Chapter 21      

Riley had agreed to meet Sadie’s brother—and Paige’s, he added when the thought struck him—out of pure desperation. 

His daughter had never shut him out like this before. She refused to tell him about her conversation with Paige even though he’d gone to the extreme measure of sketching a picture of them talking to each other. He sometimes drew them together to show her what he felt in his heart, and she’d liked it before.

Not this time.

She’d set aside the drawing. The worst part was the way she’d completely closed down on him, and Haley, ever the loyal friend, wouldn’t tell him anything either.

Jess was happy about Sadie. He knew that, but this was stirring up other things inside her, ones she didn’t fully understand.

When Sadie had first suggested he talk to her brother, his knee-jerk reaction had been to refuse as graciously as possible. But hearing about J.P. and Tammy’s situation had helped him feel less alone. Other people had ushered their children through difficult times and made it work. Besides, he wanted Sadie to feel better. A tangled ball of guilt and worry, she’d asked him more than once if he felt they should stop seeing each other for a while until Jess was easier with her feelings about her real mother. 

Riley knew that wasn’t the answer. He just had no idea what was. All of his normal tools with Jess had struck out. Perhaps Sadie’s brother could give a helpful take on things.

When the doorbell rang at the agreed-upon time, Riley set aside the drawing he’d been fussing with the whole morning and headed downstairs.

Opening the door, he had a moment of surprise. J.P. looked so much like Paige in the eyes and mouth, more so than Sadie did.

“Hello, I’m Sadie’s brother, J.P.,” the tall and composed man said, holding out his hand.

“I’m Riley,” he said, shaking it. “Wish we were meeting under different circumstances, but I appreciate you coming to talk with me all the same.”

J.P. nodded and came inside. “If I can be of any help, it will be a blessing. I know how hard it can be when your child is struggling. It’s the sort of thing that weighs on you unless you have someone to talk to.”

“I have plenty of people to talk to,” Riley said, “but the one person I really want to talk to isn’t talking back. My daughter, Jess, can be… Oh, she’s wonderful and sweet and curious, but in rare moments like these she can be incredibly stubborn.”

“And it scares you spitless,” J.P. finished for him. “Makes you a good father. I felt honored you’d want to talk to me, especially since we hadn’t met yet.”

Riley rubbed the tension in his diaphragm. “Same goes. It’s not how I hoped to meet you either. Sadie and I wanted to…I hoped to become acquainted with you at your Sunday dinner.”

J.P.’s mouth turned up. “She told me. You mean a lot to her, and that’s important to all of us because she’s important. No one shares her heart quite like Sadie does.”

“Do you want a drink? I know it’s early for a beer, but I have iced tea, water, soda. I could make coffee.”

“Is it sweet tea?” J.P. asked.

“Yes,” Riley answered. “I use honey.” Man, he sounded like such a moron.

“That’s fine then.” J.P. followed him into the kitchen. “I like your art on the walls. Sadie says you work on comics, the writing and the drawing.”

“Yes, it’s the only thing I ever wanted to do really. My brother and I used to devour every comic book and TV show we could find. We made up our own superheroes, and we were both good at drawing. Our parents took us to the art store whenever we needed something. It was…a happy childhood.” It was true regardless of the distance he now felt with his parents.

“It’s important for parents to support their kids,” J.P. said. “You can tell a lot about a man by how he does that. From what Sadie tells me, you’re doing just fine. I hope you don’t mind me saying so. It’s not a presumption. I only…it’s easy to doubt all the good things you’re doing in moments like this.”

Riley rocked back on his feet, taken off guard. “That means a lot.”

Grabbing the glasses, he filled them with ice and tea and suggested they head out to the back porch. His patio set had an umbrella, after all, and it wasn’t crazy humid outside for once. Plus, he’d been caged up most of the day, unable to draw much of anything. Bringing out all of his gold hues hadn’t even helped him turn the tide.

“I can see why Sadie speaks about you like she does,” Riley said as they sipped their iced tea. “You remind me a little of Paige’s husband, Mark. No nonsense. Calm. It might be weird to say, but you’re nice too.”

J.P. gave an easy smile at that. “I’ve heard ‘nice’ all my life. Some teased me about it, but it’s never taken. I figure being nice to people is the right thing to do. If someone wants to make an issue out of it, that’s their decision.”

Riley couldn’t agree more. Tom Hanks was one of his nice-guy heroes.

“And I’m happy you said that about Mark,” J.P. continued, kicking out his feet. “Paige deserves to have good men in her camp. I’m still working on letting go of the fact that I wasn’t there to help her growing up.”

“That means a lot to Paige,” Riley said. “She’s one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met, and I admire the hell out her. What she’s overcome… It’s beautiful. It…okay, I’m going to be weird again, but it gives me hope that Jess will be okay.”

“Jess has a leg up over Paige,” J.P. said, looking his way. “She has you. Having one loving parent doesn’t make up for the other one being gone, but it does buffer things, I believe. When our dad left, our mama could always be counted on. I never questioned that once. It…helps. You know?”

“That’s the thing,” Riley said. “I don’t know. I mean, I grew up with two parents who loved me and my brother. I don’t know what Jess is going through, honestly. I mean…I feel like shit—oops, sorry about that—for what happened with her mom.”

“But that’s not your fault,” J.P. said right away. “Sadie said she’d leave it to you to tell me what you wanted to about that. All I know is that Jess’ mother didn’t want her, that she thought her career was more important.”

Riley looked down at his feet. The sun was touching his toes, but parts of his feet were basked in shadow. He rather felt like that in this moment. Should he tell J.P. the whole story?

“I won’t judge you,” J.P. said, “if that’s what’s weighing on you. But sometimes it helps to talk about it.”

This man had the composure of a teacher of superheroes, someone like Dr. Charles Xavier in X-Men.

“Thank you for saying that,” Riley said. “Let me tell you the highlights.”

He didn’t share the story often, but when he did, he found himself seeing it in comic book form. He was the sappy hero who hadn’t realized the woman he was falling for was actually a tortured villain in disguise. In the nick of time, he’d saved his daughter and taken her away. He’d tried to love and cherish her, hoping she could heal from the events surrounding her birth. 

Usually the final strip was one of him and Jess holding hands, the sun shining in the distance, knowing they were both invincible because they had each other. Today, the final strip showed dark clouds and him trying to reach Jess, who had her back turned, her shoulders set in a hard line.

When he was finished, he wanted to put his face in his hands. “I don’t know how to help her. I can’t tell her the whole truth yet. Every expert says that. And I can’t up and cut Sadie out of our lives just because it’s stirring Jess up. She’s…your sister is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, and I know Jess adores her. Jess is just—”

“Scared her mother is never coming back,” J.P. said in a gentle voice.

Riley sat back in his chair. The way J.P. put it made it seem so much clearer.

“I remember when Annabelle said something like that to me. I’d finally talked Tammy into marrying me not long before that. You know their daddy abused her, right?”

Riley nodded. He had the odd urge to reach out to the man. There was no question it still weighed on him, and who could blame him? He’d punch any guy who hurt a woman. 

“Rory had told Annabelle again and again that their old daddy would never come back because I was going to be their daddy now. She seemed to be happy about that, but she seemed awful down one day, and when I asked her how it made her feel to think about her mamma and me getting married, she said it made her sad.”

Riley leaned forward, his entire attention on the story.

“I was a bit surprised, but I rallied and asked her why she felt that way. Her answer made so much sense I couldn’t believe I hadn’t arrived upon it myself.”

J.P. met his gaze and took a healthy sip of iced tea before continuing, as if to give Riley a moment to think on it. “She said she was sad because daddies should love their little girls, and he obviously didn’t or he would have tried to visit them. She knew he was a bad man, but she was still his baby girl. How could he not love her? Was there something wrong with her? Did he not know how good she was?”

Is that what Jess believes? It hurt him to even think about it. “I’ve told her before her mother’s decision to be away has nothing to do with her, but maybe I need to say it again.”

“It’s a feeling that doesn’t easily go away,” J.P. said. “I felt the same when my daddy left us, and it cut a pretty deep hole in me, let me tell you. What I told Annabelle seemed to help. I let her know that she was one of best children in the world, but people like her daddy didn’t like to be around good people like her. Then I told her I could see her and wanted to be around her.”

Riley was moved by the scene J.P.’s words were sketching in his mind. He could see it form, panel by panel.

“That little girl threw her arms around me, and I rocked her for quite a while, let me tell you. When I told her mama about it later on, I had to hold her too while she cried.”

Riley imagined a lot of tears had been spent that day. “So Jess is scared that Sadie coming into my life and hers means her mama might be out of it for good?” He stood up and started to pace. “But she is out of it for good.” 

Please let that be true. 

“But Jess doesn’t know that,” J.P. said gently. “All she knows from what you’ve told me is that her mama wanted to pursue her music career and couldn’t take care of her at the same time.”

Right. Shit. He could suddenly see the problem. “You think Jess still hopes her mom will change her mind?”

“It’s natural for a child to believe their parent should want to love them and be in their lives,” J.P. said. “Sadie still feels that way, I think, even though she hasn’t said much after what happened a few months ago. I have a notion Shelby and Susannah might harbor a kernel of that feeling too. Loving a child is what a parent is supposed to do. Of course, there’s plenty of evidence to the contrary. But kids don’t want to believe that.”

“It’s like breaking the magic,” Riley muttered, thinking kids weren’t the only ones. He knew Sadie still thought about her dad. She’d told him as much.

“Yes,” J.P. said. “Exactly.”

“Thank you,” Riley said. “I…don’t quite know what I’m going to do yet, but it’s…clearer. I mean, I’ve talked to other people, but it’s good to get a fresh perspective.”

“I’m glad I could shine some light on things,” J.P. said, standing up. “I should let you get back to work. You give me a holler if you need to talk more. And, Riley, I hope to see you and Jess at Sunday dinner someday soon. Everyone is really eager to welcome y’all.”

When they shook hands again, Riley felt the stirrings of friendship. He spent the next couple of hours pacing and drawing, trying to figure out the best approach with his daughter. After picking the kids up from school, he left her and Haley alone in the playroom. They were content to play princess in Jess’ magical castle.

When Paige dropped by to pick Haley up, he kissed her cheek and whispered, “I really like your brother.”

Her eyes crinkled at the corners. “Me too. We’ll talk another time.”

“Yes,” he said and watched from the front porch as they headed across the driveway to their house.

When he went inside, he listened for Jess, but the house was completely quiet. He firmed his shoulders and called out, “Jess, I need to show you something.”

She took her sweet time, but finally she appeared in his office. She looked so small in her blue dress and yellow leggings. He wondered if she’d come out of curiosity over his drawings. He often showed her the really special ones.

“Come over here,” he said, staying in his office chair.

She shuffled forward, and when she reached him, he lifted her onto his desk. She sat there stiffly, not dangling her feet like normal. He reached for the bottom drawer of his desk and took out Mandy’s picture. Shoving aside all of the anger he still felt toward her, he handed Jess the frame.

“I thought you might want to put this in your room,” Riley told her. “I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you earlier, but… Well, I know it’s hard not having your mom around, and I didn’t want to make you sad.”

She held the frame on her little lap. “Other kids have pictures of their mom.”

Oh, baby, he wanted to say, but she wasn’t ready to hear it. “I get really angry when I think about your mom because I don’t really understand how she could choose her career over being here with you. I know you wish she were here, and I don’t always know what to tell you about her, but I want you to know that she is your mom. No one else will ever take that place. Not Paige. Not Sadie. But who we love is our choice, and that’s why we have women in our lives like Paige and Sadie.”

“But Sadie is your girlfriend,” Jess said. “Some of the other kids at school like Betty say she’ll become my mom if y’all get married.”

Part of him wanted to curse those kids for telling her such things, but they were probably from broken families too. Just like Jess, they were trying to make sense out of what had happened to them.

“Every family has a different way of handling things,” he said, “and it’s sometimes hard to know what’s right, but all I can do is love you. Jess, you’re my heart, my best girl, and the best daughter in the world. I know it’s only you and me. I wish your mom had made a different choice, but she didn’t, and that has nothing to do with you.”

“Maybe she’ll change her mind,” Jess said, lifting the frame to gaze at her picture.

He started to sweat. Over my dead body. Instead of sharing that gut reaction, he said, “I’m not sure what she’ll want to do, but I’ll always be your dad. Until you’re old enough to be on your own, you’re with me, and Jess, it’s the best gig on the planet.”

The right side of her mouth finally turned up. “Even better than saving the planet from evil villains?”

His heart seemed to explode into a millions pieces before settling back inside his chest. They were back. Just like that. “Even better than that. I love you, Jess.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” she said, resting the frame on her lap.

“Are you going to hug me, or am I going to have to wrestle you?” he quipped, feeling like they were back on solid ground.

When she set the frame aside and came into his arms, he wrapped her up tight, but she didn’t voice her usual complaint that he was squeezing the life out of her. No, she grabbed a hold of his arms and squeezed back with all of her might.

“Jess, I need to tell you that I really love Sadie, but that doesn’t change anything for you. You and me are still father and daughter, and nothing beats that. Okay?”

She leaned her head against his chest and looked up at him. “What if you get married?”

He chose his words carefully. “Then she and I will be like Mark and Paige, and we’ll all…ah…be a family,” he finished lamely. “But we’re only dating right now.”

“You love each other,” Jess said. “Isn’t that what happens next?”

Oh, sweet Christ. Save him from these questions. “Sometimes. Only if the two people just can’t stand to be without each other.”

The glimmer in her eye made him want to squirm.

“Isn’t that how you feel about Sadie? You bought a couple of new sport coats and shoes. You run out of the house whenever you have a date with her. It’s the same way you act when you take me to the newest superhero movie at the theater.”

She was way too smart. “I do love her, but I want to make sure we’ll be…compatible…and that you like her. We…I’m just getting to know her better right now, and I’d like you to do the same. But only if you want to.”

“I like Sadie, Daddy,” Jess said. “Everybody does. Haley already thinks she’s the best aunt ever, and Mrs. Bradshaw gets all teary-eyed sometimes whenever she talks about her.”

“You see everything, don’t you?”

She shrugged. “You always say you can’t draw anything if you don’t look at life. I…I think you really love Sadie. She makes you happy.”

“She does, but you make me the happiest.” He kissed the top of her head. “She’d like us to meet her family sometime. Would you be up for that?”

Her nod was enthusiastic. “Sure. Haley said they’re all totally cool. Especially Rye Crenshaw.”

He felt himself blush a little. It had embarrassed him and then some to learn the country singers whose names he hadn’t recognized on his first date with Sadie were actually her relations. “The country singer, right?”

She jumped off his lap and threw out her arms. “He’s like huge. I mean, everyone listens to his music. Except you. I know you don’t like country music because of my mom.”

His eyes narrowed. Was there nothing she didn’t pick up on? “I’ve loved New Wave since I was a kid. It’s more my groove. But have you listened to Rye’s music?” 

“Yep, and Jake Lassiter’s too. He’s Haley’s uncle, after all.”

It surprised him a little that she’d hidden it from him—and pretty darn well—but he’d probably have to listen to their music too if he was going to meet them. 

“You listen to whatever music you want, Jess,” he said. “It’s part of growing up.”

“Okay, that’s cool. I didn’t want to make you sad or mad by listening to it.”

“You don’t ever worry about that, honey. I can take it.” He made himself give her a wink.

“Do you think they know my mom?” Jess asked, jumping off his desk with Mandy’s picture in her hands. “I’ll have to ask them when we meet them.”

She skipped out of the room before he could form a coherent response.