agree on something then,’ she said, chuckling.
‘Oh, I think there’s a lot of things we agree on,’ he said softly. ‘And not just food.’
Polly bit her lip when she heard the undercurrent in his voice. Was Elliot admitting that he felt something for her? However, before she could even attempt to process that thought, the telephone rang. Polly picked up the pot as Elliot excused himself and went to answer it, her thoughts in turmoil. Did she really want to move away when there was a chance that Elliot might want her to stay around? It was only when she saw the grim expression on his face as he came back into the room that she pulled herself together. She was in danger of reading far too much into an off-the-cuff remark.
‘Has something happened?’ she asked anxiously.
‘An accident just outside Hemsthwaite. A couple ran into the back of a lorry that was parked in a lane. The woman was eight months pregnant and the paramedics had to deliver the baby at the scene. It’s badly injured and they need me to go in and see what I can do.’ He ran his hand through his hair. ‘Mrs Danton is away this weekend so I’ll have to take Joseph with me.’
‘I can mind him,’ Polly said immediately.
‘Would you?’
‘Of course. I’ve booked the evening off so I can stay here rather than you having to drag him all the way to the hospital at this time of the night.’
‘That would be great, if you’re sure you don’t mind,’ he began.
‘Of course I don’t mind,’ she said firmly, cutting him off. ‘Just tell him what’s happening and then you get off. It sounds as though it’s extremely urgent.’
‘Thank you.’ Crossing the room, he took hold of her hands and pulled her to her feet. Polly’s breath caught when she felt his lips brush her cheek. ‘I really appreciate this, Polly.’
‘It’s fine. Honestly,’ she murmured with some difficulty as her lungs seemed to have locked tight. ‘I’m only too happy to help.’
‘I know.’ He ran his knuckles down her cheek in the lightest of caresses imaginable. ‘You’re that kind of a person, Polly—someone who helps others even when they don’t deserve it. You’re very special, as I’ve come to realise.’
He bent and kissed her again, only this time on the mouth, and she shuddered. He didn’t say a word as he let her go but he didn’t need to. They both knew that the kiss was merely the forerunner to a whole lot more.
Polly sank back down onto the sofa, listening to the sound of his footsteps as he went to tell Joseph what was happening. Was she ready for this—ready to start a relationship, because that was where they were heading? After all, it was only a matter of weeks since her wedding had been called off, so was it too soon? It had been such a stressful time too, so was she in danger of misinterpreting her feelings?
The answers came flooding back—no, no and no! Polly felt excitement bubble up and spill over. All of a sudden she knew that this was what she wanted more than anything. She wanted to be with Elliot and if there was a chance of that happening then she would grab it with both hands.
* * *
The baby was too badly injured to save. Elliot did everything he could but not even his skills could make a difference. He thanked his team and left Theatre, dreading the next few minutes when he would have to tell the parents their baby daughter had died. It was never easy to break such news and tonight it would be even harder because he couldn’t disengage his emotions as he normally would do. Tonight he felt overwhelmed by emotion and it was all down to Polly. She had unlocked the final barrier, destroyed his last defence. To say that he felt scared would be an understatement but there was nothing he could do.
He drove home afterwards, taking his time as he negotiated the narrow roads. It was two in the morning when he arrived at The Old Smithy and the house was in darkness, apart from a single light in the sitting room. Elliot switched off the engine and sat in the car for a moment while he gathered his thoughts. He knew what was going to happen—it was inevitable. But he needed to be sure that it was the right thing to do, not just for him but for Polly too. She had already told him that she would have felt guilty if they had continued kissing and this would be so much more than that. He couldn’t bear to think that she might torture herself with regrets afterwards. Then there was him. He had sworn that he would never make a commitment to anyone again and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to do so even now. Did Polly understand that? Could she accept it? He had no idea. All he knew was that if he and Polly made love, everything would change for both of them.
Elliot’s pulse was racing as he let himself in. Dropping his keys onto the hall table, he made his way to the sitting room. The door was ajar and he could see Polly lying curled up on the sofa. The lamplight cast a golden glow over her face and once again he was struck by her beauty. It wasn’t just a lucky combination of features either, but her inner beauty that shone through. She was as beautiful inside as out and he couldn’t begin to understand why it had taken him so long to see that.
His heart was full as he went over to the sofa and sat down beside her. ‘Hello, sleepy-head,’ he murmured, running his finger down her cheek. Would she be willing to accept what he could offer her or wouldn’t it be enough? The thought of losing her was more than he could bear but he had to be honest with her. He cared too much about her to lie.
‘Oh, you’re back.’ She sat up, stifling a yawn. ‘How did it go?’
‘The baby didn’t make it,’ he said, struggling to control the sadness that filled him.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry! How awful for the poor parents.’
‘They were dreadfully upset, as you’d expect,’ he said, his voice catching.
‘They must have been.’ She put her arms around him and hugged him. ‘You did your best, Elliot. Nobody can do more than that.’
Elliot felt his eyes well with tears. All of a sudden, he found himself thinking about all the other babies he had been unable to save. He had locked away his grief about them for so long but now it all came pouring out, a huge tide that overwhelmed him.
‘It’s all right. Let it all out and you’ll feel much better, I promise you.’
Elliot felt himself start to relax when Polly drew him towards her. It was a long time since anyone had held him like this, as though they truly cared. He could hear her whispering to him, a soft murmur of words that made little sense in his emotionally charged state yet which, oddly, comforted him. When she ran her hand down his back, he sighed. Maybe he was hurting but Polly made him feel better; she always would.
The thought was too much, coming on top of everything else that had happened that night. Elliot drew back, staring into her eyes as he searched for proof that he wasn’t making a fool of himself. He had thought that Marianna had cared about him but he’d been wrong—very wrong. Could he trust his judgement when it had let him down so badly once before?
Polly’s eyes met his and he shuddered when he saw the light they held. Polly truly cared about him and the realisation unlocked the very last of his reservations. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that it was what he wanted as he leant forward and kissed her, no fear at all that he was making a dreadful mistake. This was Polly and he could trust her with his heart, if she was willing.
* * *
Polly felt a rush of desire fill her when Elliot’s mouth settled over hers. Even though she had known this could happen, it hadn’t prepared her for the way it made her feel. Closing her eyes, she gave herself up to the magic of his kiss. His lips were hard and demanding at first, exacting a response she was only too willing to give. Then slowly his lips gentled, giving even more than they demanded. Polly kissed him back, kissed him with every scrap of emotion she felt; she kissed him with tenderness and with passion, with joy and with love because that was what she felt. They were both breathing hard when they broke apart, both aware that they had reached a milestone. Whatever they decided now would determine what happened in the future.
‘I didn’t plan this, Polly. It was the last thing I wanted to happen, if I’m honest.’ His voice grated and she shivered. She could tell the effort it had cost him to admit that and her heart ached at what he must be going through.
‘I know. It wasn’t something I’d planned either but, now that it has, we need to decide where we go from here.’ She took a quick breath, trying to contain her fear. If Elliot decided that he didn’t want this to go any further then she had to respect that.
‘We do.’ He took her face between her hands so that she was forced to look at him. ‘I care about you, Polly. More than just care, in fact. But I need you to understand that I shall never get married again. I can’t offer you that kind of commitment.’
Polly felt a searing pain slice through her. Elliot might care about her but he still wasn’t over what had happened in the past. He probably never would get over it. It would always be there, an unseen barrier between them. Could she cope with the thought that he would never completely trust her, that he would always be influenced by another woman’s actions? That he would never love her that much?
‘I understand.’ She drew back, trembling as she stood up. She didn’t want to do this but she couldn’t take what he was offering when she knew in her heart that it wasn’t enough. ‘I wish it could have been different, Elliot, really I do. You and I could have had something very special, but not if you don’t trust me.’
‘Of course I trust you!’ he replied hotly, jumping to his feet.
‘No, you don’t. Not really.’ She smiled sadly. ‘If you trusted me then you’d know that I would never let you down. You’d know it in here.’ She touched her heart. ‘And, sadly, that’s never going to happen unless you put the past behind you.’
‘What about you? Have you put past events behind you?’
‘What do you mean?’ Polly said uncertainly.
‘You told me that you’d have felt guilty if you hadn’t called a halt the other night, so can you honestly say that you no longer have feelings for your former fiancé?’ He laughed harshly. ‘I don’t think so. This is probably no more than a rebound from that!’
It was so far removed from the truth that Polly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In the end she did neither, just picked up her bag and left. Elliot didn’t follow her out and she was glad. It had been hard enough to do what was right. Tears welled in her eyes as she got into her car and backed out of the drive. It had been so tempting to take what he was offering but she couldn’t make another wrong decision, even if it was for the right reason. She might have fallen in love with Elliot but it wasn’t enough. She had to know that he loved her too.