Whatever Robbie and I have done, we’ve done it in private. Gone to great lengths to make sure we’re not humiliating anyone. And this is the thanks we get?
Paula! Paula, of all people. Josh must have been drunk. Or she initiated it. Some kind of desperate attempt to prove she’s attractive. And he just got swept up in the moment. But to be caught! And in my own house! At my party! It’s like the script for a farce.
I was seething, I’ll tell you that much. All those people watching my husband with his hand inside some woman’s dress. At least, that’s what they tell me. I made Geri and Fedrico from the make-up department give me all the gory details. They were the first ones in there. Them and Sharon, the third assistant. They said they were looking for the way out to the garden, but they’ve all been here many times before, so that’s not true. Probably off to snort a few lines in private. I’m glad they don’t tell me. Our parties might be boozy, but they’re never druggie. I abhor that stuff.
Anyway, so the story goes, they were in the middle of a passionate kiss – Joshie and Paula, that is, not Geri, Federico and Sharon, haha! He had his hand on her boob. She had one of hers – well, you can imagine. On the outside of his jeans, not the inside, thank God.
Federico says they didn’t know what to do, they were so shocked. So they just stood there for a minute, by which time half of the rest of the room had seen. From what other people tell me, they drew attention to it by squawking and squeaking all over the place. And, even if they hadn’t, they’re the world’s biggest gossips, so it would have been all round in no time.
Of course, everyone’s first concern was for me. There was no shortage of people fussing around ‘making sure you’re OK’. I could feel the excitement, though, if that’s the right word. Like they wanted to be involved in the drama, but, in fact, they couldn’t wait to leave so they could talk about what had happened. Laugh behind my back. I’m not so naïve that I think all those people really had my best interests at heart. They just wanted to be able to say they had a front-row seat.
And, all the time, all I was thinking was ‘Where’s Robbie?’ Had he seen? Did he care?’ I was struck with an absolute fear that he might be heartbroken and realize he had really loved her all along. I kept scanning the room for a glimpse of him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Was he with her?
Eventually, I heard someone say, ‘Where’s Robert?’ and someone else answer, ‘Left, I think.’ And next thing I knew, Joshie was by my side.
‘How could you?’ I said, in the loudest voice I could. Might as well milk it.
The crowd around me shushed, obviously hoping the second act was about to start. Josh tried to usher me away, but I was having none of it.
‘Where’s she gone?”
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘After Robert, probably.’
I gathered myself. Put the steeliest look I could muster on my face and said, ‘I have nothing to say to you.’
That put him in his place.
Now we’re about to be on our own. The last two people are saying their hurried goodbyes. Josh has pretty much thrown them all out, telling them he’ll see them on Monday. Being all matey, as if nothing has happened. So it’s about to be just me and him.
As he corrals them to the door I find my mobile and try Robbie’s number. Sod protocol. He answers almost immediately.
‘What the fuck?’
‘Are you OK?’ I say, meaning, ‘This hasn’t made you change your mind, has it?’ but knowing he’ll take it at face value.
‘Did you have any idea?’ he splutters.
‘God, no! None.’
‘In front of all our friends!’
‘Where are you now?’ I say. I can hear Joshie saying his final goodbyes.
‘Driving home.’
‘Where’s Paula?’
‘No idea,’ he says. ‘Fuck her, humiliating me like that.’
‘Call me tomorrow. Or I’ll call you, OK? And drive carefully.’
‘I will,’ he says, sounding a bit calmer. ‘You know I love you, don’t you?’
A weight lifts off my shoulders. ‘You, too. And, listen,’ I say, whispering now. ‘Don’t tell her anything. We can come out of this smelling of roses.’
He actually laughs. ‘You might be right. They’ll be the homewreckers. We’ll be the ones everyone feels sorry for. Brilliant.’
‘I hate people feeling sorry for me,’ I say. It’s true, I do. I can’t stand to be a pity object. ‘But in this case, I’ll make an exception.’
I hang up just as the front door closes and Josh walks into the kitchen, a sheepish look on his face.
I stand up, look right at him.
‘I can’t wait to hear what you’ve got to say.’