Romy pressed against Nina’s shoulder as they queued at the gangplank to disembark from the Hwa Lien. White seagulls swooped and cawed overhead, gliding on a whiff of breeze through the flat blue sky. One swooped low and nipped a cracker clean out of a little girl’s hand as she reached out to her mother. Her tiny mouth made a surprised ‘O’, before her brown eyes spilled over with tears.

The crowd crammed on the foredeck shuffled and murmured in sympathy as they baked in the mid-morning sun.

Romy squeezed Nina’s hand, remembering the last time they’d done this—when they were really just girls. They hadn’t known then, of course, that when the time came for them to set sail from the brown waters of the Yangtze they’d cry for the rice terraces and bombed-out factories along the shore. That just as they’d left loved ones in Austria, pieces of their heart would forever be scattered in Shanghai.

Romy shifted Sophia to her other hip—she was heavy for just ten months and her ruddy face and broad torso made her look like a toddler. She reached down and squeezed her daughter’s calf before tickling her all the way up to the back of her knee. Sophia threw her head back and giggled, revealing deep dimples on both cheeks. Romy’s stomach flipped. Sophia was the spitting image of her aunt.

The giggles petered out and the child tilted her head and squinted as her eyes tried to adjust to the harsh light beating down on the foredeck. She rubbed her eyes with both fists and snuggled her head between Romy’s breasts. Romy placed a protective hand over Sophia’s head to shade her. The future was in her hands. Australia would be a fresh start for them all. She was twenty-one.

Nina pulled a silk fan from her handbag and started to flutter it like a madwoman, tutting and cursing as she brushed sweaty strands of hair from Sophia’s red cheeks. Nina’s mascara was smudged down one cheek and her rouge had melted.

Romy watched the sailors start to usher passengers down the gangplank.

‘Careful now, bit of a step there, ma’am.’

‘Over that way to customs, sir.’

‘No English? I see. Take this form.’

An official pointed towards a sign: IMMIGRATION.

Romy watched rows of shoulders square themselves and step ashore. Passengers dressed for the occasion wore smart jackets and their best shirts, dark patches of sweat on the back, circles under the arms. Melbourne lacked the humidity of the tropics; instead the day hummed with a dry heat and warm wind, even though it was not yet midday.

On the dock stood a handful of officials holding up signs alongside Anzacs with slouch hats. She slowly scanned the crowd, swatting flies from Sophia’s face, when she suddenly stopped.

Romy gasped.

‘What?’ said Nina, perplexed, as she turned her head to shore.

Romy felt her heart quicken as Nina said, ‘Oh, Romy…’

Wilhelm was standing on the dock in smart blue pants and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, waving both hands above his head to catch their attention. Even from this distance, Romy could see his lopsided smile. The line of his broad shoulders.

Her lungs tightened, seared with this strange hot air and guilt. She promised to deliver his daughter. His future. And she’d failed him, just like she’d failed Li.

She clutched Sophia tight to her chest; the heat had made the baby drowsy.

As they stepped off the gangplank, Romy and Nina ignored the Australian officials, speaking English with strange vowels flattened by the heat. With polite nods they accepted multiple flyers in German instructing them on how to register, offering English lessons, hostels and boarding houses. Nina opened the clasp of her handbag and stuffed them inside before closing it with a click.

Romy struggled to maintain eye contact with Wilhelm over the bobbing heads of the crowd.

The joy in his eyes made Romy’s heart flutter all over again, but she admonished herself for daring to hope. She had her child and that was enough. She mustn’t be greedy.

She looked at the hollow faces in the queues around her—all skeletons in faded suits who were unprepared for this harsh sunlight and wide blue sky. The air was clear. Fresh. Not a trace of the dusty smog and petrol they’d left behind. No hint of frying fish or sweet spices either.

Romy inhaled through her nose and took another deep breath. There were traces of something cutting. Lemon rind and menthol. A blossom perhaps. Sharper. Perhaps it was this strange eucalyptus she’d heard people speak of during the voyage. She closed her eyes and took this sharp scent deep into her lungs along with the salt and seaweed.

Wherever she was safe with Sophia would be home. Family was home.

Beyond the fence, a handful of protesters were waving placards.

GO HOME REFOS

WE WANT A WHITE AUSTRALIA

DON’T LET CROOKS TAKE OUR JOBS

She handed their landing permits to the customs official and held her breath as he peered at Sophia with a grim expression.

‘This one here is Sophia Shu Cohen?’

‘Yes, sir,’ said Romy, not trusting herself to say more.

Sophia cooed and tried to rip off the bonnet Romy had jammed tight and low on her head to mask the mass of black hair.

‘And it says you have all been granted special refugee passage. You know someone with a business in Australia who sponsored you, eh? You’re lucky.’

Romy politely ignored the rabble with their signs shouting louder. ‘That’s correct. There he is.’ She pointed to where Wilhelm was standing with a handful of paperwork beside an immigration officer on the other side of the gates.

The queue behind them was also getting noisy as people grew restless in the heat.

‘Well, we’d better not keep the little one in this heat, had we?’ He pinched Sophia’s sweaty cheek and she smiled from under the deep brim of her hat.

As he stamped the landing permits Romy thought her legs might give way.

‘Welcome to Australia, ladies.’ He eyed Nina up and down. ‘You may be able to apply for Australian citizenship in five years—if you are eligible.’

Nina squeezed Romy’s hand as they stepped through the gate into their new home.

Wilhelm had pushed through the crowd so he was standing right behind the large black custom gates marking entry to Australia. His shoulders looked broader and his face was tanned. He took off his grey felt hat and waved it above the crowds.

‘Romy! Over here! Romy Bernfeld!’

She walked towards the gates with Nina following close behind. Wilhelm rushed over and enclosed both her and Sophia in a giant hug and Romy felt herself blushing. After a minute’s rocking in silence, he pulled back and stroked the child’s cheek. Sophia looked at him quizzically, pulling her blanket up and sucking the corner before burying her head in her mother’s chest.

‘My child,’ he said. And then: ‘She’s tiny.’ He took one of Sophia’s little hands in his own.

Romy felt bile burning the back of her throat. Had he said, My child? ‘Did you get a private letter from the Red Cross last year?’ she asked.

Nina drew a sharp breath through her nose and shot Romy a pained look.

Wilhelm lifted his head and his blue eyes met hers. He slowly shook his head and scratched it. ‘No. No letter. Just your telegram three months ago from the JDC at the Peninsula with the ship details. Were you really at the Peninsula for nearly a year?’ His face creased with confusion.

Romy’s shoulders sank and her heart started beating double time. He doesn’t know.

Wilhelm cocked his head to one side, a lock of hair falling across his brow as he narrowed his eyes. ‘You look different. Your cheeks are glowing. You look older.’

‘Danke,’ said Romy, too tired to be irritated.

Wilhelm reached out and tucked a curl behind her ears. ‘You’re beautiful, Romy.’

A snort erupted from her shoulder. Sophia had fallen asleep with her thumb in her mouth. Her little sausage legs dangled down and Romy curled her hand around a swinging ankle. She took a deep breath as she felt heat creeping up from her neck to her ears.

She thought this long year had erased how she felt about Wilhelm. But now he was standing here in a white shirt, head tilted to the side and grinning from ear to ear, Romy’s heart melted all over again.

Love felt different now. Fierce. All the nights in Hong Kong she’d lain on her mattress in the corner of the ballroom that had been converted to a dormitory for over a hundred women and children, praying for Sophia to make it through the night as she shuddered and shook through tropical fevers and monsoons. She had forgone her own portion of rice and mashed it so Sophia could have another. Caressed her chubby red cheeks with a thumb as the child slept. Or just lay awake beside her, feeling her tiny ribcage contract, enjoying the snorts and occasional kicks. There was no better feeling in the world than a warm sleepy child pressing against you for comfort, the little body curled perfectly against yours.

Romy had spent so many nights crying for Li and her lost child. Mother and child had disappeared into the dark chasm of loss brought by the war. First Benjamin, then Daniel. Mutti and Papa. The Hos. Li…Jian.

Romy stared into her daughter’s dark eyes and saw them all. Where was Jian now? she wondered.

He’d tried to protect her in the ghetto. Then he’d disappeared. She stroked Sophia’s feathery dark hair and tucked the little head back under her chin. She flushed a little and wiped some sweat from her brow as she remembered pressing her cheek to Jian’s smooth chest as he consoled her. The steady rhythm of his breath.

How could she have doubted him? She’d always love him. Her heart felt broken.

Romy owed it to Jian to give their daughter a good life. To keep Sophia safe. It was a vow she’d made every morning as she took great strides along the deck while Nina gave Sophia her morning bottle of rice milk and crusts with honey, followed by some shaky toddles on the foredeck.

As Romy walked around the ship, she recalled Dr Ho’s lessons at Puyuan about order and duty, simplicity and restraint. The scent of chrysanthemum tea and sweet dates.

Romy had been given another chance. Another life. She was determined to build a new life for her child. It was the only way to honour Jian.

Romy would suck salty air deep into her lungs and enjoy the soft spray of ocean mist across her cheeks. She wasn’t much for praying—how could He have permitted so much horror? When she closed her eyes she saw Jian being dragged away, or ghostlike bodies at Dachau stacked up like old newspapers. Bloodied babies in the gutters of Hongkew. With every step she railed against the God who seemed to have abandoned not only her people, but also the Chinese. And yet…

Each morning, as she rounded the deck on her second lap, she soothed herself with the Kaddish, hoping the words would sweeten the bitterness that threatened to flood her veins.

May there be abundant peace from Heaven. Amen.

Now Romy looked from her sleepy child to Wilhelm. After so much loss, the pain of her unrequited love for Wilhelm surprised her, beating loudly in her ears.

But she had Sophia now and that was all that mattered.

‘I’ve been thinking about you nonstop since I got the telegram,’ said Wilhelm softly.

Romy stared at her feet, unsure how to read the affection in his tone. She’d made a mistake once before.

‘I’ve started work in a bakery here. Bread mostly. It may be possible for me to take on a partnership one day. And I’ve rented a little house. A bungalow not far from here.’ She looked up and his eyes met hers. ‘It has three bedrooms.’ He blushed.

Romy could see Nina out of the corner of her eye, sitting on her brown suitcase. The red bandana around her neck was flapping in the breeze. Her head was thrown back and her gravelly laugh could be heard across the docks as she shared a cigarette with two sailors in their pressed white suits. The young men were enthralled.

Romy repressed a smile. Nina was going to be just fine in this new land.

Wilhelm followed Romy’s gaze to Nina, who stubbed out her cigarette under the sole of her brown pump and extended her hand for another.

‘I take it that’s our responsible guardian, Nina.’

Romy smiled and nodded, her heart swelling with love for her dear friend.

Looking from Nina to Romy, Wilhelm cleared his throat and said, ‘I’d like you to move in with me. That is, unless you have already made other plans…But I just thought, as you seem to have such a bond with—’

‘Sophia,’ Romy told him, with a sideways look to make sure no customs officials were nearby. ‘It means “wise”. In Hong Kong they said Australia only accepted white refugees, so I thought this would be a good name.’ She paused, not trusting herself to say more.

‘Sophia.’ Wilhelm smiled and repeated the name to himself. ‘A good strong name for a new Australian.’ He wiped his brow, revealing sweat stains under his arms. ‘Sounds strong—Sophia Shu.’

His smile dropped and his face turned serious. ‘Romy, I mean it: I’d like you to come live with me. With my daughter.’ He paused.

Romy felt dizzy. It was true: he thought Sophia was his child. She looked around, desperate for some water. She needed to tell him the truth immediately. Sort all this out as soon as they got away from customs. With this heat and her thirst it was impossible to think.

A man walked past and shoved a flyer into her hand. Not wanting to make eye contact with Wilhelm—how could she?—she began to read it.

Suggestions for your new country:

Try to minimise speaking German in public (i.e. on trams, out in shops, in school).

Nina already had the flyer and she waved it at the shocked sailors. ‘Dummkopfs,’ she snorted.

Romy shook her head and screwed it up with one hand, too tired to read any more.

Wilhelm stepped closer, whispering to Romy with real urgency, ‘Of course, your friend is welcome to live with us too, if that’s what you’d prefer.’

He embraced her again and she could smell traces of sweat and sweet yeast on his skin. He stepped back and put his hands on Romy’s shoulders before tilting her chin gently so she could look directly into his eyes.

‘Romy, let’s raise Sophia together. Start afresh.’

Romy felt the blood rush from her face and she wrapped her arms around Sophia. Wilhelm was all she had ever wanted, and yet…

She coughed, willing some words to form so she could tell him his beautiful girl was dead, but her throat was too tight.

Sophia snuggled against Romy, pressing the jade pendant against her skin. Romy savoured the cool of the stone and thought of Li and Jian.

Happy union for one hundred years.

With a rush of blood to the head, the words from Dr Ho at Puyuan came back.

Order and duty, simplicity and restraint.

‘Sometimes, Romy, the answer is simple,’ Dr Ho would say. ‘The answer lies in front of us. Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.’

Romy had been given another chance.

‘What’s going on over here?’ said Nina as she sauntered over to where Romy and Wilhelm were standing. She shamelessly looked the handsome man up and down then put her hand out and said, ‘Don’t tell me, this is Wilhelm. Quite the hero, I hear.’

Romy blushed.

‘I’m Nina.’ She smiled as she shook his hand. ‘You were right, Romy. He is ein gutaussehender Mann.’

Romy was so embarrassed she wanted to sink into the ocean.

Nina patted Sophia’s head affectionately. ‘And what do you think of the little one?’

‘She’s perfect. We have a lot to catch up on. Too much.’

As if on cue Sophia coughed and twisted her head, switched sides and nuzzled into Romy’s neck.

‘Can I—can I hold her?’ he asked.

Feeling miserable, Romy lifted the sleeping baby and handed her to Wilhelm, who clumsily tucked her onto his shoulder. ‘She’s heavier than she looks,’ he joked. ‘Must be her mother.’

Nina shot Romy an indignant look, as if to say: Are you going to let a man say that about you?

‘Sophia,’ he cooed. ‘How I’ve longed for this moment, to hold you in my arms like this. I promise, I’ll take care of you, meine Tochter.’

My daughter.

As the penny dropped, Nina’s eyes narrowed and she looked from Wilhelm to Romy. She glared at Romy, hazel eyes on fire, and Romy knew what she was thinking. You have to tell him.

But as Romy watched Wilhelm cradle the back of Sophia’s head and whisper to her in German, his voice filled with love, she felt her heart fill and sing. She’d made a promise to the people she loved most, and she’d let them all down. She couldn’t shatter this moment. Break his heart.

Not again.

Too many lives had been destroyed by this war. She fingered her pendant and took a deep breath. It was time to make amends.

As Sophia started to stir she rubbed her eyes and she looked up at the face of the strange man holding her. Instead of crying, her brown eyes widened and she reached up and grabbed his nose. Wilhelm laughed.

It was a fresh chance for all of them. Wasn’t that what she’d been searching for since the train rolled out of Brenner Pass a lifetime ago?

She couldn’t alter the past, but she could make things right for her daughter.

‘Let’s take Sophia home,’ said Romy as she squeezed Nina’s forearm with force.

Nina nodded quietly, refusing to look at Romy as she leaned down for her bag.

Wilhelm gazed at Sophia in rapture as the toddler giggled, her nose scrunched up and her eyes wide. She looked just like Li.

Romy felt his loss. She recalled Li laughing among the peach blossoms in French Park, back when the girls were thirteen and Jian fifteen and he had taken a picture of them. It was the only photo she had, buried deep in her suitcase with Sophia’s original birth certificate, her diary and the Chinese medicine notes Jian had thrust into her hands at their last meeting.

Romy closed her eyes.

When she opened them again, Wilhelm was holding out his arm to wrap around Romy’s shoulder while jiggling a shy Sophia on his other hip. His eyes were filled with gratitude, warmth and kindness. For Romy, it was enough.

‘Let’s go home,’ he said.