There was a light rain on the day of the funeral, something Julian thought appropriate given the situation. Ophelia stayed at Marcy and Lewis’ residence, and this gave him sufficient time to think over what he would tell his brother, James. He guessed that James wouldn’t be any happier to see him than Jonah had been.
And he was right. As soon as James saw him enter the family’s mausoleum, he headed right for him. Ignoring the other gentlemen who’d come to pay their respects, he took Julian by the arm and led him out of the large granite structure.
“What are you doing here?” James demanded, his expression dark.
“I wanted to pay my respects,” Julian whispered. “I also wanted to talk to you.”
“You’re no longer a part of this family. The moment you stole the family’s money and ran out of London with Didimus, you gave up any rights to attend this funeral.”
Julian glanced at the structure that housed their parents’ and Jonah’s remains. “All right. I won’t go back in there. But will you please let me make amends for the damage I caused?”
The line on James’ mouth tightened. “Jonah told me you came by to give him some story about how sorry you are. I’m not any more interested in having this discussion than he was. When you left, you gave up everything.” To emphasize his point, he added, “Everything.”
Before James could return to the mausoleum, Julian asked, “Can’t we just talk? I’m not asking for anything else. Not for me or for my wife. I only want to seek your forgiveness. That’s all.”
James rolled his eyes.
“I’m sincere,” Julian said. “Words can’t express how sorry I am for what I’ve done. If I could go back and change things, I would. If I could repay the debt I owe the family, I would. But I have no more than a couple coppers to my name.”
“I don’t care if you offered to pay back the money you stole. This might have been about money with Jonah, but it’s not about money with me. It’s about what you did to the family. After you left, Father was never the same. While Jonah and I worked hard to get back the family fortune, Father wasted away. He mourned for you every day. He should have been angry with you. He should have disowned you. But every day, he would stand by the front door and hope you’d walk back through it. No matter how much Jonah and I tried to reason with him, he wouldn’t give up on the hope you’d return home. He was never the same after you left. I’m only glad that Mother died before you betrayed us. It was hard enough to witness what happened to him.”
Julian had known his father had missed him, but the footman had never mentioned the fact that his father had waited for him by the door every day. He’d assumed his father had gone about his life but had chosen to forgive an errant son who’d made a mess of everything. “I’m sorry, James. I never meant to hurt him. I was so selfish back then. I didn’t think of anyone but myself.”
“I know you didn’t. And that’s why you are not a part of this family. Since the only thing that matters to you is you, then you can deal with yourself. I never want to see you again. If you happen to be in London and I’m nearby, stay away from me.”
James turned to go back to the mausoleum, but Julian jumped in front of him. “Don’t end things like this. It’s terrible enough to know I can never get a chance to do things right for Jonah or our father. I don’t want things to be like this between us forever.”
James shoved him away. Julian tried to reach for him, but James gave him a swift punch in the jaw. Julian stumbled back, more in shock than the fact that he was hurt. He’d known James was mad at him, but he’d underestimated just how angry he was. Years and years of resentment had built up within him, and it was all coming to the surface.
James glared at him. “I’ll never forgive you. Not in this life. Not in the next. You want to do something for me? Stay away from me.”
James rubbed his knuckles and then strode back to the mausoleum, not looking back at Julian.
A feeling of heaviness weighed Julian down. There was nothing he could do except wait and hope James would change his mind. After he brushed his tears away, he tucked his hands into the pockets of his coat, lowered his head, and left the cemetery.
He spent an hour in prayer before he felt ready to face his wife and friends. He would wait for James. Perhaps he would change his mind in due time. Like his father had waited for him, Julian would wait for James.
***
Ophelia couldn’t help but notice how quiet Julian was when he returned from the funeral. Marcy and Lewis did most of the talking through the evening. Thankfully, Lewis had a tendency to ramble on, and he could do this with a variety of topics. Ophelia tried to do her part to respond, but she felt as if most of her comments came out as stilted.
But who knew if Julian was even aware of the conversation going on around him? For the most part, he seemed lost in his own world.
When she and Julian were finally alone in their bedchamber, she sat next to him on the bed. “What’s troubling you?” she asked as she put her hand on his back. “You haven’t been the same since you came back from the funeral.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “When a person is young and selfish, he doesn’t realize how much his actions will have lasting ramifications. He just assumes that everyone around him will go on as if nothing happened.” He looked at her. “It’s a terrible burden to bear when you realize you’ve destroyed the people you were supposed to love.”
“Is this about the money you stole?”
“I did more than steal money. I stole my father’s future. I stole my brothers’ faith in the goodness of mankind.” He put his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes. “I know God has forgiven me, but it’s hard to come to terms with the damage I’ve done.”
“What happened at the funeral?”
“James told me to leave. He doesn’t want to see me ever again. I can’t blame him. He’s justified for feeling the way he does. I just worry about what the bitterness is doing to him. In my time as a vicar, I’ve come across a couple of people who held onto past injustices, and they were so miserable. I keep thinking if I try harder to earn his forgiveness, things could be better for him, but I know I can’t make him forgive me. It’s something he has to do on his own. I just wish I could go back in time and do things differently.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. She’d never been in a position where she stole money from her family, nor had she ever been asked to forgive someone who had wronged her. All she could do was stand on the outside and watch what Julian was going through.
She rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you, Julian.”
“I love you, too.”
After a few minutes, he removed his boots then removed her slippers. He urged her to lie down next to him and held her in his arms.
They fell into silence, something she figured might be for the best. Perhaps he needed to be lost in his own thoughts. Besides, if he had anything he needed to say, he would. And she’d be right here to listen to him.
***
Didimus stepped into the drawing room of Lewis’ townhouse the next afternoon.
Surprised, Julian glanced at Lewis, Marcy, and Ophelia.
Lewis stood up from his chair. “You two are welcome to go to the den.” He went to the butler. “See that they are comfortable.”
The butler nodded, and since everyone was looking at him, Julian followed the butler and Didimus out of the room. He waited until he and his cousin were alone before he spoke.
“I’m sorry I didn’t send you word that I was back in London,” Julian said. “So much has been happening. I can hardly process it all.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Didimus assured him as Julian sat down. “We’re family. Actually, we’re more than family; we’re friends. You’re here for your brother’s funeral. You didn’t come to London for a festive occasion.”
No, no he didn’t. Julian’s shoulders slumped. “James wouldn’t let me attend the funeral.”
“He didn’t?”
Julian shook his head. “As soon as I arrived at the family mausoleum, he ordered me to leave. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
Didimus poured himself a glass of brandy then poured water into Julian’s glass. “I wasn’t welcome to the funeral, either. I would have paid my respects, but James warned me ahead of time not to come.”
“I don’t understand why he would refuse to let you go there. You paid back your portion of the money we stole. James should have forgiven you.”
Didimus handed him the water then sat across from him. “Well, he hasn’t forgiven me. I suppose it’s just as well I wasn’t welcome to the funeral. Jonah didn’t want to have anything to do with me. He wouldn’t have wanted me there. We might as well let the dead rest in peace.”
“Yes, I suppose you’re right.” Julian stared at the glass in his hand. No good ever came from forcing one’s desires upon another. “I hope James will come around to forgiving us.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s hurting. Our actions hurt my father, and that, in turn, hurt James. I don’t want James to spend the rest of his life trapped like that.”
Didimus shrugged then drank some brandy. “I don’t see why that should bother you. James is an adult. He can make his own decisions. If he wants to live like that, let him.”
Julian gave his cousin a good look. Didn’t it bother him, even a little bit, that James had been so strongly impacted by their selfish actions? No, it didn’t. Didimus held no remorse for what they’d done. Julian might attribute it to the fact that Didimus paid back the debt, but, deep down, Julian suspected Didimus didn’t feel guilty for stealing the money. He shifted in the chair.
“Why did you pay my brothers back?” Julian asked.
“Well, I couldn’t exactly have a good reputation in London if Jonah and James spread rumors about me,” Didimus replied when he finished drinking more brandy. “I wanted to marry Serena. Her father is a notable gentleman. I had to make sure he granted the marriage.”
Oh, so that was it. Didimus paid them back because it was expedient he did so. Julian forced himself to take a drink of the water. It was hard to believe that they’d been such good friends in the past. Now, it seemed like they didn’t have anything in common. Didimus hadn’t changed a single bit. And that was a shame.
Didimus leaned toward him. “You know what we should do? We should go out and play a few games. Just like we used to. That place you used to like is still in business.”
Julian shook his head. “I’d rather not.”
“Granted, it’s not a place you can take that lovely wife of yours, but you can always enjoy her when you return.”
“I don’t want to go back to places like that. I don’t like how they make me feel.”
“You don’t like how they make you feel?” Didimus chuckled. “A place can’t make you feel anything.”
“I mean that I don’t like what those places remind me of. I remember the kind of person I was when I frequented them. I don’t gamble anymore.”
“Surely, a couple of games aren’t going to do any harm.”
“I was never able to stop at just one game. I always had to see if the next would yield better results.”
“But you can control that. Give yourself a limit. I can help. Go in for five games, and when those games are done, we’ll leave.”
Julian’s stomach tensed. Why couldn’t Didimus just accept the fact that he’d said no? Why did he have to keep pushing him to do something he didn’t want to do?
After taking a moment to consider his response, Julian said, “I appreciate the offer, but I’m going to have to say no.” He dared a look at his cousin, whose eyebrows were raised in surprise.
“I didn’t realize you felt that strongly about avoiding those places, but now that I know you do, I’ll stop trying to get you to go. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You’re my cousin and a friend.” He paused. “Are you comfortable attending the theatre?”
Relaxing, Julian nodded. “Yes, I’m fine with seeing a play.”
“Wonderful. Why don’t we take our wives and go this evening? I heard the new play is a comedy. It might do us both some good to laugh for a while.”
Didimus was probably right. There was nothing Julian could do to change the situation with James. All he could do was wait and see if James would want to work things out with him. “A play sounds like a good idea.”
“Good!” Didimus finished the brandy and set the glass on the table next to him. “Serena and I will be by this evening.” He stood up and patted Julian on the shoulder. “Cheer up. Even if James is upset, it doesn’t mean you have to be. None of us can go back and change the past.”
Julian nodded and watched as Didimus left the den. It was probably for the best that he lived outside of London. Didimus was his cousin. He wanted to maintain a good relationship with him, even if they were no longer alike. But it was good he wouldn’t have to see him often. Bad company had a way of corrupting good habits. And Julian was determined to never go back to the person he once was.
He finished the water in his glass, picked up Didimus’ glass, and set them on the desk for the maid to pick up later. Then he went back to his wife and friends.