Clarissa closed her eyes while Jenni prayed over their pizza. She almost had to bite her lip not to interrupt Jenni and shout out praises to God.
Today had been the best day of her life.
After they all chorused a big “Amen” together, they dug in. Clarissa remained silent while Jenni chattered about the dogs she’d seen. It gave her time to think.
Even though she’d been thinking about what it would be like to be kissed by Geoff, she could barely believe what she’d done.
But now that it had happened, she didn’t regret it. Not only had he kissed her back, he’d kissed her a second time.
She didn’t know why it had taken so long—maybe it was because the last year had been difficult—but she felt like suddenly her eyes had been opened.
Ever since Kyle had left her, she’d been incredibly lonely yet too busy to make the effort to get back into the dating scene. The few times she’d tried to meet someone with whom she might be able to share her life, she’d been terribly disappointed. She’d even told Geoff about a few of her misadventures with men, and he’d gently reminded her that God was in control, and when the right man came along, she’d know it.
Geoff had been half right. God had placed that right man under her nose, but she hadn’t known it. At least not until today.
For the last year, Geoff had been the one person she could talk to when she needed someone. He’d always been there when she needed a friend. She knew his schedule. Unless he was sick, he always took Spot out as soon as he got home from work. They’d spent countless hours talking while Jenni and the other children played with Spot.
Even during moments when there was nothing to say, they simply enjoyed each other’s company. She’d go home feeling like all was right with the world after spending time with him. She’d never met a man like Geoff, and she knew she never would again. Today, she finally realized that Geoff was the man God had set aside for her to marry and love until her dying day.
Clarissa lowered her head so neither Geoff nor Jenni could see the smile she couldn’t wipe off her face. At first he’d been surprised when she kissed him, and she couldn’t blame him for that. Geoff was never one to demonstrate strong emotions, especially in public. For him to kiss her in the way he had, openly, in front of all those people, could only indicate that he felt the same way.
If she wasn’t sure before, she was positive now. Not only had she fallen in love, she was pretty sure he loved her back.
Spot barking at the back door interrupted her thoughts.
“I’ll do it!” Jenni chirped as she dropped her half-eaten piece of pizza onto the plate and ran from the room.
Clarissa found herself staring across the table at Geoff, no doubt with stars in her eyes.
She cleared her throat. “I had no idea you could do that kind of stuff with dogs. It’s like a team sport, except it’s the dogs that do all the action. But that’s not true, either. All the owners run through the course with their dogs.”
He nodded, smiling hesitantly. “We have to be in good shape to keep up that pace, that’s for sure.” His smile widened, making Clarissa’s heart pound. “You wouldn’t believe what it takes to get some of those dogs to properly trigger the flyball box. If they just take the ball out with their teeth, it’s considered cheating.”
Before Clarissa could think of anything to say that didn’t include dogs, Jenni returned. Having heard talk of flyball, Jenni bombarded Geoff with more questions until they were finished eating and the pizza boxes were cleared.
Once in the living room, they watched a movie Jenni had borrowed from a friend. As usual, Geoff positioned himself in the middle of the couch, Clarissa sat on one side of him, Jenni on the other, and Spot climbed onto Jenni’s lap.
Clarissa dearly wished that Geoff would put his arm around her, but he didn’t. She tried to convince herself that the reason was because he was supposed to be dating Jenni. However, Jenni had seen them kissing, and Jenni’s biggest concern was not that Geoff was kissing the “wrong” woman. It was that they were kissing on the mouth.
By the time the movie was over, Jenni was yawning, which gave Clarissa the opportunity she needed. Before Geoff stood, she tapped him on the arm. “How would you like to carry Jenny to bed? I think we should, you know…talk.”
Because Geoff was, after all, a man, she expected him to make some kind of comment that it wasn’t talking they would do, but more kissing, which would have been fine with Clarissa. Instead, his face paled, and he jumped off the couch. The quick movement startled Jenni, and Jenni’s movement startled Spot. Spot sprang out of her arms, Jenni shuffled to the floor, and Spot ran around in small circles, barking at her feet.
“Actually, I think I should leave.”
“Leave?” Clarissa sputtered. “But—”
Jenni ran to Geoff and wrapped her arms around his legs. “You can’t go yet! I promise I’ll be good when it’s time to get up for church tomorrow!”
He bent down and gently disengaged Jenni. “I really have to go.”
Clarissa, who was the only person left sitting, looked up at Geoff. “What time are you going to pick us up for Sunday school? Same as usual?”
“Maybe it would be best if we met there.”
A queasy sensation rolled through the pit of her stomach. She didn’t think he meant just for one day. It sounded like the separation was meant to be permanent. Clarissa rose, stepped forward, and rested one hand on Geoff’s arm. “What’s wrong?”
He stepped back, and she withdrew her touch. “This isn’t working out. I think we’re seeing too much of each other.”
Her stomach turned to lead. “I don’t understand. What have I done wrong?” The thought that he was bolting because she’d kissed him confused her. He had seemed to enjoy it as much as she had.
“You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me. I can’t do this.” He bent down toward Jenni. “I’ll take Spot, please.”
Jenni started to sniffle as she passed Spot into Geoff’s hands.
Clarissa was too much in shock to cry, but she knew that if they didn’t deal with whatever was wrong now, the second the door closed behind him, she would never know. She had to go for broke and be completely honest.
When Kyle left her, she’d demanded to know why, and she was glad she had pushed the issue. He’d left her because Jenni had been added to their relationship. However, she hadn’t been that upset. While she certainly liked Kyle, she had still been waiting for love to happen, and it hadn’t—even after two years of steady dating. Kyle was no significant loss.
If Geoff left her, she would never recover.
Clarissa forced herself to speak through the tightness in her throat. “Please tell me why you’re going…” Her eyes burned, but she blinked the tears back. Her voice constricted to barely above a squeak. “Because I love you.”
All Geoff’s movements froze. His voice cracked when he spoke. “You can’t. Love isn’t an option for me.” He blinked a few times, then shuffled backward. With his hesitation, Spot bolted from his arms.
Clarissa regained her senses in time to scoop Spot up. She backed up a step, holding the dog close to her heart. Geoff couldn’t leave without explaining if she held his dog hostage. “Why not? I think you’re a very lovable person. You’ve been a good friend since Mom and Dad died.” Jenni chose that moment to wrap her arms around Clarissa’s legs. She didn’t have to look down. The sniffles told her Jenni was already crying enough for both of them.
“Being friends was fine. But we can’t be just friends anymore, so it’s over.”
“But isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work? Friendship first, then falling in love?” The ditty she learned as a child playing jump rope sang in her head. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Clarissa with the baby carriage. Only in this case, she didn’t want the baby carriage. But she definitely wanted the love and marriage part.
“Not for me. Give me back my dog.”
Pangs of desperation stabbed through her. Common sense deserted her. She made her fingers into the shape of a gun and pressed the tip of her index finger to Spot’s head. “Tell me why, or the dog gets it.”
“That’s not funny, Clarissa. Quit fooling around.”
She shuffled back as much as she could with Jenni still attached to her legs. “I’m not trying to be funny. I’m not giving him back until you tell me.”
She could see by the tightening of his cheeks and the narrowing of his eyes that he was gritting his teeth.
Clarissa cleared her throat. “I have to know what I did. This afternoon, I thought things were going…well.”
He dragged one hand down his face, then ran his fingers through his hair. “That shouldn’t have happened. If you’re looking for anything more than friendship, and I know now you are, then you’re going to have to find that elsewhere. I can’t be anymore than a casual friend with you.”
“How can you say that? What’s between us has gone on for over a year.”
“Suddenly things have changed. I know you want more.” He rammed one hand in his pocket and waved the other in the air. “Love. Marriage. Babies. That’s not for me.”
“I don’t understand. When you kissed me…” She let her voice trail off until the room was silent, except for Jenni’s sniffling.
Clarissa lightly touched Jenni’s shoulder with her free hand. “Geoff and I have to talk alone now. Go get your pajamas on, brush your teeth, and I’ll be up to say prayers in a few minutes.”
Fortunately, Jenni disappeared without argument.
Geoff crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do you want to drag this out? Isn’t it enough for you to hear that I’m not interested in a relationship?”
“No, it’s not. I don’t believe you. Everything about you says that’s not true. You’ve stuck with me and helped me with Jenni. You’re dependable and trustworthy. You’re wonderful with children. You’re a good Christian man.”
“Yeah. With a definite message from God. God doesn’t want me to have kids, and that means I’m not getting married.”
Images of Geoff and Jenni together cascaded through her mind. She’d heard many excuses from many different men about not wanting to be involved with children, or not being “ready.” Everything Geoff did with Jenni denied his words, which only made her angry. “How dare you! I thought you, of all people, could be honest with me.”
He stepped closer. His eyes narrowed, and his whole face became tight. “You want honesty? How’s this then? I’m a hemophiliac. My grandfather was a hemophiliac, and he passed it on to my mother, who passed it on to both my brother and me. I’ve been in the hospital so many times I’ve lost count. It’s no fun for me, and it’s no fun for my parents to worry. A male carrier can’t pass it on to a son, but I would definitely pass it on to a daughter. My brother and his wife decided to take a chance with a family. They had a daughter, and she died. My parents keep pushing me to get married and have kids, even after everything that’s happened. It may be more treatable now than when I was a kid, but there’s still no cure.”
He stepped closer and grabbed Spot from her limp arms. “You don’t know what it’s like to grow up with everyone treating you like some freak made of glass. I don’t think God would fault me for not wanting to put another innocent child through what happened to me. I’m not willing to take the chance that I wouldn’t have a girl, so I went out and made sure I would never be able to pass it on. Just like Spot on his last trip to the vet.”
He backed up until he was close enough to twist slightly and grab the doorknob with one hand. “Every woman who gets married deserves to have kids, but no one is having kids with me, and that means you, too.”
In a split second, he turned fully and opened the door wide.
“Geoff! Wait! This doesn’t change anything! I’m not interested in having children. I have Jenni, and she’s enough for me.”
“You say that now, but in a couple of years your biological clock will be ticking, and you’ll change your mind. Go fall in love with someone else, because having kids is no longer an option for me.”
Before she could say another word, the door slammed shut behind him.
Everything remained silent while his words slowly sank in. She continued to stare at the back of the closed door until Jenni appeared in her pajamas, clutching her big brown teddy bear. “Where’s Geoff? Isn’t he going to kiss me goodnight? Just not on the mouth.”
Clarissa squatted and pulled Jenni and the bear in for a big hug. “I’m sorry, sweetie, he had to go. Geoff, uh, isn’t feeling very good.”
“Is he sick?”
Clarissa didn’t know enough about hemophilia to give her sister an answer. “In a way, but not really. Tell you what. How would you like to stay up and look it up on the Internet with me?”
Jenni nodded so fast her hair bounced. “Yes! I don’t want Geoff to be sick.”
“Some things are beyond our control. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do. Let’s say a prayer, and we’ll see what we can find.”