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The next morning, I went to the guardroom and checked the schedule, scanning to see what times I was supposed to work.
“Forget the schedule?” Remy teased.
I flashed him a smile. “I’m taking some time off. Cathy’s going nuts with no one to play with. We’re going to have some girl time and I’ll see if I can find something for her to do during Mari’s lessons.”
Liam’s eyes said he didn’t believe me for a second but he only offered a mild comment. “Need an escort?”
I grinned. “You’re not a girl.”
“He could get all dressed up to look like one,” Larson shot out. “He’ll look good in pink.”
“Only if you wear that face paint,” Liam shot back.
“Cathy would be offended,” I said, laughing. “She likes makeup. I’ve never understood why she likes it so much.”
“Because women are pretty when they use it,” Larson stated, jumping in the conversation.
“And you smell better when you shower and don’t wear the clothes off the floor.”
“It’s the uniform!” he protested. “The heat makes me sweat!”
“Excuses, excuses,” I teased.
A knock sounded on the door and a page peeked his head in. “Sir Gonhiad says he must speak with you all before you go on duty, and he’s in the throne room. Their Highnesses are in a meeting, making preparations, and they can’t spare him for long.”
There was a groan around the room as everyone stood.
“This happens often?” I questioned.
“We waited almost an hour once,” Liam said to me as we filed out of the room and headed towards the throne room. “He can get busy sometimes, especially now. Planning the protection of the royal family across the continent takes considerable time and effort.”
“Do you have to stand at attention or something?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The previous shift gets grumpy when their relief doesn’t show up,” Remy said. “If this goes over fifteen minutes, I’m going to charm something from the kitchens.”
“Maybe if you’d put on makeup, they wouldn’t need food,” Larson teased me.
“Maybe if you’d put on a dress, you wouldn’t either,” I said sweetly, bringing more chuckles.
We waited ten minutes, and then Martin came out, looking slightly frazzled. He rattled off orders and requirements that every guard needed to do for the peace conference, ranging from weapons supply to personal problems and getting such resolved. Just as he was about to dismiss us, Charlene sauntered out. “Five minute break, Martin,” she said, wrapping her arms around him, sliding a glance to me.
I forced myself to stay completely still and not react as he let Charlene cling to him, desperately hoping he’d give the order to dismiss before this got worse. From the corner of my eye, I could see Neal watching me intently.
Martin was distracted, and the others waited patiently while I chanted desperate pleas and struggled not to rip Charlene’s hands off him. I could see her judging whether or not she could get away with a display of affection now, or what else she could do to make me suffer.
Shrieks of excitement and fear exploded. I recognized Cathy’s scream a split second before I recognized Mari’s scream, and then the sound of steel clanging. I immediately broke ranks and bolted towards the stairs, following the sound, racing up and around the corner.
Cathy and Mari were trapped in a corner, their eyes wide with fear and awe as two young pages, about fourteen years old, fought each other with swords a few feet from them, anger flaring in their eyes.
I didn’t stop to judge the situation, I dashed right in as the red-head’s stoke was parried and he stumbled towards the two girls. I grabbed the red-head’s wrist and yanked the sword back and away from the two girls, twisting the sword out of his grip and shoving him towards the stairs where the other guards and Martin had followed. The black-haired boy, having obviously lost his mind, wasn’t quick enough or smart enough to avert the blow. His blade flashed at me and I was sliced on the wrist. He paused and I attacked. My sword swung toward him, he blocked it as a reflex, and then I let go of the sword and grabbed his wrist and twisted. Before he could strike back, I delivered a punch to his cheek. It was enough for me to disarm him, and to bring him back to his senses. When his eyes focused again, horror was clear in his expression and he knew he was in for it.
I let him have it. “You idiot!” I exploded. “I don’t know what kind of macho game you were playing, but you put Princess Mari and my sister in danger with your shenanigans and I am inches from kicking you both into the moat to cool you down! Were you both so hotheaded you didn’t think to look at who you put in danger, or did you not care?” I kept going, ripping into both of them, venting some of the built up anger while the black-haired one cringed in front of me and the red-haired one cringed in Martin’s grip.
When I finally stopped, both boys were flushed with shame and embarrassment. Martin stepped in and ordered both of them to the page’s room while I turned to Cathy and Mari. They stared in trepidation. Cathy was wisely keeping her mouth shut, knowing the hold on my temper was slim.
“Guardswoman, are they hurt?” Martin asked.
Both girls shook their heads. “No, sir,” I said, turning to face him.
Charlene elbowed her way through and threw her arms around Martin. “Oh, Martin! Thank you for protecting Princess Mari! I’m so glad you were nearby!”
I knew resentment shimmered in my gaze and Cathy’s, but resentment was gone in a heartbeat as she leaned up to press her lips to Martin’s. Shock and hurt hit like a hammer, and then before I could rip Charlene off by the hair, a warm hand rested on my shoulder in comfort and to soothe my anger. I could almost feel the sympathy emanating from Randall. I swallowed my emotions and turned to the two girls, motioning them to go. We left before Martin stopped kissing her.
I closed the door to Mari’s room and closed my eyes and struggled with the emotions roiling through me. I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t start cursing or destroying something. Fear was an emotion that tended to linger. Cathy took a strip of material and tied it around my bleeding wrist, then took my hand, and Mari followed her lead and took the other hand. I shuddered once and opened my eyes and hugged each of them fiercely. “You’re both okay?” I asked.
Cathy’s arms locked around my neck. “We’re okay. They just scared us.”
“But it was cool, too,” Mari piped up.
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” I said, relief in my tone. “I was worried about you.”
“I know,” Cathy said, giving a smile. “You get really mad when you’re scared.”
“Remind me not to scare you then,” Neal said dryly from the door. There was no telling how long he’d been there; I hadn’t heard the door open. “Captain wants you.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
He nodded once, hesitated, then left without saying anything. I knew I should go find Martin immediately, but I spent a few minutes figuring out exactly what had happened and making sure they were all right. Martin finally came to find me. “Guardswoman,” he said with a touch of steel in his tone.
Cathy looked anxious, but I gave her a half-smile that disappeared the instant the door closed and she couldn’t see. “Yes, sir?”
“I called for you.”
“I got the message, sir.” I didn’t bother to hide the glaring resentment on my face.
“Do you have a problem, Guardswoman?” he snapped at me.
“‘Oh, Martin! Thank you for protecting Princess Mari! I’m so glad you were nearby!’” I mocked in Charlene’s voice. “So glad she was nearby so you can do your job. How did you ever survive dating me? Had I known you needed such pampering, I would have congratulated you as well for holding that boy back while I fought the idiot with the sword.”
He looked taken aback at the vehemence of my tone and at a personal attack. Then before my eyes, I saw him visibly bite his tongue before speaking. “Do you have a report, Guardswoman?” he asked quietly.
“Both girls suffered no injuries. They were only frightened. They think the boys were arguing over a match they’d had previously, where one thought the other cheated. That is all they know.”
“And your injury?”
I didn’t even bother to look, although it was throbbing and hadn’t quite stopped bleeding yet. “I’ll live.”
“Find Joe,” he ordered. “Then report back to your station.”
I bowed to proper depth and we both went in different directions.
I found Joe on the walkway, talking to Neal. “Catching up on the latest gossip?” I inquired with false cheerfulness.
“It’s not gossip,” they both said at the same time.
“Of course it’s not,” I said easily.
Joe sighed in partial irritation. “Are you going to ask for my healing or not?” he asked patiently.
I offered my wrist to him with a grimace. “If you would, please. I think I’d need stitches.”
Joe pulled the material off and placed his hands on my wrist, frowning as the coolness sank in. “Joan, this was almost serious A little more depth and you would have had some tendons severed or vein cut.”
“They you would have come to me,” I said with perfect reason. I grimaced and flinched as my arm suddenly stung. “Ow! Aren’t you supposed to ease pain?”
“Repairing nerves requires me to check and make sure they’re working,” Joe said shortly. “You’re going to get more.”
I clenched my other hand into a fist as my cut flared as if alcohol had been poured on it. “Do you need me to scream or can you tell if they work?” I got out.
“Tell me if it doesn’t hurt somewhere.”
It hurt all along the cut, throbbing again, burning while the coolness around it took the edge off the pain. “No, it all hurts.” My voice wasn’t as steady as I would have liked when I gritted that through clenched teeth.
He eased the pain and my arm was covered in the feeling of cool water. “I shouldn’t be surprised at your tolerance for pain,” he said as he healed the surface skin. “You didn’t make a sound.”
“And ruin my credibility with the other guards? Yeah, right.”
He chuckled and his face eased as he let go. “You’re healed, Joan. Are the girls all right?”
I nodded. “Nothing touched them.”
“She made sure of that,” Neal interjected.
“Anyone injured?”
“A black-haired kid will have a bruise on his cheek for the next couple weeks.”
Joe chuckled. “I believe I’ll leave it there. I’ll see you later.”
“Are you still planning on taking some time off?” Neal asked as Joe left.
I nodded. “The queen’s already said I can miss a day of lessons, and I’ve got people taking care of Mari. I just need to switch my short shift with someone.”
“Which day?”
“Tomorrow.”
He considered it a moment. “I’ll take it.”
I looked at him. “Really?”
“Sure. I’ve only got a short shift tomorrow. If you’ll take my shift on Sunday, we’ll call it even. It’s a short shift, and I’ve got a date that day.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Oh? Anyone I know?”
He shrugged. “Probably not. She’s not from the castle.”
I grinned. “Good for you. Yeah, I’ll take it on Sunday. Thanks.”
“No, thank you. And enjoy your day with Cathy.” He watched my face carefully. “You do realize you need to tell Captain Gonhiad that you don’t plan on being in the castle.”
I nodded. “I’ve been meaning to tell him, but circumstances have made it slip my mind. I’ll catch him before I leave tomorrow.” I couldn’t hold in the bitter sigh. “Maybe I’ll be able to catch him without Charlene.”
He didn’t say anything to that, but said with a wicked tone, “I heard you kissed Remy.”
I rolled my eyes and he laughed.
The next morning, I was up with the sun, and so was Cathy. She was eager to spend the day with me and wanted to see Nottinghamshire since she hadn’t ever been off castle grounds. I sent her to breakfast and woke Mari, telling her it was time to get up.
“If you’re leaving, I want to sleep,” she groaned, pulling the covers over her head.
“Oh?” I inquired. Then I started tickling her. She squeaked and tried to move away, still a lump under the covers, but I didn’t let up until she whipped the covers over her head and scrambled away, giggling.
“We’ll be back tonight,” I promised her. “You can spend some time apart from Cathy and not die. Go get dressed and don’t cause any problems today.”
She sighed. “All right,” she grumbled, and bounced from the bed to the floor, moving towards her closet. “Bye.”
Before I went to breakfast, I went to the guardroom. Martin was already there and I curtseyed to him. “I have the day off, sir,” I said calmly. “I will not be in the castle today. I apologize for not giving you notice sooner. Neal is covering my shift, and I’ll be covering his on Sunday.”
Martin looked a touch surprised before he settled his face in a mask, but his tone was clipped. “Thank you for informing me, Guardswoman. I expect to see you tomorrow morning.”
I curtseyed to him again, nodded to Neal, then walked out the door. I didn’t get the door closed before I heard Neal’s snort and I paused, the door cracked just enough for me to hear.
“Do you have something to say, Guardsman Neal?” Martin demanded.
“Yes, sir,” Neal said flatly. “You’re an idiot.”
“Excuse me?” Martin’s voice was dangerous. I had my hand pressed over my mouth, astonished. Neal had never spoken to Martin that way.
“You heard me. You’re an idiot.”
“If this is about Joan...”
“Of course it’s about Joan,” Neal snapped. “You don’t get it, do you? You’re pushing her away.”
“This doesn’t concern you.”
“The hell it doesn’t! She’s our friend, and you’re our boss. How do you think it doesn’t concern us?”
Martin remained silent.
“You don’t seem to understand Joan, so I’ll help you out. She loves you.”
“She has a funny way of showing it,” he said grumpily.
“No,” Neal shot back. “She’s the one that’s easy to understand; you’re the one no one understands. You go around the castle with Charlene next to you half the time, then you get jealous when Joan spends time with one of us! By the crown, Martin, can’t you see that you’re driving her nuts? She still loves you, and seeing you with someone else is hard on her. Why do you think she took the day off? Do you honestly think she wants to see you and Charlene together? And do you think Charlene’s making it easy on her?”
Martin didn’t say anything. I wasn’t especially pleased that I could be read so easily, especially when I’d been trying so hard to be normal.
“And to top it off, you’re spending more time with Charlene than you ever did with her. Maybe I missed it, but I don’t remember you being near as blatant. Not to mention the fact that she put her life on the line for Princess Mari and her sister and you turned around and kissed Charlene without a word of praise to her. How insensitive can you be?”
I could tell this stung Martin. “Then I suppose she’ll be happy to move on to one of you,” he snapped.
“She doesn’t want us! She wants you!” I could almost see Neal shaking his head in disbelief. “Watch her when she sees you with Charlene. She still loves you, and if you keep up this thing with Charlene, then you’re going to lose her forever.”
Unable to stand hearing any more, I turned and rushed off.
*
MARTIN FELT TIRED AS he crossed the drawbridge, the sky barely red as the sun was finishing its disappearing act behind the horizon. A long day, made even longer by Joan’s absence. Not that it was exactly pleasant being around her right now, but knowing she was avoiding him hadn’t sat well.
“Hey, Captain.” Liam jogged to catch up with him. “You look like you could use a drink.”
“Not tonight. I’m going home.”
“Then how about some company?”
Martin shrugged wearily.
Liam walked silently with Martin to his house. Martin flipped on the light and tossed his jacket over the back of a couch before slumping in his chair. Liam, long familiar with Martin’s house, retrieved drinks from the fridge and carried them to the living room, handing one over. Martin took a long pull, then settled himself. “How’s Maria?”
A shadow fell over Liam for a moment. “Not great right now. But she’s determined to get clean.” He took a drink himself. “And you look just as miserable.”
“I screwed up. Royally.” Martin leaned forward, rubbing his forehead.
“Yes, you did,” Liam said bluntly. “What were you thinking?”
“You know how Charlene is,” Martin appealed.
“We all know how Charlene is,” Liam said darkly.
“You know what I mean,” Martin said, frustrated.
Liam relented a little. “I do. She can put on a good show. And Remy fell for the same act you did. The only difference was the rest of us learned from his mistake.” He leaned to the side. “But it wasn’t like you were single. You were still with Joan.”
“Who I hadn’t seen in months.” He held up a hand. “I know. I was an idiot. And I hurt Joan.”
“Not just Joan. Cathy heard that the reason you went to Charlene was because Joan was busy being a parent.”
“It had nothing to do with Cathy!” Martin said with frustration and anger. “Who said...?” He trailed off at Liam’s look. Swearing under his breath, he took another pull and scowled moodily at the blank television screen.
Joan was better at being angry at him than he was being angry at her. And choosing to publicly be with Charlene hadn’t gone the way he’d planned. She was nothing like Joan, and quickly grating on every nerve. Maybe it would have been easier to stay angry, but Joan hadn’t jumped at the nearest offer. He knew there had been some, even if it hadn’t been outright. Instead, she’d devoted every second to either work or her sister and Princess Mari. He should have been embarrassed at how closely he’d monitored her activities, but he’d been unable to stop himself. And when Remy had been the one she’d chosen to spend hours with while waltzing on the dance floor, he’d let his jealousy rule him. Not that he could tell Joan that. Not that it had helped him feel better anyway.
Liam let the silence sit for a minute. “So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” Martin set his drink aside.
“Are you going to get her back?”
“I don’t know how.” Martin let out a long sigh. “But I’m going to try.”
Satisfied, Liam nodded. “Good.”
Martin raised his gaze to Liam. “Good? I expected you and the rest to tell me I blew my chance and that I’d better stay away from her.”
“As miserable as you are? I think she’s even more miserable. Not just because of how things went between you two, but because she misses you.”
That was the first moment Martin felt hope. He’d hoped she was miserable before, viciously wanting her to suffer. Now, he just wanted some sign there was a chance at getting her back.
“If I thought she’d be happier without you, I’d shut you out and make sure you two never saw each other. Except I remember last summer and the way you two clicked together. And I know you and Cathy haven’t ever gotten very close, but if there was anyone I’d pick who’d be willing to sign up for temporary fatherhood of a teenager, it’d be you. Cathy’s a good girl. She’s just scared and there hasn’t been a lot of stability since her father died.”
Martin couldn’t help being offended on Joan’s behalf. “Joan has done everything she can for Cathy and was there every time she was asked.”
“I’m not saying that,” Liam said, trying, and failing, to hide amusement. “I’m saying it’s hard for Joan to keep the bills paid and make sure she’s there for Cathy every day. There are only so many hours in a day, and Joan’s rotation schedule hasn’t made for a consistent routine at home. She’s trying; we all acknowledge and admire that. But she’s raising her sister with very little guidance, and at the very least she would be able to lean on you.” Liam finished his drink and set the empty bottle aside. “So here’s what I think. First, you need to make things right with Cathy. Then you need to detach Charlene’s claws from you so you can figure out how you’re going to get Joan back.”
Martin gave a smile that wasn’t humorous. “Charlene doesn’t let go of what she sees as hers. Remy ended things, but she didn’t let him leave her until she became governess and decided she didn’t need him any longer.”
“My friend, you willingly jumped into the thorn bush. If you get scratched on your way out, that’s your problem. Just remember what’s waiting for you if you manage to get free.”
*