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Kelly got out of the car, relieved to finally be out of Westside although nervous at what comes next.
“Let me help you in with the groceries.” Sophie gently pushed her away from the trunk.
“Thanks.” Her ribs and wrist still prevented her from lifting.
Sophie had announced she could be discharged this morning and offered to drive her home at the end of her shift. She’d even picked up some groceries, so Kelly didn’t have to think about it quite yet. The woman was an angel.
“How does it feel being out of the hospital?”
Sophie put the bag of food on the kitchen counter. “A little scary, I’m not going to lie. But also some relief. Fresh air, my own bed.”
“That’s good. You know if you need anything you can call me.”
“Thanks, Sophie. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You’ve been more than just my doctor.”
“Well, that base is eighty percent men. Us girls have got to stick together!” Sophie grinned as she began unloading the bags.
Kelly glanced around the kitchen. “Shit, I left my phone in your car.”
“I’ll get it.”
“No, Sophie, it’s fine. I’m not completely useless. I’ll get it.”
Slowly she walked back out to Sophie’s car. Sure enough, her phone was on the seat.
“Kelly?”
She froze at the familiar voice. Turning, her throat went dry at the sight of him walking toward her in shorts and a t-shirt. He was sweating and looked like he’d been out on a run.
“It’s good to see you out of the hospital.” Dex smiled. The smile that usually melted her. Not this time.
He was still walking toward her, getting closer. She couldn’t do this. Pressing a palm against her chest, she shrank back, holding up her hand to stop him, shaking her head.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
He stopped a few feet from her, his face full of concern.
“Kelly? What’s going on? I just want to talk to you.”
Her heart pounded, palms sweating as panic threatened to overwhelm her. She was not prepared to have this conversation now.
“Did you get my voicemail?”
It felt like he was pushing. She shook her head and breathed deeply, forcing her heart rate to slow down.
“I’m here for you. I know what you must be going through.”
She stiffened. The words triggered something deep inside her. Anger she’d been bottling up broke through her panic.
She snapped, “You have no fucking idea, what I’m going through!”
“Kelly, I love you. Stop pushing me away.”
As quickly as her anger arrived, it disappeared. Tears welled up in her eyes. Damn, she’d wanted to hear those words for so long. She backed away from him, frustrated that she couldn’t move quicker.
“If you really love me, Dex, you’ll leave.”
Like magic, Sophie appeared. “I got this, Kelly. Go inside.” Kelly didn’t argue, heading into the house.
“God dammit, Dex. What part of she’s not ready to see you do you not understand?”
***
“I’M NOT LEAVING THINGS like this.” Dex stepped around Sophie, but she blocked him.
“Obviously, I can't physically stop you. But if you go in there now, you’ll only make things worse.” He stood over a foot taller than Sophie. He glared down at her, angry and frustrated, setting his mouth in a grim line. Fuck, they couldn’t leave things like this.
More calmly, he said, “I have to talk to her.”
“Dex, nothing's changed since the hospital. She doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”
“For how long? I can’t stand this.”
“For as long as she decides.” Sophie held his gaze, despite him dwarfing her with his size. He stepped back raking his hands over his head.
“OK. I hear you.”
“Good.” Placing a hand on his forearm she squeezed gently. “I know how much you care about her. You have to be patient,” she said more softly.
“She’s been discharged. How will she manage? The ribs, her wrist?”
“She’s mobile enough to get about the house. It’s been three weeks. Everything is healing well. A nurse will be stopping by daily to check on her. If there are any problems or she’s not managing, we’ll re-evaluate.”
“But what about food, shopping, all that shit?”
“I’ve stocked her up and will make sure she has what she needs. There is also online delivery, Dex. She’ll be OK. If I didn’t think she would be, I wouldn’t have discharged her.”
Dex stared up at the house. Knowing she was right there, a few feet away and he couldn’t see her, talk to her, was crushing him.
“She looked so scared, Sophie. I didn’t expect that.”
“She is scared.”
“Of me?” He snapped his eyes back to her, not hiding his shock.
“Of what life is going to be like now.”
Hell, he hadn’t thought about that. This past three weeks all he could think was that if he got to see her, talk to her, everything would be OK. They would work their way back to how things were. But would they?
“Dex, promise me you won’t come back here. Not until she invites you.”
Dex’s body sagged as reality swept through him. Things weren't going to be the same, ever.
He said softly, “I promise. I won’t come back here. I’ll give her all the time she needs.” Slowly he turned and walked away.
***
“HOW ARE THE NIGHTMARES?”
Kelly shrugged. “Some nights are worse than others.”
Claire sat at the opposite end of the couch in Kelly's family room.
“And have you been out?”
“A few walks along the beach.”
Going anywhere made her anxious more than she wanted to admit. She had combat training, could defend herself, but when she was alone, strangers made her uneasy.
“That’s good. It’s only been a few weeks. Small steps. One day at a time,” Claire said encouragingly. “Is there anything specific you want to talk about today?”
Kelly shook her head. They’d talked about when she was taken, about Lazir, the torture and, in the last session, the rape itself. Initially Kelly hadn’t wanted to go over it again, but this was different. With the debrief, it had all been about the facts. With Claire, it was more about feelings and for the first time, she’d confessed about how dirty, damaged and disgusted she felt about herself. It had been somewhat of a relief to express it, especially when Claire didn’t try to dismiss how she was feeling.
“Why don’t you tell me about how you were rescued?”
Kelly picked up her mug of tea and took a sip before answering.
“I don’t remember too much about it.”
“Tell me what you do remember.” Claire settled back against the couch, sipping her own drink.
Closing her eyes, Kelly was at once transported back to the dirty dark cell. The same place that haunted her at night when she tried to sleep.
“I remember hearing a lot of noise. Gunshots, I think. Voices. Banging. I tuned out. It was how I was coping with...” She trailed off, not able to say it.
Claire had no such reserves. “The rape?” she supplied when Kelly was silent for obviously too long.
Kelly exhaled. “Uh huh. It had just happened. I sensed someone come into the room, but it didn’t really register. There was a bright light and then I felt a hand on my neck, and I jumped. A man was there, but I didn’t recognize him. It was dark. I was scared. I thought it was about to happen again.”
“But it wasn’t Lazir, or his men?”
“No. The man was speaking, and I heard the American accent, but didn’t comprehend what he was saying. It was like I was on the outside looking in on a silent movie. It’s difficult to explain.”
“You’re doing great.”
“The man was moving, and then he placed something in front of me. He said something about home. I remember hearing that word and thinking: American, home.”
“Did you understand he was there to rescue you?”
“I didn’t, but something resonated. He wasn’t touching me or trying to hurt me. He’d put his shirt in front of me and I managed to put it on. Then he picked me up and I wanted to fight. But I was so tired, and everything hurt. I didn’t have the strength to fight. I gave in and let him carry me out, not really knowing where I was going.”
“Do you recall what you felt when he picked you up.”
Kelly opened her eyes and put down her mug. “I honestly don’t remember. I’m not sure I cared what was happening at that point. But something felt right, felt familiar.”
“What happened after that?”
“The next thing I remember was someone putting cream or something on my cuts. I guess I was on the plane by this time. I could hear the engine noise, hear voices but was too afraid to open my eyes, worried it was a dream.” She was ringing her hands, to stop them shaking. It was all so vivid.
“But it still felt right?”
“Yeah. It did. And then his voice became clear. He was saying my name. It was Dex. I opened my eyes, and it was him.” Kelly choked, tears streaming down her face.
Claire reached over, handed her a box of tissues and squeezed her hand gently. Kelly swiped at her tears, embarrassed to be so emotional.
“Kelly, it’s OK to cry. It’s good to get it out.”
“I hate feeling this way.”
“What way?”
“An emotional wreck. Weak.”
“You think you’re weak?”
“Of course I am. Look at me. I’m trained to handle tough situations. I couldn’t fight Lazir off. I let him do what he did and now I’m getting upset over every little thing. Yes, I’m weak.” She blew her nose, sinking back against the couch.
“There is no training for rape. And the captivity you endured, that shows strength not weakness. You were outnumbered, unarmed, and restrained. You are not to blame for what happened to you. You did fight. You were tough and because of that you survived. Getting upset now is normal. I’d be worried if you weren’t.”
“I didn’t want to survive, Claire. I wanted to die. I was so happy to see Dex when I realized it was him, but now all I can think about is that I wished I’d died there because I don’t want to deal with this.”
“I can understand that. I’m not going to sit here and say I know how hard it is because I can’t know. I’ve not been through what you have. What I can tell you is that I have sat opposite other women who have been through similar experiences, and they have gone on to lead happy, fulfilled lives. It can be done. But you have to want it.”
“I want to go back to who I was before. I was so happy, Claire. I had a career I loved, a man I loved. How can I get that back? I am never going to be the same woman. And who would want me? I’m a rape victim. I can’t imagine being with a man again, or a man ever wanting me.” At some point during her rant, she’d stood up, waving her hands. She stopped now, her shoulders sagging. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s good you’re being honest.”
“Can you see why I wished I was dead?” She slumped back down on the couch, head in hands.
“Kelly, do you think about hurting yourself?”
Kelly snapped her head up. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it, but she also knew she wouldn’t do it.
“No. Dying in Daram is what I meant. Taking my own life? It crossed my mind briefly but, no, despite how much this sucks, I would never do that. Although if someone had offered me a way out in Daram, I might have taken it.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I was beginning to think I might need to move in here to keep an eye on you.” Claire winked and Kelly smiled weakly.
“No, I promise. I’m not going to do anything.”
“Why not?”
Kelly’s eyes widened, startled by the question. “What do you mean?”
“I know it’s a weird question, but you said it crossed your mind. What dismissed the brief thought?”
Kelly paused. She’d never really thought about it that way. It was wrong to take your own life, but was that why she didn’t consider it? Partly, but it was more about not letting Lazir win.
“If I take my own life, Lazir wins. That fucker isn’t going to win.” The thought of that evil bastard believing he destroyed her made her angry.
Claire smiled and Kelly looked at her even more quizzically.
“And that’s the Kelly that I’ve heard so much about. The fighter. Do you recognize her?”
Kelly went to speak but stopped. Hell, she didn’t want Lazir to win. She wanted the bastard to die or be imprisoned in a black hole somewhere for the rest of his life.
“Kelly, if you had died in Daram, he would have won. You didn’t. You were rescued, you survived. He didn’t win. He didn’t beat you. Every time you feel like you can’t get through this, remember what you just said to me. That fucker isn’t going to win.”
Kelly managed a tentative smile. The smallest seed of hope settled in her heart. She’d felt nothing but fear, worry, disgust and despair since arriving at Westside. To feel anger felt good. Maybe there was a way back from this. But back to what?
“OK, so we’ve figured out I don’t want that fucker to win. So, what now?”
“I think it’s time we talked about Dex.”
Kelly stood up abruptly, picking up both mugs. “I’ll make another drink.”
She needed a distraction to gather her thoughts. Talk about Dex? What would she say. She wasn’t sure what she felt about him.
You love him. You’ve always loved him.
Yeah, she did. But they didn’t exactly have a conventional relationship and now it was too late. He deserved better than her. A woman that could love emotionally and physically because she wasn’t capable of either and despite what Claire said, wasn’t sure she ever would be.
She finished making the drinks and took them back to the lounge.
“Fancy sitting outside for a bit? I could use a little fresh air,” Claire suggested.
“Sure.”
They settled in the two Muskoka chairs on the deck, with a clear view of the small sandy beach and beautiful ocean. There was a light breeze, gentle waves lapping at the shore. It reminded her of Cuba.
“Dex, the man trying to see you at the hospital, was with the team that rescued you.”
“He’s the team leader.”
“I think he’s also more than that, am I right?”
Kelly hugged her mug in her hands, staring out at the ocean.
“Yes. He’s always been in my life. We were best friends growing up and then we became more about six years ago.”
“So, you’re in a relationship?”
Kelly kept her gaze on the ocean. “I guess we were. It’s difficult with our careers. Training, deployments, missions. We met up whenever we could, but it’s not like we dated. It was just...hell, I’m not sure what it was.”
“Do you love him?”
Kelly closed her eyes to stop the tears that threatened. Again. She did love him. It would be so much easier if she didn’t, but she couldn’t just flip a switch. She had not dated or seen anyone else in six years. Didn’t want anyone else. She was in love with him, couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. But they never talked about love, about what they had. She wanted more. But he loved what he did. His team meant everything to him. It didn’t really leave much time for her, so she settled for second best and what they had rather than risk asking for more. Perhaps that was a good thing now. She could no longer offer him anything.
“Yes, I love him. We have a long history.”
“When’s the last time you spoke to him?”
“The day I came home. I refused to see him at Westside. I needed time. I wasn’t prepared to see him that day at the house either. I got upset.” She turned to look at Claire. “I hurt him; I know I did.”
“You asked him to leave?”
“Yes. Sophie was here. She spoke with him.” Kelly dabbed her eyes with a soggy tissue. “It’s for his own good. I don’t want his pity. I don’t want him to stay with me because he feels some kind of obligation. I am not the same. Never will be. He needs a real woman. That’s not me.” She sighed, sipping her tea.
“That’s a lot of assumptions. If you haven’t spoken to him, how do you know what he’s feeling? You do have a long history. You were in a relationship, not necessarily the most conventional, but all those years of friendship. Six years of being intimate. That’s a relationship. Do you really want to cut him out of your life completely?”
Kelly didn’t answer. Instead she watched the waves breaking softly on the sand, letting it lull her into a trance. Cutting him out was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? Let him get on with his life without her?
“Just think about it, Kelly. He’s a big part of your life. He came to rescue you, risked his life...”
“That’s his job.” Kelly cut in. It was the truth. He would have been ordered to rescue her. He couldn’t exactly say no. It’s exactly the sort of op SEALs did.
“He also continually tried to see you at the hospital. Sounds like he still wants you in his life. You were best friends. Wouldn’t it be nice to have your best friend supporting you right now?”
Kelly shook her head. “When we slept together, we crossed the line from best friends. There’s no going back.”
“What about no letting that fucker Lazir win? Ruining your lifelong friendship, isn’t that letting him win?”
Kelly didn’t shift her gaze from the waves to Claire. “Yes. I guess Lazir does win after all.” She stood up, the earlier spark of hope erased. “Can we leave it at that today? I’m tired.”
“Of course. But, Kelly, think about what I said. You will need support. More than just me. And I imagine Dex and his team are just like other teams I’ve worked with. If you are a part of Dex’s life, then they think of you as one of their team family. Am I right?”
Kelly nodded. She did miss them. Ryan, who she thought of as a brother, and the rest of the boys with their easy banter. They’d always treated her as family.
“Don’t give up on that. Don’t underestimate them. You may not be ready yet, but when you are, I have every confidence the whole team would be there for you. And as for Dex. You are in control of that. Not him. This is about you. You're worried about seeing him because you’re thinking you can’t have what you had. Maybe you can, maybe you can’t. All you need to worry about is today, then tomorrow. And if you decide you want to talk to him, you set the ground rules, the boundaries. If he cares about you as much as he appears to, he’ll respect them.”
Claire stood.
“I’ll let myself out. If you need to talk before our next session, just call me, OK?”
Kelly nodded again, then watched her leave before sinking back down into the chair with a heavy heart. Her gaze instinctively strayed toward Dex’s house. She could just see the back deck from this angle, but he wasn’t out there. She’d been home just over a week now and he hadn’t tried to see her again. Part of her was relieved and, yet, part of her was disappointed. Her conflicting emotions confused the hell out of her. She’d seen him a few times from afar, when she was walking on the beach, or checking her mailbox. He’d been at home almost every day, surprising her. After some R&R time, he should have been back training on base by now. She’d also not noticed any of the team dropping by. That was very weird. Those guys were always dropping by, especially Ryan. The two of them were inseparable.
Her phone rang, making her jump.
Picking it up, she smiled. “Hi, Sophie.”
“Kelly, how are you?”
“I just finished up with Claire. It was a rough one, but I’m OK.”
“I’m sorry. But you know whatever you discussed is better out than in. Talking about some stuff might be hard, but it’s better than bottling it up.”
“Yeah, I know. And Claire’s great,” Kelly reassured her. She meant it. Claire was great. She couldn’t imagine talking to anyone else the way she spoke to Claire.
“I hate to do this to you, but I need to push our lunch tomorrow. Can we do dinner instead?”
They had planned to go to a local, small restaurant. It would be the first time for Kelly getting out into an environment with other people and she felt comfortable doing it with Sophie.
“Of course. Do you have to work?”
There was a pause before Sophie answered, “Sort of. I can’t get out of it though.”
“Well, that’s cryptic. We can do another day if you prefer.”
“No, you wanted to take this step and we are not putting it off. I’m not sure how long I will be, so why don’t I call you when I’m done?”
Something about Sophie’s tone rattled her. “Are you alright, Sophie? Has something happened?”
“No, nothing like that.” Sophie sighed. “I’ve been called as a witness in a hearing on base. Nothing for you to worry about. I shouldn’t be there too long, so as soon as I’m done, I’ll call you. Now, I do have to get back to work. Talk tomorrow.”
“Look forward to it.”
Ending the call, Kelly stared at the phone, an uneasy feeling settling in her stomach.
***
SOPHIE WALKED ALONG the corridor to the hearing room. This was not the first time she’d been asked to speak about a patient at a hearing, but this one felt overly personal. When she had received the call yesterday requesting her attendance, she’d been shocked to discover the hearing was for Dexter Dawson. They had not provided any specifics other than the hearing was to review the actions by Dex that led to Kelly’s rescue.
She turned the corner and bumped into six-foot of muscle.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” She blurted as strong arms steadied her.
“Doctor Summers?”
Sophie looked into the beautiful steel-gray eyes of Ryan Baxter.
“Mr. Baxter. I’m sorry, my mind was elsewhere.” She pulled her eyes away from his nervously and stepped back as he released her arms. God damn it, why was she nervous? Perhaps because Ryan Baxter is tall, blonde, fit and very, very hot.
Oh yeah, she’d noticed him, plenty of times. Westside was filled with perfectly toned muscle. As a doctor, and a professional, generally she barely noticed. Ryan Baxter, she noticed. The man radiated confidence and oozed sex appeal. She pictured his broad shoulders and those muscular tattooed arms. She didn’t even like tattoos, yet she dreamed of his tattooed arms holding her and squeezing her tight against his rock-hard body. Even on the night they’d brought Kelly in, the team were exhausted and worried, yet he’d still looked ridiculously hot and mouth-watering sexy.
She shook her head. Get a grip, woman. He was talking.
“No damage done and serves me right for being engrossed in my phone. What are you doing here?”
“I, er, um...” Seriously, Sophie, pull yourself together! “I’ve been asked to speak at a hearing.”
Ryan arched an eyebrow. “Dex?”
Sophie nodded. “Are you here for the same?”
“Yes. The whole team gave statements, but me and Tyler were asked to attend. I already spoke. Tyler’s still in there.”
“What happened when your team rescued her? I had no idea Dex was in trouble.”
Ryan glanced at the door where the hearing was taking place.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Baxter, you don’t need to answer that. You’re probably not meant to anyway. I was just...” Her voice trailed off when those gorgeous eyes met hers again. Her body responded, nipples hardening against her blouse. OK, this is ridiculous. She cleared her throat.
“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Ryan.” He smiled making her knees weak.
“OK, Ryan. I was just surprised when they called me. I mean you were successful. You brought Kelly home.”
Ryan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. Sophie swallowed at the way the material of his uniform stretched across his muscular arm.
“Look, you’re about to go in there and give evidence, so you’re going to put the pieces together anyway. Dex was told to stand down. It wasn’t our mission. He disobeyed the order, and we went and got her anyway.”
“But you were successful. What does it matter?”
“Welcome to the Navy, Doctor Summers,” he said, without smiling.
“Please call me Sophie.”
The door opened and Sophie recognized Tyler as he stepped out.
“Doctor Summers?”
“Sophie has been called to speak too.” Ryan filled him in.
“Makes sense,” Tyler said. “They asked me about her condition, physically, mentally. I guess they want to compare that to your findings.” Tyler paused. “And we probably shouldn’t be discussing this.”
“You’re right. We shouldn’t,” Sophie agreed.
“How is Kelly? I heard she’s been discharged,” Ryan asked.
“Yes. Physically everything is good. I’m sure you understand I can’t discuss anything else.”
“Of course. Is she up for visitors? We’d love to go see her.”
“I’m sure she’ll reach out when she’s ready.”
“I hope so. I miss her. We all do.”
Sophie smiled to herself. He really cared about Kelly; it melted her heart a little bit.
“I didn't realize you and Kelly were so close.”
“I met her when I was eighteen. Regardless of what’s happened, she’s family. That’s not going to change.”
Christ, he was going to make her cry. Handsome, hot, and caring. The whole package. Too bad she’d sworn off Navy men. Focus, Sophie, he’s still talking.
“Whatever’s going on between her and Dex, she’ll always be family.”
Sophie looked between the two men. “She has no idea about his hearing, you know that right?”
The expressions on both men’s faces told her they didn’t.
“No one told her? Not during her debrief? Or Dex? I mean I know she wouldn’t see him either, but I thought they might have spoken by phone or something by now.” Ryan frowned.
Sophie shook her head. “No. And as far as I know she hasn’t spoken with Dex at all.” Except for the brief exchange at the house, but they didn’t really count.
“Well, that’s unreal.” Tyler was shaking his head. “We’ve been on a no-contact order, so haven't been able to speak with Dex either.”
“Then I’m glad I told you. Should she reach out, I wouldn’t want her blindsided.”
The door opened and a uniformed man glanced toward them. “Doctor Summers, they’re ready for you.”
Sophie took a few steps forward then stopped, looking back. Ryan was watching her. “Will you let me know the outcome?”
Ryan nodded. “You bet.”
Taking a deep breath, Sophie forced her heart rate to slow down. How could he affect her this much with a simple look? She sighed, chiding herself. Christ, it’s not like the feeling was mutual with him. A man like Ryan could have any woman he wanted, probably had them eating out of his hand. She was just an average-looking, ordinary girl. He’d never given her a second look. Not that it mattered. She’d dated a Navy man once. It hadn’t worked out well. And what with their training, deployments, missions, and her irregular hours, it was just too damn difficult. God, the hours she worked made any relationship difficult. Too bad she wasn't a hook-up kind of girl, because if he ever showed any interest, she would certainly consider a hook-up with Ryan Baxter. She mentally shook herself and refocused as she stepped into the hearing room.
***
KELLY AND SOPHIE SAT on the patio of the small Italian restaurant. It was early evening, the sun was still warm, and the restaurant was close to full. As she looked around, people were enjoying themselves. Cutlery clattering on plates mixed with laughter and conversation. The aromas of freshly prepared food filled the air. It was all so normal. She’d been to this restaurant more times than she could remember, many with Dex. It felt good to be here.
“If you want to leave at any time, just say and we’ll go.” Sophie looked at her with concern. Kelly shifted in her chair. Her ribs still hurt a little and although most of her bruises had faded, some of the cuts were still sore. Despite all that she felt calm, which pleased her. She’d been excited about going out and dreading it all at the same time.
“Thanks, but I’m OK.”
“You sound surprised.”
“I am a little. I thought I’d be more nervous, but I know this restaurant. This feels familiar. It feels right.”
“Well then, how about a little wine?”
Kelly smiled and, damn, it felt good to smile. “That sounds like a plan.”
They ordered a choice of appetizers. During her captivity and hospitalization, she’d lost seven pounds. On her slim build it had been noticeable, leaving her gaunt enough to see the outline of her lower ribs. She was eager to gain the weight back. It would give her strength, but her appetite wasn’t big. So, slow and steady. That seemed to be her mantra these days.
“So, you’ve been home over a week now. What are you filling your days with?” Sophie asked as their drinks were delivered.
“Therapy, nurse visits, walking on the beach. You know, all that exciting stuff.” Kelly rolled her eyes, then she took a sip of her wine, savoring the taste. Mmm, she hadn’t had wine since Cuba. With Dex.
“What else? Come on that doesn’t take up all of your time.”
“I’ve been reading a lot. Binge watching TV. When I get this thing off...” She held up her hand, showing the cast. “I want to swim.”
“Another couple of weeks. By that time, your ribs should be good enough for a gentle swim too.”
“Looking forward to it. I logged into my laptop today, cleared out my inbox. Work emails and stuff. There were some nice messages there.”
Clearing her inbox hadn’t been her primary reason for logging in. Kelly couldn’t let it rest. Ever since her conversation with Sophie yesterday, her mind kept going over the facts. Dex was home. Too much. The team didn’t appear to have come by in a week. Sophie had been called to speak at a hearing. Yes, they could be unrelated, but it seemed unlikely.
Thank God, she had a high security clearance. She’d signed in and started scouring through documents. It took exactly ten minutes to find the document she was looking for.
Lieutenant Commander Dexter Dawson appearing before preliminary review board regarding violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
“Are you thinking about going back to work?” Sophie asked as the server brought their food, bringing Kelly’s attention back.
“I’m going to reach out and have a conversation. The Navy has been great. Told me to take as long as I need, but maybe a routine would be good? Does that make sense?”
“It does make sense. I can only imagine that too much time alone, not doing anything, gives you way too much time to dwell on things.”
“Exactly. I’m hoping I can maybe start doing some work at home and then a gradual return to the base.”
“Sounds like you’re really making progress.”
Sophie filled her plate with appetizers while Kelly picked at a few. They tasted delicious. Then again, everything tasted delicious since she’d got back.
She wanted to ask Sophie about the hearing. Finding the information about Dex had been shocking and unfortunately there were only limited details. Dex disobeyed a direct order from his commanding officer, Joe Johnson, on the day she was rescued. He’d also given orders to his pilot, used military resources? Why would he be in trouble for any of this? Unless...unless he had been ordered not to come and get her? She’d been struggling to make sense of it, and maybe Sophie could fill in some blanks.
“So, how was the hearing today?”
Kelly saw the look of uncertainty flash across Sophie’s face. “It was fine.”
“Is it over?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Do you have to go back?”
Sophie stopped eating and put down her napkin. “Why all the questions?”
Kelly stared at her friend. “It was Dex’s hearing, wasn’t it?” she asked, keeping her voice low.
“Kelly, I can’t discuss a hearing with you.”
“I put the pieces together, Sophie. I found the information. Violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. You can tell me; I have the clearance. It’s something to do with my rescue, isn't it?”
Sophie took a sip of wine. “I don’t know all the details. I was asked questions about your medical condition when you were brought in. That’s it.”
“It’s not the first time he’s crossed a line, but he and Joe always worked it out between them. I don’t understand why rescuing me got him in front of a review board. Please, Sophie, tell me what you know.”
Sophie sighed. “You could always call him, or Ryan, or any of the team.”
Kelly grabbed her glass, sitting back in her chair.
“How would that go? Hey guys, sorry I haven’t talked to you in weeks, but I heard Dex has a hearing. What’s going on? Not sure that would go down so well.” She gulped the last of her wine, then poured herself another glass.
“I think they’d all be happy to hear from you, but OK. I’ll tell you what I know, but it’s not much. The first I heard about the hearing was yesterday. I had no idea it was for Dex and was stunned. When I got there today, Ryan and Tyler were there. They’d been asked to attend too.”
“As witnesses against him?” Kelly put down her glass, the wine no longer tasting so good.
“No. All of us were there to answer questions. Ryan said the team had given statements, but just the two of them were asked to speak. He said something about Dex being on a no-contact order with the team.”
That explained the team not being at the house and Dex was probably suspended. “But why? They rescued me.”
“They did. But Dex was told to stand down. Another team were on route. He disobeyed the order and went to get you anyway.”
Kelly leaned her elbows on the table, lowering her head into her hands. God damn that man. Now it made sense. All eyes would have been on this op, after Bravo being ambushed. Joe would not have been able to keep this inside the team.
“Kelly? Are you alright?”
She lifted her head. No, she wasn’t alright. Even if this wasn't a court martial, Dex could get a formal reprimand or lose his rank. Both would severely affect his career.
“If another team was on route, why did he do it. Why risk it?’
“From what I understand, Alpha team were on their way home from another op and were closer to you than this other team.”
Kelly shook her head slowly. “This could be bad for him, Sophie. You said you don’t think the hearing is over yet?”
“Correct. I asked Ryan to let me know what happens. I haven’t heard from him yet.”
“I have to do something. He can’t be in trouble because of me, I’ll never forgive myself.”
“Dex made the decision; he has to take responsibility.”
Kelly leaned back, all thoughts of food and wine forgotten. She didn’t know what to think.
“Did you see Dex?”
“Yes.”
“How was he?”
“He seemed calm. I couldn’t talk to him, so I can’t tell you much more than that.”
Kelly stared at her plate. Should she call him? Or Ryan maybe? Damn, she needed to do something. This wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be punished for bringing her home, even if he did disobey an order.
“Do you mind if we go? This has been a bit of a shock. I’m sorry to ruin our dinner.”
“Of course, we can go.” Sophie signalled for the bill. “And you haven’t ruined anything. I’m sort of glad you know; I didn’t like keeping this from you but under the circumstances...” Sophie trailed off.
“I get it. I’ve not wanted to talk about him or see him, but hell, I never expected him to be in trouble.”
They settled the bill and Sophie drove her home. After reassuring Sophie she was fine, Kelly went inside, head spinning. She thought about calling Claire but that wouldn’t help Dex. She wanted to help Dex. Whatever was going to happen between them didn’t matter, he didn’t deserve this.
She reached for her phone, about to call Ryan, then stopped. What could he do? The team might be under review too. The red star against her voicemail glared at her. She knew it was Dex’s message from last week that she hadn’t had the courage to listen to yet. Everyone else had texted. Ryan, the rest of the team. She hadn’t answered any of them and now she was feeling incredibly guilty at shutting them out. Before she could change her mind, she dialed into her voicemail.
Hey. Look I know you don't want to see anyone right now and I can only imagine what you’re feeling. But I’m here. I’ll always be here. I want to make sure you know that. There is nothing we cannot get through together. Babe, I love you. I’m not me without you. You have to let me in, babe, please. We can get through this. Everything will be OK. I really wish I could be saying this to you in person and I’m kicking myself for not barging into your hospital room and telling you this before. Whatever your future looks like, I will be right there with you.
Kelly stared at the phone, tears spilling onto the screen. The sound of his voice, so familiar, so tender, so filled with love. How could he still feel that way after everything Lazir had done to her? Her heart ached for him, ached for what they’d had. But love wasn’t enough. The thought of anyone touching her again nauseated her, terrified her.
Whatever your future looks like.
Her future scared the shit out of her. She had no idea what it looked like or if Dex could be any part of it. One day at a time. That’s what Claire kept reminding her of. Do what feels right today. What felt right today was trying to help Dex. Who knew where the two of them would end up, but that didn’t take away from the thirty-one years they had behind them and she was the reason he was in this shit. There had to be a way to help him.
What if she could speak before the board? Sophie said the team had been closer, that’s why Dex had disobeyed. What if she could make them see that the difference in time mattered, perhaps that would help. She could go there tomorrow, demand to speak in front of them. She sank down on to the sofa. Who was she kidding. Could she really do that? See Dex, face the board and answer questions? As much as she wanted too, there was a good chance she would freeze before she got there, no matter her good intentions. Her hands were shaking just thinking about it. There had to be another way. Her attention went to her laptop. She might not be able to speak the words, but she could write them.