TONY WAS TIRED and weary. Ever since his first mission in Afghanistan, the government had been on his case about the Iron Man suit. They felt strongly it should be theirs, not Tony’s, to own. It all culminated in a party-gone-bad the night before, when Rhodey had taken one of the Iron Man suits to deliver it to the military. This was, of course, against Tony’s wishes, and the whole thing had turned into pretty big mess, especially when Rhodey put on the armor and battled Tony—who was wearing his. Two Iron Men blasting each other with repulsors did not a pleasant scene make!
To make matters worse, Tony had received a call from Colonel Fury saying he’d like to meet with him. Tony, still wearing his Iron Man suit from the night before, chose a place as good as any other: while Tony was waiting, he decided to spend his time the best way possible—enjoying a box of freshly baked doughnuts on top of a doughnut shop, reclining comfortably inside the huge hole of the tremendous plaster doughnut that sat on the roof.
“Sir,” Fury called out to him, “I’m going to have to ask you to exit the doughnut.”
Tony sighed, then rocketed down and entered through the back door, meeting Fury at his table.
“I told you, I don’t want to join your supersecret boy band,” Tony said.
Fury laughed condescendingly.
“No, no, no. You see, I remember—you do everything yourself.…How’s that working out for you?”
“It’s, it’s …I’m sorry, I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot. Do I look you in the patch, or the eye?”
Fury didn’t entertain Tony with a response.
“Honestly, I’m really tired, and I’m not sure if you’re real, if you’re just some sort of a…”
“I. Am. Very. Real,” Fury said. “I’m the realest person you’re ever going to meet.”
“Just my luck. Where’s the staff here?”
A woman strode up to the table, but she wasn’t a waitress.
“We’ve secured the perimeter, but I don’t think we can hold it too much longer.”
Tony was stunned, which did not happen often. The woman who had approached them was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. But she was also Stark’s legal counsel—Natalie Rushman.
Colonel Fury smiled, enjoying the shock on Tony’s face and relishing in seeing him speechless for once.
“Huh,” Tony said after examining Natalie. “You’re fired.”
“That’s not up to you,” she said, taking a seat at the table along with Fury and Tony.
“Tony,” Colonel Fury said, “I want you to meet Agent Natasha Romanoff.”
“Hi,” Tony said, with mock enthusiasm.
“I’m a S.H.I.E.L.D. shadow. I was tasked to you by Director Fury,” Natalie—or, rather, Natasha—explained.
“I suggest you apologize,” Tony said.
Natasha just sneered in response.
“You’ve been very busy,” Fury piped up. “You made your girl your CEO; you’re giving away all your stuff; you let your friend fly off with your suit. Now, if I didn’t know better…”
“You don’t know better,” Tony protested. “I didn’t give it to him, he took it.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? No. He took it? You’re Iron Man, and he just took it?” Fury said. “Is that possible?” he asked, turning to Agent Romanoff.
“Well, according to Mr. Stark’s database-security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage,” Natasha reported.
Fury shrugged at Tony, indicating that he had some explaining to do.
“What do you want from me? Tony asked.
“What do we want from you? Nuh-uh-uh,” Fury said. “What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with.”
Tony had tried a few times to get a word in edgewise. But he eventually gave up. Fury would always have the last one.
“Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe,” Fury continued his tirade. “I’ve got bigger problems than you in the Southwest region to deal with.”