Long pig, sweet meat,
Strong swig, fleet treat,
I don’t want to be hung up.
For dinner.
Short tale, long death,
Quart ale, wrong breath,
I don’t want to be hung up.
For dinner.
Give me a choice of meat or soy,
Give me a choice of girl or boy,
Give me a choice or give me chance,
A great big meal or a real romance.
Slow boil, quick take,
Low oil, thick steak,
I don’t want to be hung up.
For dinner.
Hot ice, cold drink,
Caught twice, old stink,
I don’t want to be hung up.
Over dinner.
—Words and music by Jakob and Erik Griffson, from Troll Bridge
Radio WMSP: 10:00 A.M.
“And now, here’s Jim Johnson with our continuing coverage of the ‘Disappearing Dairy Darlings.’ Jim?”
“Thanks, Katie. After three days, police have still come up empty in their search for the whereabouts of this year’s twelve Dairy Princesses. There just seems to be no evidence whatsoever. It’s as if the twelve young ladies have fallen off the face of the earth, leaving behind only the butter sculptures of their heads back at the State Fair grounds refrigerators.”
“How are their parents holding up, Jim?”
“They’ve offered rewards of fifty thousand dollars for each girl. And…”
“Hold on, Jim—we are being interrupted by Brian Gustafson and a news bulletin.”
“Thanks, Katie. Brian Gustafson here, live from Vanderby. Local police have just fished a car out of the Vanderby River, a car believed to belong to the popular singing group, The Griffson Brothers. A black sedan with vanity plates reading, ‘LUV U.’”
“Like their hit song?”
“Exactly, Katie. Apparently, the car lost control on the Trollholm Bridge shortly after sundown, crashing onto the rocks you see behind me.”
“This is radio, Brian.”
“Right. Well, the rocks behind me are jagged granite, a gray blue in color. ‘Troll high,’ as they say in Vanderby, and just as dangerous.”
“Brian, this is Jim Johnson. Is the car still hung up on the rocks?”
“No, Jim, it apparently hit the rocks before sliding into the river. The Griffsons’ parents have confirmed that their three boys had taken the car for a drive. Police have brought back the divers and tracking dogs, but no bodies have been found so far.”
“Vanderby? The Trollholm Bridge? Is there any connection between this accident and the disappearance of the Dairy Princesses, Brian?”
“No one is commenting on that, Jim. Yet. But it’s the second big-name disappearance this week, and the coincidences are starting to pile up. All we know for certain is that our thoughts and prayers are with the parents of the Griffsons as well as the Dairy Princesses this morning, and we hope that they’re all found safe and sound before too long.”
“And the Sjogren family—the photographer, don’t forget. We send our best to them, too. But it doesn’t look good, does it, Brian?”
“No, Katie, it doesn’t. The police are puzzled and there have been no ransom notes. And that’s all I have. This is Brian Gustafson, reporting live from Vanderby, Minnesota.”
“Thanks, Brian. [Sighs.] This is so weird, Jim.”
“You betcha.”
“My daughter loves the Griffson Brothers. She has posters of them on the wall. Especially that Galen. What a cutie.”
“My daughters, too. I’m stunned, Katie.”
“Oh my gosh, Jim, we’ll have to ask the Spinning Sisters to play the Griffsons’ music tonight. And we’ll all be saying prayers for their safe return.”