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The next morning found me moving slightly slower than usual. I’d gotten a few less hours of sleep, and although I hadn’t drunk much, I still went to find Joe first.
“Good morning,” he said cheerily.
“Look who woke up on the bright side of the bed,” I remarked in a bit of a grouchy tone.
He scanned me and cocked an eye at me in humored surprise. “You’re looking slightly hung-over this morning, Joan. Did you drink?”
“I do not have a hangover,” I retorted. “And I do believe I’m old enough to drink, even here.”
He chuckled. “Then what are you seeking me out for?”
I blew out a sigh. “I want you to make sure I’m not impaired in any way. I shouldn’t be, but I want to be sure. Is there a way for you to check?”
“Sobriety test.”
“I’m not drunk!”
He rested his hands on either side of my head. “Breathe slowly,” he said. I obeyed and felt his power sinking into me, the slight fizz like carbonation running through my blood.
“You’re clear, Joan,” he said, letting go. “A little tired, but you’re not impaired.” He picked up his glass of orange juice.
“Can I ask how Maria is?”
He lowered his glass. “So you’ve heard.”
“Liam told me. He said you were helping her with detox.”
He rubbed his head in a gesture of weariness. “She’s working, she’s making progress, but it’s very hard to beat an addiction like that. I reduce the cravings when they get too bad. I try to make sure she’s not becoming dependent on anything else, such as my healings. It’s something she’ll have to fight for the rest of her life.”
“And she will,” I said quietly. “She knows what she’s got to lose. She’ll fight with everything she’s got. If she’s anything like her brother, she’ll fight, and she’ll win.”
Joe nodded. “I think she will win. So long as she learns to cope with stress adequately, she won’t fall back into the habit. It’ll be hard, especially during stressful times, but she should be okay.” He sipped from the glass. “By the way, how is Liam?”
“He drank enough that he’ll have a massive headache and hangover today. He’s off duty,” I added quickly.
“Yes, I suggested that. I know how much this bothers him. So does Martin.” He squeezed my hand. “You’re a good friend, Joan.”
I gave a half-smile. “Thanks for helping him with Maria. You may not know, but you’re giving him a reason to hope for Maria’s future.” I pressed a kiss to his cheek impulsively. “I have to get on duty. Thanks, Joe.”
He smiled and his eyes twinkled, but he merely said, “You’re welcome.”
I knew I would catch grief over the kiss, but I hadn’t expected it so soon. From the time it took me to get from the kitchen to the guardroom, they’d heard and they all turned to face me, grinning wickedly. I ignored them and crossed to the locker that was mine and strapped on the knives I’d left there after the debriefing yesterday.
“So,” Larson drawled out, “you and Joe a thing?”
I turned to stare at them. “How did you hear about something so insignificant so fast?” I demanded. “I know gossip runs the castle, but really! Do you have pages spying on me and reporting back here or what?”
“It’s not gossip,” Keeton defended in an insulted tone.
“Whatever.” I slid the thin band in my hair to keep it out of my face.
“I think you missed the part about her and Joe’s relationship being insignificant,” Larson said. “As in there is one.”
“Yeah, and it’s called friendship.”
“Can I have a friendly kiss?” Neal asked, a wicked grin on his face.
“Don’t forget just how fast I can drop you.”
“Is that a no?”
A timid knock sounded at the door and I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, guessing on who it was. “Neal, don’t scare my sister,” I said as he reached for the door.
Neal opened it and sure enough, my sister stood in the doorway. She didn’t look at all fazed. “Joan?” she asked, staring up at Neal.
“No. I’m Neal.”
“I know that,” she said, annoyed. “Where is she?”
Neal stepped aside.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“No, I just wanted to talk.”
“About?”
She motioned me forward and I went to her and closed the door behind us. “Is something wrong?” I asked again.
She squirmed a little. “Are you working all day?”
“I have a short shift, and then I have to study. I’ll be done by two. Why?”
She scuffed her feet on the floor. “I hardly got to see you yesterday,” she muttered. “And you were gone before I got dressed.”
I understood and hugged her. “I’m sorry,” I told her. “I’ll make sure to spend a little more time with you today, all right?”
She looked up at me, worry clear. “You’re not tired of me, right? You’re not annoyed that you have to take care of me?”
My heart went out to her. She’d never doubted me, not until one of Cathy’s friends had mentioned to her that I would get tired of taking care of her and being responsible, and now Cathy worried that would happen. I hadn’t managed to convince Cathy yet that it wouldn’t, and every other worry about this summer wasn’t helping that. “Catherine, you’re my sister,” I said quietly. “You’re my family, and I can’t tire of you. Last night, I spent some time with a friend. That doesn’t mean you’re not important or that I’m tiring of you. It means I occasionally want to hang out with other people here. That’s all, I promise. All right?”
She relaxed and nodded. “All right.”
I hugged her for a minute. “I’ll be there for supper unless there’s an emergency.”
She beamed at me. “Okay! See you later!” Then she turned and sped off.
“Problem?” Neal asked when I opened the door.
I smiled serenely at him as I leaned against the wall near the door. “Actually, she said she approved of Joe and she wanted to make sure I knew.”
“Joan and a shaman,” Keeton teased. “And here we thought he would stay a bachelor forever.”
“She’s been secretly pining after him since she first threatened to cut off his hands,” Remy added, eyes sparkling with devilment.
“Pining?” I couldn’t help the slight insult. “I don’t pine.”
“What would you call it?”
“We’re just friends. That’s all.”
He cocked an eye at me. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re wasting your time.”
Remy grinned. “We’re trained interrogators, and nothing stops us from finding the truth.”
My remark was quieter. “Oh? Even when Martin comes in?”
The room quieted, and there were a few winces.
“Yeah, I thought so.” I headed out the door again. “Duty’s in ten minutes. Tell the captain I had to check something before shift.”
Remy caught up to me on my way to the ballroom for lessons. “Anything you want to talk about?”
I shook my head tiredly. “Only an apology in advance for our dance lesson. I’m going to be even less graceful than usual.”
“Did you not sleep well?”
“Liam and I stayed up talking, and don’t even start,” I said, cutting off whatever he’d been about to say.
“I was only going to ask how Liam was,” Remy said with an indignant tone.
“You’d know better than me. I guess he’s doing okay.”
Tatum was waiting inside the ballroom, as usual. “Good, you’re on time,” he said.
“You say that as if we’re usually late,” Remy said mildly as I slipped out of my shoes and into the dancing slippers I wore to practice. They weren’t heels because I figured I needed to learn to dance before learning to dance in heels.
“One must always be punctual,” Tatum lectured. “Especially when dealing with royalty.”
“If royalty can’t figure out that occasionally business prevents us from being perfectly on time, then royalty is stupid,” I retorted, kneeling down to tie the straps of the shoes. “We come as soon as we’re able to without breaking protocol.”
Tatum’s mouth twitched. “I would suggest that you refrain from mentioning such things during the peace conference,” he said with a hint of amusement. “Not even to our own people. You never know who’s listening.”
I thought of Joe as I straightened. “Or who reads lips,” I said dryly. I reluctantly approached Remy. I always got a little shot of dread when doing this, afraid I would mess up, and it wasn’t helping that I did mess up. Or that the deadline for the peace conference was insistently approaching.
“Did you just call our royalty stupid?” a voice inquired mildly.
My head whipped around to see Liam leaning against the doorframe. “Queen Florinda and King Alan aren’t like that,” I replied. “But that doesn’t mean other royalty can’t be. What are you doing here?”
“I figured I’d see how the lessons are going,” he said, and took a seat next to the doorway. “And since I’m off duty, I have the time.”
I was sure it would make his headache worse, but I only gave a despairing look and muttered, “Great. Another witness.”
He and Remy grinned. “You’ll have to get used to it sometime,” Remy reminded me. “You’re not going to dance alone.”
I made an inarticulate sound of dejection and sighed.
Tatum nodded to the small orchestra consisting of half a dozen people behind us and they started playing. I curtseyed to Remy, he bowed, then I took his extended hand and we started dancing. Over the weeks we’d been doing this, I had gotten better, and I knew it. I could follow the dance easily, and I rarely got off-beat, but when Remy would use a step I didn’t know, it usually ended up with me stepping on his foot. It seemed there was a never-ending list of complicated steps, and I wondered often how anyone managed to dance when there were so many moves to keep straight. When the song ended, I turned to Tatum and waited for the criticism I knew was coming.
“You look too much at your feet.”
I growled in frustration at myself and ran my hands through my hair. “I can’t help it! It’s what prevents me from falling over half the time!”
“It is a mistake you cannot make. You must keep your eyes on your partner,” Tatum said, something I’d heard too many times to count.
“Perhaps a conversation would help,” Liam suggested mildly. “I noticed you don’t talk.”
“That’s because he knows better than to distract me by talking,” I retorted. “I really, really hate this! If you didn’t have a shaman, I’d go break a toe so I couldn’t dance! This entire thing is ridiculous and I’m never going to get it!”
Remy and Tatum swallowed a grin. Liam didn’t as he rose. “Let me see about that.” He walked over and gave a bow. “My lady, may I have a dance?”
Remy backed away and watched good-naturedly as I curtseyed and accepted his callused hand.
“Relax,” Liam said as the dance began. “Don’t tighten up.”
“Easy for you to say,” I muttered. I willed myself to relax, and it only partly worked.
“You’re not going to get to the end of the dance faster by dancing quicker, Joan,” Liam said a moment later, through chuckles. “Slow down. You’re working far too hard on this. Let me lead.”
I flushed. It hadn’t been the first time I’d been accused of leading the dance. I was trying so hard to anticipate what was coming that I ended up trying to lead. “Sorry.” We continued in silence as I worked on relaxing in his arms and following where he went.
“There, you see? Much better than last time,” Liam commented.
“Hm.” I glanced down at my feet.
“Joan,” he said gently. “Look at me. In the clothes you’ll be wearing, you won’t be able to see your feet, and maybe not mine. And that wasn’t a proper response. You have to be just as careful with what you say on the dance floor as when you’re off it.”
I searched for something to say as I moved my gaze guiltily back to his face. “Thank you for noticing my improvement. What little there is.”
“You don’t know enough about dancing to decide that,” Liam said. “Up here, Joan.”
I lifted my gaze back to his face. “And that would be the reason why I’m going to mess up.”
“Which reason? Looking at your feet?”
“No, because I don’t know enough about dancing. It’s bad enough now, but it’ll be worse with everyone watching.” My stomach clenched just thinking about it.
“Everyone, or just Martin?” he asked quietly.
“Both are equally terrifying. And then there’s the whole diplomat thing.”
His eyes showed his sympathy. “I know you’ve been having a difficult year, and that we’ve only piled on the responsibilities, but we’ve got your back. You’re an excellent dancer and learning fast, even about being a diplomat. Just remember that you’re the only one who knows anything about the Flip Side. You don’t have to negotiate peace. All you’re doing is opening the door for Valeria to negotiate.” He offered a smile. “Just like last summer. You brought peace, and all you did was be yourself. Do the same this year.”
The fear and dread that clenched my stomach suddenly eased, and as I twirled under his arm and came to a stop, I realized that I’d been able to stop looking at my feet and I hadn’t stumbled. I looked at him with a touch of awe. He just grinned at me. “All you need is a little self-confidence, Joan. Don’t doubt yourself.”
I gave him a hug for a long minute. “Thanks,” I whispered.
He hugged me back and smiled when I let go, turning to Remy. “She’s all yours, Remy. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He nodded to Tatum and headed for the door.
“How come I never get a hug?” Remy asked, sounding hurt, as we danced in the next song.
“Because he said something I needed to hear, and because the next thing I’d hear is, ‘So, you and Remy?’”
He chuckled and spun me out and in. “No. You’d have taken it out of my hide. I might have bragged a little though. May I mention that talking seems to make you do better?” he inquired. “You’re much more at ease.”
“I guess I’m over-thinking it.” And I felt the knot in my stomach relax a little more. “Thanks for being patient with me.”
“If you think I’d trade this for wall duty, you’re sadly mistaken.” He grinned at me. “Everyone else is jealous.” He slowed with the music and we came to a stop.
“Very good,” Tatum said. “Again.”
We did a second dance, and I kept up light conversation with Remy, and was thrilled to discover that I wasn’t looking at my feet. Tatum seemed to agree that I’d improved. “That is much better. Remy you may go and I will work on diplomacy with Joan.”
Remy nodded, winked at me, and turned to go. Just for the heck of it, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and waved cheerily at him. He was grinning when he left.
For once, when I left the ballroom, I wasn’t scowling as I went to find Cathy. She was out by herself in the field, with a book in hand. I snuck up behind her and grabbed her, laughing when she squealed. “Hey there, sis,” I said, hugging tightly.
“Joan!” She scrambled to her feet and hugged me back. “I thought you’d be working with Tatum still.”
“Finished early.” I picked up her book. “Where’s Mari?”
Cathy made a face. “She had to do finances and it was taking a really long time.”
I sighed. “Well, we’ll have to go help her if she’s not done in a little while.”
“But I don’t like finances either,” she protested.
“Whine and complain,” I teased, poking her in the side. She giggled and moved away. “You have a knife on you?”
She shook her head. “Charlene wouldn’t let Mari carry one, so I said I wouldn’t either.”
I pulled out the one from my father and handed it to her. “Let’s see you try and beat me with this then,” I challenged. “Five throws?”
She smirked. “I only need three.”
“Yeah right. Let’s see it, sis.”
She tested the weight of the knife, then threw it at the target a few feet away. It landed dead center and she smirked again as she went to retrieve it.
“Don’t get cocky,” I warned. “I’ll make you eat that arrogance.”
“It’s only arrogance if you’re rude about it,” Cathy called back. “Otherwise its confidence.” She pulled the knife out and moved to the side so I could make my throw.
Mine landed dead center too. Then we moved farther back. Both knives landed dead center. On the third throw, we were even farther back. Cathy went first, and her knife went just slightly to the right. She left her knife, and I waited a moment, focusing, my eyes on the target, and then I threw the knife, hard. We walked forward together, and as we got close Cathy whooped. “Ha! I won!”
“You did not! You missed the center by a mile!”
“Then you missed it by two miles because mine’s closer!” She pointed smugly, and sure enough, hers was half an inch closer.
I decided to play a little. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Mine’s clearly closer.”
“Is not!”
“Is too!”
“Then I’ll have one of the guards show you because I won and you know it!”
“I know it,” I admitted, grinning. I gave her a hug. “You’ve probably just damaged my reputation with the other guards, because I got beaten by a twelve-year-old.”
She didn’t look the least bit repentant. “I’m just better.”
“That you are, and I’m proud to admit it.” I pulled the knives out and tucked them away.
“I beat all the others when they came to play with Mari. They think we’re magic.” She looked pleased by that idea. “Maybe that’s why you can see them, because you’re magic. I’d be magic too, right?” Underneath the question was insecurity that I could see.
“You’d have to be in order to beat me,” I teased. “So I guess you are.”
“Hey!” Mari’s cry echoed over to us as she ran, her blond pigtails flying out behind her. “I’m done! Let’s play! Can I throw knives too?”
“I’ll win,” Cathy pointed out.
“And I’ll win at archery,” Mari pointed out, not the least bit fazed.
“How about you two go ride horses?” I suggested. “If you’re open to that.”
“Yeah!” They grabbed my hand and tugged me eagerly to the stables.
“I’m glad the war’s over,” Mari said to me. “Otherwise we’d have to take half the castle with us.”
“Go tell Stephan, and I’ll catch up,” I said.
They took off. “I’ll beat you there!” Mari called, speeding up.
“Will not!” Cathy sped up as well and they raced out of sight.
I followed, catching a page. “Tell Charlene that Mari will be out riding horses,” I said.
The poor boy winced. “Do I have to, ma’am?” he asked plaintively.
I smiled. “No. You can tell Captain Gonhiad, and he can pass on the message.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled as I disappeared inside the stables to find a few moments of freedom from the castle and the people in it.