Star sat at her crafting desk and linked her phone to her Bose speaker. As Enya’s music started to fill the cosy workroom to the rear of the shop, she had to make sure that she didn’t start to daydream too much. She had a very special ring to make for the equally special and soon-to-be Mrs Pearl Moon.
When Star was little, her mother used to rock her on her lap and sing along to the mournful lyrics of Enya’s ‘May It Be’; the song had forever instilled in her a feeling of peace. The first line contained the word ‘star’, hence its relevance to both Estelle and her daughter. But whatever the reason, this and other mindfulness-inducing music was one thing she could thank her mother for introducing her to. When it got to the line about a promise living inside her, Star looked across at her handbag and tears started to flow down her cheeks. Tears for the row she had had with her mother, tears for her lost father, whoever he might be, and fear for the results of the pregnancy test that was sitting unopened inside her bag.
Yes, she had to admit, she had a very slight tummy, and yes, looking at her usually small breasts, they too were a bit fuller and more tender. Maybe she had been kidding herself it was all that eating, or all the sex hormones flying around that might have caused her boobs to feel a bit sore, or even that she was due a period, as that used to happen sometimes too. Finally, she had to face the fact that those symptoms could mean that she was pregnant. But for today, she was going to sit in her workroom and do what she loved because once that baby-shaped cat was out of the bag, all hell would be let loose.
Conor was great. But – there was a but. Almost like being on the verge of the best orgasm you’d ever had, but not quite getting there. Like having your favourite ever haircut – but getting home from the salon and wishing you’d had the fringe cut that tiny bit shorter. Like deciding on a Mr Whippy ice cream cone and saying no to the flake. So nearly there and yes, being with Conor was nice, but who wanted something that was just ‘nice’? Something that was not quite enough?
Star imagined weeing on that little white stick and getting a negative result. Would she feel upset? Maybe she would for one small moment, because she had always wanted another child. Star shut her eyes and imagined the word pregnant looking back up at her. She had so much to achieve still, and would a child get in the way? And would Conor want to stay with her? What’s more, would she want to stay with him if he wasn’t The One? But then how could she possibly allow another child to grow up without a father figure? This was becoming a rather awful generational pattern. How would Skye feel? Auntie Flo too!
Whatever happened, Star decided she would have to deal with it, and she would. It was Monday, a quiet day in the Ferry Lane shops. She could hold on to whatever ‘promise was within’ until later. She would finish Pearl’s ring and then go upstairs to the flat and just do it, do the test, get it over with and worry about the consequences after.
Just as she was searching for her smallest pair of pliers in the wooden tray in front of her, she came across a little piece of pretty pink-flecked rhodochrosite crystal. She smiled at those love angels of hers presenting this to her right at this particular minute. She had encouraged Jack to give Kara a pair of earrings made out of this very crystal, to thank her for his stay in Hartmouth. He himself had thought it was a bit over the top, but knowing what a bad mental state Kara had been in at the time after her break-up with the horrible Jago, Star had insisted.
Coincidences like this often happened to her and made her believe in the power of the universe even more. She reached for one of her crystal leaflets and read, Rhodochrosite can guide one in the quest for happiness, help one move forward after a period of doubt, and express love towards others without fear of rejection. She thought sadly of Jack, who had rejected her. They had without a doubt both experienced strong feelings, but it had been a one-off. A wonderful memory of sex on a summer’s day with a beautiful man. So yes, Jack ‘I’m a bloody Englishman in New York’ Murray could fuck off now. Maybe her expectations of love had been too great. Nobody was perfect. Nothing was perfect. The whole episode with the short, bearded one was a ‘could have been’, rather than a ‘would have been’. What was the note he had written for Kara too, when he gave her those earrings, something like no more ‘I wish’, but ‘I will’?
Maybe, whatever the outcome, this was the new start she needed in her quest for happiness. This was her time now. She would and she could! No more hankering after someone who had so little regard for her. Someone who couldn’t even reply to a simple email message. There was never a good enough excuse for somebody not messaging you back. If people wanted to make time for you, however busy a life they had, they would.
Fingering the crystal and saying aloud, ‘May it be, indeed, Enya,’ Steren Lilian Bligh reached for her handbag, turned the shop sign to Back in 15 mins and headed up the stairs to the flat – and her destiny.