Once I’d made up my mind I used every moment not spent enjoying myself with Sueko thinking up methods of murder. I hunted down every book I could find for ideas on how to kill people. I went back and reread all the books you recommended when we were in secondary school. I researched all the cleverest ways of committing murder.
The first thing I learned was that you can’t even get started until you have got rid of your conscience. The annals of crime teach us that it’s the conscience that catches murderers. They might be brave and bold when they do the deed, but they become cowards afterwards. Case after case shows us that the murderer would never have been caught if he had kept his cool after the act.
At least on this point I was very optimistic. I was the devil’s disciple. I ought to have lost whatever I had of a conscience. But since I couldn’t be sure until I’d actually committed the murder, I decided there was no use worrying about it now. I commanded myself to be bold and to stay strong once the deed was done.
Then there was the question of the method. This was crucial.
Certain murderers and criminals you read about in detective novels put a great deal of effort into disposing of the body. This is a waste of effort as far I’m concerned. If you can’t lay your hands on the chemicals Dorian Gray used to destroy that painter’s corpse there’s no point racking your brains over the method of disposal. Just leave the body lying there like it is. As long as nobody knows it’s a murder it won’t make a bit of difference. Of course you don’t want to try too hard to make it look like a suicide. This is an instance where gilding the lily can be fatal. It’s enough just to keep people from suspecting foul play.
Next I had to choose the best method to knock her off. My research told me that the best place to do it was at home. It would be too dangerous to take her off somewhere else to kill her. The best is to do it right there in the comfortable surroundings of home.
Finally, the ideal method would be one where the victim doesn’t notice even if you fail the first time around. If you screw up the first time you can just put on a poker face and wait for your next chance. And if that doesn’t work you aim for another opportunity. You can try as many times as it takes and eventually you’ll succeed.
But was there such a method? You’re a veritable genius in this sort of thing so I’m sure, had you been in my place, you would have seen that the perfect method was staring me in the face and would have wasted no time putting it into action.
But I didn’t see it.
Before long, February was over and it was the middle of March.
During this time I went back to Tsuyuko’s once every ten days or so but otherwise I was living with Sueko. Before long I had stocked Sueko’s house with all the things I needed on a daily basis.
But then the moment came. The way to kill Tsuyuko came to me like a dark suggestion, and it came right out of Tsuyuko’s own mouth.