8 
8 As Miss Kay’s daughters-in-law, we feel blessed with the best mother-in-law on earth. She means something different to each of us, and we enjoy our own special relationships with her. But we all immediately respond with some of the same answers when people ask us about her. We say she is an absolute joy to be around and that she is one of the most fun people we know. And we tell them that none of us feels like an in-law; she loves each one of us as she loves her own children.
We have all had experiences when we turned to her for good advice during disagreements with our husbands, and we’ve learned to trust her to be fair and objective, never taking the boys’ side just because they are her sons. She is not quick to find fault with anyone but listens to all sides of a situation and judges it based on what is right or wrong according to God’s Word. She will tell us—or the guys—when we are wrong. We can count on her for wisdom, comfort, encouragement, and a big dose of love. Most of all, Miss Kay has an enormous, forgiving heart. Years ago, that put our family on track to become who we are today and it remains part of what keeps us strong.
Miss Kay is a great mother-in-law because she is a great friend. I don’t think of her as my mother-in-law first. She is a friend first whom I am fortunate to have as my husband’s mother. When I am with girlfriends and the subject turns to mother-in-law problems, which it sometimes does, I sit very quietly. I honestly have nothing to contribute. I hear my friends talk about how their mothers-in-law try to control them, try to tell them how to parent their kids, make snide comments about their choices of clothes, and so forth. I do not have any of those experiences with Kay, and usually, before the conversation is over, someone makes a comment about how I can’t relate because I have Miss Kay as my mother-in-law. It is definitely apparent to everyone that I have the best mother-in-law in the world. Bar none. I tend to agree.
I learned about 90 percent of what I know about cooking from watching Kay. At my wedding shower, I received a recipe card set. I took that set of blank cards and headed straight for Miss Kay’s kitchen. I pulled them out, took the first one, got a pen, and asked her to start giving me recipes for the things Jase liked to eat best. She happily obliged.
There was only one problem. Miss Kay had no idea what any measurement was for any of her ingredients. She would say, “One shake of this,” or “Two scoops of that.” Since I had no knowledge of cooking, I was looking for exact measurements. I did not want to mess up Jase’s favorite recipes. I had some big shoes to fill, for goodness’ sake!
Miss Kay tried to give me her best directions while she was busy around the house. At that time she didn’t understand how little I knew, and we both became frustrated. One example of this was when she told me how to make mashed potatoes. She said to cut up four or five large potatoes and boil them. I asked, “How long do you boil them?”
She replied, “Until they’re done.”
“How many minutes does that take?” I asked, thinking I could set a timer.
She said, “You can’t go by time.”
“Then how do you know when they’re done?”
“They’re done when they’re soft,” she answered.
Thinking about how much I did not want to stick my hands in boiling water to see when they turned soft, I asked, “How do you know when they are soft?”
At that point, Miss Kay had become completely frustrated at this whole ridiculous line of questioning on my part. She said rather abruptly, “You stick a fork in them!”
I apologized for my ignorance, and Miss Kay realized I needed special attention. She then pulled up a chair, put her hand on my arm, and said, “Okay, let’s start from the beginning.” The next few minutes consisted of her gently instructing me in the ways of heating canned corn in a skillet, browning hamburger meat for her homemade spaghetti, making her famous homemade white sauce, and creating many other dishes I still make for my family on an almost daily basis.
One of my most special memories of Miss Kay is what she did when we found out our daughter, Mia, would be born with special needs. Miss Kay bought a new white baby bed (Mia was the first girl in the family for Jase and me), lots of antique knickknacks, and a beautiful antique baby doll carriage for her room. Jase and I did not have much extra money back then for a baby room makeover and neither did Phil and Miss Kay, so she also helped arrange the makeover as a surprise for me.
I worked at Duck Commander at that time, and the company was still run out of Phil and Miss Kay’s house, so she distracted me by keeping me busy at work until late in the day. I came home to a completely redone baby room for my daughter. Jason’s cousin Melissa, Korie, and some of my friends had spent the entire day getting it ready. It was absolutely beautiful, with mint-colored walls, white furniture (all of which I owned but had been repainted to match a girl’s room), my great-great-grandmother’s rocking chair reupholstered, new pink and white bedding, and even old children’s books Kay found at garage sales. It was very emotional for me.
Miss Kay knew she could not change the outcome of this baby’s being born with problems, so she did what she does best: she gave everything she could to provide comfort. I was so very proud of that room and, except for the baby bed, kept it exactly the same when we moved into the home we have now. I didn’t change it until Mia’s eighth birthday.
Miss Kay and I are only eighteen years apart, so even when I was a young newly married woman, she and I got along well. During those early years we developed a friendship that has stood the test of time and of great difficulty, a friendship that has survived what would have devastated many mother-in-law–daughter-in-law relationships. But Miss Kay is no ordinary mother-in-law, and the Robertson women as a whole are not ordinary women. We do fight for what we love and believe in. Miss Kay and I both believe a marriage is one of those relationships to love, to believe in, and to fight for, second only to a person’s relationship with Christ.
When I first married Alan, I did not have a great relationship with my parents. They were not thrilled about my union with Alan. In their defense, I will say that way back then, he was not the fine upstanding man he is today. Miss Kay helped to mold me during those days, and I will be eternally grateful to her always for being there for me when I needed that guidance.
Kay’s and my friendship just seems to thicken with time and with every obstacle Satan tries to use to knock us down. One of the things Kay and I try to do is to encourage our girls (my younger sisters-in-law) to face problems head-on. We have learned not to sweep problems under the rug because one day they will raise their ugly heads and take a bite out of you! I think when Kay and I work together like this, it makes our bond even stronger. I am truly a blessed woman to have the Robertson family, but I am doubly blessed to have a wise and loving woman like Kay as my mother-in-law.
As each daughter-in-law has joined our family, I have seen Kay work hard to establish a special relationship with her, just as each of her sons’ wives has worked to build a special relationship with Miss Kay. She is not jealous of our relationships with her sons; she wants close relationships with us too. She knows that, down the road, interfering will only bring heartache for the ones she loves.
Miss Kay’s best quality is her gentle, encouraging spirit. No matter what a person is going through, she will say she understands, but she is also quick to remind us that God can heal any situation and use it to His glory. I have learned from Miss Kay how important it is not to write people off just because they are dealing with a particular struggle. She has a remarkable ability to see the good in people and to give them opportunities to realize their potential. She definitely showed me how to believe in my children, love them, and show them the way to the Lord even when I may not have agreed with their ways of thinking. Scripture tells us to train our children in the way of the Lord and that when they are older, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Kay has lived that verse and made it part of her legacy to us.
Miss Kay has such a fun spirit. She is lighthearted, she loves to laugh, and she has a great sense of humor. She looks for the fun in everything, and if she cannot readily find it, she makes it. Even as grown men, her sons can be very playful with her. They love to tickle her or walk up behind her in the kitchen and put an ice cube down the back of her shirt. She never gets upset with them, even if she is trying to get a meal on the table. In fact, she loves it! She thinks what they do is so cute and funny, and there’s no doubt that her boys have inherited her playful spirit. She has fun with all of us and we have fun with her. Duck Dynasty shows the boys pulling pranks and being silly, and in real life, they do the same. Life around Miss Kay and her boys is lots of fun because Miss Kay is a fun person.
Miss Kay is also genuinely kind. One of the sweetest things she does for friends and family is send cards to them. Often she includes an encouraging note or some little message that really makes the recipient feel special. But other times, especially for our birthdays or other holidays, she gives us totally random cards, maybe because she likes the picture or the sentiment they express. Sometimes the sentiment doesn’t even match the holiday or occasion! Getting a “Happy Valentine’s Day” card in October with the word Valentine’s scratched out and Birthday written over it is not uncommon. Miss Kay’s philosophy is to buy the card she likes and then alter it to fit the celebration. No matter what the occasion, we all laugh at our mismatched cards.
Miss Kay has many “favorite” things, such as her dogs and her cookbooks, but there’s not a doubt in anyone’s mind that Miss Kay’s pride and joy is her family. She loves it when we are all at her house, and she misses us when she does not see us for a couple of days. Miss Kay has spent her lifetime showing her love for others by cooking huge meals. But just as much as she loves the actual cooking, she loves her family being around her while she’s cooking. She makes everyone feel loved and important just for being in her home.
Since we began Duck Dynasty, all of our schedules have gotten incredibly busy, but Miss Kay is determined to continue her Bible-study groups and the many things she does to care for others. Many weeks, the ladies in the group have to change the time or the day of their Bible study to accommodate Miss Kay’s filming schedule, but they love her so much they’re willing to work it out. I really respect the fact that she doesn’t choose to slow down when everyone would understand if she did. She is always thinking of what she can do to help someone else. I’ve seen her cook extra food for families who are in need. I’ve watched her stop just to buy a card for a friend who needed a word of encouragement. Between filming scenes for Duck Dynasty, I’ve even heard her on the phone counseling young women who are having marriage trouble. Miss Kay will do whatever it takes to help those she loves.
Miss Kay has taught me not to take my family or my marriage for granted. This is something anyone around her can see because she lives it every day. She works on her relationships. I don’t think Miss Kay even realizes she is teaching this lesson because it comes so naturally to her, but I see how she does it. She continuously makes sure she gives her marriage the attention it needs to grow and thrive. She purposefully thinks about ways to make it better and to make Phil happy, happy, happy. She does the same for the rest of the family. She thinks of ways to bring us together and notices if one person needs a little more attention at a certain time or is struggling with something, and then she works to encourage the person or fix the problem. These valuable life lessons are now a part of my life, and I hope my children and husband can see me doing the same.
The first time I met Miss Kay, she gave me a big bear hug. Since that day, as long as I have known her, I have felt she embraced me as her very own, and the two of us have had a very strong relationship. When Jep and I first got together, I was the new girl at church dating a guy most girls thought was really good-looking (and he was). That is not usually a good way to make friends with other young women, so for quite a while I felt that Miss Kay was the only friend I had.
The fact that Miss Kay embraced me as she did is not really surprising. She has a bigger heart for people than anyone I have ever known. She is a friend to all—seriously, to everyone she meets. She picks up friends like nobody I have ever seen, but she also has a lot of long-standing relationships because she is so loyal to her friends. When you are Miss Kay’s friend, it means that when you are discouraged or disappointed, she will help lift your spirits. When you are sad, she will comfort you. And when you make a mistake, she will never tear you down or try to make you feel bad about yourself.
Miss Kay is a pure delight to be around. She expresses her affection freely and has taught me by example so much about how to love and how to forgive. Jep and I did not date for very long before we married, so in many ways we had to learn about each other after our wedding. Miss Kay was so helpful and loving toward me during that time, as she helped me know how to be an encouraging and supportive wife. Those lessons helped me do my part to lay a firm foundation for a good marriage.
Kay and I were both blessed with very close relationships with our grandmothers. Her mother’s mother, Nannie, had a major influence on her life and Miss Kay learned so much from her, especially about cooking. Kay loved her grandmother greatly and valued the things her grandmother told her. Likewise, I love my mamaw Nellie so much, and the two of us have had a strong bond with each other ever since I can remember. I still treasure the things she has said to me and the lessons she has taught me all these years. She is truly one of the most godly women I have ever known.
Miss Kay and I also have similar tastes. We both love classic movies, especially Doris Day movies and films like Pride and Prejudice. We also both enjoy old-timey music and have a love for hats. Some people even call us “the hat ladies.” Miss Kay and I share an appreciation of antiques and have taken many girl trips to a well-known antiques area near Dallas, Texas. She and I do dinner-and-a-movie nights together and have been in many women’s Bible-study groups with each other. Every time I am with her, I have fun and feel blessed to have her as my mother-in-law.