25 November 1944

After all the mad ramblings during my illness, I realise I’ve been remiss about updating this diary ever since.

I am back at university after missing the semester, and will have to work extra hard to catch up so I can graduate.

Papa is one of the directors at the hospital now. This means no extra pay, of course, but more hours and paperwork. Mutti helps him as best she can, as do I.

I haven’t seen Wilhelm for a month. He’s called for me at the hospital occasionally and sent some bread, but I always manage to avoid him. Truth be told, I can’t bear to see his earnest face. I love him dearly, of course—that will never change.

I have not seen Li, but from time to time Nina and I have coffee with Delma, who keeps us updated with the news from the Heime and kitchens. Occasionally I see Jian on patrol with Captain Azuma, but he continues to pretend I do not exist.

27 November 1944

The Japanese are as hungry and desperate as we are. They patrol with gaunt cheeks and hollow stomachs. Hunger has turned some soldiers into savages.

As I walked home from work last night I spotted a Chinese woman squatting in the gutter and rocking back and forth rubbing her belly, eyes squeezed tight. She was giving birth. But three Japanese soldiers were yelling at her, prodding the woman in the back with their bayonets. They were trying to get her to move.

‘Curfew,’ they hissed. ‘You go now.’

Ignoring the soldiers I placed my cheek on the ground. I said, ‘The head is crowning. This baby is coming right now.’ With some tugging and a gush of blood, the baby slid out with the blue umbilical cord dangling like a string of sausages. I held the baby out to check the chest and comforted the sobbing woman.

Then I asked one of the Japanese soldiers to cut the cord with his bayonet.

The soldier looked equal parts bemused and repulsed.

He speared the baby through the heart. The baby convulsed and flopped backwards in my arms and the mother collapsed into the gutter with a wail that echoed deep and low along the dark alley.

It’s unclear what happened next. I know I went crazy and screamed at them, pounding at one soldier with my fists. I think one soldier smacked me across the cheek with the back of his hand and knocked me to the ground. They kicked the woman once, before tossing the dead baby into the gutter and walking down the alley, laughing and passing a packet of cigarettes between them.

I went to Garden Bridge today to find Captain Azuma and tell him of this incident. I had not spoken with him since the day we left Frenchtown, but I felt he would never approve of this barbarity. He was appalled and promised to catch the culprits.

He sighed and said we had to be careful this war didn’t make monsters of us all. Then he offered to help find some rare sulpha drugs for Ward Road Hospital. He is a good man.