“It’s All Your Fault”
For the rest of the week, I bury myself in work. Kate was right in giving me one day to wallow and feel sorry for myself. Tuesday through Saturday I worked my ass off. If there was a double shift, I took it. Overtime? Count me in. My theory was that the more I worked, the less time and energy I’d have to even think about Daniel Winters and what he might be doing.
Was he missing me? Did he want to contact me? Had he decided to run back to Nasty Nikki and create the perfect life that had been expected of them?
Free time plus thinking equals me wondering about Daniel and what he’s doing, who he’s doing, whether he’s thinking about me, does he miss me? It’s endless.
Now it’s Saturday after work and I’ve just got off the L after working a day shift. I’m dead tired after putting in way too many hours this week, but it has done me a world of good. The ache in my chest has not eased though, and even on the small breaks I’d steal at the hospital, my mind would still wander.
I’m a few blocks away from home when the smell of coffee redirects my journey inside my favorite café and toward the counter for a large white chocolate mocha. Just as I get there, I see the barista walking to a table in the corner. Being nosy, I can’t help looking around the shop. I freeze when I see Daniel sitting in the corner next to a gorgeous looking Nasty Nikki.
Her eyes narrow when she sees me before a smug expression covers her face. She knows she has my attention, and dammit, she goes in for the kill. A growl escapes me when she puts her hand over his. It’s not an overly romantic gesture, but it’s definitely one of comfort and familiarity, of someone who has known him for years and can’t wait to get back in there. This time it’s the troll’s turn to say ‘Screw You’ to me, and she’s loving every minute of it.
I need to get out of here before he sees me, or before I go bitch slap her ass.
As I move to run out of the shop, I hear the barista call out my order. “Large White Chocolate Mocha for Mac!” he bellows, getting the attention of the room.
Shit! Damn! So much for getting out of here undetected.
“You have it. Call it a random act of kindness. Gotta go,” I rush out. Then I make the mistake of taking one last cursory glance towards the corner. When I lock eyes with Daniel’s caramel ones, I lose my train of thought.
I see him jerk his hand away from Nikki and push to his feet.
Being the coward I am, I spin on my heels and run out of the shop, leaving Daniel and my caffeine fix behind in my wake. He calls out my name, but I don’t dare turn around, and don’t stop walking until I’m safely inside my front door, leaning back against it as I try to catch my breath.
“What the hell happened to you?” Kate asks from her perch in the kitchen.
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you’ve just seen a puppy die, Mac. Bad day?”
I sigh, my heart rate finally slowing. “Am I that obvious?”
“I thought you were doing okay?” she asks, arching a perfectly manicured eyebrow.
“I am… I mean, I was,” I huff. “Oh, I dunno. I just saw Superman and Nasty Nikki having coffee, and she touched him and gave me the classic bitch troll glare that told me she was trying to worm her way back in, and then I tried to run out before he knew I was there, but we locked eyes, and he called out to me, and I ran out and didn’t look back.”
She shakes her head and smirks at me. “Can you breathe now because I swear you’re going to keel over if you keep ranting without stopping to take a breath.”
I snort and walk over to the breakfast bar where she’s sitting. “Drinks tonight?” I say, resting my head on her shoulder and snuggling into her side. “Lots of them. I need it.”
“Abso-fucking-lutely. And I’m dateless, so it’s just you and me. Old school girl’s night out!” she says excitedly.
Perfect. A night out with my best friend. Getting dressed up, dancing, copious amounts of liquor and mindless flirting that isn’t going to lead anywhere. The perfect antidote to a confused heart.
I go for an ‘easy to wear when drunk’ outfit; skinny jeans, high-heeled boots, and a sparkly silver one shoulder top that accentuates the ‘girls’ and is great for dancing in.
After a bottle of wine between us and dancing around our living room to a MTV’s dance hits marathon, we’re tipsy and ready to hit the town. Not wanting to go to Throb because I don’t trust myself around Sean right now, we end up at 42nd Street Bar, the bar where Daniel met me for our first date.
I hook my arm into Kate’s, and we plant ourselves on two bar stools at the far side of the bar. As soon as we’re seated, she orders two tequila shots with Cosmo chasers. Holy hell, I guess we’re not taking it slow tonight.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” I ask with a giggle.
“You bet. Drunk Mac equals carefree Mac, and that’s what you need right now. So as your best ho from another bro, I’m rising to the challenge.” She winks, and I already know it’s going to be messy by the end of the night. Perfect!
Three shots and three Cosmos in, and I’m in my happy clappy place. The music’s pumping, and Kate and I can’t stop laughing as she tells me about her latest dating disaster. The guy itemized the dinner bill, then split the tip with her before saying she had to leave because his mom was coming to pick him up. Real winner right there.
“Let’s dance!” Kate shouts over the music.
I grab her hand and we head for the dance floor. My phone vibrates in my back pocket, but I ignore it because whoever it is can wait. Tonight, it’s girl’s night. No penises allowed—arranged or otherwise.
‘Waiting All Night’ by Rudimental comes on and the dance floor fills up fast. As soon as I move, I feel free from everything weighing me down, so I let myself go, shaking my booty and moving my hips, letting the music flow through me.
A few songs in, two firm hands grip my hips just as a Calvin Harris track about needing someone’s love blasts around us.
Too far gone to react, I keep dancing, enjoying the contact. Kate’s eyes are all knowing as she smiles at whoever it is behind me. That means she must know them, but knowing it can’t be who I want it to be, I don’t turn around to see. I’m trying to forget about Daniel Winters, and that’s what I’m going to do.
I lose myself. I dance, I gyrate, I lean back into the stranger’s arms, his hips pushing up against me as we continue to move together to the beat. The unmistakable feeling of his hard length feeling good against me. It’s not going to happen the way he probably wants it to happen, but it’s nice to just live in the moment.
“I recognized your ass when I walked in,” a husky and downright sexy voice murmurs in my ear before he trails a line of kisses down my neck. I melt further into him and he slides his strong arm around my waist while he trails his hand up my side, skirting the edge of my breasts as he goes.
“Zander,” I breathe.
“Yeah, babe, I got you.” He feels so good against me. I’ve always been a touchy feely person when I have a few drinks under my belt, but this past week without Daniel has wreaked havoc on my emotions. I could do this, just lose myself in Zander. The familiarity between us is comforting. Maybe that’s what I need.
The song ends and I’m snapped out of my haze.
Zander pulls away and places his hand on the small of my back. “Let’s go get a drink.” His voice gives away the effect our dancing has had on him. The fun, playful Zander is currently being overshadowed by hard, horny Zander and deep down, I love having that effect on him.
After leading us to an empty booth, Zander disappears through the crowd to get the next round. My body is warm, my head is light and woozy, and I’m in a much happier place than I was earlier.
“I swear to God, Mac, if you weren’t already doing him, I would be All. Over. That,” Kate says, seemingly unable to tear her eyes away from Zander’s tight ass as it walks away.
“Kate,” I giggle. Alcohol plus Mac equals giggling. “He’s not mine. If you like Zander, you should go for it.”
She quirks a brow, but her expression gives her away. “Sloppy seconds much?”
“It’s not like that. He’s not mine, none of them are.”
“I’d need a hell of a lot more drinks to even talk about this with you.” She smiles with her butter wouldn’t melt grin and looks over my shoulder, meaning Zander must be on his way back.
“Behave,” I growl, just as he arrives.
“Hey,” Zander says, placing the glasses on the table before leaning over and giving me a kiss.
He frowns when I pull back quickly. “You okay?”
“Happy as a clam and drunk as a skunk!” I holler, which just makes him smirk, but also relaxes him.
“So, no gigs tonight?” Kate asks Zander, leaning forward to put her low cut top on show. His eyes travel quickly up from her cleavage to her face when he realizes she is waiting for his answer.
“I had a bachelorette party earlier, but now I’m off for the night. Just stopped in to see my roommate who works behind the bar, and saw you two gorgeous girls heading toward the dance floor.”
I grin and take a sip of the drink he’s bought me. I know I’m drunk, and in a great place, but I was so busy teasing Kate that I didn’t realize what Zander ordered me - a drink that I really don’t want right now. Yep, that fruit punch party in my mouth is back, and it tastes just as good as the first time I had it in this exact same bar all those weeks ago. Dammit, I can’t even go an hour without thinking about him. I’m screwed, and not in a nice way.
“I got you both a sex on the beach. I couldn’t resist,” he says, grinning over at me.
I nod my head and continue drinking, wishing that I could straight line 100 proof into my bloodstream.
“So what was up the other night, Mac? What had you so busy you couldn’t meet up?” Zander leans back in his chair, putting his taut body on perfect display. He’s wearing a short-sleeved black shirt that’s tight in all the right places, and a pair of dark gray jeans that hug his thighs like a child clings to its mama. Inner Mac is squealing in anticipation, and just the sight of him sitting so close to me, knowing I could have those thighs powering into me has my legs clenching together. But inner Mac is a little slutty when she’s drunk, and I’m snapped out of my mindless ogling by Kate clearing her throat, and Zander’s deep chuckle at my side.
Shaking my head, I grin at them. “Sorry, what did I miss?”
“You’re so obvious, Mac,” Kate says. The way she’s been shooting puppy dog eyes at Zander all night, I’m starting to think I should hook those two up.
“Ooh, I know! Let’s play a drinking game. It’s called, what can’t you do? We each say something that we can’t do, and if someone else can do it, everyone drinks. What do you say?” I ask, looking between them both.
Kate nods her head eagerly, and Zander just smirks. “Sounds good, babe.”
“I’ll start,” I say, standing up and stumbling a bit, causing Zander to grab me around my hips to stop me falling. “Okay, I can’t touch my nose with my tongue.” I try to demonstrate and fail, collapsing in a fit of giggles which starts Kate off.
“You should know I’m gonna be all over that, Mac.” Zander leans back and with ease, pokes his tongue out and easily reaches his nose, earning a loud cheer from us two girls. “You have to drink, ladies.”
We both take a long swig of our drinks, and I sit back down. “Kate, your turn.” I know my best friend will make this game interesting. She’s never one to miss an opportunity.
“Okay. I can’t… touch my elbows together behind my back,” she says suspiciously.
Zander looks clueless. “Okay. I’ll give it a go.” He stands up and tries to reach his arms back, but his biceps make it impossible to get even close. I burst out laughing because he looks totally ridiculous.
“My turn, my turn,” I interject as I stand up and nod to my bestie. “C’mon, Kate. I know for a fact you can do this.”
She giggles and stands opposite me. “Okay, you got me. Let’s show the man how it’s done.”
I stick my chest out, trying hard to bring my elbows together and giggling when I look down and see my boobs pushed out on display. Watching Kate, she’s doing the same thing. Her D cups out and proud and in Zander’s direct line of sight. I look down and his eyes have gone wide as he glances between Kate and I. He looks like a kid at Christmas, not knowing which present to open first.
“You have to drink, Zan,” I say, shoving his arm playfully.
“Hot damn, I’ll drink to that any day. Two gorgeous women pushing their chests out for me? Hell, yeah!” He has the biggest grin on his face, and it’s adorable.
I look over at Kate, her cheeks flaming red when I catch her staring at Zander. She suddenly gets all flustered, pulling out her chair and rising to her feet. “Ah, I’m just going to the ladies. I’ll be back.”
“You wanna me to come with?” I slur slightly, stumbling between what I want to say and what actually comes out.
“No,” she giggles. “You’re too drunk to walk or talk apparently.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Ladies, let’s be friends here,” Zander pipes up.
“Quit it you,” I say, slapping his abs in jest. “You just want to get into my pants.”
He turns his chair toward me, effectively caging me in, and leans in as close as he can get without sitting in my lap. “And why, pray tell, would I not want to get into your pants, Mac” he says in a low rasp that reaches me in all the right drunken places. “I seem to remember you enjoy having me in your pants, your hands….your mouth…”
Then without hesitation, he wraps his hand around my neck and crushes his mouth to mine.
It’s a few moments of delicious tongue wrestling and lip nipping before I realize that it doesn’t feel right. It’s not Zander’s lips I want tasting me, and Zander deserves better than to be a stand-in for the man I really want. I simultaneously pull back while gently pushing my hands against his chest.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” he asks, his voice full of concern. “You’re not one to pull away and freak out, especially with me.”
“I… I’ve gotta go. Can you make sure Kate gets home safe? I’ll explain later.”
“Mac, you’re drunk. You shouldn’t be going anywhere!” he shouts behind me but i’m already halfway to the door.
“I’ll catch a cab!” I yell back as I push my way through the crowd and out into the fresh night air.
I stop and lean against the wall outside the bar, trying to catch my breath and clear my head. But I can’t.
“Are you okay there?” a bouncer asks, looking worried. “You need a cab, hon?”
I nod, unable to answer. All I can think about is Daniel—his smile, his eyes, the way his hand would glide over my skin and leave me trembling. I need my Superman.
As the bouncer ushers me into the open cab door and closes it behind me, I do the one thing I thought I’d never do again, and definitely shouldn’t be doing in my inebriated state.
I give him Daniel’s address.