IT TOOK A lot to frustrate Lucas. He was normally a calm person, level-headed and patient, all good attributes when working in hospitality, but right now he was frustrated. Seeing Jess again had hit him for six. It was a cricketing term but one that perfectly matched how he was feeling. He could cope with the day-to-day issues that arose with the hotel, he’d even coped with the delays and revisions while it had been redeveloped, but he couldn’t cope with Jess’s disappearance. Not again.
By the time he’d waited for Aimee Bertillon’s husband and seen the ambulance off, all the while itching to return to Jess but doing his best to hide his impatience, she had vanished. She had said she couldn’t wait and it seemed she’d meant it.
He knew he wouldn’t be able to settle, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on work, not while thoughts of Jess were running rampant through his head. He told his PA that he was going out. No excuses, no reasons. He needed to think and he always thought better if he was outside in the fresh air. If she wasn’t going to wait for him, he’d go and find her. He changed his shoes and grabbed his coat and walked to the medical centre.
‘Can I help you?’ The lady behind the desk had a name badge that read ‘Donna’.
‘I hope so. I’m looking for one of your doctors, Jess Johnson.’
‘She’s not a doctor,’ Donna told him.
Now he was confused as well as frustrated. ‘I’ve just seen her. I’m Lucas White from the Crystal Lodge. I called for a doctor and she came.’
‘Jess is a nurse. All our doctors were busy so she agreed to go and make an assessment. Was there a problem? She’s gone for the day but is there something I can help you with?’
A nurse.
Lucas shook his head. ‘No. Nothing. Thank you.’ The only thing he wanted was to know where she was and he didn’t imagine that Donna would give him that information. He’d have to come back.
Jess was a nurse. He wondered what had happened. She’d been planning on becoming a doctor—why hadn’t she followed her dream?
Night had fallen when he stepped back outside and the temperature had dropped. He pulled his scarf and gloves out of his coat pocket—he’d learnt years ago to keep them handy—and wandered the streets, still hoping to find her.
If he’d known on the day she’d been yanked from his life that he wasn’t ever going to see her again he would have tried harder to keep hold of her. When she’d disappeared he’d been left with nothing. Nothing but a sense that he needed to prove himself.
He had left Moose River to return home, vowing he would make it back one day. Vowing to make something of himself. For her. It had been an impulsive, young man’s promise, one that seven years later he might have thought would be long forgotten, but even though there had been plenty of other women over the years he’d never got Jess out of his system. She’d been an irresistible combination of beauty, brains, innocence and passion. She had worn her heart on her sleeve and she’d shared herself with him without reservation.
At times it was almost impossible to believe they’d only had seven days together. That one week had influenced him profoundly. It had made him the man he was today, determined to succeed. Determined to find Jess again and prove himself worthy.
It had taken longer than he would have dreamed. If someone had told him at the age of twenty that it would take him almost seven years, he would have thought that was a whole lifetime. But he had done it and he was back.
When the opportunity had presented itself in Moose River he’d jumped at it. At the time it had seemed as though all the planets had aligned. The timing had been right, he’d been ready to spread his wings, and the opportunity to be back in Moose River had been too good a chance to pass up. He’d wanted to prove himself and what better place to do it than in the very place where his dreams had all begun.
He’d returned as a successful, self-made man but things hadn’t gone quite as he’d expected. The hotel hadn’t been the problem. It had been Jess. He’d been back in Moose River for nine months and hadn’t caught sight of her until today. He hadn’t imagined that he’d find her, only to have her disappear again. Maybe she didn’t feel the same desire to catch up. Maybe she hadn’t kept hold of the memories, as he had. Maybe she barely remembered him.
Although he’d seen in her face that she hadn’t forgotten him. He’d held her in his arms and it had felt like yesterday and he knew she’d felt it too.
But things had not gone according to his plan. The reunion he’d always pictured had gone quite differently.
But he wasn’t a quitter, he never had been, and he wasn’t about to start now. He’d found her and he wasn’t going to let her disappear again.
He walked past the building where Jess’s family had had their apartment all those years ago. He’d called in there before but this time he knew she was in town. She had to be staying somewhere. He pushed open the lobby door and pressed the buzzer for the penthouse.
No answer. That would have been far too easy.
He continued walking and eventually stopped and leant on a lamppost. He looked across the street and recognised the building. He was in front of the Moose River staff apartments. He counted the windows and stopped at unit fifteen. It was in darkness but he could see lights in the gap between the curtains in apartment sixteen. His gaze drifted back to the dark windows of fifteen as his memory wandered.
Jess had given him her heart but he hadn’t really appreciated it at the time. He’d been young and hungry for adventure. He hadn’t realised what he’d had with her. Not until she’d been long gone. And by then it had been too late.
No one else had ever measured up to her. Or not to his idealisation of her anyway. Perhaps he was looking back on the past with rose-tinted glasses but there had been something special about her and he’d never met anyone else like her. And he’d travelled to almost every corner of the globe. He’d been constantly on the go since he’d left Moose River. He’d immersed himself in the hospitality trade before he’d even finished studying, learning the lessons that enabled him to take the next step, getting the knowledge and experience to embark on a solo project. Getting ready to prove himself to Jess and her father.
But he wasn’t to know his efforts were to be in vain.
Apartment fifteen remained dark. He wasn’t going to solve the puzzle that was life or even the problem that was Jess and her whereabouts while standing out here in the cold. There were plenty of issues waiting for his attention back at the lodge. He could make better use of his time. He pushed off the lamppost and trudged back through the snow. He’d continue to search for her tomorrow.
Lucas had been up since five. He’d been unable to sleep and he’d done half a day’s work already. It was Thanksgiving weekend in the United States and the official start of the ski season in Moose River, Canada. Crowds were building and the Crystal Lodge was fully booked. This was what he’d wanted. What he’d been working towards. No vacancies. He wanted Crystal Lodge to become one of the premier hotels in the resort. But now he feared that wasn’t enough. Jess was back and he wanted her too.
He loved his job, he loved his life and he’d thought that he was happy with his success, but seeing Jess yesterday had shown him that all his success was nothing if he had no one to share it with. Seeing her yesterday reinforced that he’d spent seven years making something of himself, of his life, and he’d done it for her. But had she moved on? What would be the point of making himself worthy of Jess if she didn’t want to have anything to do with him?
He stood by the window of his office and watched the snow fall. It had started early this morning and the forecast was for heavy falls over the weekend. It was perfect for the start of the season.
Next week all the Christmas decorations would be up around the village. They were already multiplying at a rapid rate and Lucas knew his tradesmen were at work this morning, building a frame for the thirty-foot tree that would be on display in front of the hotel on the plaza. He planned to switch on the lights on the tree next weekend to coincide with the opening of the Christmas market that was to be held in the plaza. There were plenty of things needing his attention, he had plenty to keep him occupied, but all he could think about was Jess.
He needed a break from the indoors. He muttered something to his PA about inspecting the progress on the framework for the tree and then wandered through the village, retracing his steps to all the places he and Jess had spent time seven years ago. Not that he expected to find her in the same places but he was happy to let his feet lead the way as it left his mind free to reminisce.
He headed up the hill, past the popular après-ski venue, the T-bar, and skirted the iconic Moose River Hotel, which set the standard for accommodation and was the hotel that Lucas measured the performance of Crystal Lodge against. The village was blanketed in snow. It was as pretty as a picture but everyone was bundled up against the weather and he knew he could walk right past Jess and never know it. He may as well return to the lodge and do something more productive.
He was halfway down the hill, passing the tube park, when he spotted her. She was leaning on the railing at the bottom of the slope and he could see her profile as she watched people sliding down the hill in the inflatable rubber tubes. She was wearing a red knitted cap and he had a flashback to the day he’d first met her. How the hell did he remember that? The sound of laughter floated up to him as people raced down the lanes and Lucas felt like laughing along with them. He’d found her.
‘JJ!’
Jess turned around at the sound of her nickname. Her heart was racing even before she saw him. Just hearing his voice was enough to make her feel like she was seventeen once more and falling in love all over again. He was smiling at her and she couldn’t help but smile back, even as she cursed her heart for betraying her brain.
‘I was hoping to bump into you.’
That was ironic. She’d been hoping to avoid him.
‘You were? What for?’
‘Old times’ sake. I wanted to invite you for coffee. Or dinner?’
‘I don’t think so,’ Jess replied. She was nowhere near ready to spend one-on-one time with Lucas. She knew she owed it to him to catch up but she wasn’t ready yet. She needed time to prepare. She needed time to plan a defence. And she definitely needed more than twenty-four hours.
‘Jess!’
Kristie was flying down the slope towards them in a double tube. The snow had been falling too heavily to make for pleasant skiing with a beginner so she and Kristie had opted to bring Lily to the tube park instead. But she hadn’t anticipated that they’d bump into Lucas. Not here.
She used the interruption to her advantage, choosing to wave madly at her cousin and hoping to divert Lucas’s attention.
‘Is that Kristie?’
‘Yes.’ Kristie had Lily tucked between her knees and she was screaming at the top of her lungs as they raced alongside the person in the adjacent lane. Kristie always took things to the extreme and Lily was yelling right along with her, looking like she was having the time of her life.
Jess could remember coming to the tube park with Lucas. She could remember sitting in the tube between his thighs with his arms wrapped around her and yelling with delight, just like Lily was now. Life had been so much simpler then but she hadn’t appreciated it at the time.
‘Who’s that with her?’ Lucas asked, as he spotted Lily.
Jess had successfully diverted Lucas’s attention away from herself, only to focus it on Lily. The one thing she didn’t want.
She was tempted to tell him that Lily was Kristie’s but she knew she’d be caught out far too easily in that lie. ‘That’s my daughter,’ she said.
‘You have a daughter?’
Kristie and Lily hopped out of the tube and Kristie started dragging it back to the conveyor belt that would take them back to the start of the lanes at the top of the hill. Lily waved to Jess but followed Kristie. Luckily, she wasn’t ready for the fun to end yet so didn’t come over to her mother. Jess was relieved. She didn’t want to have to introduce Lily to Lucas. Not yet. She definitely wasn’t prepared for that.
‘She’s the image of you,’ Lucas said, as Lily stepped onto the conveyor belt. ‘How old is she?’
‘Five.’ Jess’s heart was beating at a million miles an hour as she avoided one lie only to tell another.
Lily was, in fact, six, but luckily she was small for her age. While Jess didn’t want to give Lucas a chance to put two and two together, she wasn’t completely certain why she’d lied. She didn’t expect him to remember that it had been seven years ago that they had spent one week together. It was obvious he hadn’t forgotten her but to think he would remember exactly how many years had passed might be stretching things. Just because that time had become so significant to Jess, it didn’t mean it would be as important to him. Why should it be? It had been just one week for him. For her it had been the rest of her life.
‘Is that the reason you don’t want to catch up? You’re married?’
Jess shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Divorced?’
‘No, but I still can’t go to dinner with you. Life is more complicated now.’ She had to think of Lily. But she knew she was also thinking of herself. She wasn’t ready for this.
‘I guess it is.’ He nodded his head slowly as he absorbed her words. ‘But, if you do find yourself free at any time, or if your complications become less complicated, you know where to contact me.’
He didn’t push her. He didn’t suggest she bring Lily along to dinner and Jess knew he wanted to see only her. Alone.
Was it possible that her father had been right? If she’d been able to find Lucas all those years ago would he have wanted to know about Lily or would he have chosen to have nothing to do with her? She didn’t think that was the sort of person he was. But what would she know? It wasn’t like they’d had time to really get to know each other.
She wondered if he’d ever thought about being a father. Maybe he already was one. The question was on the tip of her tongue but she bit it back. Did she want to know more about him? Did she want to know what his life was like now? What if he had children of his own? Other children? Would that be too painful?
Surely it was better, safer, easier if she kept her distance.
He smiled. His forget-me-not-blue eyes were shining and his dimples flashed briefly, tempting her to say, Wait, yes, of course I’d love to have dinner with you. But she nodded and let him go.
She watched him walk down the hill and thought about how different her life could have been.
Jess stood at the balcony doors as the last rays of the sun dipped behind the mountain. She had thought that spending the morning at the tube park would have exhausted Lily but she seemed full of beans and Jess didn’t have the energy to cope with her at the moment. Thank goodness for Kristie. She had taken Lily off to the shops, leaving Jess alone to think.
She looked to her left, down to the village. In the foreground she could see the balcony of apartment fifteen, Lucas’s old apartment. She tried to look past it as she didn’t want to think about him but she knew she couldn’t help it. Her mind had been filled with memories of him all day and right there, on that balcony, was where they had shared their first kiss.
When Lucas and Sam had invited them to their party Jess had never imagined actually going. But Kristie had managed to come up with a semi-believable story about a school friend’s birthday and before she’d known it Jess had been at Lucas’s door.
He and Sam had been sharing the apartment with two other boys and it had already been crowded when they’d arrived. People had spilled out of the living room into the corridor between the flats, overflowing into the bedrooms and out onto the balcony. But somehow Lucas had met her and Kristie at his front door.
He’d smiled at her and his blue eyes had lit up. His grin had been infectious and full of cheek and Jess had known right then that he would love creating mischief and mayhem. ‘You look great,’ he told her.
She and Kristie had spent ages getting ready, all the while ensuring that it had looked effortless. Kristie had straightened Jess’s hair so that it hung in a shiny, platinum cascade down her back. She had coated her eyelashes with mascara to highlight her green eyes and swiped pink gloss over her lips.
She’d been nervous about coming to the party, worried about being in a room full of strangers, but one smile from Lucas and all her nervousness had disappeared. He hadn’t felt like a stranger. She’d felt safe with him. She’d trusted him. All those years of listening to her parents telling her to be wary of strangers, of forbidding her to go out alone, and what had she done at the first opportunity—she’d disappeared to a party with a stranger just because he’d been cute and he’d flirted with her. He’d been so gorgeous and she’d been pretty sure she was already in trouble but she’d been unable to resist.
Even Kristie couldn’t have predicted this turnaround in such a short time. Jess, who’d never gone against her parents’ wishes, had been rebelling big time because a cute boy had smiled at her and made her laugh. She hadn’t known him but she hadn’t cared. She would get to know him. She’d felt like she’d been where she was supposed to be. Here. With him.
He took the drinks they carried, opened one for each of them and handed them back before stashing the rest into a tub that had been filled with snow. Kristie had used a fake ID to buy the pre-mixed cans of vodka and soda and they’d shared one as they’d walked to the party. Jess had needed it for courage; she hadn’t really planned on having another one but she supposed she could nurse one drink for the evening. It’s not like anyone would pay attention to what she was doing.
‘I’m glad you could make it,’ he said to her, as Kristie spotted Sam and made a beeline for him.
‘We almost didn’t.’
‘How come?’
‘We’re not normally allowed to go to random parties.’
‘Who would stop you?’
‘Our parents.’
‘So you’re not nineteen, then?’
Jess frowned. What did her age have to do with anything? ‘What?’
‘If you were nineteen you’d be making your own decisions.’
They’d fibbed to her aunt and uncle about where they were going but she’d forgotten that Kristie had also lied to the boys about their age.
‘I’ll be eighteen next week.’ She hoped that wouldn’t matter. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to happen but she wanted a chance to find out. She didn’t want Lucas to decide she was too young but he didn’t mention her age again.
‘So you’ve sneaked out and no one knows where you are. Are you sure that’s wise?’
‘You seemed trustworthy.’ Jess smiled. ‘And as long as we’re home before midnight, everything should be fine,’ she added, aware that she was babbling. Normally if she was nervous she’d be tongue-tied but she had forgotten to be nervous. Was it the half a drink she’d had or was there something about Lucas that made her feel comfortable?
‘What trouble can you get into after midnight that you can’t get into before?’ he asked.
‘You sound like Kristie.’
‘You have to admit I have a point.’ Lucas was standing very close to her. When had he closed the distance? She was leaning with her back against a wall and he was standing at a right angle to her, his left shoulder pressed against the same wall, inches away from her. His voice was quiet and he had a mischievous look in his blue eyes.
‘I don’t know the answer,’ she said. ‘I just know we need to be home before our curfew. I don’t want anyone looking for us and finding out we’re not where we said we’d be. I don’t tend to get into trouble.’
‘Not ever?’ He grinned at her and suddenly Jess could imagine all sorts of trouble she could get into. Trouble, mischief and mayhem. All sorts of things she’d never exposed herself to before.
She shook her head. ‘I’ve never had the opportunity.’
Her parents knew where she was every minute of the day and Jess knew how stressed they would be if she ever sneaked off and went against their wishes. She had never wanted to test the boundaries before, aware of how upset they would be. But neither they nor her aunt and uncle had any idea where she was tonight. If she was careful she could have some fun and they would be none the wiser.
‘Maybe you just haven’t recognised opportunity when she’s come knocking,’ Lucas said. ‘Or maybe you need to create it.’
His last sentence was barely a whisper. His head was bent close to hers and she held her breath as he dipped his head a little lower. He was going to kiss her! She closed her eyes and leant towards him.
‘Hey, Lucas,’ someone interrupted. ‘Your shout.’
‘You’ve gotta be kidding me.’ He lifted his head and turned to face the room. Over his shoulder Jess could see a couple of his mates holding empty beer bottles up in the air and laughing, and she knew they’d deliberately interrupted the moment. Jess could have screamed with frustration. She’d never forgive them if she’d missed an opportunity that she couldn’t get back. What if the moment was gone for ever?
‘Come on.’ He took her by the hand and her skin burned where his fingers wrapped around hers. He pushed through the crowd until they came to a pair of doors that opened onto a balcony. He led her outside to where there were more tubs filled with snow and beers. He let her go as he grabbed a couple of beers in each hand and asked, ‘Will you wait here?’
She wasn’t sure what she was waiting for but she nodded anyway. She seemed destined to follow his lead. Something about him made her finally understand what got Kristie all hot and bothered when it came to boys. Her hormones were going into overdrive and she was certain she could still feel the imprint of his fingers on hers. She couldn’t think about anything except what it would be like to be kissed by Lucas. He was cute and confident, his accent was completely sexy and the way he looked at her with those brilliant blue eyes made her want to leap in, even though she didn’t have the faintest idea about how to do that. But she suspected he knew what to do and she would happily let him teach her.
He took the beers inside and when he came back to her he was holding two coats and another drink for her that she didn’t really want. He handed her the can, not realising she hadn’t finished her first drink.
‘You’re not having anything?’ she asked.
‘I don’t feel like drinking tonight.’
He was looking at her so intensely that even with her limited experience Jess knew exactly what he did feel like doing and the idea took her breath away.
‘I don’t want this either,’ she said.
Lucas reached out and closed his hand around hers. It was warm, really warm in contrast to the cold drink. He took the can from her and stuck it into a tub with the beers.
Lucas was making Jess feel light-headed and giddy and she didn’t want alcohol to interfere with her senses. She wanted to remember this moment, how it made her feel. She finally felt as if the world made sense.
She had always believed in love at first sight. She didn’t know why, but she liked the idea that people could recognise their soul mate the very first time they saw them and she imagined that this was how it would feel. Like you couldn’t breathe but you didn’t need to. She felt as if she could exist just by looking into Lucas’s eyes. She felt as though she didn’t need anything more than that. Ever.
‘I thought we could stay out here,’ he said. ‘There’ll be fewer interruptions and, you never know, we might find the only thing that interrupts us is opportunity.’ He was standing only inches from her. She could see his breath coming from between his lips as little puffs of condensation that accompanied his words and it was only then she noticed the cold. He opened one of the coats and held it for her as she slipped her arms into the sleeves. It smelt like him, fresh and clean with a hint of pine needles, but it swamped her tiny frame.
‘How long are you staying at the resort?’ he asked, as he rolled the sleeves up for her. He had closed the balcony doors and while they could still see the party through the glass the music was muted and they had the balcony to themselves.
‘A little over two weeks. Until the New Year.’
‘Do you come here often?’
‘We spend most Christmas vacations here.’ That was true of the past nine years. Prior to that, when her brother had been alive, they’d spent every second Christmas in California with her mother’s family. But that had all changed after Stephen had died. But she didn’t think Lucas needed to hear that story. Tonight wasn’t about her family. It wasn’t about her past. Tonight was about her. Tonight was her chance to experience all the things that Stephen’s early death had robbed her of.
‘Christmas in the snow,’ he said. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing what all the fuss is about. This will be my first white Christmas.’
‘Really?’
He nodded.
‘I’ll have to make sure you get the full festive season experience, then,’ Jess said with a smile. She’d worry about how to actually achieve that later.
‘Don’t worry, I intend to.’
He was watching her closely and she started to wonder if she had food caught between her teeth. Why else would he be staring at her like that? ‘What is it?’ she asked.
‘I want to know what you’re thinking,’ he told her.
‘About what?’
‘About me.’
She hesitated before answering. She could hardly tell him she thought he was gorgeous or that he might well be her soul mate. He might appreciate her honesty but then again he might think she was completely crazy. She played it safe. ‘I don’t know anything about you.’
‘What would you like to know?’
‘I have no idea.’ She wasn’t very good at social conversations. She’d never really had to talk to a stranger before. She usually only got to talk to people with whom she already had some sort of connection—family, school friends or family friends. There was never anything new to learn about any of them. Every one of them was the same. Rich, well educated and well spoken, they all lived in Vancouver’s exclusive suburbs, had private school educations, holiday homes, overseas vacations and were gifted new cars on their sixteenth birthdays. She was surrounded by trust-fund children. Lucas was a clean slate and she didn’t know where to begin.
‘Well, why don’t I start?’ he said.
‘All right.’
‘Do you have a boyfriend?’
She shook her head. ‘No. Why?’
‘I want to kiss you and I want to know if that’s okay.’
Jess’s green eyes opened wide. He was offering her a chance to experience freedom. To do something spontaneous, something that hadn’t been sanctioned by her parents.
She’d broken so many rules tonight, what was one more? And, besides, there wasn’t actually a rule forbidding her to kiss boys. It was more that she was rarely given the opportunity. And that was what it was all about, wasn’t it? Opportunity.
Her freedom in Moose River was on borrowed time and if she didn’t grab the opportunity with both hands now she knew she’d miss it altogether. She didn’t have time to stop and think. She didn’t have time to weigh up the options and the pros and cons. Her time was finite. It was now or never.
She didn’t do anything she would regret. Not that night at least. Lucas was cute and he was interested in her and there was no one in the background, keeping tabs on her. For the first time ever she could do as she pleased. And she wanted to kiss Lucas.
‘Have you made up your mind yet?’ he asked.
He bent his head. His lips were millimetres from hers.
She’d wanted a chance to make a decision for herself. But some decisions, once made, couldn’t be reversed. Right then, though, she wasn’t to know that this kiss would mark the moment when she stood at the crossroads of her life. She wasn’t to know that this would be the moment when she decided on a path that would change her life for ever.
She nodded, ever so slightly, and closed her eyes in a silent invitation.
His lips were soft. The pressure of his mouth on hers was gentle at first until his tongue darted between her lips, forcing her mouth open. She let him taste her as she explored him too. She felt as though he’d taken over her body. She felt as if they had become one already, joined at the lips. Her nipples hardened and a line of fire travelled from her chest to her groin, igniting her internally until she thought she might go up in flames. Her body was on fire as she pushed against him, begging him to go deeper, to taste more of her.
She could feel herself falling in love with each second.
He could kiss her as much as he liked for the rest of for ever if he kissed like that.