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I was out at the target range when Martin found me. His voice was teasing when he said, “I heard you’ve been saving the royal family already. And that all you’ve saved us from was further embarrassment and rumors. Are you avoiding the devoted fans?”
“I was waiting for you.” My voice was mild, but under control. The grief had gone and had been replaced by fury. I’d seen him. I’d watched as he’d betrayed me, and he had the audacity to stand here and pretend things were normal, that everything was fine? But when I looked at his face, the blue-green eyes and the smile curving his lips, anger started to fade.
“Your knife is sunk to the hilt,” he noted. “The two men must have rattled you more than everyone thought.” He pulled the knife from the target. “Is everything all right?”
“No. It isn’t.” My voice was quiet, reflective. And although I’d thought I’d yell at him, accuse him, demand an explanation, I found I couldn’t bear to hear it said again that he’d lost interest in me and I was no longer good enough for him. I could live in denial a little longer and stop the pain of my shattered heart from returning. Let him think I’d never found out. That I’d simply lost interest in him. That would be a fitting punishment.
“What’s wrong?” He presented the knife to me.
I looked at him with shadowed eyes and spoke without emotion. “I’m breaking up with you.”
He stared, forgetting about the knife in his hand. “You’re what?”
My voice was calm, even. “Moving on. I guess we’ve been apart for too long, and I’m too busy raising my sister.” I took the knife, feeling a little better at that slam. “So I’ll leave you to move on and find someone else.” And then I walked away, leaving him speechless.
Randall found me a little later, sitting in Mari’s room. I didn’t know where else to go. Yal hadn’t been at the door, which meant Mari wasn’t here. I wasn’t sure where she was, but figured I’d need another minute before I could dredge up a smile and go find her. Randall knocked on the door and came in when I responded. “I heard that you broke up with Martin.”
“Gossip reached you already?” My voice was quiet.
“It’s not gossip,” he said gently as he sat down next to me. “Joan, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“We fell apart. It was time to end things.”
“What makes you say that? Did you fight? Have things changed for you?”
“No.” I ached deep inside. “But apparently it has for him.”
“I don’t think I understand.”
I didn’t look up. “Do you know what I heard today? I heard Charlene tell me that she was replacing me as Martin’s mistress.” I couldn’t lie to him. I couldn’t pretend with Randall. He was the only father I had at this point, the only one I could talk to about this.
“You of all people don’t listen to gossip. Why are you starting now?”
“Perhaps I wouldn’t have believed it, except that I saw Martin and Charlene kissing. Not Charlene kissing Martin, Charlene and Martin kissing.” I tried very hard to keep my voice steady. “I didn’t tell him that I knew. I just...walked away.”
Randall pressed a hand to my cheek. “I’m so sorry,” he said quietly.
“Did you know?” Now my voice broke.
“No. I didn’t know. I can’t see Martin doing this.”
“Me neither.” I finally broke down, tears running down my face.
Randall didn’t move. “Perhaps you should talk to him,” he said quietly.
I shook my head, trying to wipe away the tears. “I can’t. Not right now. I just...I missed him and then I find that apparently he didn’t...miss me.” I closed my eyes as a new flood of tears came streaming silently out.
Randall wrapped an arm around me as I leaned my head on his shoulder to cry. “You’re sure of what you saw?”
“Perfectly,” I said with bitterness. “Unless there’s someone else that sounds like Martin, looks like Martin, and wears a captain’s uniform, then it was Martin.” I wept silently on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to tell anyone the truth. Don’t tell the others. Please. I can’t...I can’t deal with everything that’ll come with it right now.”
Randall was silent for a minute. “All right. I won’t interfere, for now. And I’m sorry I can’t give you a few more minutes, but Their Highnesses want to speak to you.”
I rose and wiped my face. “Give me five minutes, and I’ll be on my way.”
I was before the king and queen ten minutes later, completely under control, the door relocked behind me. Remy had replaced Liam, who was probably writing his report on the incident. “You summoned me?”
“We have an offer for you, if you would be willing to take it,” King Alan said. “Since the war, negotiating peace has been tough. We have some peace problems.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” I interrupted him. “What peace problems? I thought you were just dealing with people with grudges.”
King Alan sighed. “King Nadem IV had treaties with Unti and Untili. Treaties that King Nadem V is unwilling to uphold. Similarly, we have treaties that we would like to amend. Everyone was affected by our war, and the delegations have been called together. All the countries in the English Region meet every three years, except for the countries at war. Now Lendia and Valeria are joining this year’s peace conference, and Geidy could present some problems.”
“May I ask what in the world I’m supposed to do? Mari isn’t going, is she?”
“She is, but your status as her guard is undecided. Once your sister is finished with school, we would like both of you to come here, and we wish you to go with the delegation,” Queen Florinda said.
I studied them a moment. “You want to show me off.”
“You are a heroine, and from the Flip Side,” Florinda said. “Tales of you are widespread and commonly known. If you were to go as part of the delegation, perhaps the other countries would be more willing to listen to our message if they were willing to see one of those delivering it.”
I sighed. “And if I decided not to be your miracle spokesperson, Mari would need me as her guard, wouldn’t she?”
Florinda smiled. “The choice is up to you.”
“You’re going to kill me with all the pomp and ceremony, Your Highness, you know that?”
“Does that mean you accept?”
“Should Cathy agree, then I will...resignedly, do my duty and serve Valeria.” I gave a wry grin. “If I’m going to be seeing this much royalty, I’d better work on my poker face a little more, to go with the properly respectful and flowery speech.”
“When will you and Catherine move in?”
“My sister finishes school in two days, Your Highness. We’re packed now and ready to move the minute school is finished. She’s happy to be coming.”
“And we are happy to have her. You will resume your duties as personal guard over Mari once you have moved in, and you will report to Sir Gonhiad. Do you have any questions?”
I curtseyed. “No, Your Highnesses, I understand.”
“You are dismissed.”
I walked out, passing Remy. “I get off in five minutes,” he whispered. “Be in the guardroom!”
“Good to see you too, Remy.”
He grinned and winked.
By the time I made it to the guardroom, everyone was already there. Somehow, Remy had beaten me. “Good to see you, Ilion,” Neal said with a smile, his tall, lanky form leaning against the wall as he grinned down at me. He clapped me on the shoulder in greeting, and I returned it.
“Hey, Neal. Good to see you too.”
“Ilion! When are you going to start working with us officially?”
“Two days, Larson. I’ll be back on duty in two days.”
“I heard you broke up with the captain.”
The room instantly quieted under Liam’s statement.
“Way to make a girl feel welcome, Liam.”
“Is it true?” Remy asked.
“I don’t see how it’s any of your business.” My voice was quiet, giving them the answer.
“Why?” Remy asked.
“Leave the girl alone!” Randall chided, coming to my defense. “It’s not your business.”
I slipped out of the room to change into the guard uniform, but conversation still carried through the door.
“You know, don’t you? You know the reason,” Mark accused.
“I know it’s nothing to do with any of you.” Randall’s voice was dangerous. “Let her alone. How did you find out anyway?”
“Joe reads lips, and he was on the wall with us.”
I leaned my head against the door. Great. Joe knew too. Soon the king and queen would also, and then the whole castle.
“Come on, Randall. What happened? Nobody saw this coming. You know how she and Martin are. They’re...them,” Remy said, as if it explained everything.
I wished I didn’t understand what he meant. But I did. Martin and I had clicked. Once I’d decided he was trustworthy, and that I wasn’t completely crazy, I’d realized there were a lot of similarities between us. He read me as effortlessly as I read Cathy. We could easily find the line between working and personal without letting the two cause problems elsewhere. He was dedicated and intelligent and I respected him. And he’d never had an issue with Cathy. When we were together, things were easier, problems more tolerable, and a sense of contentment had settled in my heart. He brought peace to my life. And I thought I’d given him the same. For the first time, I’d found someone who didn’t fear me, but loved me. He not only didn’t mind that I had more knives than pairs of shoes, but equaled me in his love of weapons. We’d matched. What had gone wrong?
“So?” Remy persisted, echoing my own thoughts. “What went wrong?”
I decided to interrupt before they asked any further questions. Momentary awkward silence fell as I pretended I hadn’t heard what they’d said as I left the changing room and sat down on the bench. I reclaimed the green knife I was now known for and tucked it away. “So, apparently I’ve been assigned to some peace delegation. Do you know anything about that?”
They burst into laughter. “Know about it? We’re going! We’re protecting the royal family during the delegation. You’re going too?” Neal asked.
I nodded, grimacing. “I’m...kind of the show piece.”
“She’s going to have to get dressed up!” Remy said gleefully. “Boy, am I glad I get to see this.”
“Yeah? What about you?” I shot back.
“Oh, we have to dress up, but we won’t be the ones in the pretty dresses.”
I shuddered at the thought. “Just tell me I won’t have to wear a corset or any of those torture devices you used to make women wear.”
“Those are optional. Hardly anyone will put up a fuss at someone of your rank not wearing one.”
I rubbed at my temples. “I’m resigning. Tell the king and queen good luck, but Cathy and I will be hiding far, far away.”
“Joan Ilion is afraid of a dress,” Neal teased.
“I’ll wear a corset if you will,” I shot back.
“I don’t think it’ll do much for his figure,” Pierson said dryly.
There was general laughter and the others started to chatter among themselves.
“Any other good gossip?” I wouldn’t normally have called it gossip, but I liked to yank their chain. And avoid other topics.
“Guardsmen don’t gossip. They discuss,” Remy said automatically. “Things have been fairly quiet, all things considered.”
“How long have you been broken up from Charlene?” I asked on a whim.
“Five months. We didn’t work out.” Remy waved a hand dismissively. “Now I’m free to chase you.”
I tried to play it light. “Good luck catching up, then. I wouldn’t forget that I can still kick your butt if I have too. And I have all sorts of dangerous Flip Side weapons like that water gun that can strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest man.”
Everyone listening chuckled, and then Martin came in. The smile disappeared. I stood, curtseying, formality becoming a barrier between us. “Sir Gonhiad, I am reporting to you for instructions for the delegation, I believe. I will be ready to work in two days, to resume protecting Mari.”
Martin regarded at me with unfathomable eyes. “Very well, Guardswoman Joan. Report in two days.”
I curtseyed again.
“I would like to speak with you privately, Guardswoman.”
I walked out the door to the hallway, my face carefully blank as Martin closed the door behind us. He turned and all formality was gone from his tone. “What went wrong, Joan? We barely said hi before you walked out on me. Can I at least know why?”
“I don’t wish to discuss this, sir.”
He looked upset. “Sir? Joan, talk to me!”
I didn’t respond and he sighed in frustration. “Don’t I at least deserve the decency to know why?”
“I don’t have anything to say to you, sir.” Then I turned and started to leave.
“Guardswoman Joan!” Martin snapped at me. “I did not give you permission to leave.”
I turned, and my gaze was ice cold. “If you wish to discuss professional matters, sir, then I will stay. However, if you wish to discuss personal matters, then all I have to say to you is that there is nothing personal to discuss. Not with you. Sir.” I curtseyed, proper to his rank and mine, and then I walked away again, and this time he didn’t stop me.