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There was tension in the air when Gawain returned with breakfast. He’d hoped to get back before Koen had woken, for he could only imagine what his mate thought when he’d discovered Gawain gone. All he could do was pray Koen would forgive him when he saw the reason Gawain had left.
He’d given Koen the larger portion of the rabbit, even though Gawain’s stomach protested. If he’d had the time he would have caught more but he hadn’t dared be gone for too long. Good thing he’d come back when he did.
It would seriously suck if his gesture ended up causing Koen to trust him even less than he already did. Providing his mate’s meal had been worth it, especially if Gawain’s time on this earth was limited. The need to know he had been able to give the one person fated for him some comfort, even if it was only food, meant more to him than he’d ever thought possible.
By the time they finished eating, most of the tension had eased, much to Gawain’s relief. As if they’d been thinking the same thing, they both shifted, keeping their gazes away from each other.
It would kill him not to be able to touch his mate, but there was no way he could claim Koen. Not when it might mean Koen would end up dying if they did, for bonded mates tended to die when their mate did. Considering how strongly his body was reacting to having his mate around, it wouldn’t take much to break Gawain’s resolve.
He would need to remember at all times the consequence of his actions if he started to give in to his needs. Then again, he wasn’t so sure Koen would ever agree to sex, so it might be a non-issue.
Once he was dressed he cleared his throat. “Uhm, are you...I mean...” Gawain blew out a harsh breath at the way his nerves were getting the better of him. “Are you dressed?” he finally managed to get out.
There was a slight chuckle accompanying a “Yes,” from Koen.
When he turned to look at the man, he found those grey eyes a few shades lighter than they had been yesterday as they practically danced with amusement. That Koen was laughing at him didn’t matter in the least. All Gawain cared about was that he’d been the one to cause it.
For the first time in...maybe ever, Gawain felt like a man. He’d heard others claim they felt they could accomplish anything. Gawain hadn’t understood how that was possible. He never been able to get out from under his father’s thumb, much less succeed.
But now he got it. With just the appearance of enjoyment on his mate’s face, for a single moment, Gawain was sure the world was at his feet. He just needed to take the first step and he’d be able to do whatever he set his mind to, even standing up to Decimus.
Could I?
Suddenly a plan formulated in his head. It wouldn’t erase all he’d allowed happen to those shifters the Council had targeted, but it would start to make amends. Or, at least, maybe, give him some sort of peace when he died, since his mate would know he might have screwed up his life, but in the end he’d done the right thing.
That alone would make it worth the risk of dying at that sadistic fuck’s hands if he were caught before he could kill Decimus. Not that he’d allow that to happen, for Gawain refused to believe he might fail.
First, he needed to convince his mate he wasn’t trying to trick him. That might be harder than killing Decimus, because it was fairly obvious Koen wasn’t a big fan of trusting him at the moment. He couldn’t blame him, but still, it would be necessary if his plan was going to work.
Instead of trying to use the scheming ways he’d learned at the hands of the Council, Gawain went with the bald truth. “I know where Decimus is hiding out and I think, with a little luck, I can kill him before he can attack Miracle again.”
Koen had just stepped out from the overhang and into the forest when Gawain had blurted that out. He whirled around, one eyebrow quirked upward. “Do you really think that getting me breakfast one time would mean I’d trust you?”
Ouch. He should have expected it, but to hear his mate think so little of him still hurt. “No. One had nothing to do with the other. I just want, for once, to do the right thing.”
Koen smirked, as if he found that funny. “I’m not sure which part to tackle first. The idea that after all this time, you want to do the “right thing,’” he even used air quotes to make his point. “Or, that you believe the way to accomplish that is by killing.”
When it came Decimus, death was the only way.
Koen held out a hand when Gawain started to say just that. “Then again, I guess that shouldn’t be a surprise considering how many people you’ve had a hand in killing.”
Double ouch.
“You don’t get more than one chance with Decimus,” Gawain told him. “There is no way that man would ever be captured to take before the Council.”
Koen shrugged. “I caught you.”
It would have hurt less if his mate would have stabbed him. “That you could ever compare me with someone like Decimus tells me you have no clue what that man is capable of. Do you know he butchered his sister in front of the Council?” It was more of a demand than a question.
“She’d begged for him and Refugio to change their minds about putting out a hunt on her son for being gay.” Bile rose in Gawain’s throat as he remembered that horrible day. “Before she even finished, he’d leapt over the table and grabbed her by her hair.”
Gawain shivered when the images started to take over. “He was so damn fast, I hadn’t even realized what he was doing until he’d sliced off both her arms.” At the time, Gawain had started to stand to help the poor girl, but Fitzroy had pulled him back down and told him if he wanted to live, he better not interfere.
To this day, Gawain wasn’t sure if the man had been trying to help him or threaten him. Not that it mattered, for when Gawain had turned back to the gruesome sight, Decimus’s sister had been chopped into six pieces, with her head completely separated from her body.
“Let me guess,” Koen said. “You sat there and watched?” His mate sounded disgusted, which, considering what they were talking about, was expected, but did he have to look at Gawain like he’d been the one to kill her instead of Decimus?
“You don’t get it,” he argued. “There is no stopping Decimus. There is no capturing him. There is no saying no to the man. Either he dies, or he kills. Those are the only two things that are possible when it comes to that man.”
“You might be comfortable murdering someone, but I’m not. Decimus needs to come before the Council and answer for his sins, just like you will.” There was so much pride in Koen’s tone. Gawain had to wonder, in a different life, would he have felt the same way?
There was no way to know, nor did it matter. Gawain did know Decimus and he wasn’t about to let his mate’s misplaced sense of honor get him killed. “Fine. Then we won’t go after Decimus. You can take me before the Council so you can kill me in the ceremonial ring.”
He was almost positive Koen winced at the mention of his death, but he figured that was just wishful thinking on his part. Mate or not, Koen wasn’t going to give Gawain a chance to redeem himself in any way.
“I don’t think so.” Koen stepped back under the roof of their hideaway. “After all, I wouldn’t want you to miss out on doing the right thing, would I?”
His mate made it sound so cheap and underhanded. Gawain may not have had the courage to do what he should have for all those years, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t trying now. “No. I’m not putting everyone at risk for you to play at being hero. I’m telling you, Decimus can’t be captured. Anything less than killing him, and I’m not going to help you.”
Knowing Decimus, he wouldn’t just stop with Gawain and Koen’s deaths. He’d find a way to ensure all in Miracle died, too. Of course, that was what he was planning anyway, but that was besides the point. Gawain refused to be part of another mass murder. This time, he was going to stand up and say, ‘No.’
If only it wasn’t with his mate that he finally found the balls to do so.
