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It didn’t look good. Standing at attention before his CO, Dex waited for the dressing down that was coming. The proverbial shit was about to hit the fan. Dex had nothing but respect for Joe and they worked well together, despite Dex crossing the line on occasion. This time he’d run headfirst, straight through the damn line, and he had a feeling he might not get off so easy.
“Lieutenant Commander Dawson. While on one hand, I commend you on a mission well executed, it does not change the fact that you defied orders to stand down.”
Commander Joe Johnson then paused, as if contemplating his next words. Finally, he let out an exasperated sigh.
“God dammit, Dawson, do you have any idea the position this puts me in?” Joe stood, hands on hips, glaring at him.
Dex winced. Yeah, he knew. “Yes sir, I do.”
Joe picked up a piece of paper off his desk. “Your coms and equipment will be checked. Will they find them to be faulty?”
Dex stared straight ahead. He couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to his commanding officer. “No sir.”
Joe dropped the paper. “You ignored my order, deliberately cut coms, and then took it upon yourself to lead your team into Daram.”
“Yes sir.”
“Dammit Dex, procedures are in place for a reason.”
Dex kept standing to attention as Joe sat down behind his desk. “For Christ’s sake, at ease. Take a seat.”
Sitting down as ordered, Dex said, “Joe, I’m sorry I’ve put you in this position. But there was no way I was going to just leave her there. You know me better than that.”
“I admire what you did, and you brought Lieutenant Kimber home. For that everyone is grateful. But you put yourself and your team at risk, not to mention disobeying a direct order. Another team was on route just a couple of hours behind you.”
“With all due respect, Joe, Kelly would have been dead by then.” The way he found her still haunted him. Every time he closed his eyes, he recalled the fear on her face. She’d slept the whole flight back and was now at Westside hospital. He desperately wanted to go be with her, but Joe had made it very clear to report to him the moment they landed. It would not have been a good idea to defy him.
“It wasn’t your call to make. You’ve done some shit in the past, but you went too far this time.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not the one making the call on this one. Everyone involved will be fully debriefed individually. A disciplinary review board will give you the opportunity to defend yourself. After that, they will decide what further action will be taken. You’re an officer that has received non-judicial punishments before, however minor they were. Hopefully they won’t go the court martial route because you did succeed and nobody died, but even with another NJP it could be an official reprimand or loss of rank. You could be off Alpha.”
“Seriously? I brought her home, dammit. Alive!”
Joe arched his eyebrows. Shit, that was no way to talk to his commanding officer.
“Sorry. Look I know I overstepped but we didn’t go in blind. We did our research, we gathered the intel, we planned. I would not have led the team in there if I didn’t think we could do it.”
“And if the black ops team had not got there when they did, how were you planning to get out of there?”
“We had a helo out. It hadn’t arrived yet.”
“It wasn't going to arrive. It was ordered back.”
Dex swallowed. OK, they would have been in trouble if the black ops boys hadn’t been there.
“A military helicopter doesn’t go for a joy ride without someone noticing,” Joe continued. “Your whole team could have been captured or killed. Which was exactly what we were trying to avoid.”
“So was I. We both know that information was leaked, or false intel passed along that led Bravo team to their death. Whoever did that is still out there. It could be anyone, possibly someone inside the Navy. Alpha going in like we did, not telling anyone, kept us safe. If they didn't know we were coming, they couldn’t plan for it. We took them by surprise and that’s how we succeeded.”
Joe looked at him, leaning forward on his desk, his hands steepled in front of him.
“You can say all that in your defense. Dex, this could be bad for you. Despite you bringing Kelly home.” He exhaled. “Everyone admires what you did, but the bottom line is you put your whole team at risk. Another team was already in play. It was not your call to make. Not this time. Not to mention, Lazir’s an HVT, full of intel, and now he’s dead or gone back underground.”
“If I had the chance to get him alive, trust me I would have. If they want me to go track him down, put me on a plane. I’ll happily go get him and Bravo.”
“You and I both know that won’t be happening.”
Yeah, he did know. He wasn’t going to be allowed anywhere for a while.
“I guess I’m benched until the hearing.”
Joe nodded. “Standard protocol. You're all due down time, but given the circumstances the team will be debriefed and then get 72 hours. They will then be assigned training duties and Physical Training. You are suspended until the review is concluded. However long that takes. No contact with the team. You know the rules.” Joe rose from his chair, ending the discussion.
“The team are clear, right? They were just following my orders.”
“That will be decided by the board. You can speak for them at the hearing.”
Fuck, this time he’d landed his team in shit too.
“Copy that.” Dex stood, walking towards the door.
Joe’s next words caught Dex with his hand on the knob. “How’s Kelly?”
He paused before answering. “It was bad, Joe. One of the worst things I've seen in my career. She’s got a long road ahead.”
“If anyone can come back from this, she can. She lasted four days. More than some men would have. That’s impressive.”
Dex hesitated, contemplating his next words. What the hell. They wouldn’t make things worse than they already were.
“I don’t regret what I did, Joe. Whatever happens. I understand there are consequences to my actions, but we were the closest team, and I couldn’t let her be there a moment longer than was absolutely necessary. I’ll respect whatever punishment the Navy decides because it was worth it. Kelly’s alive and home.”
Joe nodded but didn't respond and Dex left the office with a sense of foreboding. He had no doubt Joe had his back. It was one of the reasons he had not been busted down a rank or out of the team following some of his previous transgressions. But he had disobeyed a direct order, and there was only so much his CO could do. He had a fight ahead of him, and this time it wasn't on the battlefield with his team.
***
KELLY TRIED TO OPEN her eyes but had to squint against the bright lights. Hospital lights? She vaguely remembered being on a plane...voices...Dex’s voice? Or was it all just a dream? She closed her eyes again, too afraid to open them fully for fear her imagination was playing tricks on her.
“Lieutenant Kimber?”
The soft female voice was familiar.
“Lieutenant, it’s Doctor Sophie Summers.”
Sophie? If it was Sophie, that meant she was home. Back in Coronado. Was it over? Tentatively she raised her eyelids. She squinted again. The lights were so damn bright.
“Hang on. I’ll dim the lights.”
The bright lights overhead went out and Kelly opened her eyes. One fully opened. She only managed a slit with the other as it felt badly swollen. Sophie stood by the bedside. Kelly glanced nervously around the room.
Sophie gripped her hand. “It’s OK. You’re safe. You’re home.”
Kelly couldn't stop her tears falling. Sophie didn’t move, holding her hand and letting her cry it out. Several minutes passed until finally she was spent.
“It’s good to have you back with us, lieutenant.” Sophie smiled.
“Kelly. We’ve known each other long enough, Sophie,” she whispered. Her voice sounded so hoarse. Dex and the team had been in Westside too many times to count over the years and she had gotten to know Sophie very well. She might be head of the emergency room here, but she was also a friend, and it was good to see a friendly face.
“You are not usually my patient,” Sophie said warmly. “But Kelly it is. Do you know where you are?”
“Coronado. I don’t remember...how did I... get here?” Her throat hurt. Sophie took a cup of water with a straw and placed it to her lips. Kelly took a few sips, revelling in the taste of clean water.
“Do you remember where you were?”
Kelly nodded, not wanting to think about it, let alone talk about it.
“A team rescued you and you were transported straight here.”
“Dex.”
“Yes. It was Dex’s team. I assume they had to go and debrief. I’m sure he’ll be here as soon as he can.”
Kelly glanced down and saw her wrist in a cast.
“Your wrist has a small break. You also have two broken ribs. The cuts and bruises on your body have all been treated. But we can discuss everything in more detail when you’re ready.”
Kelly closed her eyes trying not to see the dark, damp cell. Trying not to see Lazir’s face above hers. Her physical injuries would heal, but her mental ones? How would she ever be able to put what he did behind her?
“How is the pain?”
“I don’t feel much right now.”
“Good, the pain meds are working. If it starts to get bad, just let me or a nurse know.”
Kelly stayed quiet.
“You should rest. The drugs will make you drowsy. I’ll leave you for a little bit, but if you need anything, press the red button and a nurse will come. And I mean anything, Kelly. I’ll come back and check on you in a little while.”
Kelly waited until she heard the door close before she reopened her eyes. She moved to sit up, cursing as her ribs protested the movement. Ever so slowly she got upright and shuffled to the adjoining washroom, her legs wobbly, barely supporting her. Switching on the light she waited for her eyes to adjust. As her surroundings came into focus, she leaned against the sink, plucking up the courage to look in the mirror. Seeing her own reflection she gasped, barely recognizing the gaunt, hollow face that stared back. Her hair was a matted mess and those eyes. Lifeless, soulless. With one hand she gingerly lifted the hospital gown, revealing her legs and stomach. Grey, purple, and yellow bruising peppered her skin, together with cuts from the slash of Lazir’s knife. She forced her eyes to her inner thighs but suddenly dropped the gown, unable to continue looking when the image of Lazir on top of her came roaring back. Gripping the sink to steady herself she heard an animalistic howl. Arms grabbed her. She resisted, fighting them off.
“Kelly, it’s Sophie. You’re OK. You’re safe. Let’s get you back to bed.”
Kelly stared at Sophie. The fight left her when she realized the howling sounds had been coming from her. Allowing herself to be led back to the bed, she curled onto her side in a ball, determinedly ignoring the pain.
Sophie was talking and injecting something. She didn’t care. Hopefully, it knocked her out. At least then she wouldn’t have to think about what happened. Didn’t have to see the pitiful, beaten, shadow of a woman she had become.
***
DEX LOVED THIS ISLAND, having lived here all his life. As third generation Navy, living on Coronado, famous for its naval base, made it even more special to him. He belonged here. Home was just a ten-minute drive. Hell, you could drive around the whole island in under an hour.
Steering his truck onto his street, he intended to shower and change before heading to Westside. He was desperate to see Kelly, but he also needed a shower and a little time to process his conversation with Joe. A review board? Possibly a court martial? What the hell? He knew ignoring the order to stand down would call for punishment but damn, the mission had been a success.
He passed by Kelly’s house, just a few doors down from his. Like him, she lived in the same house where she was raised. Alone. Dex at least still lived with his father, who now toured the country as part of a Navy recruitment program and loved every minute of it. With his father’s travel and his deployment and missions, they were rarely home together.
At home, Dex showered, changed, and was ready to head to Westside when his cell rang.
“Hey, pops.”
“How’s Kelly?” Matt Dawson’s deep no-nonsense voice boomed in his ear.
“How the hell do you know about that?”
“Really? I might be old, but my eyes and ears are still functioning.”
Dex mentally rolled his eyes “She’s at the hospital. I’m just heading there now.”
“But how is she really?”
Letting out a sigh he sat down on his front step. “I don’t know. She hasn’t spoken. When I found her, she didn’t even recognize me.”
“I’m sorry, son. I know how hard this must be on you.”
“The thought of what she suffered... I can’t.” Tears stung his eyes. The last couple of days finally catching up to him, reality hit hard like a slap in the face.
“She’s trained for this, Dex. Yes, it’s going to be tough, but she’s got you, and that girl is strong.”
“I’m not so sure. What if she was...” Fuck, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. “There’s no training for that.”
His dad stayed silent.
“How do I help her through it?”
“I’m going to come home.”
“There’s no need. I can handle it.”
“I know you can. But I love that girl too.”
“Pops, it’s fine. I’m OK. Stay there. I’ll keep you posted.” Dex closed his eyes. “I take it you heard what happened?” he asked quietly.
“You taking it upon yourself to go and get her? Yes, I heard.”
This time Dex stayed silent, feeling ten years old again and being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. His father had never had an NJP during his entire career, something he often reminded Dex of.
“What did Joe say?”
“It’s out of his hands. A review board will decide.”
After a long pause, Dex’s father spoke again.
“We can talk about it when I get home. I have to go but give Kelly my love.”
The call ended and Dex hung his head. They’d had heated discussions about Dex’s misconduct before. It didn’t matter how justified Dex believed his actions were, his father would not accept there was ever a good enough reason. They agreed to disagree, but Pops still managed to make him feel two feet tall at times.
Climbing into his truck, he started out toward Westside. His cell rang again. Ryan.
“Dex, where are you? I tried to see Kelly, but they won’t let me in. I thought you’d be here.”
“On my way to see her. Maybe they’re restricting visitors. I’m sure Sophie will let me in. You spoke to Joe yet?”
“I’m with the team now, waiting to see him. How did it go with you?”
Dex gripped the wheel. “Not good. Look, I’m on a no-contact order with you and the team.”
“What the fuck?”
“I can’t discuss it, Ryan. Joe will bring you guys up to speed.”
“Jesus, Dex, we brought her home.”
“I know. And maybe that will be enough, but there will be a full review. Until that’s completed, I’m suspended. Ryan, we need to follow the rules here. Tell the truth and no contact. Make sure the team understands that, OK?”
“I don’t like it, but yeah, OK.”
***
“ARE YOU SURE SHE MEANT me as well?”
Dex had been stopped at the hospital reception. He smiled at the nurse, cheeks pinched and tight as he tried to remember she was probably following someone’s orders. Damn it. He just wanted to see Kelly.
Inhaling and exhaling, he asked as calmly as possible, “Could you please go and ask her?”
“Dexter?”
Dex swung round at the sound of Doctor Summers’s voice.
“Sophie, thank God. They won’t let me in.”
More times than he cared to remember, Sophie had patched him and his team up. But she wasn’t smiling, and Dex felt his heart squeeze in his chest with anxiety. Her voice was quiet but direct when she said, “Why don’t we go somewhere more private?”
Without waiting for him to answer, she led him to an empty treatment room.
“What’s going on? Did something happen?” Dex barely waited for Sophie to close the door, fear slicing through him.
“Nothing’s happened. Kelly’s asked for some time alone. No visitors. Including you.”
Dex stared at her in disbelief. What the hell? Didn’t this day just get better and better.
“I don’t get it Sophie?” He threw his hands up in the air.
“Right now, she isn’t herself. What she’s been through, she’s still re-living that in her head every second, feeling a whole mix of emotions. Dex, you of all people must understand that.”
He did. That’s why he wanted to see her. They got each other through everything.
“I want to be there for her. I need her to know nothing’s changed between us. Jeez, Sophie, she shouldn’t be doing this alone. She needs me and I need her!” He punched the wall, momentarily losing his cool.
“Give her time. This has to be on her timeline.” Sophie remained unfazed by his actions.
He sighed, knowing she was right. This needed to be about Kelly, not him.
“I’m sorry. Can you at least tell me how bad her injuries are?”
“As you saw, there are many lacerations over her body. Bruising, bites, knife wounds. Some were badly infected. I’ve treated them, and they won’t take long to heal. Some will leave scars, but most of them will fade in time. Her wrist has a small break, which I’ve set in a cast, and she has two broken ribs, now strapped.”
Dex’s jaw tightened; his fists clenched as he listened. The pain she must have endured, scared and alone.
“Has she spoken about what happened?”
“No. She isn't ready to talk about it yet.”
“Was she...” He needed to know; it was killing him.
“Dex, I can’t tell you that.”
She just had though. The look on Sophie’s face said it all. Dex’s heart sank to his stomach as the mental image played out in his head. Lazir, and God knows who else, raping the woman he loved.
Sophie put a hand on his arm. “Listen, feel free to check in with me. Anytime.”
“I feel so helpless Sophie. I want to fix it.” Sinking into a chair, he braced his forearms on his thighs, head down.
Sophie’s voice was sympathetic. “That’s the operator in you. You’re used to fixing things, making things right, on your terms. Kelly’s not an op.”
He couldn’t help but smile weakly. She’d nailed it.
“That obvious, huh?” He looked up at her.
“Dex, I’m surrounded by operators every day. You all want to work the problem. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Just look at it this way. Kelly needs to work this problem, however long that might take.”
“That’s the part I’m going to struggle with. I’m not really the patient type.”
“If you really care about her, you’ll have to be.”
What choice did he have? He loved her, he would give her the space she needed, then when she asked, he would be right by her side every step of the way.
***
DEX LEFT WESTSIDE AND headed back home. Parked in his driveway, he leaned back against the headrest and closed his eyes. How could so much change within a few days? What the fuck was he going to do if they busted him down a rank or two? He’d given his everything to become a SEAL. A Lieutenant Commander. Years of training and pushing himself way past his limits. Long deployments. Too many missions to count. It’s what he lived for, and he wasn’t anywhere near ready to stop yet.
He absently waved at the kid delivering the free paper as he went inside his house. Exhaustion was setting in, physically and mentally; he was drained. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he climbed into the hammock on the back deck. His body craved rest. Their last op had been grueling enough, with minimal down time and sleep. Then he'd come back and spun up again. Beyond tired, his mind was reeling.
Physical pain he could handle. Hell, the training they did meant it barely registered. He could handle everything the Navy threw at him, and he did, time and time again. People knew his name, his reputation preceding him. Yeah, he was aware some regarded him as the cocky, confident SEAL team leader. He was still human. That tough guy had crumbled today. For the second time in his life, he felt totally helpless, and he despised that feeling.
The first time helplessness hit him was when his mom died. He’d had Kelly, his best friend, to help him through it. With her, he could lay that armor down anytime. She always broke through the team leader stoicism. For her, he wasn’t afraid to let his guard down, be vulnerable. Not being able to see her? Christ, it felt like his right arm had been cut off. It hurt like hell.
God, he was in love with her. He’d always loved her, but now he was in love. Totally. Overwhelmingly. Why did it take something like this to happen to realize what he had? How damn lucky he was that she chose him? He’d taken what they had for granted. Not intentionally maybe, but she’d always been there, and he’d assumed she always would be. That confident side of him making assumptions. Well, that confidence had taken a huge hit these last couple of days.
All of Bravo team was dead. They all said goodbye to the people they cared about, never to see them again. He knew the names of everyone on that team and had met some of their families. Now they were gone. The finality of that hit home.
They hadn’t been invincible, and neither was he. So easily, it could have been his team, and him. It was time to stop taking what he had for granted. Everything can change in an instant and if ever there was a wake-up call, this was it.
If only he could see her...he needed to see her. The alpha-male, primal tier-one operator in him, wanted to go back to Westside, force his way into her room, take away her pain, protect her, and never let her out of his damn sight again. Like Sophie said, he wanted to fix it. He sighed. That wouldn’t be smart. Climbing out of the hammock he sought another beer.