Claire stared at the whip on the ground in front of her. What the hell was she going to do? She wondered if the option to whip him was a trap that would only make him hurt her more. It had to be. But it didn't matter because she absolutely could never hit him again. The very thought of it made her feel sick.
She glanced furtively around the room. She couldn't outrun him. And where would she go? She spied a small connected room. It looked like a bathroom. She could just make out a mirror and sink from her vantage point. She wanted to run and lock herself in that room, but she was sure he could easily break down the door, and then everything would be worse.
She tried to block out the memory of whipping him in that cell, making him bleed, watching as he bit back the screams. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of his screams—as if any of it had given her satisfaction.
She couldn't whip Ari even as she knew his kindness must be a lie. The lack of violence was ending now. But she couldn't hurt him again. She couldn't do it.
And she couldn't crawl to him and give him the whip to beat her. The reason she couldn't do that was far more shameful than any reason a normal person would assume. She was supposed to not want to do it because nobody wants to be hurt. And he was going to hurt her.
Claire was definitely afraid of that, but the more pressing concern was the growing wetness between her legs. He was going to see it. He would know. He'd know what a sick fucking freak she was. It wasn't kink that she thought was sick. She'd never been ashamed of her fantasies before the basement.
But after...? She'd just expected her mind and body to change. She'd expected to become someone different who didn't crave or fantasize about the same things because the reality of captivity is obviously not the same as the kinky fantasy. She'd always known they were different, and it had never bothered her before because fantasies were fantasies and fantasies were okay. Every daytime talk show confirmed this fact.
She wasn't hurting anyone with the thoughts she masturbated to.
But now? Wasn't she hurting herself? After what happened in the basement... she couldn't. And this wasn't even a kinky fantasy. Ari wasn't playing a game with her. He was holding her prisoner forever. And that was if she was lucky. If she was unlucky, he'd get bored and kill her.
They both knew he couldn't let her go. For the same reasons she couldn't let him go. Once you crossed that line you couldn't uncross it because prison was the only outcome if you did. He wouldn't go to prison for her any more than she would have gone for him. So it was down to keep or kill? She'd chosen the latter for him. Which would he choose for her?
She couldn't have even played a safe kinky sex game with someone after the basement. And nothing about this situation was safe.
And yet, every time the word Master fell from her lips she felt this stupid insane sort of peace fall over her. As if the word itself were a drug to soothe her frazzled mind. Every time she called him that, it made that feeling between her legs grow more intense. This conflict between fear and need was more than she could take right now.
All of this was so unfair. The two of them obviously had needs that matched. If neither of them had been imprisoned, this would be the fairy tale. But that wasn't their story. He wanted to really punish her for a crime that deserved punishment. And she was too broken to ever be put back together.
She pushed away the thoughts she'd touched herself to the day before that man had taken her and locked her in his basement. Her last orgasm. She'd been so grateful that her body hadn't responded to him or his friends during her captivity. She'd been so relieved her body hadn't turned against her because she could convince herself that her fantasies were different and they were still okay even if she couldn't go there again.
But now? It was all unraveling now. She chanced a glance up at the man now demanding she call him Master. He sat calmly, patiently, as if he had the rest of time itself to wait on her to make this decision. He wore only a pair of jeans, his legs spread wide, taking up so much space... taking up the entire room somehow. He was so fucking beautiful. Why did he have to look so good?
She remembered watching him on the monitor as he'd bathed, becoming aroused by the very sight of him, and the shame of it because of who she'd thought he was. He wasn't that guy, so was she allowed to find him attractive now? She shouldn't. It still felt so wrong.
Part of her believed she deserved this. It was karma. He had no idea what he was doing... what he would become if he did this to her. He'd become the monster she'd become. You just couldn't do these sorts of things to people and come out unscathed.
And that scar. How could Ari have the same scar? And the same build? And the same hair? Did he have the same eyes? She didn't know. She couldn't remember. Shouldn't she be able to remember eyes like Ari's?
But he wasn't the same. This guy had money.
Another realization came then, landing like a stone in the empty pit of her stomach. What if he was the same guy? He could have come into money. Maybe a rich uncle died. Maybe he'd won the lottery. Anything could have happened in three years. Wealth wasn't some fixed and unmovable thing. People lost money, and they gained money. Things happened.
“Claire...” he said, finally, interrupting her thoughts. He couldn't have interrupted them before she'd realized he could still be the guy? No. She was being crazy. He didn't treat her at all the same way. His voice and tone were different. She may have forgotten a lot of details, but she'd never forget that. That guy hadn't been smart enough to maintain a ruse this long. Had he?
Even if she'd convinced herself he'd spoken and acted differently in the cell to appease her because she had the power, he had it now. He didn't have to restrain himself. He didn't have to pretend.
“W-why do you have that scar?” She had to know even as she wished she could stuff those words back into her mouth and never let them escape.
Ari sighed. There was a long pause, during which she was sure he wouldn't answer her. But finally he spoke. “I was in a kink club playing with this girl...” He paused again as if he wasn't sure how much he should say. “We were doing something called edge play. Do you know what that is?”
She nodded. He raised a brow, surprised by that.
“A knife was involved,” he continued.
Claire's breath stopped. The panic began to rise up, pushing away the arousal she'd fought with herself over only moments before.
“Claire. Breathe.” It was a command. “I would never do that to you. It was a game both of us wanted to play at the time. But it was too much for her. She got scared and used her safeword. I was caught up in the moment and didn't stop immediately. She freaked out. When I let her go, she grabbed the knife and gave me this souvenir.” He gestured to the scar.
“But I don't get a safeword,” Claire said.
“We're not playing a game. You're mine. You know why we're here.”
Her words came back to her like a slap in the face. Only he didn't say them with anger or the same malice. But he was right. She did know why they were here. Because she'd slipped up, made a mistake, and let her prey escape to become the predator now holding her captive.
“Have you decided which one of us is wielding the whip today?” Ari asked gently.
It was such a mockery to pretend this was a choice. It wasn't a choice when she couldn't choose either thing. Would you rather have your arm cut off or your leg? Neither, thanks.
But between these two impossible choices, deep down she knew there was one she could make. Even though it was the most confusing option.
Claire took a long shaky breath and met his gaze again. He knew the choice she'd made. She could see the recognition in his eyes. He nodded at her. It was the barest sign of approval, and it caused something to flip low in her stomach. And then the arousal was stronger than the fear again. She couldn't decide which of those feelings she wanted to be in control. Both of them were overwhelming. Both of them caused her shame.
She put the whip in her mouth and crawled carefully across the floor to him, stopping on her knees between his spread legs. Her hands shook as she laid the whip across his thighs. All the while her mind screamed What are you doing? Run. Run. You have to try!
But she couldn't run. A man with this much money had some type of security. She'd never get past it. He was faster than her. He was stronger than her. She couldn't run. She'd barely been able to crawl. And all she could think was that running would only make it worse.
She flinched when he bent closer. But he only touched her hair, petting her like the good dog he obviously thought she was.
“Good girl,” he murmured.
“Master, p-please don't hurt me.” If only she could stop this stammering, this tremble that came to her voice.
Ari touched the side of her cheek. “It will hurt, but I won't damage you. Now go back over to the St. Andrew's Cross, and stretch your arms and legs out for me.”
He took her hands in his to help her stand. Then she turned and walked like a robot over to the giant X-shaped contraption he was going to tie her to.
Run. Run. Run. Run. Run.
But she didn't. She couldn't. Where could she go? If she had to go to another family function where they treated her like a stranger and told her she looked fabulous, she was going to die. If she had to work up the will to leave her apartment again by herself, she was going to die. What did it even matter at this point if Ari killed her? Wasn't she already dead? What was she so afraid of? What could he possibly do to her that hadn't already been done?
It should make her brave. Strong.
But she just wanted to be safe. She'd somehow forgotten her nudity in the midst of everything. There were so many bigger things now than her lack of clothing. Besides, she'd kept him naked in a cell, shivering while she blasted air conditioning on him. This was fair. It was fitting and appropriate. She couldn't bring herself to be indignant about it. She'd done the same to him. Worse.
At least he'd given her a warm bed and a fire roaring in the fireplace. He hadn't left her cold.
She stood facing the giant X and spread her legs and reached her arms out over her head.
Then he was next to her, binding her arms and legs while she cried.
“Shhhh,” he said, stroking her back. “You will be fine. Everything will be okay.”
Why would he say that to her if it wasn't true? But how could it possibly ever be true?
He wrapped another strap around her waist at the center point of the X, securing her further. She could only whimper as he made escape even more impossible.
“This is to keep you safe. If you're squirming, you could get hurt.”
Hurt. He was about to whip her. Of course she was going to get hurt. But she knew what he meant.
You know why we're here.
Had she been concerned he would get hurt when she'd used a similar whip on him? No. He'd had to protect himself with his own force of will not to move so the whip wouldn't cause even more damage than she'd intentionally delivered. That thought made her shudder.
Ari stroked her back again. He ran his fingers through her hair, then he was wrapping an elastic hair band around first the hair on one side, then the other, making low pigtails. She didn't know where he'd gotten the hair bands. Were they in his pocket?
“We don't want your hair in the way,” he said as he pulled the secured hair forward over her shoulders.
“How many lashes?” he asked.
“Ten, Master.”
“And you will count them?”
“Yes, Master.”
He pressed a kiss to the middle of her shoulder blades, just below her neck. “Good girl.”
She wished she could squeeze her thighs together, but such a thing was impossible in her current position. She was too vulnerable to him, and that twisted thing inside her mind responded with even more excitement. He would see it. He would know. It was too shameful for him to know this was turning her on. What in the fuck was wrong with her?
Without warning, the whip came down across her back leaving a sharp stinging burn in its wake. “One,” she said through her tears.
He was right, it hurt. But she'd been whipped before, and even though it was only the first strike, this time was different than the basement. The next few lashes confirmed it. She could feel his control in each strike. This was definitely not the same man.
Relieved tears flowed out of her. The man in the basement hadn't been controlled. He'd just beaten her in a wild out-of-control savagery. Even though Ari was whipping her, it wasn't like that. The scar was just a fucked-up coincidence. It wasn't the same guy. More relieved tears.
“Count,” he reminded her, gently when she stopped.
“S-six,” she said.
He stroked her back. She shivered as he ran his tongue over the warm welts she felt rising on her flesh. They throbbed a little. The throb echoed the growing pulse in her pussy.
“Claire, I need you to stay with me. Focus and count. We're almost done. You're doing so well.”
She tried to stay with him and focus, but there were so many things in her head fighting for dominance. And despite the pain, every time the whip landed, she just became more aroused. Everything about this man was different. She wanted him like she'd never wanted anyone.
But she didn't deserve him after what she'd done to him. And maybe he didn't deserve her after what he was doing to her now. But she didn't care. She wanted him.
Claire counted the last few lashes. She cringed, expecting the tenth to be the worst, but it wasn't. It was the same. They were all the same. Perfectly controlled precise movements laying rows of warm welts across her back. In a way, it was almost comforting.
“Such a good girl,” he said. “You are so perfect.”
So perfectly fucked-up. But she didn't dare say it out loud.
He released the bonds first at her ankles, then her waist, then her wrists. She was shocked she couldn't hold herself up, but he caught her when she fell back.
“Adrenaline dump,” he whispered. “Close your eyes and don't open them again until I tell you to.”
She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder as he carried her up the stairs, down what felt like a long hallway, and finally back into another room. Even though her eyes were closed, she knew he'd taken her past windows because of how bright it was even behind her eyelids.
“You can open them now,” he said as he laid her down on a soft bed.
She opened her eyes. They were back in his room. He'd laid her down on his bed, not her own at the top of the stairs.
“Stay,” he commanded.
Claire lay there, looking up at the chains hanging from his ceiling over the bed. They hung from so many different points that he seemed to have unlimited options when it came to chaining a girl to his bed.
That thought shouldn't make her so excited. It should terrify and repulse her.
Ari returned before she could replay the track of This is so wrong and I'm so terrible for wanting him to touch me.
“Roll onto your stomach.”
“M-Master?”
He held up a tube of aloe gel. “It's for your back.”
She nodded and rolled over, her head resting on one of the huge fluffy pillows while he applied the cooling gel. His touch was light and careful as he rubbed it into her skin.
“I'm not a sadist. I don't like causing excessive pain,” he said. “What I want is absolute control and your complete and total obedience. I will use pain as a tool if I need to use it, but I don't want to use it. Now tell me. Who do you belong to?”
As if that were even a question anymore.
“You, Master,” she whispered. She knew she should, but it was too hard to fight this. It felt so easy to just let go of all the darkness that had been drowning her for so long. She was still afraid he'd torture or kill her. Why wouldn't he?
Only a day ago, she'd sat with a knife on her lap, contemplating the grisly details of this man's murder, and now she was his captive instead. Somehow in this short time, she was calling him Master, as if this were some completely normal thing. As if every moment in her life both good and bad had been building to this.
She didn't want to let herself believe this man could be decent to her. What he was doing wasn't right but... it was hard to think she didn't deserve some sort of retribution for her actions. And was it even retribution when she was about to come out of her skin from the need to be touched by him? Her body didn't seem to register any of this as punishment.
The things she'd done were so wrong, and the way he'd treated her by comparison was far better than she should expect.
Claire tried to shove those thoughts away. The small unexpected ways he'd been kind to her, combined with the attraction she'd tried to suppress for too long were creating feelings and desires she didn't know what to do with.
She arched closer to him as he stroked the side of her hip and over the curve of her ass. Then he trailed fingertips from one ankle, up her leg... He didn't even get to the top of her thigh before he reached the evidence of her arousal sliding down to meet his welcoming fingers.
“Do you need to come, little one?”
She couldn't stop herself from giving him the truth. “Yes, Master,” she breathed, drawing one knee up, exposing herself further to him, her body begging him to give her the pleasure she'd been denied for far too long.
She let out a strangled gasp when he started to stroke between her legs. She hadn't quite believed he would really touch her there, that he would let her feel pleasure after all the pain she'd given him. She didn't care how wrong it was, she needed him inside her. She wanted him to bend her over and fuck her. She needed to forget everything in her life for just a little while. She needed the oblivion that she knew his touch could bring.
Claire moved with him as his fingers pressed deeper inside her. She'd never been this wet in her life. She'd thought she could go without sexual pleasure. She'd been so wrong about that.
Right now she had to come. She didn't care if it was wrong. What difference would these dark fantasies make now? Would it really make anything worse if she surrendered her body to this man's touch?
“Please,” she whimpered. “please... please.”
He pressed one hand against her back. “Be still and let me touch you the way I want to touch you.” Ari held her in place while the fingers of his other hand played over her swollen sex as if she were his instrument and he knew exactly the song he wanted to play. Her hips bucked and rocked with him, her breath coming in heavy pants.
This was so fucking wrong. She was even more turned on by the way he held her down, demanding her complete surrender, insisting on controlling the exact position she laid, the exact angle at which his fingers brushed her sex, not letting her have even the smallest input in how she would get off.
His touch went from gentle teasing to a hard, punishing finger fuck. She was so far gone that the pleasure only mounted higher the more rough his touch became. There wasn't a way he could touch her in this moment that wouldn't result in her climax.
“Come,” he demanded. His voice had gone harder than she'd heard it since her capture. But instead of fear, that guttural command only made her body respond more.
Claire let go of the tenuous string of control she'd been holding and allowed the orgasm to crash over her. The intensity of the sensations he created caused tears to flow down her cheeks.
“Yes,” Ari growled. “Give it all to me. Fuck yourself on my fingers.”
She writhed and moaned, jerking against his fingers until she was wrung out. Until she couldn't come anymore. He finally pulled his hand away.
“Good girl.”
They stared at each other for a long time before he spoke again. “When was the last time, Claire?”
She didn't play dumb. She knew what he was asking. Nobody had an orgasm that hard that quickly and easily unless there had been a drought. That sort of frenzied desperation only came from long denial.
She looked away unable to meet his gaze. “Three years.”
“Three years since your last orgasm, even by yourself?”
“Yes, Master.”
“Did it happen when that psychopath had you?” Ari asked. There was something dark and jagged in his voice she couldn't define. His fingers dug hard into her hip as he gripped her. He didn't seem to realize he was doing it.
She shook her head.
“Are you lying to me, Claire?”
“N-no, Master.”
He let out a sigh and released his grip on her. “Because it's okay if you did. It's not your fault. It doesn't mean you wanted...”
“I know that... but I didn't. The last time was before he took me.”
Ari sighed. “Why? Why haven't you let yourself come? You obviously needed it, so why haven't you touched yourself?”
She pulled away from him and curled in on herself. For the first time, her nudity was becoming a problem. She felt too exposed. She wished he'd stop looking at her like that. It wasn't fair. He had on jeans. And she was left naked and vulnerable, having a conversation she very much did not want to be having.
“Claire...”
“I just can't, okay!”
“Why?”
She shook her head and curled into a tighter ball. She flinched when he touched her back.
“Would you rather tell me or go back to the dungeon? I won't allow you to keep secrets from me.”
Was Ari as bad as that other man? How was he any different? Why did she want him so much? Some sick twisted place inside of her wanted his control. She wanted his demands and his orders. She wanted the implacable absoluteness of him. Even though it was so fucked up. She wanted to just give everything to him.
If this was the way toward absolution, she would do it. The immediate panic over being his captive was receding in light of the way he kept restraining himself with her. She just wanted to obey him. But how could she want that?
It had been so hard holding the pieces of herself together all alone in the world. She'd had no one to confide in. No one to trust. She just didn't want to do it anymore. She couldn't do it anymore. And yet... she couldn't admit this out loud. The deep dark shame that no one else could ever know about.
“Please don't make me talk about this,” she whimpered.
He patted her on the hip. “All right. Come on, let's go back to the dungeon.”
“Master, please...”
“Tell me, then. Why can't you touch yourself?”
“Because I can't get off unless I...” She couldn't say this out loud. It was too fucked up. But Ari had all these whips and chains all over his house. He would understand. He wouldn't judge her... would he? Did she care if he judged her? What he was doing was as disturbed as any of her fantasies. They were both a mess.
“Unless you fantasize about things you can't let yourself think about anymore because of what happened to you?” he asked quietly.
She let out a long shuddering breath and nodded.
“Did you have these fantasies before you were taken?”
“Yes, but they aren't okay anymore.”
He moved so fast she could barely process what had happened. All at once, he had her out of the curled-up ball she'd huddled herself into, flat on her back. He straddled her, staring her down, a hand wrapped around her throat. He wasn't squeezing, just holding her there. But he could squeeze. And they both knew it.
But despite their positions, she got the strangest feeling that Ari didn't truly want to hurt her. He wanted things from her, but he didn't want to damage her in the process. She was beginning to realize his motivation for taking her hadn't been revenge.
She gasped as he held her, her body arching toward him even as she knew a smart woman would be pulling away or struggling or pleading for mercy. She'd only thought she was wrung out. That aching pulsing throb started between her legs again.
Claire's gaze was held hostage in his.
“This excites you, doesn't it? Tell me the truth.”
“Y-yes,” she gasped.
Ari stroked the side of her face. “Good girl. I want you to be excited for me.”
She whimpered and leaned into his touch. She could feel herself falling. She imagined the shattered pieces of herself drifting off into the wind somewhere. And she didn't have the will or energy to chase after them. She just watched it happen. It was easier to give in.
Already she felt more peace as Ari's slave than she'd felt since the moment she'd decided to capture him. Everything that had been wound so tight inside her just released in the face of this new reality.
Ari's voice broke through her thoughts. “My first rule. From now on, every morning when you wake up, you will make yourself come. And you will be loud about it. I want you to moan. I want to hear your release. Every. Morning. Do you understand?”
“I can't... unless I...”
“Unless you let yourself have those fantasies. I know. You will let yourself think those thoughts, and you will come. Every morning. It's the first thing you do from now on when you wake up. Do you understand, little one?”
“Yes, Master.”
“Good girl.”
Why did that soft murmur of approval do things to her? Why did she crave hearing it over and over?
Ari got off her and off the bed.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked.
“Because I need it. And you clearly do, too.”
“But it's so wrong.”
Claire wanted him. She wanted this... whatever this was. But could she really just go along with it? It was different last night when she'd been so afraid he would hurt her. Everything she'd done was for survival. But more and more she felt that he didn't actually want to destroy her. And if that was true, could she let herself... want this?
Ari laughed. “What you did to me was wrong.”
She looked down at her hands. “So is this payback? I hurt you so you hurt me?”
He shook his head. “No. This is me taking what I want and giving you what you need. Fuck morality. It's just you and me now working our fucked-up shit out between us in our own way.”
She wanted to retort that he meant his way, but if that were true, her body wouldn't be crying out for his.