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“Good morning, Kelly, did you manage to get some sleep?” Sophie held out a coffee. No hospital crap but a proper coffee from the stand down the street.
“Some.” She accepted the coffee gratefully. “Thanks, Sophie.”
“That’s good. I want to check you over, OK?”
Kelly nodded, sipping her drink as she watched Sophie peel back bandages and inspect the wounds. She’d been moved from the ER to a private room and Sophie had been allowed to remain as her doctor at her request when Kelly had freaked out at the thought of having anyone else touch her.
“It’s only been a few days, but they’re healing nicely. Give it a week, most of these bandages should be able to come off.” Sophie smiled encouragingly.
Following her meltdown in front of the mirror, Sophie had persuaded Kelly to let her help her to take a bath. Afterwards, with Sophie’s support, she’d insisted on going before the mirror again, but this time Sophie had stood with her, talking through her injuries. It had been tough, but surprisingly she’d held herself together.
“Kelly, I know you don’t want to talk about anything yet, but the Navy is insisting on a debrief. I gather the situation is a little time-sensitive, and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold them off.”
“I understand. Probably better to get it over with.” The last thing she wanted was to relive it all to people she barely knew, but there was no way out of it. This was standard procedure, and she understood the need to gather all information.
“I’ll have them do it here, and I will be in the room if you like. That way I can put a stop to it if it gets too much.”
“Whatever you think is best.” Kelly sipped her coffee. She didn’t care. Nothing mattered any more.
“Dexter has been asking after you. He checks in with me every day and is desperate to come and see you.”
At the sound of his name, tears welled, threatening to roll down her cheeks. She swallowed them down, shaking her head. “No. Not yet.”
He couldn’t see her in this state. Weak, dirty, damaged. She loved him too much. He deserved so much more than she could give him now. There was no taking back what happened in Daram. She was not the same woman.
“OK.” Sophie finished her exam, pulling off her gloves. “I’m arranging for someone to come and talk to you. Her name is Claire.”
“A shrink?” Great. Another stranger to talk to.
“I prefer the word therapist. You need to talk to someone, Kelly. It’s important. Part of the recovery process. The first step to moving on.”
Kelly shrugged. Move on? Yeah right, how do you move on from what she’d been through? It haunted her every minute of every day. Lazir’s face above hers as he drove into her. The smell of him, the feel of his body on top of her. They were kidding themselves if they thought she would ever move on from this.
“I guess I don’t really have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice. But as your doctor and as your friend, I’m asking you to give this a try. I know Claire very well, and I think you’ll be surprised.”
She nodded. No strength to argue. It was obvious she wouldn’t win anyway.
“You’ve not mentioned family or friends. I know you said no visitors but is there anyone I can call for you? Someone to be here with you. Parents?”
Kelly shook her head. “No. There all gone now.” Dex and the Navy had been her family. But now she couldn’t face them. She swallowed, feeling very much alone and scared. There was nothing left. Her life as she knew it was over.
***
DEX GLIDED THOUGH THE waves, his strong arms cutting through the water with ease. When going through BUD/S, there was no choice other than to make the water your friend. You got up close and personal with the ocean in the worst possible way. The result, the water felt like home. It was familiar, comforting and right now, keeping him busy. Not used to having this much time on his hands, he was thinking way too much, and it sucked.
It had been a week of checking in with Sophie regularly. Each time he hoped Kelly would change her mind and let him visit. This morning he’d gone back to Westside for the fourth time. Once again, he had been stopped from going in.
“Dex, she’s not ready. I told you I would call you if she changes her mind.” Sophie had been firm.
“When will that be? I need to talk to her.”
“This isn’t about what you need. It’s about what Kelly needs.”
Sophie wouldn’t even tell him what room she was in. With the security at the hospital there was no chance of roaming the halls trying to find her.
“I get that. Damn, Sophie, we need each other. We always have. This shouldn’t be any different. When things get rough, we lean on each other.”
Sophie put her hands on her hips, clearly getting a little frustrated with him.
“Dex, I respect you a great deal. But there is no leaning on Kelly right now and probably won’t be for a long time. If she chooses to see you, I will let you know. You need to accept that. I’m not sure what you are expecting here, or what’s going on with you, but if you can’t understand that then you are not the man I thought you were.”
Dex had left before he made things worse. Neither Kelly nor Sophie had any idea about the review, and it wasn't like he could tell Sophie about it.
Walking slowly out of the water, he looked up to see Ryan standing on his back deck.
“Hey, just wanted to make sure you were still alive. You’ve been ditching my calls and texts.” Ryan handed him his towel.
“You know the rules, Ryan. I’m not meant to have any contact with you until after the hearing. You shouldn’t be here.” But, man, it was good to see him. This man was his brother in all but blood.
Ryan raised his eyebrows. “And since when were you such a rule follower?”
“Since my career is hanging by a thread.” Slinging the towel over the back of the chair, he sighed. “Do you want a beer?”
Ryan grinned. “Thought you’d never ask.”
Pulling on a t-shirt, Dex grabbed two beers from the kitchen, going back out to the deck where Ryan had made himself comfortable.
“They’re still talking to the whole team. Have you spoken to them yet?” Ryan took his beer.
“Yeah, we’ve had a few conversations. Pretty sure we’ll be having some more. How about you?”
“Yep. Same. Not sure what else I can say. We go over and over the same thing.”
“So long as you told the truth, that’s all that matters. How are the guys?”
“Concerned, but they’re good. We’re doing PT and running training drills for the new guys. You know how we love doing that.”
Dex smiled. He knew all right. He hated running those things too. They were door-kickers, needing to be out in the action, doing what they do best.
“How are you holding up?” The unmistakable concern in his friend’s voice didn’t go unnoticed.
Sitting back, Dex took a long swig of beer before answering.
“I’m OK. Just want to get this over with so I can move on.” In truth, he wasn’t sleeping, anxious about Kelly and his future.
“Bullshit. Stop being team leader. I'm here as your friend, man. This can’t be easy.”
“Of course, it’s not fucking easy,” Dex barked. “But I’ll handle it. I don’t need a babysitter.”
Ryan held up his hands in surrender. At once, Dex regretted snapping at him.
“Sorry, man. You’re right. It’s not easy.”
“Maybe it will be a slap on the wrist. We did bring Kelly home.”
Dex sighed. “My gut’s telling me otherwise. And this time I dragged you guys down with me.”
“You didn’t drag us anywhere. Everyone one of us was on board with the decision, and we would do it again.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Ryan spoke again.
“How is Kelly? I tried to see her earlier, but they still wouldn’t let me in.”
“Yeah, she’s not taking any visitors.”
“Not even you?”
“Not even me.”
“Fuck, I had no idea.”
Dex looked at his friend. “Sophie said she’s improving; has done the debrief. She needs time to process everything. I need to be patient.”
“And patience isn’t really your thing.”
“I have no choice with this one. You want the truth? It’s fucking tough, Ryan. It’s killing me that I’m not there. That she won’t let me in when we really need each other.”
“She loves you, buddy. Give her time.”
“Do you have any idea how many people have said that to me.” Downing the last of his beer, Dex stood up. “Do you want another?”
Ryan glanced at his watch. “No, I better get going. I’m running a night drill.”
“I feel sorry for them already.” Dex managed to grin.
“Yeah, they’re in for a long night. Nothing you and I haven't done a hundred times before.” He placed a hand on Dex’s shoulder. “You need anything, fuck the rules. I’m right here. We’re more than teammates and you know it.”
“Thanks, I appreciate you coming by.”
After Ryan left, Dex took out his phone, trying to decide if he should call Kelly. He had so much he wanted to say but to do it by phone didn’t seem right. Would she even pick up? The sound of a car pulling up outside stopped him from doing anything. The front door opened before he reached it.
He might be retired, but Matthew Dawson was still every inch a Navy man. He stood tall, his solid frame filling the doorway. A broad smile on his face.
“Pops?”
“Hello, son.”
Dex stepped forward and gave his old man a hug. It was so good to see him. “Welcome home.”
***
SITTING ON THE BACK deck eating takeout, Matthew Dawson watched his son. Dark circles under his eyes, body tense. This whole situation was taking a clear toll on him. It had been the right decision to come home.
They kept the conversation light as they ate, the father-son bond still felt unbelievably strong. They had always been close, even with him deployed and away for weeks at a time through Dex’s childhood. After his wife died, their relationship had strengthened further. They might often be in different countries, different time zones, but they talked regularly.
“So, Kelly still won’t see you?”
“Not just me. She won’t see anyone.”
“Perhaps I should try.”
Dex shrugged. “You can. I don’t hold out much hope. She wouldn’t see Ryan either and she thinks of him as her brother.”
“I’m not a part of your team and I’m more of a father figure. I’ll try tomorrow.”
“I’m thinking about calling her.” Dex tapped his fingers on the chair. “If I can’t see her, maybe I can talk to her.”
“No guarantee she will answer.”
“Then I keep trying. I have to do something. It’s been over a week!” He slammed his hand down on the chair, his frustration clear.
“Just give her time.”
“Jesus Christ, if one more person tells me to give her time...” Matt raised his eyebrows at his son’s tone. “I’m sorry. It’s just...”
Matt interrupted him. “Listen, I'm sure you’ve heard this already too, but this is about Kelly. However much you’re hurting, you can bet she’s hurting more right now.”
“That's why it’s so hard.” His voice caught on the words. “All the shit we’ve been through growing up, we always had each other’s back.”
“I know and she knows it too. She’ll come around.”
Dex didn’t respond.
“So, the review hearing. When is it?”
“Not got a date yet.”
“They don’t usually wait around on these things.”
Dex shrugged. “They’ve been doing debriefs with everyone. I’m sure it will happen soon. It’s not like I can deny it. I did this.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I love you, Pops, but I don’t need a lecture on my behavior right now.”
“No lecture. But why did you do it? I understand a team were just hours away.” Matt loved his son, but this wasn't the first time Dex had disobeyed an order or bent the rules. He did not get that trait from him.
“We were the closest team. She’d been there four days. Hours mattered.”
“Did they?”
“Yes, they did!” Dex jumped out of his chair, pacing the deck. “It was Kelly. She was raped, tortured. Who knows what else those bastards would have done to her in those extra time it would have taken the black ops team to get there. I couldn’t let her suffer any longer than necessary.”
Though Matt started to speak, Dex cut him off.
“Pops let’s agree to disagree like we always do. My service record is not perfect like yours, and it never will be. But I do not regret what I did. If I saved her from even a few minutes more of torture, or worse, a live execution, it was worth it.” Dex sighed and started clearing away the takeout cartons.
“Rules and orders are there to protect you and your team. But you are a grown man who makes his own decisions, and you have no choice but to accept the consequences. And regardless of my beliefs, you are my son, and I will always be here for you. No matter what happens.”
Dex finished tying up the bag of garbage, calmer now. “Alpha is my team. My family. You know what that’s like. If I can’t lead them or if my actions break up the team, I’m not sure what I’ll do.”
Matt did understand. The bond between teammates was like no other. He watched his only son pick up the bag and walk into the house, wishing he could make this go away. He could make some calls, and he’d given it some serious thought. But this was Dex’s fight. His boy was a grown-ass man and was going to have to handle whatever the Navy decided. All he could do right now, is be here for him.