Chapter 12

The door is stuck for a moment. But that’s not the disappointing part. Once we push open the door, it gets worse.

The four of us peer into our new sleeping quarters. We try to be positive so Dad doesn’t feel bad about his hotel choice. Um, motel choice.

“Wow,” I say. “My science teacher would love this room, because it shows what a room would smell like if someone left moldy towels in the corner for a week.”

Mom touches my arm. “Bob, don’t make jokes.”

“I’m not joking.” I point to a pile of towels in the corner.

Mom takes a deep breath, enters the room, pulls aside the curtains, and opens the window. Light and fresh air spill into the room. So does my brother. He walks over and flicks the brown light switch on the wall.

This room probably doesn’t need more light, I think. Some things are best left unseen.

Boy, am I wrong about that. More light might have helped my brother before he touched that brown light switch.

“Auuughhh!” Brian shouts as the light switch jumps off the wall and scampers toward the blob of towels.

Brian is understandably shaken, so I try to keep my laughter to a mid-range level. Dad drops his bags and starts walking back toward the motel lobby.

“I’ll be right back,” he says.

Mom shrugs. I don’t know exactly what she’s thinking, but it’s as if she was thinking, Well, life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes things work out and sometimes you mistake a cockroach for a light switch.

Ten minutes later we’re in a much nicer room. Well, at least this one has towels not on the floor and it doesn’t have bugs posing as electrical equipment.

“Those are two king-size beds,” Dad points out.

“If that’s a king-size bed,” I say, “it’s for a king who never had a growth spurt.”

✽

Like Mom said, we aren’t here for the hotel—uh, motel—amenities. We’re here for a family reunion at my aunt and uncle’s house. We unload our bags, climb back into the car, and drive over to meet up with the rest of the Smileys.

Dad says our family tree is full of sap, with a few nuts thrown in. In other words, I’m related to some interesting people. I’m always surprised that a talent scout never showed up to recruit some of my family members for the circus.

Speaking of quality entertainment, the talent show is always the best part of our family reunions. Cousin Trudy gets things going with a short, two-hour speech about the importance of family. She ends her speech with, “My heart is so full right now, but so is my bladder. So thank you for coming, and let the talent show begin!”

Cousin Alan goes first. His talent is reciting the books of the New Testament.

“Matthew, Mark, Luke . . .” He pauses. “Um, Leia, Chewbacca, Romulans, Galatians, Ephesians, Donner, Cupid, Blitzen, first and second Philadelphia Eagles, Hebrews, first and second gears . . .”

At least he gets a few right. My dad is next. He eats nine hot dogs in two minutes. I’m proud of him—mostly because he doesn’t even know he’s part of the talent show. I guess some people are talented without realizing it.

Uncle Jimmy takes the attention away from Dad by balancing two giant caterpillars above his eyes. At least, that’s what it looks like. Turns out that they are just his eyebrows. He then starts playing music through his phone, and we all start clapping to the beat—at least until he answers a call. Like I said, my family is weird.

Uncle Jimmy then shows his real talent by making his eyebrows dance along to another song! It’s hilarious. My cousin Arlo jumps up and lifts his shirt over his head. He has a face painted on his stomach. He starts moving his belly along with the music, which makes it look like his stomach is singing the song with a belly-button mouth.

I definitely think Arlo has the best chance of winning the talent show, because he has two talents: belly-button singing and making people not want to eat for the rest of the day.

When it’s my turn, I lead everyone in a sing-along with my triangle. Then my grandfather does a neat trick where he makes everyone go away by playing his accordion.

Although I vote for Arlo, this year’s winner takes the top prize by belching the entire alphabet while juggling. Aunt Debbie just drips with talent!

As I look around at this strange gathering of people, I know that family is a blessing. Any of these people would come help me at a moment’s notice—and not just because most of them don’t have jobs. They’d help because family love is a very strong bond.

That’s why I love being in God’s family. Like an earthly father, God protects and loves His children. He’s always there to help us. And He makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him. I learned that in youth group. I think it’s from the book of Romulans.

We end the night by setting off some of Cousin Arlo’s fireworks. We even get to wish two police officers and six firemen a “Happy Fourth of July!”

The next morning we head back home . . . after Dad argues with the front-desk lady about the bill. He wants some of his money back because of all the false advertising. The front-desk lady offers to give us a free night’s stay. They finally come to a compromise.

Dad smiles as he gets into the car.

“Nobody takes advantage of your father,” he says triumphantly, holding up a free box of “sparklers.”