“Right,” said Wilf’s mom the next day, “Pam and I are going to do some yoga. What are you and Dot going to do?”

“Dot is going to hit her bucket with her spade for an hour and a half,” said Wilf. “And I am going to play with Stuart.”

“Have fun,” said Wilf’s mom. “By the way, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”

And with that she left.

“You don’t know how lucky you are, not needing to wear shoes,” said Wilf to Stuart. “Imagine having fourteen shoes and working out which one goes on which foot. It’s bad enough with two!”

Stuart smiled a little woodlouse smile.

“Now, what would you like to do today?” asked Wilf. “Would you like to go out and meet some of the local insects?”

Stuart shook his head vigorously. He was scared of the local insects. Some of them were HUGE—two centimeters long or even bigger!

Instead Wilf and Stuart played a game of Scrabble. Stuart was a terrible cheater, insisting there were words such as zfhdksn, but Wilf didn’t mind.

Stuart had beaten Wilf fourteen times when they were interrupted by a knocking at the door. It was hard to hear the knocking above the din of Dot banging on her bucket. But eventually Wilf realized there was someone there and went to open the door.

It was Alan.

“Where’s Kevin?” said Alan.

“I don’t know. He’s probably gone somewhere to be sad,” said Wilf.

“No, he hasn’t!” said Alan. “I think I would know if my own dog was sad. Especially now that I have the POOBUM.”

“The thing is,” said Wilf, “there’s a difference between hearing and listening.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” said Alan. “Of course there isn’t! Come and help me find him.”

So Wilf and Dot and Stuart and Alan set off to find Kevin. They eventually found him hiding under Alan’s bed, whining quietly to himself.

Alan dragged him out.

“You see? I told you he was fine,” said Alan crossly. “Now, Kevin, I need your help. I can’t think of what to put in my BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB. The rock was too heavy, but the sticks were too light. What do you think?”

“How about Pam?”

“I can’t put Pam in a Bouncy Explodey Bomb! She’d have kittens,” said Alan.

“Whaat?!” shrieked Kevin.

“It’s just a saying,” explained Alan. “It doesn’t mean she’ll have actual kittens.”

“It’s the kind of thing she would do,” said Kevin. “Just to annoy me.”

“Well, if you don’t mind,” said Wilf, “we’d better go. I’ve got some socks to knit.”

“Why are you knitting socks when we’re in such a hot country?”

“They’re not actually socks,” explained Wilf. “They’re sleeping bags for sick snakes. My friend Abi has started a sanctuary and she already has hundreds and hundreds of them.”

“That’s brilliant!” said Alan.

“I know,” said Wilf. “Nobody has ever done such a thing before and—”

“I’ll use the snakes!” said Alan.

“No, no, no, no!” said Wilf.

“Yes yes yes yes!” said Alan. “It’s perfect. A BOUNCY EXPLODEY SNAKE BOMB! That really is extremely evil!”

“But some of the snakes are very ill!” said Wilf.

“Even better! A BOUNCY EXPLODEY SICK SNAKE BOMB! This is my most evil plan yet! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

“I don’t get it,” said Kevin.

“For the millionth time, that is an evil laugh, not a joke, you stupid dog.”

“I’m just going back under here,” said Kevin quietly, and he scrunched himself very thinly so that he could fit underneath the bed again.

“Please don’t use the snakes for your BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB!” pleaded Wilf.

“Yes. I am going to. And then everyone in Africa will be dead. Deadity deadity dead dead dead. And once they are deadity deadity dead, I will destroy the rest of the world and then everyone will be deadity deadity dead dead deadingtons. And YOU can’t stop me!” said Alan. “Unless you get to the Zambezi River by nine o’clock tomorrow morning,” he added.