Chapter 13

 

ALEC tried to enter the house as quietly as possible. He wasn’t very graceful about it, however, because his muscles were beginning to stiffen from his exertions during training with his team. He shed his jacket and hung it on the hall tree before heading for the stairs. His foot was on the third step when he heard Ilsa shout from the kitchen, “Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Erm, I just need to wash up, thanks.” He took another step and paused. “Is Eli home?”

After a moment of silence, he heard, “I’m here.” There was nothing further, and he heard something odd in Eli’s tone, but he shook it off and dashed up the rest of the stairs to shower and change.

When he came back down, freshly scrubbed and starving, Eli and Ilsa were already seated in the dining room.

“Hello,” Alec said brightly, leaning in to kiss Eli before taking his seat next to him and giving his thigh an affectionate squeeze. No one else said anything as he opened his napkin and fanned it over his lap. “This smells wonderful, Ilsa.” He lifted the lid on a large dish in the center of the table, but the continued silence gave him pause.

With Tony and Lyle gone, he knew things might be quieter, but this was strange and uncomfortable. He took a good long look at their faces. Eli’s eyes were fixed on his plate, and Ilsa looked as if she’d been crying.

A shudder ran through Alec. “What’s happened?”

Eli didn’t say anything. He just reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper, sliding it along the table toward him. Alec picked it up and read it.

“Oh, he called back. Great!”

Ilsa bristled and left the table, taking her dinner with her. Alec watched her, perplexed.

“How could you go forward with this without discussing it with me?” Eli asked.

“Eli—”

“You have to understand this is coming out of nowhere. You only just mentioned it Monday and—”

“You heard me?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. Eli didn’t speak. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I needed time to think.”

Alec stared into his boyfriend’s eyes, but he heard Lyle’s voice in his head bringing up Bennett. He felt chilled and removed his hands from the table, resting them in his lap where Eli wouldn’t see them if they started to shake. He tried to smile but failed.

Ilsa left the kitchen and headed for the stairs. Alec jumped up and caught her before she got too far. “Ilsa, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just—”

“I asked you to move in here to help Eli get over—” her eyes darted to Eli, then back to Alec—“not to undo my family.”

“Ilsa, that’s not fair.”

“No, no it’s not, but I’m not going to pretend I’m happy to lose him too.”

“You’re not losing him. You’ll never lose him.”

She wasn’t listening. Her eyes roamed over the walls and rooms of the house. Alec followed her gaze, puzzled at first but then taking in the photographs, Tony’s early artwork, a pillow Lyle had helped Ilsa embroider for the sofa—Alec grinned slightly, remembering the string of profanity that had been involved—a vase Bennett had given her for her first birthday in the house, the hall table where everyone’s mail was still piling up. Alec followed her eyes to Eli’s bedroom door, and then the two of them looked at each other. Her heated gaze drilled into him as she said, “First Bennett, Tony, Lyle, and now Eli and you.”

Alec cringed at the emphasis she placed on that ‘you,’ and feared she was wishing he’d never moved in.

“We haven’t gone anywhere, Ilsa. You’re being—”

“If you say irrational, I’ll punch you.”

“We are not your pets!” Alec’s outburst silenced both of them. He had surprised himself. “I know you love them,” he continued more calmly, “but you also want them to be happy, right? No matter where that is?”

She took one step back down toward him. “And if Eli is happy here?”

Alec didn’t say anything. What if Eli is happier here… here with all his memories of Bennett? No, this had gotten too heated too fast. It didn’t make sense. They were pulling too hard in opposite directions out of… fear? She was being ridiculous. They all were. He won’t look at me when we make love.

“Y-you could move into Tony and Lyle’s old room,” Ilsa added hopefully. “I was going to take it, but it’s big enough for the two of you, and we were just up there earlier.” She glanced at Eli as he approached them. “It wouldn’t be that tough for you to manage, right?”

Eli held up a hand to silence her and turned to face Alec. “I’m not ready.”

“Why?” Alec asked.

“I don’t see the need.”

“Eli, your room is too small for us to share, and mine… well, it may be large enough, but it’s on the top floor and too difficult for you to reach every day.” Alec paused, looking at Ilsa. “And taking the other bedroom isn’t going to work, either. It’s still an unnecessary flight of stairs.” He paused again, but Eli didn’t appear to have anything to add. Alec reached out for him, gripping his shoulders. “I want to wake up next to you and not have to rush elsewhere to get dressed and ready for the day.” He ran his fingers through Eli’s hair and rested his palm against his face. “I want us to really live together… as a couple. Can’t you understand that?”

“I hear you, Alec, but the situation we have isn’t all that different from a couple living at different flats and—”

Alec sighed, closed his eyes, and began massaging the bridge of his nose.

“Please don’t do that,” Eli said.

Alec looked at him and took a deep breath. “Just tell me one thing.” Don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask.

“What?”

“Tell me that your reluctance isn’t because of… Bennett.” Ilsa looked sharply at Eli as Alec continued. “This is the home you shared with him. Tell me that’s not why you won’t consider it.”

Eli glanced between them. “Why would you think that?”

“I can’t think of any other reason, and you’re not offering me one.”

“Here’s one,” Eli said, his face darkening and his eyes going cold. “I’m happy here. I’m not ready to move.” He stepped around Alec and headed for his bedroom. Ilsa and Alec watched him go and then looked at each other. She smiled sadly and headed upstairs. When Alec heard her door close, he followed Eli into the room. Alec found him staring at his shelf of photos, but Eli quickly turned to face him when he walked in. They stood looking at each other in silence, and then Alec turned, grabbed his jacket, and walked out of the house.