White lies, half-truths, fibs, whoppers, and bamboozling, there are all kinds of cutesy names we use for lying. But there’s nothing cute about lies. Cooper started with a Code of Silence, but in the end he was determined to live by a Code of Truth. Smart move.
As we saw with Cooper, lies start off ugly and only get worse, leading to more and more lies. So why do we lie, anyway? Generally there are four main reasons.
1. To avoid something uncomfortable or unpleasant. Often this has a lot to do with being put on the spot—and instead of finding a tactful way to be truthful, we tell someone what we think they want to hear. It is about making things more convenient or comfortable for us. Let’s say your friend has a small part in a play—and they totally bomb. But of course you aren’t about to tell them that. You’d feel like a jerk. Afterwards, they ask what you thought of their performance. “You were great,” you say. “Next time you should audition for the lead.”
2. To avoid punishment or consequences. We messed up. Did something that will get us in trouble. We decide to cover it up. But then someone questions us about it, so we put on an innocent face. “I didn’t do that. It wasn’t me.” This reason is all about avoiding discipline—even if we deserve it.
3. To get something we wouldn’t get with the truth. In these situations, we lie to gain an advantage or a privilege. This is deception purely for our own selfish motives. If we could rank lying by degrees of nastiness, this is often the most devious type.
“I just got invited to go out with some friends.”
Your mom gives you that look. “Not until your homework is done.”
“I don’t have any homework. I finished everything before I left school.”
Of course that isn’t true—but you figure you’ll find a way to get it done before class tomorrow. This type of lying is about getting something we’d never get if we told the truth.
4. To protect ourselves or someone else. This is exactly why Cooper started the Code of Silence. It was all about protecting himself. His family. His friends. When it involves protecting someone else, lying can appear noble at first, but it doesn’t always end up that way. And with a little thought and effort, there are other ways we can find to stay safe or keep someone else safe without relying on lies to do it.
If we understand the types of reasons and situations that tempt us to lie, it can help us avoid dishonesty.
Let me mention just a few things about lying and honesty because if we get this right …
By the end of Code of Silence, Cooper made a promise to himself not to ever lie to his parents or anyone again. That can be a tough promise to keep, but a good one to try. If we really commit to being honest, in the long run, everyone would be so much better off.
If Coop were talking to you right now he’d urge you not to twist or hide the truth—or ask your friends to. He’d encourage you to tell the truth—all the time. I think that’s pretty good advice. And Coop ought to know. He learned it the hard way.
The hard way. That’s the thing about lies. It seems like lying is the easy road, but it really is the hard one. Imagine you are in a situation where you must make the decision to tell the truth or tell a lie. If you knew 100% that you’d get caught in the lie, you wouldn’t bother telling it, right? It’s good to remember that God has the ultimate “baloney detector”. We can never fool him.
As for me, I’m lining up with Coop, Hiro, and Gordy. I’m striving to be honest. Always. To live by a Code of Truth. How about you? Will you join us? Honesty always pays off in the long run. And that’s the truth.
—Tim