The call came midmorning the next day.
“Cassidy? I’ve got a job for you. Can you be at Elk Meadows in a few hours?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a pack ready to go. I just need to call Rusty. Any details?”
“Man and wife camping at Elk Meadows. They went out for a hike and the wife wanted to turn back early. The husband kept going and when he got back to camp his wife was nowhere to be seen. He went out looking for her yesterday evening and called early this morning, concerned because she was still out there.”
“Were they following the trail?”
“No, they crossed the meadows and headed up into the hills nearby.”
At least I knew the area a little bit. I’d hiked behind the meadows once before. The trail was fairly fresh. I was hopeful that this would be a successful search.
“How old is she? Does she have experience in the outdoors?”
“Not much but she doesn’t sound like a wimp either. They take their grandkids camping and she’d always told them that if they got lost they should find a place that was safe and wait to be found. Hopefully she listened to her own advice.”
“Grandkids? How old is she?”
“Fifty eight.”
Rusty answered on the second ring.
“Hey there.”
“Hi, I’ve got a call. It doesn’t sound like a long one but I thought I ought to let you know. Base camp is Elk Meadows. I’ll be heading into the hills behind the meadows. You know the area. Tracking should be about average for the mountains. She’s been gone overnight but she sounds very level headed so hopefully she found a rock somewhere and she’s just out there waiting for me.”
“You take care of my girl out there.”
“I will, I miss you already, but I shouldn’t be gone long.”
I met Landon at the compound. He smiled broadly as I stepped out of my Jeep, shouldered my pack and made my way over to the car he had packed and ready to go.
“I doubt you need me on this one,” he said. “But at least I get to go on a hike in the mountains with a beautiful girl. I can’t knock that.”
If there was anybody I’d rather go tracking with besides Rusty it was Landon. He was an EMT and very capable, but more than that, he was good company, he looked out for me. In fact, he was loyal to a fault. When I got so involved in the trail that I forgot the time he reminded me to eat. When I pushed too hard he slowed me down. When things turned out badly he was there, first to take over medically, then as emotional backup. That wasn’t part of his job but he was always there for me. When a search ended badly I tended to withdrawal and blame myself. He never let me get away with any negative thinking and he knew the routine. Landon drew me out, encouraged me, and beat down my guilt trip before calling in the troops, which meant Rusty, and then… then he sat back and wished it could just be him.
Victor was the other EMT I got paired up with a lot. But oddly enough, it was because Victor didn’t do all those things that made me like working with him. Victor was Steady Eddie. He followed me and stepped in when I got to the end of the trail. And he let me be. He was good company and he always needed a tale of my latest catastrophe, even if he’d heard it before, but we worked more independently, and I appreciated the space. Victor wouldn’t be on this search. He was a family man, with an outside job and wouldn’t be needed. We didn’t need Landon either, except that Strict wouldn’t send me out alone and Landon was a willing participant. Rosco and Thez would be willing to go out, too, but Strict chose wisely when he paired me up with Landon or Victor. Tracking with Rosco was like pulling a trailer behind me. And Thez was entertaining but always brought along too many surprises.
“I got a new toy,” I announced as I loaded my gear. “I hope it doesn’t scare our ten sixty-five, but I wanted to take it for a trial run.”
I handed him the rifle Rusty had given me for Christmas. Landon took it from me and looked it over, hefted it. It definitely wasn’t the gun for him, but he admired the work that went into choosing a gun that was right for me. The public expects the officers to carry weapons. They see the uniform, the attitude and the rifle fits in. Not so with me. They wonder if I know which end is which. And this rifle didn’t help in that department. It was more of a commando style. But the fact that it wasn’t made out of heavy wood and metal made it extremely light and the molded stock and butt were tailored to a smaller person, so it made the rifle a perfect fit for me.
“I’ve been going to the range about once a week. I still aim a little high on the first shot. So I skip the first shot and go for the second one instead.”
“That works. You’re probably just rushing your first shot.”
Elk Meadows was green with melting spring snow. The grass of the meadows, usually a dull yellow, looked alive with new growth. I almost expected to see elk grazing but knew they rarely came this close to the campground.
Strict hugged me in greeting.
“You’re looking good,” he said. “You ready?”
“Yeah, it’s been a while. You didn’t call me to tromp through the snow like you did last year.”
“That’s because we could see the tracks though the snow. When we need a real tracker we call you.”
“So you need a real tracker?”
“It would help.”
“Where’s the campsite?”
Strict took me over to a camping spot with a large cabin tent. The picnic table had a red and white checkered tablecloth clipped down to it. A lantern stood at one end and an ice chest sat comfortably on the picnic table bench. A white Suburban was parked next to the campsite. A large golden retriever mix strained at the end of a chain wrapped around a tree. He barked, half warning and half greeting. This couple was settled in their outdoors ways. A man sat at the picnic table, head in hands. He stood as we approached.
“Peter? This is Cassidy Michaels and Landon Wilson. I’m sending them out to find Alisondra.”
Peter looked at us dubiously.
“Don’t worry,” I said, “I’m more capable than I look.”
“Cassidy is our tracker,” Strict said. “She’s why we don’t have twenty people up here ready to canvas the hills. She’ll stay on Alisondra’s trail until she’s found. Landon is here for medical support. If Alisondra did as you expect and found a place to wait for searchers we should have her back safe and sound soon. If she tried to find her way back it might take some tracking. We’ll maintain radio contact so we can check the progress whenever we want. Cassidy needs a few things before she heads out. If you have a pair of Alisondra’s shoes, a picture of her, and a sample of her tracks it would help.”
I began walking around the campsite. I’d already noted the kind of shoes Peter wore so I could distinguish Alisondra’s tracks from his. Peter ducked into the tent and came out with a pair of canvas tennis shoes.
“She wears these around camp. She wears sturdier shoes for hiking.”
I took the shoes from him and noted the wear patterns. She must wear these shoes around the house too. The insides of both soles were worn smooth. The inside of the right shoe had a hole worn through it. The laces were ready to break. This lady wasn’t into the latest styles either. She was all business, but a pleasant, comfortable business. I thought she must have a lot of fun with her grandkids. I put the shoes down and walked around camp trying to pick up the tracks of Alisondra’s sturdier hiking shoes. I located a good track and squatted down to study the tread pattern. The wear marks that I had seen on her canvas shoes didn’t show up on the hiking shoes. Perhaps the hiking shoes were newer. It helped that the tread was crisp and recognizable. The tracks would show up easier in the rougher terrain of the mountains.
“Are you ready?” I asked Landon.
He walked to the car and shrugged into his pack in response. I took out my own pack and shouldered the rifle. Peter looked alarmed. I looked to Strict and he was just as curious. I’d never taken a rifle with me before.
“Rusty got it for me for Christmas. I’m just seeing if it packs well on the trail. You wanted me to have one for scouting. Well, now I’ve got one.”
“I’d like to take a look at it when you get back.”
“Okay, show me what we’re up against. Peter, you and Alisondra hiked out of here and she headed back early. You can save me some tracking time if you can show me on the map where it was that Alisondra turned back. Do you know where it was?”
He bent over the map and pointed to the meadows. “The campground is here,” he said, pointing. “We crossed the meadows in this direction and followed the side of the hill around until the little valley split. Then we continued down the left fork. When the valley ended we began following the terrain up into a saddle and came down the other side. That’s when Ally wanted to head back. I was sure she could find the way since all she had to do was go over the saddle and follow the valleys back to the meadow. It seemed very straightforward to me. But when I got here there was no sign of her.”
“So the last time you saw her was just south of the saddle? Can you give me a landmark where I can pick up the trail? The more specific the better.”
“Yeah, Ally took my picture standing next to a tree that was growing in a corkscrew. If you can find it, it’ll make a good starting point. There should be plenty of tracks in the vicinity too.”
I asked Landon, “Got your hikin’ boots on? We’re taking a fast hike to the saddle with minor information gathering on the way.”
I circled the campsite finding the trail leading out and through the meadow. I walked quickly, keeping an eye on Peter and Ally’s tracks. I noticed they stayed close. Occasionally Ally’s footprints would stray to the side and Peter’s would stop as Ally stopped to investigate something. She would kneel in the grass and look closely at small things, sometimes getting down on hands and knees. I thought I might like this lady when I finally caught up to her. I imagined a woman with dirt smudged jeans and a curiosity about the world that matched her grandkids’.
Landon followed me quickly across the meadow. My pack was heavy. It always took me a half mile or so to get used to the weight. After that, the pack seemed to settle and I could move as if it were a part of me.
“Since we’re just hiking and we know where we’re going, tell me about your latest adventures,” Landon said.
My heart sunk. I should have seen it coming but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Landon, you’ve heard all about it. It’s been in the news and I’m sure Jacobsen has made sure the station has heard his version. Isn’t that enough?”
“Jacobsen?”
“Yeah, he…you’re sure you haven’t heard about this?”
“Considering you haven’t told me anything yet, yeah.”
“I don’t know if I can talk about it. I thought you’d heard. You watch the news, don’t you?”
“If I’m not on duty, or out.”
“Shoot. I don’t think I can do it yet. Get it from Jacobsen.”
I could feel the look he gave me burrowing through my back. It was a mixture of irritation and concern. He knew the things that set me off.
“If Jacobsen was involved it means he was senior officer.”
“Not necessarily.”
I doubled my pace trying to out hike my brain. Maybe if I hiked fast enough we’d leave the topic far behind. When Landon got tired of trying to keep up he huffed impatiently, “Cassidy, you can run but you cannot hide. I won’t push you to talk about it but eventually you’ve got to come to grips with it or it’s going to eat you up.”
“Not if Tom can put the guy away. If we can just get him before he hurts someone I’ll be okay. I keep running the pieces of what I know through my mind and it’s taking shape but it still doesn’t make sense. Like, why is Kima Tumibay worried about gunmen? She’s just a teacher. What could a teacher possibly have done to cause two armed men to go looking for her? I saw her at the school. She loves the kids in her class. The kids all think she’s great. She’s personable and friendly and kind. It doesn’t make sense.”
“For not wanting to talk about it you’re doing a pretty good job, although I don’t have answers to any of your questions.”
“Rusty and I saw her at a restaurant last night. She didn’t know who I was. It was odd seeing her there too. Again, she was personable and friendly. She was with a foreign woman who spoke very little English and she was helping her learn English, not unusual for a teacher, but something seemed odd about it anyway. Her friend appeared to be worried about something and one sentence that I overheard was out of place and it kind of tied in with why the woman might be worried or why the gunmen were at the school. She said a certain man was ‘an activist but usually not dangerous.’ And yet these two gunmen turn up at the school. I think it must tie in somewhere. And I worry about exactly where. I’ve had enough gunmen after me to learn it doesn’t take much to set some people off. I’ve had guys try and kill me for the oddest reasons.”
“It’s because you’re a trouble magnet. You attract people like that.”
“Gee, thanks. Even if that’s the reason why I get into trouble it doesn’t explain why it would happen to her. I wish I could talk to her but she doesn’t even know who I am or how I know about her link to all this. And I’m not sure she should know.”
“Cassidy, you’re not making any sense unless I have some background to go by.”
“It doesn’t help.”
“Why can’t you just start at the beginning?”
“I can’t. Landon, just ask Jacobsen or Rusty or Strict or almost anybody else at the station. Where have you been that you haven’t heard about it? It was on TV, probably nationwide. You couldn’t have missed it. Schroeder was on the news. I couldn’t watch it because it brought too many flashbacks. Schroeder told them in no uncertain terms that they would not get an interview with me no matter what. I think it’s because Schroeder is worried about how much I might say but he also knows my aversion to television reporters.”
“You know you’re just digging yourself in deeper and deeper.”
We were headed up the first little valley, still following Peter and Ally’s tracks but only enough to verify their passage. I was more interested in what had happened to Alisondra after she left Peter and headed back. I was hiking at a good steady pace because I knew time was ticking away. The trail wasn’t exactly a valley, but more of an area where two hills met and resulted in a little wash. When it rained the wash would turn into a small creek but now, even with the snow on the mountains quickly melting, the wash was dry.
“If you really want to find out, drop back a bit and talk to Strict.”
“I couldn’t do that. Everybody within range would listen in.”
“You can go to another frequency, but really, I’m telling you you’re probably the only one who doesn’t know. Maybe Peter will feel better about me carrying this rifle. Or maybe he’ll worry more. Oh hell.” I stopped, turned around and confronted Landon with the truth. “Okay, here’s how it was, I went to Del Sol Elementary School to talk to a third grade class about my job, how to prevent getting lost, you know the drill. I hear shots. There’s a gunman walking through the school taking pot shots at people. I was the only one armed. I had to shoot him…Landon I had to. Everybody else was locked in classrooms or running down the hall in fear. There were two gunmen and I killed one and wounded the other. He’s the one we’ve got to catch. But I can’t fit all the pieces together. And I can’t put it down. I just relive it and think about it and try and piece it together but I can’t make sense of it. I try but I don’t have enough pieces yet. Now let me hike before I get all tied up in knots and become useless.” I kicked a rock, turned around and trudged off down the trail. Landon stood still letting this new information sink in. He knew to give me some distance. He followed silently but I knew what was coming and I didn’t want to hear it. I stopped to clear the tears from my eyes. No use trudging off if I couldn’t see, I’d only lose the trail. Even if I was just verifying their tracks I still needed to see them.
“And this teacher thinks the gunmen were after her? An ‘activist’? That’s an odd word.”
“She was trying to think of a word her foreign friend would understand. That’s just what she came up with.”
“Activists have an agenda. An issue they address. What’s this guy against?”
“That’s just it, Landon, I don’t know.” But I was thankful he wasn’t trying to justify my actions like I had been expecting him to. “I keep thinking, though, that if she knows he’s an activist, maybe she knows who he is. And if she does, why would she protect him? It seems like she’d be running to the police and reporting him but that hasn’t happened.”
“You said there were two gunmen. Maybe she’s afraid of a radical militant organization.”
“This is Joshua Hills. What kind of organizations do we have here?”
I climbed up a few rocks and located Ally’s footprints on the other side. I was glad hikers preferred following sandy washes. It made my job a lot easier. I expected it to get tougher at the saddle.
“Cassidy, you know it had to be done, right?” Oh boy, here it comes. Instantly my walls went up.
“My head knows. It’s the rest of me I’m having trouble with. Just because something has to be done doesn’t make it right.”
“Look at the alternatives. I know it goes against your principles to shoot someone. If you hadn’t shot him then what would have happened? You couldn’t fight the guy, you’d have been beaten until he shot you or you shot him. You couldn’t wait for help. Help could have been too long coming.” My pace picked up as the thoughts flailed around in my head.
“I don’t want to hear it. I’ve heard it several times a day since this happened. I go over and over it but I still can’t justify it to my heart. I just need to forgive myself and maybe that will be come sooner if we can just get this guy who got away and I can make sense of the whole situation. Now find a different subject to talk about.”
“Cookies. Did you bring any cookies?” he asked.
“Depends, did you bring anything to trade?”
“You’re kidding.”
“Victor brings cinnamon rolls.”
Of course Victor had never actually offered me a cinnamon roll. He just unknowingly taunted me with them. Landon’s face fell.
“Oh, all right, I only brought a few, because I expected this to be a short search, but I’ll split them with you.”
“Chocolate chip? With nuts?”
“Chocolate chip, no nuts.”
“This is Mickey Mouse tracking,” he said looking at the ground. “Even I could do this.”
“We’ll have our work cut out for us after we reach the saddle. It’ll be more woodland tracking and it’ll only be one person. I’m not even really tracking at this point. Just trying to get to the saddle in time to leave us some real tracking time. She shouldn’t be far from the saddle though. We can’t be two miles from the campground. She should have been able to find her way back from the saddle. It seems impossible to get lost on a hike like this. Judging from the hints in the meadow she probably got distracted and followed her curiosity away from the campground instead of returning.”
The day was warm and pleasant. We watched ahead for trees and shady spots then eyed the saddle ahead and kept walking. As we neared the saddle I paid closer attention to the tracks. A mountain pass could be a broad area and one tree could be hard to spot so I followed the tracks. When we stood before the corkscrewed tree Landon and I glanced at each other. My look said, okay, now the real work begins. His look said, didn’t you say you had cookies? I rolled my eyes then took off my pack and fished around inside until I found a Ziploc bag of cookies. I handed him four. Then I took out trail mix to snack on while tracking. I put on my pack, shifted it around, fastened the hip belt, and shouldered the rifle. The rifle was packing surprisingly well. As I put it back on I realized I hadn’t noticed taking it off. It fit me and moved with me as though I had always owned it.
Now it was time for some real tracking. We had to find Alisondra today. I was determined. Examining the tracks around the corkscrewed tree, I located Peter’s tracks standing next to it, then discovered Alisondra’s tracks several yards away where she had stood to take the picture. I followed her footsteps carefully as she hiked with Peter over the saddle. They stopped and talked once about halfway down the hill, their footprints milling about casually. She followed him to the bottom of the hill before turning back. However, when she returned to camp she did not want to climb to the top of the saddle again so she circled the hill hoping to see some new sights and find her way back to Elk Meadows from the other side. If she thought the hill would lead back around to the first little valley she was mistaken. It didn’t lead her that way at all. At first she just hiked along with a spring in her step, seemingly enjoying the day. When the hill began curving in an obviously different direction from Elk Meadows she turned around. She followed the hill around but didn’t recognize the saddle when she got back to it. She kept on. The further south she hiked the rougher the terrain became. She was approaching the big shale mountain, its flimsy rock chips visible even from this far away. Ally stopped frequently. I imagined her thinking about the path she had been hiking and trying to figure out a way back, or picking up the odd-shaped pieces of shale, like I tended to, thinking they begged to be painted on. I never was much of an artist though so I always left the shale where it had fallen. It became more difficult to track Ally near the shale mountain because the ground was coarse bits of shale. I had to study carefully trying to piece together what little information the ground would yield. I was glad I hurried to the saddle because this was the kind of tracking that couldn’t be rushed. Landon walked to the bottom of a jagged looking ledge jutting up to the east.
“Don’t climb it,” I said. “It flakes away. If we were on the other side of the mountain you could see Elk Meadows from up there. The mountain overlooks a couple of miles of meadows and the campground is at the end of it.”
“Maybe I can see something from up there anyway,” he said and began climbing.
“The shale isn’t trustworthy. Test the rock before you put your weight on it.”
“You climbed up there and now you’re warning me about it?”
“The way I climbed up doesn’t require handholds and footholds. Go ahead, you have a little while. I won’t go far while you climb up and back. This ground is useless.”
I turned my attention to Ally’s partial track. I followed the direction it was pointing and looked for the next one. Maybe. Maybe this rock had been stepped on. It looked like it had been pressed into the soil fairly recently. I removed the rock and examined the indentation, imagined what kind of a step would make it press into the ground at that particular angle, then looked to the place where I imagined the other step would have fallen. I kept the last sure track in my mind so I could go back to it if necessary. Step by step I figured out Ally’s route. It felt like it took ages but finally she headed away from the shale and the ground became readable again. I didn’t want to leave Landon behind so I found a stick and drew a circle around the track. Then I dragged the stick behind me marking my trail back to the ledge.
“Landon!” I called. “Time to get a move on!”
I heard a motion from above and saw Landon descending the mountain, carefully feeling for footholds.
“I didn’t see anything but empty forest from up there,” he said.
“I got past the tough part.”
“Okay, give me a minute, I’ll catch up.”
“Follow the stick mark in the dirt.”
“Okay.” I knew he’d catch up to me quickly, so I set off again to find Ally’s last track.
Fifteen minutes later Landon still hadn’t appeared. He’s a big boy, Cass, he can take care of himself, I told myself. He’s been doing this a lot longer than you have. But then I thought that even if Landon was a big boy, he’d never considered me to be a big girl and wouldn’t have let me go this far alone. So, again, I went back expecting to meet him hiking down my clearly marked trail. Instead I found him at the bottom of the ledge surrounded by a small pile of handholds and footholds that had been truly untrustworthy.
“It’s about time,” he said.
“I won’t say it.”
“Say what?”
“I told you so.”
“Thanks, now help me. I did something to my leg. Is it broken?”
“You, the EMT, are asking me, the tracker, if your leg is broken? If I saw your tracks and you fell I’d say, ‘Ouch, bet that hurt! I bet that guy’s leg is broken.’ But show me a leg and I have no idea.”
I gave him a hand up. He stood without putting any weight on his leg. He put an arm over my shoulder and I helped him to his pack, then lowered him back down. His blonde hair was a mess and his blue eyes reflected the pain.
“Did you call Strict?”
“No, I was waiting to make a decision.”
“Well, you aren’t hiking anywhere in this condition.”
“Open my pack. I’ve got splints in there. It’s a little plastic bag.” He began poking at his leg, not the gentle feeling motions he used on other people. He’d checked me over for broken bones before and had been very gentle. When he found the most painful spot he began running his fingers over the area but didn’t come to any firm conclusions.
“If you’re in too much pain to put weight on it you can’t hike. I may have miles to go. We can’t tell from here. If you call Strict and he sends a copter in for you maybe Alisondra will hear it and head this way.”
“You’re not going by yourself,” he said determinedly.
I shot him with that look and said with the same determination, “I’m not quitting. Maybe Strict can get someone else to come in on the helicopter. Is this it?” I asked, holding up a little packet of clear plastic.
“Read the label. I’ve got different kinds in there.”
I read a few little plastic packets before I found it.
“Okay, lower leg, got it. This is a splint?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s not the kind of splint I learned to use in school.”
“That’s because in school you didn’t have to pack several of them in a backpack.”
“True.”
“Find the scissors.”
I followed his instructions and located the scissors. I cut away his pants leg just above the knee because the leg could be x-rayed though the splint if the material wasn’t in the way. While I worked he radioed Strict. Strict wasn’t very happy. There was a long discussion where Landon told him I wasn’t coming out and that Strict should call Victor. Strict informed us that Victor wasn’t available. How about Rosco? Thez? I untied Landon’s shoe and loosened the laces. I pulled his shoe off as gently as I could and he stiffened with the pain.
“We still have the sock to go. Ready?” I gently pulled off his sock making sure it didn’t catch on his heel.
The splint was like a giant inflatable sock. I opened it and got all the creases out then made sure it could be pulled onto his leg without putting undo pressure anywhere. I slipped it on. Now what?
“Just blow it up,” he instructed. “See the valve?”
“Yeah, I’m just imagining how this is going to get back to Rusty. If I know you…”
He gave me a mischievous smile. “Guess you’ll have to tell him first. Wouldn’t want him getting any wrong ideas. Pinch it a little, then use long, slow breaths. Release the valve to keep the air in between breathes.”
I blew up the splint until it fit snuggly and I couldn’t get more air inside.
“Did you give Strict our coordinates?”
“Yeah.”
“Think I should spread out your tent so they can find us easily?”
“Wouldn’t hurt.”
I pulled Landon’s tent from its bag and went looking for an open area. After spreading it out I put a couple of stakes down to hold it in place. When I got back to Landon he was removing the radio and burrowing in his pack. He handed me several packets.
“I’ll trade you, the basic first aid kit for the rest of the cookies.”
If I was going to have to pack his medical supplies and the radio I wanted to get rid of some weight from my pack anyway, so we struck a deal. I ate one cookie and gave him the rest. When he saw there were more than four he looked at me like I had been holding out on him earlier. I just couldn’t imagine anybody eating more than four cookies at a time. Two was my limit. I unpacked both packs, except for his personal things in the bottom pocket, then we picked and chose what he thought I might need or was authorized to use. I packed them hoping all the identical little packets wouldn’t be needed. I sent some of my backpacker food with him since I didn’t expect to be out for more than another day. He took my water purifier since I didn’t expect to see any water to purify. This little detour was seriously cutting into my tracking time.
As we heard the helicopter closing in I got up and walked to the clearing to flag it down. I didn’t think there was enough space to land but at least they could spot us easily. When they spotted us I helped Landon hobble over to the clearing, then rolled up his tent and hastily stuffed it back in its sack. A basket was lowered along with a volunteer and together we helped Landon onto the stretcher.
“I’ll call when I get out of here,” I yelled over the noise.
“I’ll be sure and need some help.”
I gave him a friendly punch to the shoulder and he was pulled up into the bay. The helicopter flew a wide circle searching for our missing person, then headed back to town. I noted grimly that they didn’t leave me an EMT. I was on my own but I didn’t mind so much. I could track, camp and find my ten sixty-five alone. I just hoped Ally wouldn’t need medical attention. It was possible that the helicopter hadn’t taken Landon to town, but only to base camp where an ambulance took him the rest of the way. If that were true then maybe Strict still had someone who would be joining me later. I watched the helicopter, then turned and jogged to the last track I’d found. I was glad I had passed the hardest part of the search and Ally was pointed in a good direction for tracking. The tracks led on and I followed them as quickly as I dared. When I had started out I’d hoped to find Ally that day. Now it was doubtful.