‘How come,’ Cal said, ‘you’re not dancing the night away like Zannah? There must be at least three parties you could be at right now.’
‘I don’t do New Year,’ said Emily, who was stretched out on the sofa sipping brandy. Cal was slumped in the chair opposite her, looking as unfestive as she was feeling. She went on, ‘All that enforced jollity and not knowing the person you’ve just kissed and not really wanting to. Ghastly “Auld Lang Syne” and in Zannah’s case, Hooray Henries from Adrian’s bank and their girlfriends. Not my thing. And you’re a fine one to talk. Where’s your party?’
‘Didn’t fancy it, to be honest. Much rather be with Isis. And you, of course,’ he added gallantly.
She didn’t say And I like being alone with you. Lately, Emily hadn’t seen much of Cal, but since she’d officially given up hope long ago of him falling in love with her, she was trying hard not to care too much about whether she saw him or not. But Cal was right: she’d turned down four different invitations, and she was glad she had. They’d had a good time here in the flat. Two movies on DVD – one with Isis, one after she’d gone to bed – and lots of wine before the brandy meant that Emily felt pleasantly woozy. Not drunk but not sober either: the perfect way to greet the next twelve months.
‘You could have gone to your parents’ or Charlotte.’
Emily thought of what went on in Altrincham at New Year and said, ‘Ma and Pa have a dinner party with some old friends and that’s it. Not worth going all the way up there for. And Charlotte and her pals are probably fast asleep. They’ve seen too many New Years to be impressed by another. Or maybe they’re knocking back the Glenmorangie, just the three of them, all nice and cosy. And I dread to think what Maureen’s idea of a New Year’s Eve party is like. Multiple balloons and full evening dress. And champagne, of course.’
‘I bet,’ Cal said, ‘it’s after midnight. What’s your watch say?’
‘Hmm.’ Emily sat up. ‘Quarter to one. How come we missed it? What were we doing at midnight?’
‘Watching Tom Cruise triumphing in Collateral. Never mind.’ Cal got to his feet. ‘We’ll say “Happy New Year” right now. Get off the sofa and give us a kiss.’
Emily jumped up and Cal hugged her, then kissed her, first on one cheek then the other and once on her forehead. She thought, he’s not quite drunk enough to forget himself and give me a proper snog. The kissing came to an end, and Cal sat back on his chair and Emily returned to the sofa. She said, ‘You don’t look terribly happy, Cal. What sort of year’s it going to be if you’ve got a long face on New Year’s Eve?’
‘Sorry, Em. I’m okay. I’m just … Well, there’s stuff I’m not looking forward to, that’s all.’
‘Like what?’
Cal poured himself another glass of wine. ‘I don’t think I should tell you. You tell Zannah everything.’
‘No, I don’t,’ said Emily, reflecting that she’d managed to keep her feelings for Cal completely to herself. ‘There are some things we don’t tell one another.’ She leaned forward and whispered, ‘Your secret is safe with me,’ in an accent that was supposed to be mystical and gypsy-like and came out sounding completely ridiculous.
‘Not worth mentioning, really.’
‘Go on, Cal. You can’t not tell me now. Shan’t breathe a word.’
‘It’s nothing you don’t know. I’m not … Well, I wish Zannah wasn’t marrying that wally.’
‘Adrian’s not a wally.’ She thought, he’s not Cal, but no one could call him a ‘wally’.
‘I was being polite. That was a mild version of what I think of him, actually.’
‘He’s okay, Cal. And anyway, Zannah loves him. I sort of see what you mean, but he’s not bad, honestly. He’s very … well, very attentive to her. Does what she says, I suppose, is what I mean.’
‘And I didn’t?’
‘I’m not saying that. You know I wish she’d stayed with you. Really. But now that, well, Zannah’s moved on … ’
‘I should as well. I know, but you asked. I’m not doing anything about it. I’m not telling a single other person. Sometimes I don’t even admit it to myself. It’s only when I get a bit pissed that I feel like this. And that’s probably why I’m blabbing to you. Sorry, Em. Don’t mean to burden you with my troubles.’
‘You should find someone else. It’s no good mooning over Zannah.’
‘Don’t think I haven’t tried. There’s been the odd person, but no one who … well, no one I’d like to be married to.’
‘Apart from Zannah?’
There was a long silence. For a moment, Emily thought Cal might have fallen asleep. Then he said, ‘Right. Zannah. I’d marry her tomorrow if she’d have me.’
Emily looked carefully at Cal in the dimmed light that shone from the one lamp they’d turned on. Were his eyes filling with tears? Cal? For as long as she’d known him, he’d laughed his way out of any emotional impasse, but now he was almost in tears and there was a suspicious crack in his voice as he said, ‘I rely on you, Em, to keep this entirely to yourself, okay?’
‘I’ve promised, haven’t I?’ Emily thought she should dispel the heavy mood. She said, lightly, jokily, ‘Besides, she wouldn’t have you. She’s completely obsessed with this wedding.’
‘And Adrian too, I presume, so there’s nothing more to say. Keep mum, Em, and let’s have another drink.’
New Year’s Eve. Drinking more wine was about the only thing worth doing.
‘Right. I’ve had some brandy though. Will it make me throw up if I mix them?’
‘It shouldn’t, but we’ll soon find out,’ said Cal, pouring wine into a clean glass and holding it out to her. ‘Cheers.’