The theme of this party is the Old Masters
and I’m the spitting image of Led Zeppelin.
The theme of this party is the future
and I arrive like a crass proposition.
The theme of this party is keg stands
and the boys all want to tap your ass.
The theme of this party is Weekend at Bernie’s
so we all come as Guildenstern and/or Rosencrantz.
The theme of this party is Alexander Graham Bell
so I come as a footnote to his Wikipedia entry.
The theme of this party is body shots –
as I drink I age hideously.
The theme of this party is mummification
and my date is your Facebook account.
The theme of this party is commencement speeches;
luckily I have a tattoo of the Sermon on the Mount.
The theme of this party is National Masturbation Month
so I paper the tree of myself in tissue.
The theme of this party is childhood role models
and I’m the unspeakable off-screen deeds of Scooby-Doo.
The theme of this party is running on empty
and I’m the P.R. firm for a commercial organ harvest.
The theme of this party is Catholic
and I dress like an ex–altar boy’s therapist.
The theme of this party is catholic
ergo we take a little E and smoke weed.
The theme of this party is making amends
so I ground up your debts and bake you bread.
The theme of this party is transparency
so I wear panties made of snow.
The theme of this party is the digital age
and I’m pleasuring myself with a fibre optic dildo.
The theme of this party is authenticity
so I sketch your portrait as an emoticon.
The theme of this party is the present;
I’m a plane kissing your Pentagon.
The theme of this party is quietude
and I swaddle an infant hangover.
The theme of this party is a slouching beast
that drops, crawls on all fours.
The theme of this party is awful beer
so we play it through a French horn.
The theme of this party is to come as you are
thus I fashion a crown from Courtney Love’s tax return.
The theme of this party is meaningless ‘love’
and I come as Thomas Kinkade.
The theme of this party is ‘meaningless’ love
and I suck on the straw in your milkshake.
The theme of this party is poems about stars
and I come dressed as a hard-on.
The theme of this party is heavy metal
so I etch a tableau of my death in iron.
The theme of this party is modern medicine
and it’s generously sponsored by LASIK.
The theme of this party is the Real
and we’re just trying to keep it.
The theme of this party is bringing home the bacon
so I wear an apron to the bloodbath.
The theme of this party is the industrial age
and you come in dressed like a trainwreck.
The theme of this party is feeling shitty –
I’m dressed as the cliffs of Dover.
The theme of this party is the fun we’ve had –
I’m a dissertation on Schopenhauer.
The theme of this party is the fun we have
so I set my disappointment to Auto-Tune.
The theme of this party is animal morality
and I’m Matthew Arnold in a tiger costume.
The theme of this party is When in Rome;
you’ve brought a lighter, I’ve dressed as a fiddle.
The theme of this party is a zygote,
and we agree to split it down the middle.
The theme of this party is Indians and cowboys
but I’m home with the pox.
The theme of this party is the miracle of flight
and my costume’s your little black box.