27

Chad threw the peelings from the potatoes into the bucket for the compost so hard that a couple bounced out.

He couldn’t believe he’d kissed her.

He stopped with his hands in the sink, grasped around the next handful of peelings, and then mentally shook his head. Of course he could believe it. He’d wanted to kiss her for months. What he couldn’t believe was how he’d done it. He’d been planning and working up to the perfect romance-filled right moment.

Standing inside the smelly chicken coop with a squawking chicken bellowing and prancing around their feet hadn’t been it.

But then, she had kissed him back.

Chad closed his eyes and sighed. She really had kissed him back.

The image of Anna with her eyes closed, her head tilted slightly back, lost in the moment, rushed through his head. At just the thought of her sweet face he wanted to kiss her again.

But, of course, he couldn’t. Once it was over and she had come back to earth and thought about what they’d done, she’d hightailed it out of there like a scared rabbit. And now, living out here in the middle of nowhere, he could say he’d actually seen, in real life, what a scared rabbit really looked like.

Only one thing stopped him from running to her house and begging her on his knees to forgive him and forget about it.

He wanted to do it again.

And he was walking on thin ice with her father.

Okay, two things stopped him.

And the only time he could see her not in a crowd was when they were with Brian, a semiwilling third party.

So that was three things.

Since he didn’t want to go on with a list to infinity, Chad grabbed the peelings and tossed them into the bucket, picked it up, and strode outside.

On his way to the compost box, he slowed as he passed Waddles and Blinkie in the coop. “Sorry, gals, not today,” he called out, even though he still wasn’t sure of the gal-ness of Waddles, and kept walking. Unfortunately today he hadn’t cooked any of the peelings, and they looked disappointed they were missing a treat. Not knowing much about chickens, he’d used the Internet to find out what chickens liked for a snack to find to his horror that raw potato peels were toxic to chickens. The website source said they were okay if cooked, but today he hadn’t had time, so they didn’t get a snack.

As he dumped the peelings into the compost box behind the garden he looked over his shoulder at the kitchen window to Anna’s parents’ house.

In all things, God watched and knew what he was doing, but since God knew his thoughts, it didn’t scare him. Instead, it strengthened him.

But Anna’s father watching scared him spitless.

Chad sighed and let his arms fall limply to his sides. If he were a father with a daughter in a community like this, he didn’t know if he would think much differently than Anna’s father, although he hoped he wouldn’t be so harshly judgmental. Yet, considering his own history, Chad couldn’t entirely fault Anna’s father for his feelings. Chad had bared his heart and soul in his testimony in front of the church, and he’d done it again on a more personal level when he’d sat and spoken with Peter alone that evening, meaning to confess his sins and be forgiven for them.

But Peter still didn’t trust him. Probably Peter had forgiven him, in a Christian way, even though his sins weren’t for Peter to forgive. The bottom line was that Peter didn’t trust Chad with his daughter.

At the same time, knowing how tight this community was, being the only outsider, despite the welcome he’d received, he would never make it into that inner circle. No one would admit to it, but it was there. Up until now, it hadn’t bothered him. Now it did, especially if he had to be there to win the heart of the girl of his dreams and earn from her father the right to court her. He’d also felt that “inner circle” more from other members of the community as well. Not that he was pushed out, he just wasn’t in, and he never would be.

Chad turned and went inside the house to continue his meal preparations. Again, everything would be done in advance and not need any preparation or work until it was ready to serve.

For the tenth time, or maybe more, he looked up at the clock. Anna hadn’t said she wouldn’t come, so he had to think she would. Still his stomach wouldn’t rest easy until the doorbell rang and he saw two people—Brian and Anna—outside versus just Brian and his empty stomach.

When the doorbell rang, he knew it was Anna outside. Brian never rang the doorbell—Brian always knocked.

Chad fought to make himself appear normal, instead of being so excited he felt like pumping his fist in the air and grunting like his favorite team had just scored a touchdown.

He sucked in a deep breath to calm himself, then opened the door. “Hi. Come on in. I’m almost ready.”

He made one last check of his casserole and returned to the living room. However, instead of finding Brian picking through his CD collection, Chad found Brian and Anna sitting on the couch, engrossed in what looked like a very serious conversation.

The second they noticed him, conversation stopped.

“This looks serious,” Chad muttered, not sure whether or not to join them.

Anna turned to him. “Before I left to come here, my mama and papa were together in the living room, and my mama asked what my plans were—if I wanted to continue working at the factory. But it was strange, the way she asked. She knows I would not want to stay home to do housework and do sewing. If I did not work and did not spend most of my time at home, what would I then do? I wondered if she knew of my plan to move to find a home and a job in the cities.” She waved one hand in the air toward Brian. “I have just now told Brian my plan and how you are helping me. But I have not said anything of this to anyone else. Not even Rebecca.”

Chad shook his head. “I certainly haven’t said anything.” Already, he was not looked upon favorably by Anna’s father. Regardless of the fact that Anna had made her decision to leave Piney Meadows before he arrived, Chad knew he would get the blame anyway. “In fact, that was one thing I wanted to talk to you about.” He opened his mouth, about to tell her how valuable she’d become to the company and that he wanted to give her a raise and that he wanted her to stay, but stopped before he spoke. If he asked her to stay, possibly she would think he wasn’t supporting her in her efforts to leave, and then she would no longer trust him as she did now.

Anna’s eyes widened. “What is it you want to say?”

He snapped his big mouth shut and shook his head. “Nothing that can’t wait until we’re back at the office on Monday.” Where he’d tell her she needed to take more courses, which would hopefully keep her in Piney Meadows longer and give him more time to convince her to change her mind about leaving.

Chad rubbed his hands together. “I hope everyone’s hungry, because I have another treat for supper today, with yet another of my secret ingredients.”

Anna rolled her eyes, and Brian rubbed his stomach. “I am liking your secret ingredients.”

Chad grinned. “There’s always more where those came from. Let’s go eat.”

The evening passed quickly—too quickly—and before he realized the time, Anna and Brian left.

Chad didn’t feel right letting Brian walk Anna home, but he had no excuse to do it himself when Brian was leaving at the same time and Anna lived only next door.

He barely had the sink full of hot water to wash the dishes when pounding echoed from his front door. Pounding meant Brian had come back. Chad shut the water off and ran to the door. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he pulled the door open.

Brian stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “I think we need to talk.”

The delicious supper he’d made turned to a lump of lead in his stomach. He moved to the side, but his feet wouldn’t obey him to walk into the living room.

Brian waved one arm in the air in the direction of Anna’s house. “Why did you not tell me she was planning to leave our town? She tells me you have been helping her take courses over the Internet to become more skilled to get a good job in the cities. Daut es soo domm. That is so stupid. Are you a person who is going crazy?”

“But . . . I . . .”

Brian crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Chad through narrowed eyes. “Waut denkje dü? She cannot go alone to the cities to work and live. She will be eaten like a young rabbit being chased by a cougar in the spring.”

Chad shuddered, the mental picture worse because he’d also compared Anna to a rabbit earlier that day, only Brian’s ending was much more graphic. “I know. I’m trying to get her to stay.”

“I have seen no evidence of this from what she has said.”

Chad dragged one hand over his face. “I haven’t specifically asked her to stay because I can’t risk that she’ll think I’m not on her side. If . . .” he shuddered and shook his head. “When she decides to stay, the decision must be her own, not because I’ve asked.” He also feared he wouldn’t merely ask—he’d probably beg. “I promised that I’d help her upgrade her skills, so that’s what I have to do.”

“Why did you make such a promise, to help her learn more so she could leave us?”

“When she asked, I didn’t know her. I also didn’t know how isolated this community is. Most people here really have no idea what it’s like beyond the surrounding farms. Except for a few, the farthest big city everyone’s been to is Bemidji.”

“Actually, most of my people have not been that far.” Brian studied Chad’s face. “You care for her very much, is this true?”

Chad felt himself sag. He wanted to tell Brian he loved her, but he wanted Anna to be the first person to hear it from his lips, not Brian, so he nodded.

“Then you must tell her what she will be facing there. I have already told her of my experiences at college—I did not go to a Christian college—but I came back, and I would not live any place else. But many of our people have left and not returned. The thing is that those who do not come back have not left alone. Either they go as a couple, as have Theresa and Evan, or they go to college and meet someone there and have the strength of a Christian brother or sister. This is like Leonard and Lois’s daughters. They planned to come back but met the men whom they married while at a Christian college. They did not move back to Piney Meadows.”

“I know. But I don’t know what to say to Anna. Some of the stuff most people consider to be normal, she’d never believe. But it’s not all bad. If you hang with the right crowd and stay away from the wrong places, you’ll be fine. It’s not all bad there. Just different. Really different than here.”

Brian gave Chad such an intense stare, Chad almost felt himself melt. “You say that she still may be fine. But you do not look like you think she will be fine.”

Chad sighed and looked blankly at the wall, in the direction of her house. “No.” The day Anna left, she would take a piece of him with her—and he was afraid for her. She had such a trusting heart, it would be like sending a sheep out to a pack of hungry wolves—an image not much different than the one Brian had used earlier. “I need to do something to convince her to stay, and for her to think it was her decision.”

“Then let me warn you what I have seen. Anna’s parents acted different when I left her at home. Something has changed there, and it did not feel good.”

All his strength and ideas drained from him. Instead of getting better, he’d felt everything getting worse. He’d never felt so helpless in his life. “What can I do?”

“Ekj weete nijch, I do not know. The first thing I would say for you to do would be to pray.”

Chad sagged even more. “I don’t think it will make much difference. I’ve already asked God a million times to do something to convince Anna to stay. But as every day passes, she gets more determined to leave. I’m not a prayer warrior, I’m not even sure I know how to pray for this.” He gulped, barely able to say the words he feared, but he had to say them. “What if God really wants her to go?”

Brian shook his head. “I do not believe that, and I do not think you believe it either.”

“But what can I do? I’d really like for God to use me, to show Anna she’s meant to stay and that it’s the right thing for her to do. But I don’t know what to do.”

“Then you must let God use you as he wants. You must open yourself to that.”

“How? I’m not hearing God telling me anything. Nothing I’m doing seems to make her go the way I want, as though I’m doing everything wrong. I know even the greatest men of God had their flaws. David. Moses. Peter. But they had qualities he could use. I don’t.”

One corner of Brian’s mouth tipped up. “If God wants to use you, he will. You do not need to have great strengths. God used Lazarus, and Lazarus was dead at the time. Although I pray it is not how God wants to use you, my friend.”

Chad shuddered at the thought, but at the same time, he felt strangely strengthened.

Brian said, “I must go. I will see you and Anna in church tomorrow.”

After the door closed, Chad raised his palms to lean against the door and pressed his forehead against the cool wood. Certainly he was better equipped than a dead man, and now it was time to show how much.

Besides, he still had her bicycle in his garage.