JESS’S HEART POUNDED in her chest and her arm felt as if it weighed a tonne as she reached for the door handle of the lodge suite. Her hand was shaking and her palms were clammy. ‘I don’t think I can do this,’ she said to Lucas.
He’d told her he would take care of things but she hadn’t expected him to do it so quickly and she also hadn’t expected her father to agree to Lucas’s suggestion, but it seemed as though she had been wrong on both counts because her father was here, in Moose River, and he was waiting for her.
‘It’ll be okay, JJ, and I’ll be just outside if you need me. Remember, this time I’ve got your back.’ Lucas’s voice gave her the courage to turn the handle. ‘You can do this.’
She pushed the door open. ‘Daddy?’
He was halfway across the room, coming to meet her. He was tall and still trim, although his dark hair was greyer than she remembered. He was sixty now. She’d missed his sixtieth birthday and he’d missed her twenty-first. For what? Why?
Because she was stubborn.
But his arms were open, forgiving, inviting. She burst into tears and stepped into his embrace. ‘I’m sorry, Dad,’ she said, as his arms tightened around her. He’d only ever wanted to protect her and she’d repaid him by cutting him out of her life.
She closed her eyes and sobbed and let him hug her as he’d done when she’d been a child. She could feel the tension in her shoulders ease. She could feel the forgiveness in his embrace and all the anxiety that had been building up, all her nervousness over this meeting slipped away as he held her.
‘I’m sorry too, Jessie.’ He stepped back to look at her, pulling a clean handkerchief out of his pocket and handing it to her.
She smiled through her tears. ‘You still carry a handkerchief.’ It was one of the many things she remembered about him. Her father wore cufflinks and always had a clean hankie in his pocket.
‘Always,’ he replied. ‘Some things never change. It’s good to see you, sweetheart.’
‘You too, Dad.’ Jess looked around the room. She could smell coffee. There was a pot and two mugs on the sideboard. Only two cups. ‘Is Mum here?’ she asked.
‘No. I wasn’t sure how receptive you were going to be. She wouldn’t be able to handle any confrontation.’
Jess was disappointed and she felt her shoulders drop. ‘I wasn’t planning on being confrontational,’ she told him. She hadn’t been planning anything. This had all been Lucas’s idea. But it was silly to feel disappointed about her mother’s absence when she hadn’t even been sure if she herself wanted to come to the meeting. Why should her mother feel any differently?
Her father must have heard the disappointment in her voice. ‘I’m sorry, Jessie. But we’ll work it out. This is the first step. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make sure we will be a family again.’ He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. ‘I have something I want to show you.’ He flipped his wallet open and handed it to her.
He’d always had a photo of her and Stephen as children in the plastic sleeve but that was gone now. Jess stared at the replacement. Her own eyes stared back at her. The photo was one of her and Lily. It was a photo Kristie had taken on Lily’s sixth birthday.
She sat on the sofa and slipped the photo out of the sleeve. Behind it was the old photo of her and Stephen. She held the picture of Lily in her hands and looked up at her father. ‘Where did you get this?’
‘Kristie gave it to Aunt Carol. She gave it to me.’
‘Why?’
‘I asked for it.’ Her father dragged an armchair across the floor, positioning it at an angle to the sofa, so that he was nearby without crowding Jess. ‘I know I wasn’t very supportive when you told me you were pregnant and were planning on keeping the baby. I didn’t understand how you could make that decision at the age of eighteen but when you cut me out of your life I felt like I’d lost both of my children, first Stephen and then you. Kristie was my link to you, to you and to Lily. I tried to keep in touch with you but when you returned all my letters I had to rely on your aunt and uncle to give me news over the years. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being lost to me for ever.’
Her father had sent her a letter, along with a birthday card and a sizeable cheque for Lily, every year. Kristie had always delivered it for them but Jess hadn’t realised things had been going back in the other direction. Jess had kept the cards—she had boxed them up and put them away for Lily—but she had returned the letters and the cheques, still determined to prove she could manage on her own. Determined to prove she didn’t need anything from her father.
But all this time he’d been hearing about Lily. She didn’t know why she was surprised. If she’d ever given it any thought she would have figured out that Aunt Carol would have passed on any information her parents asked for. All this time he’d been following Lily’s progress. Despite Jess’s actions he had never stopped being her father or Lily’s grandfather. He had never given up hope.
‘I’m sorry I was stubborn. I’m sorry I’ve kept you out of our lives,’ she apologised. ‘I returned your letters but I’ve kept your cards for Lily. I was going to give them to her one day.’ She wanted him to know that. It was important.
‘Thank you, Jessie.’ Her father reached for her hand and Jess gave it to him. ‘I’ve missed you. Do you think we might have a chance to start fresh?’
‘I wasn’t sure if I could forgive you for separating me from Lucas. I loved him then, I love him still.’ Jess felt her father tense and she hurried to continue, to put his mind at ease. ‘But he says we need to leave the past behind if we want to move forward and I think he’s right. I would like a chance to start again.’ She stood up. ‘Would you like to meet Lily?’
‘Now?’
Jess nodded.
‘She’s here?’
‘She’s in the lodge. Lucas is waiting outside. He’ll fetch her.’
‘I’d love to, Jessie, and if it’s all right I’d like to meet Lucas too. After all, I have him to thank for bringing you back into my life.’
Jess nodded. ‘Okay. Give me a minute.’ She was smiling as she left the suite. Lucas was waiting for her, just as he’d promised.
‘You look happy.’
She walked over to him and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.
He picked her up and held her close. ‘What was that for?’ he asked, as he set her back down on her feet.
‘It’s a thank-you. I think it’s going to be okay. Dad wants to meet Lily.’
‘That’s good. I’ve already asked Sofia to bring her up and I’ve ordered some champagne and afternoon tea for you too.’
‘You knew it would go well?’
‘I could tell when I spoke to him on the phone that he was keen to reconcile. I was pretty sure this would all turn out okay and I’m glad it has so far.’
‘He wants to meet you too.’
‘Now?’
Jess nodded and Lucas followed her back into the room.
‘Dad, this is Lucas White. Lucas, my father, Stuart Johnson.’
Jess’s heart was in her throat. Please, be nice, Dad.
Stuart was looking at Lucas closely but he stayed silent. He extended his hand and Jess exhaled as they shook hands. They seemed far more relaxed than she was. Perhaps this would turn out all right after all.
‘Good to meet you properly at last, sir. I apologise for not taking responsibility before now—’
Stuart cut him off and Jess held her breath again. ‘That’s all right. I think I owe you an apology. I was hasty in my judgement of you and it cost me my daughter and my granddaughter. Thank you for bringing them back to me.’
‘I want you to know that I intend to make it up to Lily,’ Lucas said. ‘And to Jess. I have the means and the desire to make it up to both of them and I’m not one to shy away from my responsibilities.’
Lucas stood next to her and she took his hand and squeezed it. He circled her waist with his arm and pulled her close, and Jess could almost feel her life turning around. With Lucas beside her, perhaps things would be okay. With him beside her, anything seemed possible. She’d felt lost, adrift and alone with no one except Lily and Kristie. She never would have admitted it, she was too stubborn, but now perhaps she could. With Lucas back in her life and her father and maybe even her mother, she and Lily wouldn’t be alone any more.
Maybe she had a chance of finding happiness after all.
Jess was wearing scrubs and was sitting in the operating theatre at the foot of the bed while her father prepared for Lily’s biopsy. The anaesthetist gave Lily a very light general anaesthetic and when she gave Stuart the all-clear he slid a flexible tube, complete with a tiny camera, down Lily’s oesophagus, through her stomach and into the small intestine. Jess could watch the images on the monitor above their heads. Stuart examined the intestinal lining and took half a dozen samples at various points.
‘What are you looking for?’ Jess asked. She’d researched the procedure and the disease and she knew she was asking just to hear her father’s voice. It was hard to believe he was back in her life.
‘Atrophy of the villi and inflammation of the mucosal tissue,’ he explained. ‘There’s a pathologist waiting for the samples as we speak so the results should be back almost immediately.’
The whole process took less than fifteen minutes and the light anaesthetic Lily had been given was reversed quickly. Then it was just a matter of more waiting.
Lucas and Jess were sitting with a drowsy Lily in the day surgery recovery area when Stuart ducked in between surgeries.
He kept his mask on as he spoke to them.
‘The results are back. The villi are shrunk and flattened, indicating partial atrophy, and there is an increased presence of lymphocytes and some other changes consistent with inflammation. The Marsh classification is given as Marsh III.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means Lily has celiac disease.’
‘Should I have done something about this earlier?’ Guilt swamped Jess again.
Her father shook his head. ‘From what I’ve read in her history from the emergency department, any symptoms she did have were so mild they could have been attributed to any number of things. Because it is commonly an inherited condition, finding out Lucas’s history was the red flag. I know it’s called a disease but you should think of it more as a condition. It’s easily controlled as long as you are prepared to be vigilant with Lily’s diet. I’m sure Lucas will agree with me, it’s not difficult to manage. Once Lily has a gluten-free diet the villi and her intestine will recover.’
‘How long does that take?’
‘Usually around three to six months, but provided she sticks to a gluten-free diet there won’t be any long-term effects. If she doesn’t adhere to a strict gluten-free diet there can be other complications but there’ll be time to discuss those later. I’ll tee up an appointment with a dietician and a counsellor. It’ll be okay, Jessie, we’ll get through this.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘I have to get back into Theatre. Will you be all right?’
Jess reached for Lucas’s hand and smiled at her father. ‘We’ll be fine.’
Lily was up bright and early on Christmas morning. She’d had no ill effects following the biopsy and had taken the news about her celiac disease in her stride, just like everything else. In all honesty, Jess suspected Lily was pleased to know that she and Lucas had something tangible in common.
That had been one problem solved. Jess had been busy ticking boxes over the past few days and things were going well. With Lucas’s help she was mending her relationship with her parents, both her mother and her father. Lucas had invited them to the lodge for Christmas lunch and they were coming, along with Kristie and her parents. It would be the first family Christmas in many years and Jess and Lily were both excited. Lucas was helping to repair all the damage Jess had done but fortunately everyone seemed prepared to forgive her.
The only other thing still to be finessed was her relationship with Lucas and how they would parent Lily. But Jess knew they would get there. One thing at a time.
Lily was bouncing up and down on Lucas’s bed, where she and Jess had spent another night while Lucas had slept on the couch. Jess felt bad about kicking him out of his own bed yet again but he had insisted. He wanted to be there when Lily woke up, he said. He’d missed all of her Christmases to date and he didn’t want to miss another one. It was a good argument and Jess had happily agreed.
‘Is it time for presents yet?’ Lily was asking.
‘We’ll go and see if your dad is awake.’ It was going to take some time to get used to saying that but Jess liked how it sounded.
‘Merry Christmas to my girls,’ he said, as he kissed them both and handed Jess a coffee.
‘Did Santa come?’ Lily asked.
‘There seems to be a very big present by the fireplace that wasn’t there last night,’ Lucas was grinning. ‘Shall we take a look?’
An enormous gift sat in front of the fireplace and Lily wasted no time in tearing the paper off it to reveal a magnificent doll’s house. It was one she had admired at the Christmas market and had working lights and delicate furniture. A curved staircase led from the first to the second floor and a hollow chimney ended in a small fireplace in the lounge that was complete with tiny logs that lit up with fake flames at the flick of a switch. It was elaborate and beautiful.
‘I think Santa might have stolen your thunder,’ Jess said with a smile as Lily flicked the lights on and off before picking up a tiny music box that was inside the doll’s house. She turned the handle on its side and squealed with delight as it played ‘Waltzing Matilda’. ‘You might not be her favourite today,’ Jess added.
‘Santa had six years to make up for but I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve.’
He handed Lily a small box. Nestled in tissue paper was a carved wooden sleigh. It had been painted red, just like the Crystal Lodge sleigh. Lily lifted it carefully from the box. Attached to it was a perfect replica of Banjo. ‘I love it, Daddy, it looks just like Banjo.’
‘Okay, Dad’s turn, Lil,’ Jess told her, once they’d all finished admiring the tiny horse.
Lily handed Lucas a flat, heavy parcel and then went to play with her doll’s house as he unwrapped his gift, revealing a photo album.
He turned the pages of the album. It was filled with photographs of Lily, beginning on the day she’d been born and continuing to her sixth birthday. As Jess described each picture, telling Lucas something about each occasion, Lily’s curiosity got the better of her. Fascinated as always by photographs of herself when she’d been younger, she abandoned the doll’s house temporarily and climbed onto Lucas’s lap. She snuggled against his chest and added to the commentary as he turned the pages. ‘That’s me when I lost my first tooth,’ she said, ‘and that’s me when I was in the nativity play last year. I was a shepherd. And that’s me on the day I started school in Moose River.’
‘It’s brilliant, JJ,’ Lucas said, as he reached the end of the album and closed the book. He leant behind Lily and kissed Jess lightly on the lips. ‘Thank you.’
‘I have something else for you too,’ she said, as she handed him a large, thin envelope. Inside was one sheet of paper.
Lucas slid it out. ‘It’s Lily’s birth certificate.’
Jess nodded. ‘I’ve had it amended,’ she said. She pointed to the word ‘Father’. In the box underneath it said ‘Lucas White’.
‘This is the most perfect gift.’
‘It’s going to be a perfect Christmas,’ Jess replied.
‘I hope so. But there’s one more thing to do before we reach perfection.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Your present.’ Lucas turned to Lily, who had returned to play, and Jess had to smile when she saw that Lily was busy showing mini-Banjo through the house. ‘Lil, it’s time for Mum’s surprise.’
Lily put Banjo down and dived under the Christmas tree to retrieve a gift bag.
Lucas picked up Jess’s hand and looked into her eyes. ‘JJ, I loved you seven years ago and I love you still. You are beautiful and smart and I never forgot you. I love you and I love Lily. I want us to be a family.’ Without letting go of her hand, he got down on one knee beside the couch. Lily was bouncing up and down on the cushion beside Jess, clutching the gift bag. ‘Jess Johnson, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife? Will you marry me?’
Jess’s eyes filled with tears.
‘No! Don’t cry, Mum.’
‘It’s all right, Lil, these are happy tears,’ Jess said as she choked back a sob. ‘You are my first and only love,’ she said to Lucas. ‘I have loved you and only you since the moment you first kissed me and, yes, I will marry you.’
Lily threw her arms around them both. ‘Hooray,’ she shouted.
‘Okay, Lily, you can hand over the bag now,’ Lucas said, when Lily finally released them.
Inside the bag was a tiny jewellery box. Jess pulled it out and lifted the lid. A princess-cut diamond ring glistened in dark blue velvet. Lucas pulled it from the cushion.
‘Just as you have rescued me I promise to always protect you for as long as you need me. I promise to love you and Lily and to keep you safe. Always,’ he said, as he slid the ring onto her finger before kissing her.
‘I think she likes it,’ Lily said, as Jess held her hand out so they could all admire it.
‘You knew about this?’ Jess asked her.
‘Lily helped me choose the ring,’ Lucas replied. ‘She’s nearly as good at keeping secrets as you are.’
‘No more secrets. I promise.’
Lily was tugging Jess’s arm. ‘Now do you think I can have a baby sister?’
Jess smiled and looked into Lucas’s forget-me-not-blue eyes. ‘We’ll see what we can do.’