There were three messages on the answerphone. Leaving the kitchen door open to the warm June sunshine, throwing her bag onto a chair, Kate pressed the button and waited. The first message was from Roly.
‘Hello, Kate. How are things with you? I’ve just put Mim on the train to London and Daisy went back to Bath yesterday so the place seems extraordinarily empty. Any chance that you might manage lunch this week? I’ll wait to hear from you.’
Michael’s was next.
‘Just confirming that I’ll be with you at three o’clock. No problem with the key for today so I’ll pick it up when I see you. Bye.’
The third message was from Gemma: her voice had a breathless, distracted quality, though she was clearly making an effort to sound normal, and Kate tensed as she listened.
‘Hi, Kate. It’s Gemma. Are you there . . . ? No, probably not. Um, the thing is, I was wondering if you could possibly manage to cope with the twins this weekend. It’s just . . . I was hoping that Guy and I could . . . well, you know, have a bit of time on our own. Look, I’ll try your mobile, only I need to know soon. Sorry, this sounds a bit crazy. I’ll try again later. I hope you’re OK?’
This last enquiry was so patently an afterthought that Kate smiled sympathetically, despite her anxiety: poor Gemma sounded too fraught for the usual niceties. Kate hastened to dial her number and Gemma answered almost immediately.
‘Oh, Kate, thanks for calling back. Did you get my text message?’
‘I did. Both messages, in fact. I’d love to have the twins, you know I would.’
‘Oh, that’s fantastic. It’s just that I think Guy and I need some time on our own. You know what it’s like?’
‘Oh, yes. I know what it’s like. Shall you be going away?’
‘No. No, I don’t think so. Well, perhaps on the boat if the weather stays fine.’
‘That sounds fun. Do you want me to pick the twins up?’
‘No! I mean, thanks but I can bring them over. Could you manage from Friday after school until tea-time on Sunday?’
‘Of course I can, my darling. It’ll be great fun. I’ll see you all on Friday, then?’
‘It’ll probably be just me and the twins. Guy is . . . Guy has rather a lot on this week.’
‘Fine. Well, let me know if there’s anything special I should get in. About five, then?’
‘That’ll be great. Thanks, Kate. I’m really grateful.’
Refusing to allow herself to brood over certain aspects of the conversation, Kate telephoned Roly. He took much longer to answer and Kate imagined him hurrying from the yard, wading through the dogs, hoping the caller wouldn’t hang up before he could reach the handset. She was just deciding that he must be out when there was a click.
‘Hello,’ he said rather breathlessly. ‘Hello?’
‘I’m still here. Is this a bad moment?’
‘Hello, Kate. No, of course not. I was just coming back from a walk and I could hear the phone as I crossed the yard. And the dogs would all try to beat me to the door. You know what it’s like?’
‘Oh, yes. I know what it’s like. Thank you for your offer of lunch.’
‘Does that mean a “yes”?’
‘It does, but I’m going to be pushy and ask if you could manage Gemma’s twins too.’
‘Of course I can. Splendid idea. In that case, since half-term was last week I imagine it has to be Saturday or Sunday?’
‘It does. Whichever is best for you but we’d have more time on Saturday. Gemma’s collecting them from me at tea-time on Sunday.’
‘Saturday, then. We can all go down to the beach at Rock. They love it there.’
‘Shall I bring things to eat? You know, fish fingers or sausages?’
‘I can manage fish fingers but I’d be grateful if you could cope with the cake for tea.’
‘Bless you, Roly. It’s good of you to have us all. They miss the dogs when they come here and I know they’d love to meet Floss.’
‘Had any more thoughts about her?’
‘Well, to tell you the truth, I was thinking about her earlier. I went to view a cottage, not very far away at Walkhampton. The really odd thing is that I used to live there thirty years ago and I think it could be the answer to all my dithering.’
‘Big enough for a dog?’
‘Oh, yes. I had my first golden retriever puppy there, Megs. She was so sweet and the twins, my twins, adored her. They were about the same age as Ben and Julian are now. And then I kept a puppy from her first litter. That was Honey. It all came back to me this morning. Rather unsettling, actually.’
‘I can imagine it might be. I’d love to see the cottage.’
‘Yes, you must. Next week, perhaps. I’ll bring the details to show you on Saturday. I’d like you to see it, Roly. I feel very excited and a bit emotional.’
‘Well, I’ll bring the dogs for a return match next week and perhaps we can take Nat out for supper. And Janna too, if she’s around.’
‘Yes . . . I mean yes to both. I was there last night, actually.’
‘And how is he?’
‘Uuh . . . Yes. He’s . . . OK.’
‘Somehow that doesn’t absolutely fill me with reassurance. Is there a problem?’
‘No. No, not a problem. Janna was with him and they were both fine. Honestly. It’s just that the cottage has completely thrown me, if you know what I mean. I saw the For Sale sign last night on my way to Nat’s and stayed awake half the night wondering about it and then rushed round first thing this morning. I’m just a crazy woman but it seemed like a sign.’
‘Or a portent?’
‘Yes, or a portent. Are you laughing at me?’
‘Certainly not. Keep me posted.’
‘Oh, I will. See you Saturday about midday.’
Kate sat down at the kitchen table, suddenly exhausted. Impressions fluttered and jostled in her head: Gemma’s brittle voice and one or two of her comments; Janna’s behaviour last night and Nat’s wariness; the cottage . . . It was good to be able to talk to Roly with utter freedom, no more worrying about crossing the narrow line between love and friendship. How strange to see that unhappy, stubborn passion of his flow away as he told his story about Mim’s accident; but how much easier now, the relationship between them. Perhaps she was foolish to be glad – after all, it was unlikely that she would ever know that kind of love again – yet Roly’s friendship was very precious to her and now she could feel secure with him. He felt the same, she was sure of it.
Her thoughts edged anxiously back to Gemma and Nat, to the cottage, and she sighed impatiently. In the past this would have been a time for collecting the dogs and setting off across the moor in an attempt to clear her mind: today, it would be more sensible to have some lunch and prepare for Michael’s visit. On an impulse she picked up Dame Julian’s Showings and opened the book at random:
If there be anywhere on earth a lover of God who is always kept safe from falling, I know nothing of it – for it was not shown me. But this was shown: that in falling and rising again we are always held close in one love.
It was clear, Kate decided rather bitterly, that despite Julian’s own sufferings and the terrible times through which she’d lived – war, the Black Death and national unrest – her unwavering message was one of forgiveness and love. Oh, yes, and joy: Julian had written quite a lot about joy.
Seized by an irrational fit of irritation and frustration Kate slammed the book shut and went upstairs.