Geoff sat at the kitchen table and stared blankly at the wall. If he were a drinking man, and if he had any alcohol in the house, this would have been the time to tie one on. But the Bible spoke clearly against drunkenness, proving God really did know best—he couldn’t take the chance of hurting himself if things got out of control.
He crossed his arms on the table and let his head sink between them.
Against all his better judgment, he’d fallen in love with both Clarissa and Jenni, and it hurt.
Again, he asked God why he was so afflicted, but he didn’t receive an answer. More than anything he’d ever wanted in his life, he wanted Clarissa. But he couldn’t have her, because he couldn’t give her what she deserved.
He ventured into the living room, where he mindlessly flipped channels until he gave up and turned the television off. Finally, he did what he should have done in the first place, what he usually did when life tormented him, and that was to read God’s Word. In the silence of his empty house, he picked up the devotional book he’d been following for that year and read the page for the day. The verse it referred to, 1 Peter 4:19, somehow perfectly fit his day: “So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.”
He closed his Bible and squeezed his eyes shut. He indeed was suffering, because he did want children and he did want to marry Clarissa. However, in his actions today, he hadn’t been faithful to his Creator. He’d abandoned Jenni, and she still needed him. Despite his own struggles, he had to continue to do the good God was asking him to do, and that was to help Jenni until she didn’t need him anymore.
With that thought, Geoff went to bed. Tomorrow he was teaching Sunday school. He would never have seen himself as a Sunday school teacher, yet not only did he enjoy teaching, but the children responded to him. Therefore, he would continue, despite his pain. God’s will was more important than his own.
Geoff flexed his sore fingers, then continued on his mission to pick up every piece of scrap yarn and snip of paper. He almost felt like writing a letter to the manufacturer, but none of the children had difficulty managing the safety scissors, only him.
With perfect timing, he picked up the last scrap as Clarissa directed the last child out with her parents. However, before he could dash out, Jenni dropped the box of felts into the bin and rushed to him.
“We looked up what you gots on the computer. We also is getting a book from the lieberry.”
“That’s library,” Clarissa whispered behind Jenni, then looked up at him. “We did a little research last night, and we also reserved a book online. We want to learn all we can.”
His heart pounded. “Why are you doing this? Don’t you understand what I told you?”
“I understand. But you don’t seem to understand what I told you. I have Jenni, and she’s all I need. Besides you, of course. We both love you too much to let this go.”
He backed up until the corner of one of the tables dug into the back of his legs. “I told you yesterday. Let it go, Clarissa.”
“No. I won’t. Jenni won’t, either. You’re the one who has to let it go. We can handle this together.”
“Drop it, Clarissa. This isn’t the time to argue. We’re in God’s house.”
“Jenni and I aren’t arguing. It’s you who’s doing all the arguing.”
Geoff knew differently, but to say so would only make the discussion continue. He stared first at Clarissa’s expectant face and then Jenni’s. He knew anything Jenni thought or did was out of pure innocence, but Clarissa should have known better. “I’m not arguing. That’s just the way it is,” he muttered, then grabbed his Bible and dashed out of the room.
He hurried to the sanctuary, for the first time not stopping to chat with any of his friends. He sat in his usual seat near the front, starting to think how strange, even depressing it felt to be sitting alone once again, when Clarissa and Jenni shuffled in, one on either side of him.
He lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. “What are you two doing here?”
Clarissa smiled so sweetly his stomach did a flip. “This is God’s house. We’re here to worship with friends. One friend actually.”
He gritted his teeth. She knew he wouldn’t cause a scene by moving. Besides, he had a feeling that if he got up and chose another seat, they would only follow him again. If there was anything he’d learned about Clarissa in the last year and a half, it was that she was tenacious.
“You win, for now. But you’re not going to change my mind.”
He noticed he was getting somewhere when she didn’t respond or smile. Fortunately, the lights dimmed and the worship leader came on to begin the service, giving Geoff something else to concentrate on, which was worshiping God, the reason he was there in the first place.
Unfortunately, he kept getting distracted, not from Jenni misbehaving, but because she sat perfectly still and participated in the worship. She even listened to the pastor’s sermon between trying to read the bulletin notes and playing quietly with a toy in her lap.
Part of him was so proud of her he thought he would burst, but before he could get too carried away, the more sensible and realistic part of him was reminded that he was cutting off all ties with Jenni.
As the service closed, he took advantage of being in God’s house to pray extra hard for an answer. He didn’t want to lose either Clarissa or Jenni, but to allow them to keep their hopes up was being very unfair, especially to Clarissa. When it came time for her to get married, she deserved someone with whom she could have a real marriage, which included a real family.
The pastor’s “Amen” and closing benediction signaled the congregation to stand, but before Geoff could move, Jenni scrambled onto his lap. Before he realized what she was doing, she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big hug. “I still love you, Geoff. Don’t you love me anymore?”
His eyes burned, and his throat constricted. “Of course I still love you, Jenni,” he finally managed to choke out, hopefully not sounding like an emotional basket case. But more than loving Jenni as a sweet little girl, he loved Clarissa as a woman. Against all logic, the annoying way she wouldn’t leave him alone made him love her even more.
At his words, Jenni slipped her hands around the back of his neck, ready to hug him again, when suddenly, she froze. Very slowly, she ran her fingers along the chain of the Medic Alert tag he always wore around his neck. Without speaking, she pulled it out. “What’s this?” she asked as she ran her fingers on the punched-in lettering.
His fingers shook as he slowly turned it over for her to see the universal logo. “It’s a tag that says what’s wrong with me, in case I’m in an accident and can’t talk.”
Before he could remove the medallion from Jenni’s small fingers and tuck it back under his shirt, Clarissa snatched it from them both. “It says you’re B positive.”
Geoff grabbed the medallion out of Clarissa’s hand and dropped it back into his shirt. He set Jenni back into the chair and stood.
Their concern for him only reminded him once again of what he couldn’t have. “So now you know my blood type. I hope you found that interesting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home for lunch. Alone.”
He heard Clarissa’s sharp gasp as he turned around and walked out.
He didn’t want it to end this way, but to keep going and to keep her hopes up would only make it hurt worse, although Geoff didn’t know if that was possible.