Chapter 22

I wake up Sunday morning with an amazing idea: Church is a great place to tell people about church.

And our church has plenty of people.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: This book is awesome!

You’re right. But you might also be thinking: Wait, don’t people at church already know about church?

That’s true too. But if I’m going to invite everyone in town to church, I can’t exclude those who are already there. You didn’t think of that, did ya?

We arrive at church early and sit in our usual spot in the third row. Right away I notice it’s a packed service. I also notice I’m super sleepy. To be truthful, which is an important thing to be in church, I stayed up way too late the night before reading my Bible and playing River Shiver on my phone.

I love reading the Bible before bed. That part goes pretty smoothly. It only took me five minutes to read a chapter. Unfortunately, I had trouble leveling up on River Shiver. That took nearly three-and-a-half hours.

I eventually did level up, but then I had trouble falling asleep. Right now, however, I’m having no trouble falling asleep. Dad subtly tries to keep me awake by thumping me on the ear anytime my eyes close for longer than a minute. What can I say? I’m a slow blinker!

I’m also doing all my normal tricks to stay awake, like eating a snack. I planned ahead by putting a granola bar in my pocket. So I pull it out, only to discover it’s made by a company who doesn’t want its granola bars to be eaten.

The wrapper is made out of the thickest, noisiest cellophane known to man—or to an average boy trying to be quiet in church. I try three times to quietly tear open the package before someone tells me to stop. (It’s nice to get a shout-out from your pastor while he’s preaching.)

I also try shining my phone’s light at my eyes in order to stay awake. It’s a great plan, of course, but I’m way too sleepy to think clearly. My phone is turned the wrong way when I turn on the light. On the positive side, two shout-outs from my pastor in one service might be a record.

“If you make another noise, fall asleep, or distract people from the sermon, you will be in big trouble when we get home,” Dad whispers in my ear.

Now I’m awake! I don’t want to disappoint or embarrass my dad. He is my hero. He is my mentor. He is a great example of . . . falling asleep?

Five minutes after he warns me not to fall asleep, I look over to see that my dad’s head is flopped back. If the person in the row behind him were a dentist, that person could easily do some work on his molars. Someone is about to get an ear thump, and for once it’s not going to be me!

I lean across my brother to get my mom’s attention so she can flick Dad’s ear.

“Get off me!” Brian whispers as loudly as one can whisper.

He ruins everything! He also shoves me. I try grabbing the pew so I don’t fall over, but I grab my brother’s backpack instead. Both the backpack and I crash to the floor. So do all his pencils and crayons, which go rolling under the pew and toward the stage.

Not only is this embarrassing, but Dad wakes up and doesn’t look happy. He grabs me around the waist and carries me like a football to the back of the church. He’s muttering something, too, but I don’t hear him. I’m too busy thinking he’d make a great fullback for the Dallas Cowboys.

So now we’re sitting in the back row. I start counting all the people attending the service and realize there are more than two hundred!

“Hey, Dad,” I whisper. “Can I stand at the back when the service is over and apologize to everyone for disrupting church today?”

“Yes,” he says. “That’s what I told you to do when I carried you back here.”

Good. We’re both on board with my great idea.

When church finally ends, I check my phone to make sure it’s still Sunday. Our pastor can preach for a long time. I walk to the back doors and start talking to everyone who’s leaving.

Part of being a good Christian is owning up to your faults and sins, so I make sure to apologize for the earlier disruption.

“Sorry my brother’s backpack caused all that noise during service,” I tell people. “I hope you come back next week.”

I keep count of everyone I talk to. I also remember I invited everyone at Jackson’s sleepover to church. So counting all the kids and their parents, I’m down to only 197 people left to invite. At least one of my summer goals is almost complete!

Speaking of summer goals, I ask my dad if I can work on the tree house after lunch. I catch Billy and his family in the church parking lot, and he agrees to help get the other walls done. Sarah and Everley are still inside. They’re practically begging to help too.

“Fine,” Sarah begs. “We’ll help with your tree house, but it better not take long.”

I don’t really want any girls messing up our cool tree house, but Billy and I could use some help holding the boards while we nail them in place.

The girls and Billy meet at my house. Mom gives us some snacks and we head to the big tree. I bring my slingshot, too, just in case Triple-H gives us any trouble.

That Bigfoot-sized raccoon better not try anything today, or I’m going to turn Everley loose on him while I look for rocks for my slingshot.

Turns out I don’t need Everley or my slingshot. When we arrive at the big tree, we all freeze. No one says a word. Nobody moves. We just stare, not believing our eyes.