Chapter 30
Know I love you more.
-Miley Cyrus, “Adore You”
Rihanna’s “Photographs” played softly. Farrah sat solemnly on her living room floor looking at pictures. She had called out of work and had been sitting there for the most part of the morning. Pictures were scattered all over the carpet and she sat Indian-style at the center of it. A million tears flooded her face. Each tear felt like scorching hot lava sliding on her cheeks. She felt as if her heart had been torn in half. In one hand she held a picture of her and J.R. all hugged up. It was taken the night they shared their first kiss during his concert. She had just finished dressing him for his performance and he told her he wanted to take a picture to capture them looking young, so they could show their grandkids. Farrah found it amusing that he was talking about them having grandkids considering they weren’t even together, but agreed to take the picture anyway.
She missed him with every fiber of her being. It had been weeks since they’d talked and she wished to God that she could just hear his voice again. But he had made it clear in his voice mail that he was completely done with her and she had no choice but to respect that. She had messed up in the worst way possible and that was something she could never take back.
In the other hand, she held a picture of her and Mills the night he proposed. She had her backside leaning up against him and he had his arms wrapped around her as he tenderly kissed her cheek. That night was one of the most unforgettable nights of her life. Mills finally proposing was supposed to be the beginning to their happily-ever-after. The second she put that ring on her finger, her life felt complete. She was officialy engaged to the man she loved. The man she would lovingly spend the rest of her life with. Everything was falling into place for her. Her business was in high gear, she had finally cut all the drama out of her life, and now she had a wedding to plan for. But that blissful feeling was short-lived when Mills’s indiscretions came to light and her world was turned upside down. Now here she sat, crying in her living room; alone and heartbroken. Two days had gone by since Mills stood her up and he still hadn’t called or so much as texted.
A loud knock coming from her front door startled her out of her trance. She forgot she had ordered Chinese food half an hour ago. She stuffed the pictures back inside the box they had come out of and walked toward her computer to turn the music down. Afterwards, she grabbed her purse and opened the door.
She was surprised to see Mills standing outside of her door.
“What are you doing here? How’d you know I was home?” she asked as she turned and walked back to her living room.
“I went by your office and London told me you decided to stay home,” he explained. He pulled the door behind him and followed Farrah into the living room. “She didn’t want to talk to me at first, but I got it out of her.”
“Oh, okay. What is it? What do you want?” she asked nonchalantly.
“My bad about the other night. I got caught up,” he answered.
“Caught up with who, exactly?” Farrah quizzed with an attitude.
“Who said I was with somebody?” Mills questioned.
“Just tell me, Was it Jade? Were you with her?” Farrah asked, not in the mood for a bunch of games.
“Yeah,” Mills answered, tired of lying.
“Thanks for telling me the truth. Now you can turn around and get out.”
“What?” Mills furrowed his brow.
“You heard me. Leave.”
“A’ight.” Mills shrugged and started to walk away.
“Wait,” Farrah exclaimed. “I can’t do this anymore!” she said as she burst out in tears.
“I can’t either, Farrah,” Mills said. He walked over to her and she buried her face in his chest. “I’m sorry,” Mills whispered at her.
“I never meant to hurt you like this,” was all he could say. Too much had happened between them and after all was said and done, he was out of words. He took her head in his hands and lifted her face toward his. He wiped her tears and leaned down to kiss her forehead.
“Da fuck? So you leave me all these messages about how you miss me and you fucked up, but you still hugged up on this chump-ass nigga?”
Farrah jumped back at the sound of .R.’s voice. For a split second Farrah thought she was hearing things. Lord, please don’t let me lose my mind. I’ve lost too much already, she thought to herself. But when she turned her head she felt relieved and scared to see J.R. standing in by the door. She was overcome with emotions.
“J.R.!” she exclaimed. “It’s not what you think. It’s not what it looks like.” She tried to explain.
“Nah Farrah, it’s cool. You ain’t need to explain shit to me. I’ma just walk away from this. I can’t be dealing with a fucked-up bitch like you,” he spat.
J.R. had let himself in when he saw that her door wasn’t closed all the way. He had never expected to walk in and find Farrah with Mills cuddled up and in her own apartment. He was disapointed and his heart felt heavy. For weeks he had tortured himself thinking about this woman and it was obvious he wasn’t a thought in her mind. He had tried to just walk away from her after the stunt she pulled by running off with Corey Mills, but as much as he fought against his feelings, he couldn’t stop caring for her. From the day he saw her at the club he had felt something for her that he had never felt for any other woman. The last few weeks not seeing or talking to her had been torture for him. Everything reminded him of her. He missed hearing her laugh and flirting with him over the phone. He missed the way she would joke around with him and the silly faces she made. He especially missed how good it felt when she nestled her head on his chest after they made love; and the way she’d scream his name when she was about to cum. After realizing how much he missed and loved her, he took the first flight out of L.A. and decided he’d give her another chance. Now, all he wanted was to leave and never see her again. It hurt him to see her with Mills, but he wasn’t about to stand there and show it.
“Who da fuck are you calling a chump mothafucka?” Mills asked as he shoved J.R. from behind.
J.R. lost his balance and stumbled forward. He put his hands out in front to stop from hitting the wall. J.R. crouched down and positioned himself to jerk up and land a perfect uppercut on Mills. It happened so fast Mills never saw it coming. Mills’s body flew and crashed onto Farrah’s living room coffee table. Glass shattered everywhere as Mills got right back up and tackled J.R. to the floor.
Farrah was frozen in place. It was like everything was happening in slow motion. The shock of what was happening was holding her hostage. She wanted to yell out for them to stop, but she couldn’t move. She just stood there watching two guys beating each other up and it was all her fault. How did I let it get to this? she questioned herself. She had to put a stop to this madness. Then from deep within, she heard a stern voice saying, This has gone on long enough, Farrah. It’s time for you to be strong. And just like that, she found her courage and her body snapped out of its paralyzed state.
“Stop it!” she yelled out. “Please! Stop fighting!” Both men stopped mid-punch and she quickly jumped in between the two and split them apart. Now Farrah found herself standing in the middle of both men and she knew she had to make a final decision. She knew that with her decision, one of these men would walk out of her life forever.
“Farrah, let this nigga know you love me and he ain’t got no business being here!” Mills spat. His left eye was swollen and blood poured from his mouth.
“Look Farrah, I need to know if we gon’ make this work or not,” J.R. said as his hands went back and forth between him and Farrah.
Farrah looked at J.R., then at Mills, then back at J.R. Both men had eager expressions on their faces. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer asking God to help her make a choice. She could hear both men breathing heavily, trying to catch their breaths. Just make sure whatever you decide, you’re happy. Don’t ever sell yourself short were the words that came to mind. With that, Farrah knew what she had to do. She knew who her heart belonged to.
She needed this man as bad as she needed air to breathe. He was the man of her dreams. He was the man who God had sent to her from up above. And even though she didn’t think she deserved him, she damn sure wanted to win the honor of being called his lady. She wanted to prove that she was worthy of his love. He was her king and he deserved to be treated as such.
This was the man she could not live without. The man she wanted to give her heart, body, and soul to. She opened her eyes, turned her head, and looked at him.
“I choose you,” she said the moment their eyes met.