SCENE SEVEN

Two weeks later. Afternoon. Empty stage. Ann enters from the hall, backwards, protesting, followed by Dave, who has a large rug rolled up over his shoulder. They advance into the room.

Dave Right, where d’you want it, missis?

Ann I told you not to bring it round yourself.

Dave Well, you can’t get the labour, guv’nor. (He drops it off his shoulder on to the floor.) Jesus, that’s heavy. Give us a hand. (He starts unrolling it, looks up at Ann.) Come on, shift yourself.

Ann moves to help him. They unroll it and begin manoeuvring it into position.

Where’s Patrick?

Ann Out.

Dave No, he isn’t.

Ann Well, if you know, why ask?

Dave Just wanted to see what you’d say.

They start moving pieces of furniture to accommodate the rug.

It’s a nice bit of rug. (Pause. He straightens up, considers it.) Perhaps I’ve been rash. What do you think?

Ann By all means, take it away again, if you want to.

Dave Very good for making love on, was that.

Ann I never thought much of it.

Silence. They move the furniture back on to the rug.

Dave By the way, I meant to ask you, what was Patrick like in bed?

Ann No worse than you.

Dave is momentarily shaken, recovers quickly.

Dave No wonder you got rid of him, then.

The placing of the rug is now complete.

There. Everything to your satisfaction, madam?

Ann looks up at him, nods.

Ann Except for one thing.

Dave I’m told you’ve left your job, as well.

Dave About bloody time. Perhaps now you’ll use your qualifications for something more socially respectable. Dubbing pornographic movies.

No, I’m serious. Lot of money in that. I know a bloke …

Ann Look, why don’t you take your chair, and get off back to wherever you’ve come from.

Dave I don’t think it would go in my room.

Ann You’re not still at the Savoy, are you?

Dave That’s what my bank manager keeps saying.

Ann I’m sure.

Dave Question of waiting till I can afford to pay the bill.

Silence. Their eyes meet. Dave smiles.

Dave Cuppa tea would be most welcome.

Ann All right.

Dave Good gracious.

Ann exits to the kitchen. Dave looks around the room, his face serious. He moves over to the swivel-chair, is about to sit down then changes his mind and sits on the sofa.

Ann (off) What?

Dave Living on your own.

Ann (off) I like it.

Dave It has its advantages, doesn’t it?

Ann (off) Yes.

Silence. Dave checks his watch, considers a moment.

Dave You’re not having Arthur back from the newsagent’s, then?

Ann comes in with two mugs of tea.

Ann No, I thought about it, but I decided against it. (She hands Dave a mug, sits at the other end of the sofa.)

Dave Thanks. (He takes a sip.) Oh, you remembered.

Ann Four large sugars is hard to forget.

Dave smiles, Ann sips at her tea. Silence.

Dave What made you get rid of Patrick?

Ann Didn’t work.

Dave Nice chap.

Ann (suspiciously) Yes.

Dave Full of over-educated bullshit, of course. Otherwise, I liked him. I never thought he was quite your speed.

Ann Speed, of any kind, was not one of his strong points.

Dave His face, he looked like someone who’d just stepped into an empty lift-shaft. But then, so do most people nowadays, unless, like me, they actually enjoy dancing in the ruins.

Ann And what are you up to at the moment?

Dave Nothing much. I went round to see Millicent again, having managed to conquer my invincible distaste for her name, but she seems to have taken up with an Australian poet, if you can imagine such a thing.

What are you thinking of doing now?

Ann I don’t know, bit of a holiday, I should think, till the money runs out.

Ann Well, I’d say that just about wraps up the conversational possibilities, wouldn’t you?

Silence. Dave puts his cup down, looks across at Ann.

Dave Ann …

Dave I wasn’t going to say that.

Ann What were you going to say?

Dave I was just going to say … what about another cup of tea?

Ann That wasn’t what you were going to say.

Dave No, you’re quite right. I was just … wondering if you’d given any thought to that proposition I made the other evening.

Ann What proposition?

Dave Proposal, I should say.

Ann Yes, I have.

Dave I meant it, you know.

Dave And … what have you decided?

Ann I haven’t changed my mind.

Dave Well, that’s a relief.

Dave Yes, your instinct was absolutely sound, it would have been a catastrophe.

Dave When I look around at the marriages of my friends, all I can see is … easy pickings.

Ann That’s an exaggeration.

Dave True. (Pause.) Still, as long as it lasts, the bad conscience of the female middle-class mafia, I guess there’ll always be a niche for me.

Ann Why do you hate women so much?

Dave I don’t hate women.

Ann Then why did you treat me so badly?

Dave Question is, why did you allow me to treat you so badly?

Ann Do you mean you treated me badly because you hated me for letting you treat me badly?

Dave No, I mean I may have treated you badly because I thought you liked me to treat you badly.

Ann I can’t believe that.

Dave Patrick told me you’d never complained to him about me.

Ann I didn’t think it was any of his business. (Pause.) Were you pleased?

Dave No, I was rather annoyed. At first. Then I thought maybe I was on the wrong track all that time, since it doesn’t seem to have had any effect. Still, I suppose we all make mistakes. As you no doubt said to Patrick.

Ann Not an apology, is it?

Dave I expect it’s the nearest you’ll ever get to one.

Ann Better make the most of it, then, hadn’t I?

Dave It was what I was trying to tell you that evening I broke in.

Ann Even then it was too late.

Dave No reason … no reason we shouldn’t see each other from time to time, is there?

Ann What’s the point?

Dave No point, I’d just like to know how you’re getting on, that’s all.

Ann You’re unusually mellow this afternoon.

Dave What I was going to say, I mean what I actually was going to say when you stopped me just now, was, why don’t we go to bed?

Long silence.

Ann All right.

Ann All right.

Ann What’s the matter?

Dave Nothing, you just, I don’t know, caught me on the hop.

Dave Well … terrific.

Silence. Neither of them moves.

Ann Then that’ll be that.

Dave What do you mean?

Ann What I say.

Dave Well, we’ll see, shall we?

Ann I’m telling you. (Pause.) I like things tidy.

Dave It’ll be; just a little treat.

Silence. They still haven’t moved. Dave clears his throat.

Ann Bedroom?

Dave smiles, recovered.

Dave Well, since I’ve gone to the trouble of humping this bloody great rug round …

Ann If you insist.

Ann All right.

Dave gets up.

Dave Funny.

Dave I feel rather nervous. Reminds me of the night I lost my virginity, ha, what a card game that was.

He moves to Ann, takes her chin in his hand, looks at her for a moment, then turns away and crosses to the bedroom door, where he stops and turns back to Ann.

Get your clothes off, I won’t be a minute.

He exits. Ann stands for a moment, then starts undressing. After a time, Dave returns. He strides straight across to her and slaps her face hard.

I’ve changed my mind.

Dave I’ve changed my mind. I don’t know what it is you’re up to, but I don’t want anything to do with it.

Ann What the hell are you talking about?

Dave Now, listen. I’m going back to the hotel now, and you can think about it this afternoon and this evening or however long it takes, and when you’ve made your mind up, you can ring me. Or not ring me, whatever you decide. Anyway, I’ll be there. All right?

He moves over to the hall door. Ann watches him with hatred.

Ann Is this what you planned, is it?

Dave I never make plans, I just live on my wits and try to cover all the exits. (He smiles at her triumphantly.) You just have to pick up the phone. (He exits.)

‘Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?’ sung by The Shirelles.