‘I’M SORRY TO INTERRUPT, Mr White, but there’s an emergency.’
Before Jess could begin to explain, before she could begin to divulge the secrets she’d been keeping, she was interrupted by a tall, thin, young woman dressed impeccably in a tailored black skirt suit, who appeared beside their table. The gold name tag on her lapel read ‘Sofia’ and her dark hair, cut in a shiny blunt bob, brushed her shoulders as she leant over to speak to Lucas.
‘What is it?’
‘A child is missing.’
Lucas was out of his seat before Sofia had finished her sentence. ‘Are they hotel guests?’ he asked.
‘No.’ Sofia named one of the smaller lodges and Jess recognised the name. It was an old lodge on the edge of the village. ‘The search and rescue team has been mobilised but because of the heavy snowfalls they are having trouble finding tracks and have requested all hands on deck.’
‘Of course.’ Lucas turned to Jess. ‘I’m sorry, I’ll have to go. I’m part of the volunteer S&R team. We assist the professionals when we’re needed.’
‘Is there anything I can do?’ Jess asked.
‘I don’t know. I could help to look or at least make cups of tea. Someone always does that job.’ There had to be something she could do.
‘Sofia, can you see if you can rustle up some warmer clothes for Jess and some snow boots while I get changed?’
Jess took that to mean he had given permission for her to accompany him and she followed Sofia and got changed as quickly as possible. She didn’t want to hold Lucas up.
Outside the snow was still falling. The Christmas lights around the plaza were doing their best to shine through the weather as Jess wondered what sort of Christmas the family of the little boy would get. She hoped he’d be found.
She could see pinpricks of light throughout the village and up and down the mountain. The lights bobbed in the darkness as the searchers panned their flashlights across the snow. There had to be hundreds of them.
The snow muffled all sound but Jess could hear the occasional voice calling out a name. Otherwise, the village was eerily quiet and Jess guessed that the S&R team didn’t want any unnecessary noise that might mask something important. Like the cry of a young child.
Lucas strode out, heading for the lodge where the little boy had gone missing and where the S&R was now being co-ordinated. Jess hurried along beside him. When she slipped on the snow he reached for her hand to steady her. He kept hold of her as they approached the lodge from the rear but he wasn’t talking. Jess assumed he was focusing on what lay ahead and she kept quiet too. She didn’t want to disturb him or any of the other people who were out searching.
They reached the lodge and Lucas held the door open for her and followed her inside. He made his way directly to a table that had been set up in a lounge area to the right of the entrance and introduced himself to the man who was sitting there. He had a two-way radio in one hand and a large map spread out in front of him.
‘The boy’s name is Michael. He is seven years old and he was reported missing twenty minutes ago.’ The search co-ordinator gave them the little information he had.
‘Where was he last seen?’
‘He and his brothers were playing in the snow behind the lodge. His brothers came inside thinking he was behind them but he wasn’t.’
‘Where is the search area?’ Lucas peppered the man with questions.
‘The lodge is at the epicentre of the search and we’ve spread out from here. There are people searching at one-hundred-metre intervals from here.’ The co-ordinator pointed to concentric circles that had been marked on the map with red pen. ‘This is the area we’re covering so far.’
‘Can someone show me exactly where he was last seen?’
‘If you go around the back of the lodge you’ll see the snowman the boys were making. That was the last confirmed sighting.’
‘I’d like to start from there,’ Lucas said, ‘unless there’s anywhere more specific you want me to begin?’
‘There was no sign of him there.’
‘I’d like to check again.’ Something about Lucas’s tone suggested he wasn’t really asking for permission. He was a man with a plan.
The co-ordinator nodded. ‘Okay. Take these with you,’ he said, as he handed him a whistle and a torch.
Lucas turned to Jess. ‘JJ, come with me.’
Jess followed him back outside with no real idea about what he expected of her or how much help she could be. She’d have to trust him to direct her.
She hurried to keep up with him as he stomped through the snow around to the back of the lodge. Jess’s borrowed boots sank into the snowdrifts that had formed against the walls of the lodge and she was out of breath by the time she rounded the back corner. A lonely, misshapen snowman stared at her as she gulped in the cold air.
Lucas was standing beside the snowman, looking left and right. The snow around the snowman had been flattened and trampled by dozens of feet, the searchers’ feet, Jess assumed, although most traces were already being covered by the fresh snow that continued to fall. Jess knew the footsteps of Michael and his brothers would have been obliterated long ago, making the search even more difficult.
Lucas lifted his head and Jess could see him looking up at the roof of the lodge.
‘What are you looking for?’ she asked.
He took three steps towards the lodge and stopped beside a large mound of fresh snow, which looked as though it had been pushed into a heavy drift by a snow-plough. ‘This pile of snow has fallen from the roof.’ He pointed up to the roof. ‘See how that section of roof is clear of snow?’ Above their heads a large section of the lodge roof was bare. The weight of the fresh snowfall had caused the snow beneath to slide off the roof and land in a heap on the ground, a heap that was five or six feet high. ‘I’ve seen this once before. We need to check this drift. Michael could be buried under here.’
Lucas knelt in the snow and started digging with his gloved hands while Jess stared at the huge mound. She felt her chest tighten with anxiety and she struggled to breathe. She felt as though she was the one trapped and suffocating.
How long had Michael been missing? It must be close to half an hour by now. How long can someone survive without air? Not long.
She knew that. She’d lived that. Her own brother had suffocated.
Jess was frozen to the spot, paralysed by the memories. She couldn’t go through this again.
‘JJ, give me a hand.’ Lucas was looking at her over his shoulder. His busyness was in stark contrast to her immobility but she didn’t think she could move.
‘JJ, get down here.’
Lucas raised his voice and his words bounced off the walls of the lodge and echoed across the snow, jolting Jess out of her motionless state.
She knelt down beside him and started digging. If she didn’t want to go through this again she only had one option and that was to do everything in her power to save this child. Digging like a mad woman now, she could feel the sweat running between her breasts and her arms ached with the effort of shifting the snow, but she wasn’t going to let this be another tragedy. She hadn’t been able to save her brother but she’d been eight years old then. She wasn’t going to let another little boy die.
‘Michael, are you there, buddy? Hang on, we’re going to get you out.’ Lucas was talking constantly as he frantically tore at the snow.
Jess’s vision was blurring as the blood pumped through her muscles. Her breaths were coming in short bursts and her heart was pounding but she wasn’t about to stop. She dug her hands into the pile of snow again and her fingers hit something hard. Something firmer than the recently fallen snow.
‘Lucas! There’s something here.’
Lucas helped her to scrape the snow away and Jess could see something dark in the snow pile. Clothing? A jacket?
‘It’s a boot,’ he said. ‘Keep clearing the snow,’ he told her as he pulled the whistle from his pocket and blew into it hard. The shrill sound pierced the still night air and Jess knew it would be heard for miles. Lucas gave three, short, sharp blasts on the whistle before yelling, ‘Some help over here.’
Jess’s movements intensified. She had to hurry. She had to clear this snow.
‘What is it?’
‘Have you found him?’
They were bombarded with questions as other searchers arrived on the scene.
‘He’s here,’ Lucas replied. ‘We need to clear this snow.’
Jess had cleared the snow to expose Michael’s foot and ankle and now that they could work out in which direction he was lying Lucas could direct others to start clearing the snow to expose Michael’s head. There was a sense of urgency, though the snow muffled the sound so there was nothing loud about the panic but it was there, under the surface. Every minute was vital, every second precious.
In under a minute the snow had been cleared to reveal a child’s body. A young boy, curled into a foetal position with one arm thrown up to cover his face. He wasn’t moving.
‘Call the ambos,’ Lucas said to the crowd that had gathered around them. He whipped off one of his gloves and placed his fingers on the boy’s neck to feel for a pulse. ‘Pulse is slow but present.’
Jess bent her head and put her cheek against Michael’s nose. ‘He’s not breathing.’
‘We need to roll him,’ Lucas said. ‘Clear some snow from behind him.’
‘I can’t let this happen again, Lucas. We have to save him.’
‘We’re doing everything we can, JJ.’
‘We have to hurry.’
The snow had been cleared now and Jess held the boy’s head gently between her palms as Lucas rolled him. Stuffing her gloves into her pocket, she started mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as they waited for the ambulance. She had to do something. She had to try to save his life.
Clearing Michael’s airway, she tipped his head back slightly and breathed into his mouth, watching for the rise and fall of his chest. She was aware of his parents arriving on the scene as she continued to breathe air into their son’s lungs. She heard them but she couldn’t stop to look up. Everything else had to be blocked out. She could feel tears on her cheeks but she couldn’t stop to wipe them away, she had to keep going.
‘JJ, the ambos are here.’ Lucas rested his hand on her shoulder and finally she could stop and hand over to someone who was better qualified than her.
She was shaking as Lucas helped her to her feet. She knew the tip of her nose was red and cold and she could feel the tightness of the skin on her cheeks where the tears had dried and left salt stains. Her toes were numb and her fingers were freezing.
Lucas put his arm around her. ‘Come on, let’s get you warmed up.’
She knew Lucas wanted to get her out of the cold and she knew she should probably listen to him but she couldn’t do it. ‘I can’t leave yet,’ she told him, as she pulled her gloves back onto her hands. She had to stay. She had to know how this ended.
Lucas didn’t argue. He kept his arm around her as they stood together while the ambulance officers inserted an artificial airway and attached an ambu bag and Jess was grateful for his additional warmth. She could hear that the ambos were worried about head and thoracic injuries but they weren’t giving much away. They ran a drip of warm saline and loaded Michael onto a stretcher as they continued to bag him. At least they hadn’t given up.
Jess and Lucas waited until the ambulance drove away, heading for the hospital, and then, somehow, Lucas wangled a lift for them back to Crystal Lodge.
Jess was exhausted and Lucas practically carried her inside when they reached the lodge. ‘Do you want me to run you home?’ he asked.
‘Not yet.’ She could barely keep her eyes open but she wanted to stay in Lucas’s embrace for just a little longer.
‘Come to my suite, then, and I’ll organise something warm to drink.’
Jess didn’t have the energy to argue, even if she’d wanted to. He led her into an office behind the reception desk and unlocked a door in the back wall. The door opened into the living room of his suite. The room was cosy and, even better, it was warm.
Lucas steered her towards the leather couch that was positioned in front of a fireplace. A wood fire burned in the grate. It was probably only for decoration—Jess assumed there would be central heating—but there was something comforting about a proper wood fire.
He undid her boots and pulled them from her feet. He rubbed the soles of her feet, encouraging the blood back into her extremities, and Jess almost groaned aloud with pleasure.
There was a knock on the door as Lucas propped her feet on the ottoman and one of the housekeeping staff wheeled in a small trolley. ‘Dessert, Mr White.’
Lucas lifted the lid to reveal a chocolate pudding, apple pie and a mug of eggnog.
He took the eggnog and added some brandy and rum to it from bottles that stood on a small sideboard. ‘That’ll warm you up,’ he said, as he passed it to Jess before pouring himself a shot of rum. He dropped a soft blanket over Jess’s lap and sat down beside her. She lay next to him with her feet stretched out to the fire and his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Lying in front of the fire in Lucas’s embrace with a warm drink and warm apple pie, she thought this might be heaven.
‘Do you think Michael will be all right?’ she asked.
‘He has a good chance. His pulse was slow but the cold temperature means his systems had shut down and that may save him.’
‘But we have no idea how long he wasn’t breathing.’
‘Maybe he’d only just stopped breathing. If there was an air pocket in front of his face he could have survived for thirty minutes or maybe a little longer in those conditions, provided the snow wasn’t heavy enough to crush him. We’ll just have to hope that we found him in time.’
‘How did you know where to look for him?’
‘I saw a similar scenario once before in Australia when a child was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was buried by a pile of snow that slid off a roof. No one picked up on it at the time so people were searching in the wrong places. It’s stuck with me. I’ll never forget the possibility that that can happen.’
‘What happened that time?’
Lucas shook his head. ‘We weren’t so fortunate back then. By the time we found him it was too late. We were lucky tonight.’ He took a sip of his rum. ‘You said you couldn’t let this happen again. You know what it’s like, don’t you? To lose someone. You’ve been in that situation before too, haven’t you?’
Jess nodded.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘It was my brother.’
‘Your brother?’ She could hear the frown in his voice and his arm around her shoulders squeezed her against him a little more firmly.
She let her head drop onto his shoulder. ‘He died when he was six.’
‘In an accident?’
‘Yes, one that had a lot of similarities to tonight.’
‘Was it here?’
‘No. We spent most of our winter holidays here but Mum used to take my brother and me to spend our summer holidays in California with her family. Dad would join us for a week or two but it was usually just Mum and her sisters and our cousins and we’d spend the summer at my grandparents’ beach house. We loved it. We were pretty much allowed to do as we pleased for six weeks. That summer we were digging a big hole with tunnels under the sand. We’d done this before but not with tunnels and one of the tunnels collapsed, trapping Stephen and one of my cousins in it. We managed to get my cousin out but not Stephen. The weight of the sand crushed him and he suffocated. His body was recovered but it was too late.’
‘JJ, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.’ Lucas dropped a kiss on her forehead, just above her temple. It felt like a reflex response but it lifted her spirits. ‘How old were you when it happened?’
‘Eight.’ Jess sipped her eggnog. She could feel the warmth flow through her and the kick of the added brandy gave her the courage to continue. ‘My mother has never gotten over it. I think she feels a lot of guilt for not watching us more closely but we’d done similar things plenty of times before without any disasters. I think the combination of stress and guilt and trauma was all too much. We’ve never been back to California. Stephen’s death cast a shadow over our family, a shadow I’ve grown up under, and it’s shaped my life. I didn’t want another family to go through what we’ve been through.’
‘What did it do to you?’
‘After he died my mother changed. She couldn’t be around people. She couldn’t bear the thought that they would ask about Stephen or ask how she was coping. She wasn’t coping. With anything. She shut herself off from everyone, including me. Dad said she couldn’t cope with the idea that something might happen to me too so her way of coping was to ignore the outside world and me.
‘Dad, however, was determined that nothing was going to happen to me. One tragedy was enough. So I was protected, very closely and very deliberately. I wasn’t allowed any freedom. Mum and Dad had to know where I was and what I was doing every minute of the day, which is why Dad flipped out when he caught us together. His whole mission in life had become to protect me from harm and there I was, in bed with a stranger. His reaction was completely out of proportion with what we’d been doing but it was a case of his mind jumping to the worst possible conclusions of not knowing what else I’d been up to without his knowledge. My whole life has been influenced by Stephen’s death. In a way it’s still influencing me.’
‘How?’
‘It had a lot to do with why I came back here with Lily.’
‘Lily? That’s your daughter?’
Jess nodded. She hadn’t realised she hadn’t told him her name. She wondered if he liked it.
‘Before Stephen died I was allowed to walk to school with my friends and go on sleepovers and school camps. After he died that all changed. I didn’t want Lily to grow up like that. But because I’d spent most of my childhood being taught to be fearful I found it hard to relax. When she was a baby I was very uptight, I was worried about what she ate and panicked every time she got a cold.
‘I was nervous about leaving her with childminders while I studied and worked and when she started school I realised that I was bringing her up the same way my parents had brought me up. I was wrapping her in cotton wool and I didn’t want that. I wanted her to have the childhood that I’d missed out on. I wanted her to be able to walk to school and to her friends’ houses without me worrying that something would happen to her. I wanted her to grow up somewhere safe.’
‘And what about Lily’s father? What does he think about you moving here?’
‘Lily doesn’t know her father.’
‘Really? What happened to him?’
Was now the right time to tell him? No, she decided, she needed to have a fresh mind.
‘Sorry,’ he apologised, when she didn’t answer straight away. ‘It’s probably none of my business.’
If only he knew how much of his business it actually was.
She had to tell him something. ‘Nothing happened to him. I was young. We both were.’ She tipped her head up and looked at Lucas, met his forget-me-not-blue eyes and willed him to understand what she was saying. ‘I loved him very much but our timing was wrong. It was no one’s fault but Lily and I have been on our own for as long as she can remember.’
She knew she had to tell him about Lily but where did she start? How should she start?
She stifled a yawn. It was too late to have this conversation tonight; they were both exhausted. A little voice in her head was telling her that she was making excuses but she didn’t have the emotional energy to have the discussion now.
She pushed herself into a sitting position. ‘It’s getting late,’ she said, making yet another excuse. ‘I’d better get home.’
‘Are you sure? I hate to think of you going out in the cold just when you’ve thawed out.’ She could hear the smile in his voice and knew she couldn’t afford to look at him. If she saw him smiling at her she’d find it hard to refuse. Although he might not be intending to cause trouble he’d done it once before and she suspected it could easily happen again.
Mischief and mayhem. That’s how she’d first thought of him and it still seemed to fit. Mischief, mayhem and trouble.
She was tempted to stay right where she was, on the couch in front of the fire wrapped in Lucas’s arms. It felt safe. Lily was having a sleepover with Kristie so she could do it but she knew that it would just complicate the situation. Seven years ago she’d fallen for the charms of a good-looking boy and she knew she could easily fall again. She couldn’t let herself get involved.
She reached for her boots, busying herself with putting them back on. ‘I have to go. I have Lily, remember?’
‘I’ll walk you home, then.’ Lucas stood and took her hand to pull her to her feet. He helped her into her coat and then took her hand again as they walked through the village. She kept her hand in his. There was no harm in that, right?
‘This is where you’re living?’ He sounded surprised to find she was in the old accommodation block. ‘We’re back where it all began.’
He pushed open the door and Jess knocked the snow from her boots before stepping into the foyer. She hesitated inside, not wanting Lucas to walk her to her door, afraid of too much temptation.
‘Thanks for getting me home safely and thank you for an interesting evening.’ She sounded so formal but that was good. She was keeping her distance.
‘My pleasure. We should do it again.’ Lucas’s voice was far from formal. It was full of promise and suggestion and Jess could feel her body respond. If he could do that to her with his voice she hated to think what he could do with a touch.
‘Without the drama,’ she said, as she fought for control. She was still conflicted and confused. She could feel the attraction but she knew she couldn’t pursue it. Not yet. She couldn’t let her hormones dictate to her.
‘Definitely.’ Lucas’s voice was a whisper. He bent his head and his lips were beside her ear. Then beside her mouth.
Her hormones took over again as confusion gave way to desire. She wasn’t strong enough to resist him. She never had been.
She turned her head and then his lips were covering hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. Her hands went behind his head and kept him there. She parted her lips and tasted him. He tasted of rum and chocolate. He tasted like a grown-up version of the Lucas she’d fallen in love with.
His kiss was still so familiar and it made her heart ache with longing. She had seven years of hopes and dreams stored inside her and Lucas’s lips were the key that released them. They flooded through her and her body sang as it remembered him. Remembered how he tasted and felt.
His body was still firm and hard. His hair was thick. He smelt like winter and tasted like summer. He felt like home.
She clung to him, even though she knew she shouldn’t be kissing him. She knew she was only complicating matters further but she had no resistance when it came to Lucas. Absolutely none. She knew she’d have to find some.
She pulled back.
‘We should definitely do that again,’ he said as he grinned at her, and she was tempted to take him up on his suggestion there and then.
No. Find some resistance. Find some resolve, she told herself, and find it right now. ‘I’m not sure that’s wise.’
‘Don’t blame me.’ He pointed up and she saw a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. ‘Someone has gone to all that effort, I thought it would be a shame to let it go to waste.’
A shame indeed. She smiled but she’d have to let it go for now. She wanted the fantasy but she was worried that the reality might be very different.