Chase
I drove around the city aimlessly for three hours, after I had left the quietness of Sophie's office. I'd waited at least a half hour after she had left before I got behind the wheel of my car. I was now down at the waterfront.
I shut the engine off and began walking through the park back to the spot where Sophie and I had shared our second first kiss only a few weeks earlier. I sat down on an empty bench and looked out over the water. Memories flashed through my mind. I smiled at the memory of the look on her face as our lips had parted the first time.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling me out of my memories. I checked my messages to see that my brothers were waiting for me at our normal restaurant location. I was about to message them to let them know I wasn't coming but decided getting out with them would do me good. I needed to pull myself out of this funk.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of Wings and Things. I immediately saw that all of my brothers’ vehicles were parked. I cut the engine and checked my phone once again for any message from Sophie. I was hoping for anything, a hello, fuck you, die bastard die, whatever she wanted to send, but there was nothing.
I removed my seatbelt and shoved my phone back into my jacket pocket. Walking into the restaurant I was greeted with an onslaught of waving women, most of whom I had slept with at one time or another over the years. We apparently needed to change up our location, I thought to myself, but I was polite, greeted them, even making small talk with some. I approached the bar, ordered a beer, and made my way back to where my brothers were waiting.
I slid into the booth beside Hunter and shoved my face into the menu that sat waiting for me. Carly dropped a beer in front of me, flashing me one of her smiles. When I didn't make eye contact and only mumbled a thank you, she walked away with a look of disappointment.
"What the fuck is up with you?" Bryce questioned, looking between Carter and Hunter.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing? What the fuck? Four months ago you and Carly were all over one another. You'd take her home, screw her brains out, and now you barely acknowledge her?" Bryce seemed a little pissed off and picked up his beer and took a swig.
"Mom would be so disappointed with you," Hunter said facetiously, trying to get under my skin. I knew he was doing it on purpose, since he was the only one who I'd really confided in, yet he still didn't know the outcome.
I did my best to ignore them, letting them carry on with whatever conversation they had been in the middle of before I'd arrived. I wasn't really all that hungry, and I finally shut the menu, downed the remainder of my beer, and was well into my second one before I heard my name mentioned.
I looked to Carter who sat there staring at me. "You sure you're all right?"
I nodded, downed the remainder of my second beer, and signaled for another one.
"Jesus, you should slow down there, bro. You have a car to drive home," Carter said, nodding towards the empty beer bottle.
Hunter turned to look at me. "Did you finally hear anything?"
I nodded. For the past couple of weeks, I had let my brothers believe that everything was back to normal with me and that I was back to my old dating ways. I had made up dates with numerous women to avoid our nights out. I'd made up stories of the girls I had taken home, but the truth was that, since I had left Sophie's apartment that Monday morning a few weeks ago, I hadn't been able to look at another woman, because the only one that was on my mind was Sophie. I'd spent my nights at home, watching movies, texting or chatting with Sophie on the phone, even spending one more night in her bed, but now I feared my lies were about to surface, because telling them all one thing via text was different than sitting in front of them.
"Well? Is she pregnant? Did you fulfill her need? Did your super sperm win?" Hunter and Carter chuckled at Bryce's insinuation. I, on the other hand, did not.
"When is the big day? With any luck, Mia will be expecting at the same time," Bryce said.
"What big day?" I asked, picking at the label on my beer.
"Really, Chase? You have to ask? When is the due date?"
I let out a deep breath, continuing to pick at the already mangled label on my beer bottle. I could feel them watching me as I sat there trying to decide to tell them. "All right, let me level with you guys. There is no baby. She isn’t pregnant, and honestly, I'm devastated."
The silence at the table was deafening. I watched them as they looked between one another, not really sure what they should or could say. "Don't you guys have anything to say at all?" I asked.
"Why are you so devastated? I mean, you made her sign the contract, remember?" Hunter said quietly.
"I remember," I said, flinching at the memory.
"We're a little lost here, Chase," Bryce said, setting his bottle down and looking at the others. “You wanted nothing to do with everything after the deed was done. Your words, bro.”
"Look, I haven't exactly been truthful with you guys.” I looked to my three brothers. “I haven't been with a woman since Sophie. There have been no dates. I've been hanging out at home watching TV, playing video games, and talking or texting with Sophie. So when I've told you I couldn't do something because I had a date, I was lying."
The three of them exchanged a knowing glance, then looked back at me. "So, you want her because of the baby?" Hunter questioned.
"No. I want her no matter what. I can't get her out of my fucking mind. She's everything. Everything about her is fucking amazing."
There was the truth. It had finally moved past my lips and was now out in the open. I felt a ton of weight lifted from my shoulders for finally speaking the actual truth. I'd had a taste of her, and I didn't want to be without her, regardless of a baby. I wanted Sophie.
"Have you told her?" Carter questioned.
I shook my head. "Look, I saw the look in her eyes, that look of disappointment. I saw the look, and I know what that look means. She wants nothing more to do with me."
"Yeah, well, you don't know that until you tell her how you feel. Give her a chance to respond to your feelings."
All through dinner, I listened to each of my brothers do their best to convince me that I should talk with her and share my feelings. I also came up with every single excuse that I could think of as to why this was a very bad idea. Although, no matter what my excuses, they combated them with a reason why I was just being a coward. At the end of the night, accepting what I’d been telling myself, I’d come to the conclusion that there was no way I could tell her. I sat in the parking lot and watched as each of my brothers left.
I sat in my car, alone, rethinking each of their advice while I waited for the engine to warm, my mind constantly racing back to her face this afternoon as she stood there telling me that there was no baby. I looked at the clock; it was close to midnight. I knew she would still be up. At least I hoped she would be as I put my car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot. My brothers were right; I would regret not telling her how I felt for the rest of my life, and living with that would be harder than coming clean and telling her how I felt.
I drove through the city thinking of what I was going to say to her when I finally saw her. Should I just swoop in, grab her in my arms, kiss her, and confess everything? I stood in the elevator of her building tapping my foot impatiently as I was lifted to her floor. I ran down the hall and stopped outside of her door, then I inhaled deeply and banged on it. I wasn't going to give her the chance not to answer. I banged again, and finally the door was abruptly opened and a red-nosed, tear-stained face stood before me.
"Chase? What on earth?"
I pushed my way into her apartment, grabbing her and pulling her into me. "You, you're what I want." I pressed my lips to hers and pulled away. "Marry me?"
"Chase." She pushed her hands on my chest, trying to push me away. "Let me go."
"Not until you promise me you'll marry me."
"Let go of me!" she barked, finally pushing me hard enough that I stumbled. "You’ve been drinking! I don’t want you to only want me when you are drunk. I want you to want me sober."
"I’ve had a couple beers, but I'm not drunk."
"You are. I can taste it on you."
"Sophie, I'm not. Fuck, I love you." Sure, I'd probably had too much to drink. I probably shouldn't have driven, and this was far from my smoothest performance to date, but what I was saying was the truth. It was how I felt.
"I can't do this, Chase. Please." Her hand covered her mouth and a tear escaped her eye. "Please, just go."
She turned away from me, and her shoulders started to shake. I reached out to her to pull her into my arms to comfort her, but she was too quick and stepped out of my reach. I wanted her. I wanted her so damn bad, and I stepped forward and placed my hand on her arm, but she ripped herself away from me.
"I told you to go."
I didn't say anything. I just stood there looking at her. Looking at the curves I wished to touch, the hair I longed to run my fingers through, and the body I wished to hold and worship while she lay beneath me. I had committed those feelings to memory. I’d committed those memories to mine. There was no winning. She wasn’t going to change her mind, so, without a word, I walked out of her condo, shutting the door behind me. Behind us.