I GET A lot of repeat questions in my in-box. You, my dear readers, have helped me to define some of the most common problems of our generation. The one on my mind today is, can you ever really let an ex back into your life?
Hear me out. We’re all familiar with that phenomenon where our memories make things in the past seem better than they actually were. So when an ex comes back into your life, and you’re consumed by that flood of emotion that inevitably shows up with it, how can you be rational? Throw sex into the game, and it’s like all of your efforts to move on and heal have disappeared like a puff of smoke.
The question you ask me, time and again, is if I think a relationship can be different the second time around. Can a cheater change his stripes? Can you find common ground when you want different things? Can people grow up, can people change? I don’t have the answer to that for you. What I can tell you is what I’ve discovered for myself this week—even if it’s scary, even if it means you might get hurt, aren’t you going to be disappointed if you don’t try? Now, I’m not talking getting back with someone who didn’t treat you well, or taking an abuser back because he asked you nicely. But what if the reason you parted ways with someone ultimately came down to youth and stupidity? What if, as an adult, they’re the best thing that ever happened to you? Will you turn them away because you never make the same mistake twice? Or will you let them back in, even knowing that you might get—probably will get—hurt again?
Is the experience worth the pain?
Thoughtfully yours,
Jojo Kink
“Hey.” Jo jumped when Theo poked his head into her office. She hurriedly—and not very subtly—closed the screen of her laptop, not wanting him to see the post she was working on. When she’d sat down at her computer that morning, she’d debated which topic on Theo’s list to tackle first, but ultimately, when her fingers started to fly over the keyboard, she’d found herself writing about him.
She wasn’t ready for him to read it, though. She might not ever be. But it had been cathartic to get her feelings out into words.
“You left before I woke up.” He studied her with those dark eyes as he entered the office that had been assigned to her, closing the door behind him. She sat up straighter when she saw the sternness on his face.
“I had to get ready for work.” She cocked her head slightly but saw that he knew the truth.
“And?” He crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles pulling at the fabric of his suit. After the up-close and personal look she’d gotten at his muscles a few days earlier, it was extra distracting, because all she wanted to do was rip off his jacket and shirt and run her tongue over the bumps and ridges.
She considered pretending not to know what he was talking about, but he would see right through it. Sighing, she tucked a ribbon of hair behind her ear and leaned back in her desk chair.
“I just needed to think,” she admitted, shifting restlessly in the cushioned seat.
“You couldn’t think with me there?” His voice was gruff, and she saw that she’d actually wounded him, which hadn’t been her intention at all.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted out, rubbing her suddenly sweaty palms together. “You’re—you’re very distracting. I needed to think about you, but I couldn’t be around you while I did.”
“You needed to think about me, huh?” Crossing the room, he only stopped when he could brush against her knees as he sat. “And what conclusion did you come to?”
Her mouth was dry. She reached for her coffee cup, only to find it was empty. She replaced it on the desk, desperate for something to do with the nervous energy in her hands.
“You might hurt me again,” she started, holding up a hand when thunderclouds gathered fast and thick in his eyes. “Just bite back on your temper for a second, okay? You might hurt me. I might hurt you. I feel like I still know you, the real you, but the truth is that I’m missing the details on a huge chunk of your life. I’m terrified that that’s going to jump out and bite me on the ass.”
“If anyone is going to bite you on the ass, it’s going to be me,” he promised darkly before gesturing for her to continue. “Go on.”
“But...” The words stuck in her throat, nearly choking her before she forced them out. “Nobody ever made me feel the way you do. I don’t think anybody else can. So... I want to keep exploring whatever this is. Slowly.”
He lifted her out of the chair by her elbows. She sucked in a breath when he brushed his lips over hers so softly it felt like butterfly wings. “There’s never been anything slow about either of us, Jo. We both jump headfirst, all or nothing. But know that when you fly off that cliff, I’ll be right there beside you.”
“When did you learn to be so smooth?” She huffed out a laugh, pressing her forehead against him.
“Baby, I’ve always been smooth.” He grinned down at her, then jerked his chin at her laptop. “Now. What were you working on that you so desperately don’t want me to see?”
“Nothing.” The lie was automatic. Damn it, she wasn’t ready for him to read those words yet. “It’s nothing. It’s not ready. Don’t open that.”
“You know that just makes me want to look even more, right?” Arching an eyebrow, he reached for the computer. She smacked his hand—and wasn’t gentle about it.
“You did not just smack me.” His eyes glittered, and she felt something dark come to life inside her.
“You’re not going to read that. Not as long as I’m standing here.” Stubbornly, she lifted her chin in the air.
“Oh really?” Bending down to her height, he brushed his lips over the shell of her ear. “I’ve heard that I can be very distracting.”
“Damn you,” she exhaled, then before she could overthink it, she snatched up the laptop and darted to the far side of the office. Pressing herself back into the corner, she watched Theo warily as she fought to keep a grip on the computer with her slick hands.
She had no idea what the hell she thought she was doing, but when he grinned, her stomach flipped with a potent combination of nerves and excitement. The sensation only intensified as she watched him remove his suit jacket with excruciating slowness, folding it before placing it on the seat of her chair.
“What the hell are you doing?” Her pulse quickened when he loosened his tie. All the time he watched her with laser focus, and she suddenly understood what a gazelle was faced with when cornered by a lion.
“Seems to me like you want to be chased.” He grinned, but there was no humor in the expression, just wicked intent. “Who am I to say no to that?”
“What?” She darted a panicked glance between him and the door, even as wetness surged between her thighs, a fresh ache blooming where she was already sore. “It’s nine o’clock in the morning. Your whole staff is out there. John is out there!”
“If you’re so concerned about where John is, maybe I should invite him in to watch,” Theo commented mildly, taking a step closer. “Then you won’t have to wonder.”
“Oh God.” He wouldn’t. Would he? The dangerous look he was casting her way told her that she really had no idea what he was capable of in that moment. “The door isn’t locked!”
“Guess you better hope no one comes in, then.” Without warning, he leaped forward. She squealed and scuttled down the wall away from him, still clasping the laptop to her chest, though she understood it wasn’t about the article anymore.
“I don’t know why you think you can run.” He started toward her again, but this time his steps were slow and deliberate. “Where are you going to go?”
Having lulled her with the steady moments, he sprang, catching her by the front of the silky T-shirt that she’d stolen from Meg’s closet that morning. She made a wordless, choking cry when he yanked and it tore right down the front, gaping open to expose the lacy bralette that she’d liberated as well.
“If you run out of the office right now, everyone will know what we’re doing.” He grinned, running a steady palm down her torso, between her breasts. She was quivering with suppressed sensation. “The new girl fucking the boss. Whatever will they think?”
“No!” The laptop slipped from her hands onto the plush carpet, and she barely noticed as it bounced away. Backing up rapidly, she wasn’t aware that Theo had stopped in his tracks until her ass hit the edge of her desk.
“No?” He searched her face intently, and she realized what she’d said. “Do you want to stop?”
Something delicate inside her snapped. He’d stopped. His cock was so hard that she could see its full outline, straining against the fabric of his pants, and his face was flushed with arousal, just like hers was. They were in the middle of some hot, kinky game that she didn’t fully understand, and he’d just stopped because she’d said no, even when she hadn’t really meant it.
How could she not trust this man with her heart?
“No. I mean... I don’t mean no. I mean, I meant it, but not like that.” Sighing with frustration, she scrubbed both hands over her face. “Is this where a safe word comes in?”
“No will always work with me. I’ll always check in with you if you say that, okay?” The intensity he spoke with told her that he needed her to understand this. “But if you want to choose a safe word, choose it now. Make sure it’s something you wouldn’t normally say in conversation.”
“Shower,” she blurted immediately, feeling herself flush when he grinned. “That’s my safe word.”
“Shower. Got it.” He nodded to emphasize the point, and then he unbuttoned the collar of his shirt. Her eyes fixed on the inch of golden skin it revealed, desperate to press her lips there, to gauge his pulse.
“Run.”
She blinked, not sure she’d heard him correctly, but when he moved, a surge of adrenaline had her scrambling back. The corner of the desk bit into her hip as she pushed past her chair, but she didn’t feel a thing besides the need to get away.
She knew she wouldn’t, not in the end. It didn’t stop the urge to move, move, move, move, because once he caught her, she was at his mercy.
“Might as well give up,” he taunted, continuing after her with that slow, relentless pace. “You know I’m going to win.”
“Not if I can help it.” Bracing herself to leap back the way she’d come as soon as he got a little closer, she wasn’t prepared for him to anticipate the move. He caught her around the waist, hauling her off her feet as she cried out.
“I don’t care if anyone hears you,” he informed her as he dragged her back to her desk, splaying her out on its surface, “but you might not like it when someone comes to investigate just why you’re being so damn noisy.”
“Theo,” she begged, and she wasn’t sure if she was asking for him to let her go, or to touch her. Still caught up in the game, she writhed against him, forcing him to pin her arms above her head with one of his hands, to catch her lower body with a thrust of his hips. With the other, he tore at the front of her bralette, treating it to the same fate as her top.
“I told you not to buy anything fancy just for me.” Cupping one of her breasts, he squeezed the mound lightly. “I told you I liked what you wore.”
“That was Meg’s,” she spat out, still struggling. The dressy jeans that completed her outfit—also her sister’s—caused delicious friction against her clit as she wriggled against where the firm pressure of his hips pinned her down, her legs dangling on either side of his hips.
“Guess I owe Meg some clothes then.” He grinned, not sorry at all, as he continued to massage her breast. Her world narrowed to the point of his touch, the pleasure he was pulling out of the swollen tip of her breast. “Gonna tell her what happened to the things you borrowed?”
“Something tells me she’ll know.” She yelped quietly when he swatted the side of her hip.
“You’re awfully mouthy for a captive.” Dragging his hand roughly down her torso, he tugged at the waistband of her jeans. “I’d like to give your mouth something else to do, but I don’t have enough time for that today. Guess I’ll have to hope that a quick fuck will knock that sass out of you for a while.”
Her mouth fell open. Never in her life had someone spoken to her like that—not even Theo when he was younger—and it shocked her to her core. It also thrilled her, that part of her that was fascinated by the new, the different.
How he managed it, she wasn’t sure, but he managed to work her jeans open with one hand while she was bucking against him. Dragging them and her underwear down over her hips, he worked one of her legs free before wrapping it around his waist.
“Keep on struggling,” he told her as he undid his own slacks. She found herself watching avidly as he shoved his boxer briefs down far enough to release his erection. It was thick, and long, and swollen with need, a slick of moisture already making the head shine. She marveled for a moment that she’d managed to fit that inside her. And then she just wanted it inside her again.
“I won’t let you do this,” she spat, fully immersed in the role she was playing. She pulled against him with renewed vigor, even managing to pull free for a split second, causing him to curse and haul her back to the edge of the desk.
“It’s happening, baby.” The dark intent in his words made molten heat pool in her core. Her spine pressed into the flat surface of the desk, her breasts freed by the torn garments on her torso. Her ass was balanced on the edge of the desk, one leg still tangled in her jeans while he held the other tightly to his hip. “I’m going to let go of your hands, but there’s no point in trying to get free. I’ll just catch you again.”
“I have to try,” she said breathlessly when he released her arms. She tried to roll, but he caught her, forced her back down with a hand pressed flat on her chest. Dropping the leg he’d clutched to his hip, he lined his shaft up with her wet slit and pushed inside, the intrusion making her eyes fly wide-open.
“Fuck,” she groaned, letting her head fall back to the desk. He held still for a moment, letting her adjust to his thickness just inside her, but before she could get too comfortable, he flexed his hips and drove himself home.
A wordless cry escaped her lips, her hands sliding over the slick surface of the desk as she tried to catch hold of something, anything. Finally she settled on his shirt, his tie, but instead of shoving him away as her role demanded, she pulled him down closer until he was bent overtop of her, his chest rubbing against the tips of her breasts with every movement.
“Fuck, that’s good.” Bracing one hand on the desk above her head, the other again finding her hip, he pulled back until he almost slid out. Her slick channel clenched around him as he drove forward again, his length dragging over sensitive flesh and igniting a level of arousal she’d never felt. “Shit. Shit. I’m not wearing a condom.”
She growled when he pulled out, wanting him back in. Propping herself up on her elbows, she watched, fascinated, as he fumbled with his wallet, pulling out a condom and tearing into it with his teeth. Within moments he was sheathed, his wallet was on the floor and he was pushing back inside her with renewed urgency.
“How is it possible for you to feel so fucking good?” He worked in and out of her at a slow, steady pace, and she watched with fascination as beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. She was hot, too, aroused to a fever pitch as she felt the pleasure begin to gather in her core like it had the night before.
“You feel good to me, too,” she admitted as she watched his cock slide in and out of her parted lips. She’d never thought about watching, but it was just about the hottest thing she’d ever seen. “I feel so much, and I don’t know what to do with it.”
“You don’t have to do anything with it except what I tell you to.” He slid back into his role, and Jo eagerly followed. It was so easy to let go when she pretended that she had no other choice. There was no point in worrying about getting hurt if the decision was being made for her.
“And what are you telling me to do?” She couldn’t resist taunting him. Reaching down between them, she grabbed his waist, holding him tightly to her as he thrust deep.
“Mouthy brat.” He grinned down at her, but his eyes were starting to glaze over with what she realized meant he was edging close to his own release. Knowing that she was the one to bring him there was heady, a kind of power she could get drunk on.
“That’s not an answer.” Her hand slid from his waist to dig into the hard planes of his rear, and she wished she could have that view, too—what he looked like from behind as he thrust inside her, the muscles of that truly spectacular ass flexing as he moved.
“You’re going to come on my cock, is what you’re going to do.” He increased his pace, his head falling back. Her vision started to blur as the pressure inside her coiled tighter and tighter, a spring about to snap. “And you’re going to do it now.”
His hand slid to the place where they were joined, and the first touch of his fingers on her clit sent her flying over the edge. She swallowed her cries as she contracted around him, senses dulled to everything but the bliss that was riding her.
He grunted as he emptied himself in her, and she found herself fascinated by watching as he was lost. Stilling himself above her, he remained as he was, fully inside her, fully connected.
Fully hers. Without thinking, she reached up to brush a lock of his inky hair back from where it stuck to the sweat on his forehead. He opened his eyes, and when he looked down at her, she felt a jolt as she wondered what he was trying to say without actually saying it.
“I still want to read what you wrote.” He broke the strange tension of the moment by nodding toward where her laptop lay, discarded on the floor. “I also feel that this is a good time to remind you about respecting company property.”
“Jackass.” She smacked his chest lightly, struggling to sit up. “And you can read it when it’s ready, which it might be if someone hadn’t decided to hunt me down in my own damn office.”
“Much as I’d love to spend the rest of the day inside you, I should get back to my own office.” He pulled out of her slowly, holding on to the condom as he did. “I’m very busy and important, you know.”
She rolled her eyes, but inside felt lightness buoying her up. She’d missed this, too, so much it had hurt—this friendship that they’d shared before everything had gone to hell. Because when he’d left, she hadn’t just lost her boyfriend and her love, she’d lost the best friend she’d ever had.
“I missed this.” There. She’d said it. And though a flicker of surprise crossed his face as he tied off the condom and tossed it in the trash, he nodded in agreement.
“I missed it, too.” Stepping back, he slowly zipped himself back into his slacks, straightening his shirt and tightening his tie. Catching her watching, he cast her a cocky grin. “How do I look?”
“Put your jacket on, and no one will know you’ve spent the last half an hour abusing every human resource code you put in the contract in the first place.” Sliding from the desk, she struggled to pull the snug jeans back up over her hips, then looked down at her chest in dismay. “What the hell am I supposed to do about this?”
“You wore a sweater into work this morning. I saw you.” He gestured to the back of the door, where a thin cardigan hung. “Just wear it buttoned up.”
“With no bra?” But she was already reaching for it. It wasn’t like she had much choice.
“Never used to stop you.” He smirked at her, then stared avidly as she tucked her now braless breasts beneath the thin sweater. “Just don’t get too close to anyone else. Not that you’d want to after having a taste of this.”
“Go!” She rolled her eyes, then pointed to the door. “My boss is a bit of a tyrant. If you’re not careful, he’ll literally hunt you down just to check on your work.”
“Sounds like my kind of guy.” Opening the door, he cast a look back over his shoulder at her. She couldn’t stop the swelling of her heart as he winked at her like this had all been their dirty little secret. “Dinner tonight?”
“All right,” she replied softly, thrilling to the question even as she knew she was diving off a very high, very dangerous cliff.
But oh, how she was enjoying the fall.