‘YOU’RE FREAKING KIDDING ME, right?’ Isabel drew away from the best kiss of her entire life and took a deep breath. ‘What do you mean? You just said you wanted to …’
‘I do want to. I just don’t think we should. It’s late. We’re probably drunk. We have to work tomorrow. And there’s too much baggage and history that sits right here.’ He pointed to the space between them. ‘Getting in the way.’
Instead of feeling frustrated, she felt a rush of affection. God love him, he was trying to do right by her. And okay, well, she had to admit there was a teeny hint of frustration there. Wriggling closer to him, she smiled, relishing the touch of hot bare skin against hers. ‘Oops, that baggage and history just got squashed under my gargantuan ar—’
‘Whoa, Izzy.’ His eyes lit up, the darkness she’d seen momentarily before now gone, replaced with humour and heat. ‘I’ve never seen you like this before.’
‘I’ve never felt like this before.’ It was true. Suddenly so hot, so alive and fired up, Isabel stroked down his naked chest. Abs that she’d never seen before, honed to perfection. Arms so muscled and strong that she felt featherlight and ethereal in his embrace. A sun-kissed chest she wanted to shelter against, to kiss, to lick … She’d never wanted a man so much in her whole life. Truth was, she’d never stopped wanting him.
He was right. What a waste of all those years. Of running and hiding and trying to cover up real deep-down feelings. Of being so, so frightened of falling in love and risking her heart all over again. ‘Don’t stop. We can do this. We can do what we want. Don’t wrap me up in cotton wool, Sean. Don’t treat me any differently to any of your other—’
‘There are no others.’
‘Liar.’ She knew he was attractive to every damned woman he gave five minutes’ attention to and knew, too, through the MMU grapevine, that he had a history of breaking hearts. Couldn’t commit. Never gave a reason why.
‘No. Not any more.’ He frowned but his hand stroked the underside of her breast, sending shivers of desire rippling through her. How could she have lived her whole life never having him again? How could she have survived? Being in his gaze felt as if she’d come home to a warm cocoon after being out in a freezing wilderness. Sure, there were things to work out. A lot of things. But right now, in this room at this moment, it felt so right to be with him.
‘And Vivienne?’
‘For goodness’ sake. She is nothing to me.’
‘In that case …’ she pressed a kiss onto his creased forehead ‘… forget the past.’
Then, she pressed a finger to his mouth to prevent him from speaking as she kissed each of his eyelids. ‘You don’t know me. Not really. You don’t know who I am, what I want, what I need.’ Her finger ran along the top of his lip; she laughed as he tried to nip it with his teeth. ‘Or what I like, Sean.’
‘Izzy …’ There was a warning in his voice.
‘This. Is. New. Everything starts from now.’ A kiss onto the tip of his nose. ‘Hi, my name is Isabel. Isabel, not Izzy. I am an obstetrician and I live in Cambridge, England. I’m here in Paris at a conference and I want to have some extracurricular fun.’
Then she licked across his lips, hungry, greedy for his mouth. ‘I’m very, very pleased to meet you.’ Her hand stroked down his stomach towards a very-pleased-to-see-her erection. She touched the tip and enjoyed the sound his throat made as he growled her name in warning.
‘Isabel, you want to watch what you do with that. It’s got a mind of its own.’
‘How very convenient.’ She bent and licked the tip, then took him full into her mouth ignoring his protestations, and pushing him back against the duvet. She could feel he was holding back a thrust so she sucked down his length again and again, his throaty groans spurring her on. She loved the taste of him, the hard length. She loved that she could make him feel so good.
‘Izzy.’ His hand grasped her hair and she stopped. ‘Isabel. You’d better stop.’
As she paused he shifted position, edging away from her grasp and sucking a nipple into his mouth. Heat shimmied through her. She arched her back, greedy for more, for his mouth on her body, on every part. Hot and wet. His fingers now on her thigh, higher, deeper, sinking into her core. And she was kissing him again, exploring this new taste that was laced with an old memory. His smell that was different yet familiar. His touch … my God, his touch was expert now. He knew just how to take her to the edge and tease. His erection was dangerously, enticingly close, nudging against her opening.
‘You still like this?’ He pressed a fingertip into her rib and she screamed.
‘Stop that! No tickling. Kiss me.’ She didn’t want to relive anything; she wanted to create new experiences, to build fresh memories. She didn’t want to look backwards. She wanted … she wanted him inside her. For a second she was serious, the most serious she’d been in a long time. Made sure she looked deep into his eyes and told him the truth. There had been too many lies between them. ‘I want you, Sean. I want you so much.’
‘Back at ya, kiddo.’ This new kiss was slow and hard, Sean taking his time as he stoked a fire that had smouldered over the last year, burst into roaring flames over the last week and was now burning out of control. She moved against him, feeling the pressure of him, hot and hard, against her thigh.
‘Condom?’ he groaned, his forehead against hers. Eyes gazing down at her, startling in their honesty.
‘Yes.’ She held his gaze. The last time they’d done this had ended in such heartbreak. Was it so stupid to be doing it again? To risk everything once more?
He touched her cheek as if he could read her thoughts, his smile genuine, so loving and tender it almost cracked her heart. When had he become so thoughtful? So sexy and so within reach? When had he become so expert at knowing what a woman needed? When had he changed? Her throat filled because she knew the answer: in those wilderness years, without her.
His voice was soft yet filled with affection that went deeper than sex. ‘It’s okay, Isabel, it won’t happen again. I won’t let it happen again.’
Neither would she. ‘Of course.’ And if a baby did happen again she would tell him, she wouldn’t hide anything from him. This time she’d be honest. ‘In my … in my bag.’
‘In my wallet.’ He reached down, took out a foil, and slipped on the condom. Then he was pushing into her, slow and gentle, and she felt him fill her. So perfect. So complete. She wrapped her legs around his backside to feel him deeper. Harder.
‘Oh, my God, Isabel. You are so perfect. So beautiful.’ He began slow thrusts, his fists holding her wrists above her head, snatching greedy, playful bites at her nipples and her breasts. She felt captured, captivated, possessed by him. This man. This wondrous man whom she had broken as much as she was broken. And yet he put her back together again with this act.
The moves changed and the air charged. He stopped the playfulness as he kissed her hot and hard and wet. Sensation after sensation pulsed through her. She was hanging on by a thin thread. His body tensed; she could feel pressure rising as she met him thrust for thrust, joining the rhythm as he picked up pace.
His eyes didn’t leave hers. His hands didn’t release hers. And as they both shuddered to climax—releasing the tension coiled so deep between them for so long—she wished, God how she wished, she had never let him go.
‘Well, wow.’ Sean shifted to Isabel’s side and stroked her cheek. It was the first time he’d seen her looking so bone-deep relaxed. ‘I wasn’t expecting that.’
‘Me neither.’ She shuffled into the crook of his arm, blonde hair splayed out over the pillow. ‘That was very lovely, thank you.’
‘Your manners are impeccable. Daddy would be proud. You sound very English all of a sudden.’ He pretended to look under the duvet. ‘Where’s my Aussie girl gone?’
‘I’m still here.’ She stroked fingertips gently down his chest, her voice a whisper. ‘I’m here.’
‘So you are.’ Something he’d never believed possible had been possible. He tipped her chin and kissed her again. She returned the kiss eagerly. It had been amazing and surprising that intensity went so deep. A dream. Something he’d imagined for years. Making love into the night, no reason to leave. Hours and hours stretched ahead of them. Days, years. A lifetime. He’d never had the chance to do this before. Time together had been so limited, snatched moments that had ended in disaster.
He felt frustration begin to roll through him. But tried to push it back.
He wondered when he’d be able to stop thinking about the baby. The lie. He wondered if he’d ever be able to truly move on now that he knew, and he realised that moving on was something Isabel had been trying to do when she’d moved to Cambridge. It wasn’t to get away from him; it was to restart her life.
So lying in bed with him probably wasn’t what she’d had planned. Or him, either. In fact, this whole sex thing had pushed them across a line now and made things even less clear than they were before. And even though he’d lain awake in many other women’s beds over the years trying to work out just how to leave, he’d never felt so conflicted about his next step.
Everything he’d said was true. She was perfect. She was beautiful. She was so much more than he’d imagined. And he’d wanted her so badly, for so long. All those years of wondering, of dating other women, of trying to put her behind him. But it had been pointless because the attraction was still there. The need. The visceral tug towards her—even though there was danger with every step.
He wanted to think there could be a future, but he couldn’t get past the fact that she’d treated his heart with so little respect before—would she do the same again? Did he even want to give her the chance? Had it, in the end, just been sex for old times’ sake?
Like he was even going to ask that dumb question. He didn’t want to contemplate what her answer might be.
‘What are you thinking?’ Her voice brought him back to the now.
‘That you, missy, have a very important presentation in a few hours and you need to get rested up before it.’ He started to pull the sheet back ready to make his leave. They both needed time to get their heads around this whole new complication. Well, he did, that was for sure. What did he actually want now? Other than a rerun of ten minutes ago.
But before he could stand up her fingers slowly tiptoed across his thigh. She spoke, her words punctuated by soft kisses down his chest. ‘For some reason … I’m just not … sleepy.’ Her fingers connected with his now growing erection. Because he was, after all, just a red-blooded man with the most beautiful woman in the entire universe lying naked next to him. Oh, and a whole host of emotions swimming across his chest. Yeah, his body still wanted her, regardless of the past. It was his head that was causing trouble.
Her voice was a warm breeze over his skin, tender yet filled with a promise. ‘Don’t know about you, Seany Boy, but exercise always makes me sleep so much better. And short of going downstairs to the hotel gym, I can only think of one kind of exercise we could do at this time of night. You?’
‘Isabel—’ He turned, then, with gargantuan effort, to tell her. To put some distance between his feelings and his needs. But the trill of her mobile phone jolted her upright.
‘Oh. Who could that be at this time?’ Wrapping a sheet round her, she grabbed her bag from the floor next to the bed and pulled out her phone. ‘It’s Isla. What would she—? Oh? The baby? D’you think?’ Throwing Sean an apologetic look, she pointed to the phone. ‘I’m so sorry … but I’ve just got to get this. I won’t be long.’
And so he was surplus to requirement. It was a decent enough excuse to regroup and rethink. To get the hell out, and work out what to do next.
Isabel watched the door close behind Sean and blew out a deep breath. Getting her head around whatever the hell had just happened would have to be banked until after she’d spoken to Isla. But she got the feeling he hadn’t been able to get away quickly enough. Maybe he was having second thoughts, too? ‘Isla? Isla, are you okay?’
‘Isabel. Oh, my God, Isabel.’ The line was crackly but she could still hear her sister’s voice filled with wonder. ‘He’s beautiful. Perfect. I can’t believe. Oh …’
‘You’ve had the baby?’ Isabel’s heart swelled and she fought back tears. Her sister was a mother. She hadn’t been there for her. Her mouth crumpled as she forced words out. ‘Oh, sweetie. How was it? Are you okay? Is he okay? A name? What happened—aren’t you early? Was Alessi there?’
Clearly having a better handle on things than Isabel, her sister drew a sharp intake of breath and began, ‘Okay, I can’t remember which question was first. You have a nephew. A gorgeous, gorgeous nephew, all fingers and toes accounted for and lots of dark hair like his daddy. Born three hours ago.’
‘Oh, wow. Three hours? You were going to phone me when you went into labour.’ Isabel stopped short. Three hours ago she was busy. With Sean. Speaking to her sister wouldn’t have been the best thing to happen. But maybe if they had been interrupted she wouldn’t now have these weird mixed emotions whirling through her chest. What they’d done had made things more complicated, not less. ‘Oh, wow, I’m so happy for you. Mega congratulations, little sis.’
‘It was all so quick, and I couldn’t remember the time difference with my scrambled mummy brain—and the labour drugs—and your last email said you were going to Paris? So I wasn’t sure—’
‘Yes. I am. Je suis ici—in Paris.’ Having sex with my ex. And now I want to talk about it, but I can’t. Bad timing. All round. ‘So, what was your labour like? Textbook? Knowing you it was probably textbook.’
‘Quit schmoozing. It was okay. No, actually it hurt like hell …’ There was a pause. ‘Iz, are you okay with me talking to you about this? I mean … you know … because of before?’
Because of her own baby boy? Because he’d been too frail, too tiny to live, because she hadn’t been able to protect him the way other mothers could. Hadn’t been able to grow him to his full potential the way Isla had. An arrow of pain seared her heart. He would have been a teenager now, getting ready to fly the nest. She would have had all those memories, sleepless nights, first days at school … so many firsts; long hot summers, a house full of primary-coloured plastic and arguments over too loud music. Instead she had heartache and an extremely unwise choice of sexual partner. She couldn’t even blame that on mummy brain.
She had to let it all go. She had to move on. Her baby was gone. Gone, but in her heart for ever. Do not spoil your sister’s day. ‘Of course, I’m fine, Isla. Talk away. I want to hear about everything … absolutely everything. I’m so happy for you. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there to hold your hand. I’m sending hugs, heaps and heaps of hugs.’
‘Oh, you know I’d have liked you to be here, Iz. I would have, but you need to be away from here … I totally get it. I love you.’
Emotion constricted Isabel’s throat; she had to force words out. ‘I love you too.’ Ever since Isla had waved Isabel off onto the flight to London she had been nothing but supportive of Isabel’s need to get away from Melbourne, to put her life there behind her. To forget Sean. Yeah, that plan had worked really well. ‘So come on, a name? What did you go with in the end?’
‘Geo, after Alessi’s brother, the triplet who died. I told you about him, didn’t I?’
‘Yes, yes. The baby who didn’t make it …’ Another one. Breathe. Breathe. ‘That’s a lovely gesture, Isla. Alessi must be so proud.’ Isabel had chosen a name for her boy too but had never properly given it to him. She hadn’t been able to think straight after she’d given birth, after they took his little body away. There’d been no burial. Nothing to remember him by. But she did have a name for him.
‘Alessi? Proud?’ Her sister laughed down the line and it was so good to hear her so happy. ‘Oh, yes, and then some. He’s acting like he’s the only man who’s ever fathered a child. Still, if it means he continues to treat me like a princess then I’m happy. I’m not allowed to move a single muscle without him making sure I’m okay.’
‘Lucky you, enjoy it while you can. Give baby Geo lots of kisses from his very happy auntie and email me some photos, now! Oh … who delivered you? Don’t tell me it was Alessi?’
There was a kerfuffle in the background, familiar hospital noises—bleeps, voices. The sweet, soft snuffle of a contented newborn. ‘No, he was too busy up the top end dealing with me, trying to keep me calm. Darcie was the attending, she was amazing. Very patient, all things considered. I think I may have been a bit rude to everyone, but at least it made them give me more pain relief. Talking of Darcie, did I tell you …? It’s all hearts and roses over here. You’ll never guess who she’s dating. True love and everything.’
Sometimes Isabel really missed the gossip of her home town. The familiar. ‘No? Who? Spill.’
‘Only Lucas bloody Elliot!’
The heartthrob of the MMU. ‘Mr Playboy himself? No way! I thought you said they hated the sight of each other.’ But Isabel knew that there was a thin line between love and hate—that passion came in many forms and was fuelled by many different emotions.
Isla sighed. ‘It’s really cute to watch actually. There were fireworks all along the way—neither of them wanted to admit they were falling in love. Little Cora’s thrilled too. Now she has an auntie as well as an uncle to watch her. Quite a unit, they are.’
Hearing all the news she’d missed out on made Isabel realise just how far away from them she was. Darcie had only been in Melbourne less than a year herself, having been part of the same exchange as Isabel. In fact, Darcie would be scheduled to return to Isabel’s job in a few weeks, when the year’s exchange was over. ‘Well, that’ll cause Darcie a few sleepless nights if she’s fallen for Lucas, because he’s firmly committed to staying in Melbourne with his brother and niece.’
‘I know. He’s been such a rock for them both since his sister-in-law died. There’s no way he’d leave all that behind. But I hope it won’t mean you’re not coming home? Your job will still be open if she decides to stay here, right?’
Isabel had a brief image of her and Sean arriving off the same flight hand in hand stepping onto Aussie soil. Then she shook away such a fantasy. But whatever happened, she was definitely going home. And soon. ‘Absolutely. Try and stop me. Oh, I do miss you all.’
‘We miss you too. They all say hi.’ It seemed the labour drugs were still in Isla’s system as she chatted on oblivious to the fact it was five o’clock in the morning for her. ‘Come home soon. I want you to meet Geo. Oh … and talking of babies … more goss hot off the press. Oliver and Emily are looking to adopt another baby. So sweet. Toby’s growing into such a lovely boy and they want to add to their family.’
Another MMU romance—seemed there had been quite a few recently. Something in the water. Obstetrician Oliver and midwife Emily had been having marriage problems back when Isabel had been there; it was good to hear that they’d managed to put their rough past behind them. It was good to hear that at least some rekindled relationships could work.
She’d bet that Oliver hadn’t hot-footed out of the bedroom at the first opportunity. ‘I’m glad things worked out for them in the end. Their marriage was put under so much pressure struggling with IVF. It was hard for them to see beyond that. Time makes such a difference.’ Geez, she could have been talking about her and Sean. But there wouldn’t be any happy endings for them. Not with the way he’d looked as he’d left. She couldn’t help the yearning in her voice. ‘But now everyone sounds so settled and happy.’
‘They all want to know what you’ve been up to. Have you met anyone?’ There was a pause, then Isla cleared her throat. ‘How’s Sean?’
What to say? Hot sex is epic. It’s the aftermath that’s the problem. How to move on from here? ‘He’s … he’s okay. Actually, he’s here in Paris with me.’
‘What the hell? What do you mean? Here’s me rabbiting on … Have you told him?’ For a woman who’d recently given birth, Isla was very animated. Those pregnancy hormones were amazing. Isabel had seen some women act as if nothing earth-shattering had happened—popped out a baby and gone straight back to normal life, thank you very much. ‘Are you …? You know …?’
We just did. ‘It’s just a conference.’
‘Nothing’s just a conference if Sean’s there. You’re away with him? Isabel? In Paris?’ A loud squawking zinged down the phone line. Voices. A lot of loud garbled language. Greek? Cries, a loud hullabaloo. Then Isla was back. ‘Sorry, hon. I’ve got to go. Geo’s hungry, I think. Alessi’s parents have just arrived. It’s chaos. I’ll call you. Call me. Talk soon. I love you.’
And she was gone. Isabel’s head was spinning. There was never enough time to chat properly and the long-distance hum always interfered. She wanted to sit down and talk to her sister, to hold her precious nephew. She wanted to go home. A few more weeks and she would … only a few more weeks until the end of this contract. And then what?
She scrunched up the Egyptian cotton sheet in her hand and looked down at where Sean had been lying a few moments ago. Remembered how good he had made her feel. And how easily he’d slipped away. So instead of then what, it was, now what? Now how to face the elusive Dr Anderson?
Isabel had absolutely no idea.