Chapter 15

God also sometimes blesses us with friends. I wouldn’t call Richie Woodward a good friend. I would call him a rich friend. So when Richie invites me to a ride on his parents’ boat, I can’t wait to ask my parents.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Dad says. “You might get hurt.”

If I had a nickel for every time Dad said that to me, there’d be no more nickels left for anyone else. I take that back—Richie would still have some nickels. He has everything!

I’ve mentioned Richie in one of my other books. I just can’t remember which one because there are three of them. Maybe I’ve mentioned my three books before? Please don’t think I’m trying to get you to buy them (there’s three of them, by the way), but if you want to know more about Richie, the best thing is to buy all three of them and give them a read. And since it might take a moment for you to get those other books, I’ll take a minute to explain a little about Richie right now.

Richie’s dad makes a lot of money. A lot! They use twenty-dollar bills as coasters. That’s why I always ask for a coaster or three when I set down my drink on their kitchen table.

That’s a joke, obviously. I’ve only been to Richie’s house three times, so I haven’t had a chance to make the journey to the kitchen yet. His house is massive! And Richie’s room looks like a sporting goods store.

Sometimes it’s hard for me not to compare his life to mine. For instance, my game room has a deck of cards and one smelly sock in it. And by “game room,” I mean the hallway outside my bedroom door.

Richie’s game room, meanwhile, has a pool table, a Ping-Pong table, and a dart board! I’m just not allowed to use the dart board anymore because his game room also used to have a giant inflatable dinosaur.

But that’s not important. The point is that the Woodwards want to take me out on their boat today!

Dad finally agrees to let me go after he makes sure our insurance policy is up-to-date. I call Richie and tell him that he can pick me up anytime.

When Richie’s family pulls up to our house, I run outside.

“Uh, you forgot your boat,” I say, a little disappointed.

Richie’s dad laughs. “Richie says you’re always joking around. We keep our boat at our dock at the lake.”

I wonder if they own just the boat dock or the entire lake.

“Will you be bringing your own water skis?” Richie’s dad asks.

I decide to make another joke: “I sent my personal water skis to be monogrammed with our family crest so they will match my jet ski. Can I use some of yours . . . or maybe your butler’s water skis?”

Mr. Woodward and Richie both laugh. They’re not snobby about their money. They sometimes just forget that not everyone has as much as they do.

Have I mentioned yet that Texas is hot? Today is a real scorcher. It’s so hot that on our drive to the lake, I spot a dog chasing a cat—but they’re both walking.

When we get to the lake, Mrs. Woodward hands us some sunscreen. Once again I’m reminded of their wealth. Their sunscreen comes in a spray bottle! In no time, my body is perfectly coated in the right amount of sunscreen mist.

My family buys sunscreen from the dollar store in a giant jug. Instead of a fine mist, it pours out a huge glob of goo. I have to quickly rub it into my skin before it dries. I’ve never gotten very good at it. My forehead usually looks like it’s never seen the sun, while my cheeks look like they’ve been in the oven for a couple of hours.

Once we’re sunscreened up, we head to the dock and get aboard the boat. Mr. Woodward tells us to hang on as he guns the motor. After we go back for my hat, we find a nice cove where the water is calm. It’s time to water ski!

I didn’t plan on going first, but when you stand too close to someone swinging a ski rope with a big handle on the end—whap!—you sometimes end up in the water with a big bump on your head. Always wear your life jacket, my friends.

“Okay, Bob can go first since he already jumped into the water,” Mr. Woodward says when he hears the splash.

I didn’t exactly jump, but Mr. Woodward won’t find that out until he reads this book.

Richie tosses me a pair of skis. I catch one ski with my left hand and the other one with my mouth. I put on the skis as quickly as possible—Richie and his family eat lunch while they’re waiting—then Mr. Woodward slowly guides the boat to where we can pick up some speed.

“Hang on,” he says.

That must be his favorite thing to say, I think.

But I never quite finish that thought, because that’s when Mr. Woodward guns the engine. I pop out of the water and quickly start skiing! And by quickly, I mean I’m up for about half a second. Then I decide to check out what’s going on under the water.

As a Christian, I always try to pay attention to others. So I do a great job of hanging on, just like Richie’s dad told me. What I really should have done was let go of the rope when I went under. But I totally forgot to do that. The good news, though, is I drink enough lake water in the next ten seconds to get my total recommended amount for the rest of the month! Plus my sinuses feel totally cleaned out.

Mr. Woodward tries a few more times to get me up on the skis. I’m not making excuses, but I think their boat is either too powerful or not powerful enough.

Then it happens! Six or sixty tries later, I’m up and skiing like a pro who doesn’t ski very well. I’m still a bit wobbly, but I feel like I’m walking on the water, just like my hero, Jesus. Though I don’t think Jesus used monogrammed water skis.

After I plunge back into the lake for another quick sinus rinse, Richie takes his turn. He doesn’t have as much fun as me. He gets up on the first try and zooms around on top of the water without falling once. I bet his sinuses are still clogged.

After we’ve all had a chance to water ski, we drive the boat around the lake for a bit. Mr. Woodward even lets me drive! I’m very good at driving boats. For example, I’m great at swinging the boat around after Mrs. Woodward falls out.

Maybe that’s why Mr. Woodward always says, “Hang on”?

We pull Richie’s mom back into the boat and decide to return to the Woodwards’ house. Maybe this time I’ll actually find their kitchen.