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I am the scum of the earth.
It was the one thought that kept repeating in Koen’s head as he marched Gawain through the forest to the nearest city so he could take him back to Miracle. No. Not just to Miracle. To the ceremonial ring where Koen would fight him to the death.
I am the scum of the earth.
How was he supposed to kill the one person fate had created just for him? And what the hell had he done that was so horrible for fate to give him a mate who would allow so many shifters to be hurt?
Even if he believed Gawain hadn’t wanted to be on the Council, did the man have to vote with the others? As a professor at a predominantly shifter university, Koen had heard so many horror stories of the Council hunting others down and killing them as if it were no more than some sadistic sport.
Anyone who could allow that deserved to die. Right?
I am the scum of the earth.
Why did it have to be his mate? And why was it Koen that had to face him in that damn ring?
No matter that he was his mate, Gawain deserved to die for his sins. Right?
I am the scum of the earth.
“If you didn’t want to be on the Council why did you join?” he blurted out after an hour of wrestling with the conflicting thoughts in his head.
Gawain let out a humorless laugh that spoke volumes. “I didn’t exactly have a choice.” Then he shook his head, causing his slightly too long strands of brown hair to become more mussed than they already were. “No. That’s not true. I just couldn’t say no to my father.”
“Excuse me?” That wasn’t something Koen thought to hear from a grown man. One of his college students, sure, but from all he’d read about Gawain York, he was seventy eight, not twenty.
There was a barely discernable exhale followed by Gawain’s shoulders slumping. Koen couldn’t describe the surge of emotion that flowed through him at seeing his mate appear so...defeated. It made him want to slay whatever demons Gawain had, which was crazy. This man had destroyed people’s lives. Koen shouldn’t feel the need to wrap his arms around him and tell Gawain everything would be okay. Should he?
“I know it sounds stupid,” Gawain said just when Koen was beginning to think he wasn’t going to answer. “Poor little rich kid’s daddy didn’t love him.” Gawain let out a heart wrenching laugh that shredded Koen to the core. “It doesn’t really matter. I may not have known what I was getting into when I joined the Council, but I should have voted against them.”
“Then why didn’t you?” Koen asked without giving it much thought.
The only sounds were their feet crunching over the forest floor and the shaking of the branches as the wind picked up. Koen considered asking again, but he honestly wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. It was hard enough to accept what his mate was a part of. Did he really need to know the reasons why?
If the wind hadn’t of suddenly changed direction and carried Gawain’s voice to him, Koen was sure he’d wouldn’t have heard his mate’s whispered answer. “I didn’t want to die.”
I am the scum of the earth.
Like the stories of those the Council had executed ran rampant around the university campus, so had the ones about the mysterious deaths of Council members who’d dared to go against the chief. At first, Koen hadn’t put much credence into the tales, especially when they tended to be gruesome and in front of witnesses.
Eventually, he’d begun to realize it was how the Council Chief kept the others in line. Either vote with him, or die. Did that mean Gawain wasn’t as evil as he’d assumed? There was a huge part of him that wanted it to be true, but if it came down to his life or that of others, Koen wouldn’t have hesitated to die.
Then again, he was a hundred and twenty. It was hard to know what he would have done when he was younger. “How old were you when you joined the Council?”
Koen had read it somewhere, but he honestly couldn’t remember. It hadn’t seemed important at the time, but now? Well, now it mattered.
“Twenty-five. Old enough to know better,” Gawain mumbled.
I am the scum of the earth.
Fuck. Twenty-five. I was still living at home with no clue what I was going to do with a degree in history. My only responsibility had been to...hell, I didn’t have any responsibilities at that age.
Damn, but Koen felt like an ass. He couldn’t imagine the burden Gawain must have carried. Plus, if he’d witnessed any of the gruesome murders that had happened at the hands of Refugio, Gawain mostly likely had been scared shitless. Was it really fair to blame him for being terrified?
On the other hand, that was fifty years ago and he’d still continued to vote with the others. Too confused to make sense of all the emotions swirling around inside of him, Koen hadn’t been paying much attention to anything around him.
“Uh, Koen,” Gawain said. “Don’t you think we should find some shelter?”
“Huh?” Koen looked around him to find their world a swirling mass of dust, leaves, and other debris as the wind had kicked into high gear. Before he could figure out where they were and if there was any kind of cover from the coming storm, the heavens opened up and rain poured down on them in sheets.
“Fuck,” he shouted. Then he grabbed Gawain’s arm and yelled above the howling winds. “Do you see somewhere we can take shelter?”
Gawain pointed behind Koen. “We passed a small rock outcropping about a half a mile back. I’m not sure how much it will protect us but I haven’t seen anything else.”
Neither of them needed another word to get them running. Gawain led the way to what ended up being a decent sized, covered area. It wouldn’t keep them safe from the lightning that was now streaking across the sky, but it was deep enough that the rain couldn’t get to them even though it was coming down nearly sideways.
Two hours later, it was still pouring and darkness was starting to settle over them. They were both shivering in their wet clothes as the temperature started to drop. There was no way they’d make it through the night like that.
The wisest course of action would be to take off their clothes and spread them out so they had a chance to dry, while they shifted into their animals. The only problem with that was Gawain was an owl and Koen wasn’t sure he could trust the man not to fly off.
As a fox shifter, there was no way Koen would be able to catch up to his mate again if Gawain decided to leave him behind. It was the reason he’d taken his time tracking the man in the first place.
For the four days of patiently trailing Gawain, Koen had slowly worked his way closer in hopes of the man not realizing Koen was there until it was too late. Thankfully, it had worked, even though he’d been fairly certain Gawain had suspected he was being followed.
The moment Gawain’s teeth started to chatter, the decision was taken out of Koen’s hands. No matter what the man had done, he was still Koen’s mate and he couldn’t let him freeze to death.
“Strip,” he ordered Gawain even as he pulled his own shirt off. “We’ll shift into our animals. That should help keep us warmer.”
Gawain stared at Koen for several long moments as Koen kicked off his shoes. “Are you sure?” Gawain asked when Koen reached for his zipper.
That was a harder question to answer than he would have thought. Ultimately, it came down to keeping his mate safe, but that didn’t mean he trusted the man to not take off. “Yes,” he said as he peeled his cargo pants off. “Now hurry up.”
But Gawain didn’t move. In fact, he seemed frozen in place. Koen glanced over at him, to find him licking his lips while he blatantly stared at Koen’s naked body. Koen’s body instantly responded as his cock hardened to jut out, as if trying to get to Gawain.
Not that he hadn’t already been half-hard the entire trek through the forest. Even as he’d shivered in his cold wet clothes, his dick hadn’t diminished at all with the nearness of his mate.
“Not happening,” he barked out. Koen wasn’t sure the command had been directed at Gawain or himself. Either way, it managed to startle Gawain enough to start removing his clothing. Refusing to look, since he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to keep his hands to himself, Koen picked up his shirt and pants and spread them out on the rocks.
“I’m trusting you not to fly off and leave me,” he said sternly, hoping that would be enough to get Gawain to stay by his side. It was ridiculous to think for even a moment that it would work, but Koen was out of options. No matter what his mate had done, he couldn’t let him suffer from the cold.
Refusing to contemplate what that would mean when it was time to kill Gawain in the ring, Koen turned to stare at his mate, forcing himself to only look in those pretty amber eyes.
Stop it. No thinking words like pretty when it comes to this man.
“I mean it,” Koen said. “No leaving.”
There was so much sadness radiating from Gawain. It actually dimmed the color of his eyes so they were more a muted light brown.
I am the scum of the earth.
How could he do that to his own mate? He nearly reached out to take Gawain into his arms, when the man finally responded.
“I know you have no reason to believe me, but I won’t leave you.” Then his body started to contort as he shifted. The next thing Koen saw was the most beautiful white owl, with only two slight streaks of brown along each side.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Koen whispered before he could stop himself.
Gawain’s feathers puffed out as if showing off his plumage. If only things were different, Koen would consider himself one lucky man to have Gawain for a mate. But things weren’t different.
Letting out a sigh of frustration and disappointment, Koen started his own shift. A twitter came from Gawain when he’d finished his transition.
He looked over at his mate, to find him tilting his head back and forth as if checking Koen out. He knew it was pointless considering their circumstances, but he still found himself fluffing his tail and swishing it toward Gawain.
In a way, being in their animal forms made things easier. There was no talking. No asking why Gawain hadn’t stood up to the Council as he grew older. No discussions about what would happen when they got back to Miracle.
Just the two of them with their animals guiding them. Apparently, for his fox, that meant curling around his mate as Gawain leaned his head down to snuggle against Koen’s neck.
It should have been perfect. In a way, it was. If only they didn’t have to return to civilization, maybe Koen would be able to find a way past his mate’s sins.
***
THE MOMENT KOEN WOKE up, he knew something was wrong. He glanced up, dread sinking into his stomach as he looked around the shelter to find no Gawain. Leaping to all four paws he went to the edge of outcropping and looked to the sky.
Nothing.
He should have known better than to trust Gawain would keep his word. Mate or not, the man was complicit in hundreds, if not thousands, of murders.
Pissed, he started to turn around to see if his clothes were dry enough to get on when he heard a whoosh from above. His eyes drew upward to find the snow white perfection of an owl with what appeared to be a rabbit in its mouth diving right toward Koen.
When Gawain dropped the offering at Koen’s feet, his plumage puffed up, as if proud of what he’d done. Koen was sure, if he were human, his jaw would be on the ground in amazement.
Gawain hadn’t left him. He’d gotten them breakfast. His mate was only trying to provide for him.
I am the scum of the earth.
