Chapter Twenty-Five

The next morning breaks bright and early on the ranch. Dewitt sits in his wheelchair, looking out of his bedroom window at the panoramic view. Michael is making the bed.

“You sleep well, Mister Doctor?” he asks.

“Fine, thanks, Michael,” says Dewitt as he stretches himself. “I feel great. It sure is beautiful out here in the wild, wild west. – Michael, did you ever think there would still be marauding Indians in this day and age?”

“Sorry, Mister Doctor,” replies Michael. “I don’t know Mister Willie tribe name.”

Michael finishes straightening the bedroom and asks, “You come for breakfast now?”

“Uh, soon,” says Dewitt. “I’m just going to look out the window for awhile; so peaceful, so quiet. – Hey, Michael, you reckon I could have some eggs?”

Michael chuckles.

“Oh, yes, Mister Doctor. Michael definitely have you eggs.” He smiles and thoughtfully adds, “What they say? ‘Nooo problem. Trust me.’ Hee-hee.”

Dewitt is lost in thought. He absently replies, “Uh, okay. Thanks.”

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Willie and T. P. sit at the breakfast table, each wearing wild pajamas. Willie is working on a simple crossword puzzle book. T. P. watches cartoons on a small TV set and sips a carton of chocolate milk through a straw. He slurps his milk.

“Don’t do that, I tells you,” demands Willie.

The telephone rings. Willie and T. P. look at each other. Willie answers the phone.

“Joe King’s Bar and Grill,” he intones. “I’m Joe King!”

He winks at T. P.

“Oh, hello, Señor Un-,” Willie says. “What?... Got loose?... When, last night?... Si, Si. T. P. and me will begin looking, no problemo. I remember the last... Okay, okay. Adiós.”

Willie hangs up the phone. He looks at T. P.

“Ol’ Oz got loose again,” he says in a frustrated voice. “They don’t know which way she headed.”

“Ohhh, no,” says T. P., shaking his head. “I don’t want to go through with that again. – I’m sick. I got the flu!”

“You don’t got no flu!” says Willie, disgusted. “Now get your clothes on. She usually heads here from the superintendent’s barn, so get your bu-”

Just then they hear a blood-curdling scream from the direction of Dewitt’s bedroom.

T. P. jumps up and gives an excited shout.

“I think he just found her!” he says.

They rush into the room.

Dewitt is sitting, frozen, staring through the bedroom window right at the long neck and large face of Oz – the ostrich!

Shortly thereafter, Dewitt sits outside the back corner of the ranch house. He follows with interest the maneuvers of his two captors a short distance away: Willie and T. P. are trying to catch Oz! She’s near the barn, in a fenced area of haystacks and farm equipment.

As the two men creep up on her, ol’ Oz stands her ground. T. P. holds onto a long rope while Willie has a feed sack in his hand.

“Here, Ozzie, Ozzie,” coaches T. P. “Here, Oz. Come on, we won’t hurt you.”

“She don’t understand English, I tells you,” shouts Willie. “I could tell that the last time.”

“Well, she sure didn’t seem to understand the Super’s Spanish either,” T. P. says in return.

“She don’t understand nothin’,” says Willie. “Now tie that rope, I tells you. Make a lasso.”

“Okay, Willie.”

T. P. ties a little slipknot onto the rope.

“Now throw it,” commands Willie.

T. P. begins to twirl the rope high over his head.

“No, you moron!” shouts Willie. “Not at her head! What are you trying to do, break her neck?!”

“Sorry, Willie,” replies T. P.

Oz gives out a squawk, but stays put. The two men creep closer.

“Throw it at her feet!” shouts Willie. “Maybe she’ll step in it!”

Dewitt mutters to himself, “We know who’s gonna ‘step in it!’”

T. P. tosses the rope at ground level; the loop lands just behind Oz. He pulls the rope toward her, slowly. Sure enough, ol’ Oz steps into the loop. T. P. gives a mighty pull and manages to get one ostrich leg caught.

“I got her! I got her!” he yells.

“Hold her. Let me get the sack over her head,” yells back Willie.

Willie quickly approaches Oz. Who bolts!

Oz darts around the enclosure, dragging T. P. behind through the dirt. Willie follows, sack at the ready, yelling for T. P. to hold on. There is a fence coming up fast, but ol’ Oz turns from it quickly, catapulting T. P. behind her. He valiantly holds onto the rope as Oz turns toward the barn door.

Willie seizes the moment: He rushes over and opens the barn door and T. P. is dragged into the barn, twisting and shouting. Shortly after he lets out a holler.

“Oh, shhhhiiiii-”

Willie cringes as he finishes T. P.’s forever immortal word. “-tuh!” he says.

Dewitt is beside himself with laughter. Shrugging, he says to himself, “Step in, drag through, what’s the difference? You just knew it was going to happen!”

Dewitt begins to point and laughs even more: Poor T. P., defeated, covered with hay and mud and goodness knows what all, slowly exits the barn, tongue hanging out, rope in hand.

“Water! Water!” he whimpers.

Then T. P. takes a whiff of himself.

“Soap! Soap!” he implores.