Sitting at the counter of the hotel bar, Ruth felt as if her emotional compass had suddenly and violently been recalibrated. Richard and Inspector Shaw were accompanying Charlotte to the police station in Limerick to give her statement.
It was difficult to know who she was more furious with – Nathan Queally or Charlotte. Nathan Queally’s explanation had the ring of truth. But Charlotte’s account of what had happened was disturbing. Ruth was still reeling from the revelation.
Had Charlotte never once thought of what the other women must be going through? The hell she’d left behind? A molten surge of hurt and fury pulsed through her.
Yet bizarrely, on another level, Ruth felt cleansed. Absolved of blame for the tragedy that had befallen her friend. That shame that had made Ruth feel an outcast long after she left Ireland had begun to ebb. In truth, Ruth had little to berate herself for. She’d been nothing more than childish and petulant in her behavior over the medal. Somehow, she’d blown that incident up out of any reasonable proportion. By comparison, what Charlotte had done was far worse. How could she have done it? Ruth felt uneasy and suspicious.
The mystery that had surrounded Sarah’s disappearance was now supplanted by an even greater intrigue. Why hadn’t Charlotte disclosed what had occurred that day in the cabin immediately after it happened? What was Charlotte hiding? She’d only compounded matters and made things worse for herself by not reporting Sarah’s death straightaway.
Ruth thought back to Charlotte’s revelations. At the look of shock and horror on Richard’s face, the contours of his face pulled into pain like he had a toothache. At Nathan Queally – looking like someone had commuted his death row sentence.
But there was something missing in all of this. A layer of something else that remained unseen. Ruth was wrestling with it now. Sarah had been hare-brained, careless in so many things, but in Ruth’s recollecting, Sarah had always kept her inhaler with her. Sure, Sarah smoked and that was dumb, but she’d always carried that blue inhaler.
And why had Charlotte never once confided in Ruth and Kathy? They were her trusted friends. Look at all they’d shared together over the years, the good times, the miserable times, the downright horrendous times. Unpalatable as it was, Ruth could only surmise one thing.
“What do you make of all of this?” Ruth asked Kathy, placing her hand on Kathy’s. Kathy was staring into her gin and tonic. Her expression hard to decipher. She’d said little so far.
“How could she?” Kathy asked, shaking her head slowly. She looked at Ruth with mascara-stained eyes. Tears had ploughed dark furrows down her cheeks. “Charlotte knew all along. How could she do that to us?” Shifting on the bar-stool, Kathy tried to pull her skirt down over her thighs. “I feel duped. I feel I was betrayed, as if Charlotte tried to frame us for this… this tragedy.”
“I feel exactly the same,” admitted Ruth. Looking back over the years it felt like she and Kathy had shouldered most of the opprobrium for Sarah’s disappearance. “And I know when the shock wears off, I’m going to feel as mad as hell.”
“That must have been quite some argument she and Charlotte had over Richard,” said Kathy quietly as she fished the slice of lemon from her glass.
“Sarah was so unwise,” said Ruth, shaking her head. “I never fancied Richard.” She paused to sip her drink. “But if I had,” she added, “I sure as hell would have had the sense to keep my mouth shut about it. Charlotte never said as much, but it was pretty obvious to me how protective she was of him. Sarah crossed the line with Charlotte there.”
Ruth thought back to a conversation she’d had with Sarah all those years ago, back at the Blue Pool. Had Sarah been about to tell Ruth about her feelings for Richard? And thought the better of it when Charlotte had interrupted them? Richard was undoubtedly the key to whatever had happened up at the cabin that day.
“I had a thing with him once you know,” Kathy said with a smile.
“You’re kidding!” Ruth said laughing. “You know, I always wondered about that.”
“Yeah, I know. I was a bit of a slut back then. But like you, Ruth, I knew to keep my mouth shut. I guess Richard never said anything either.”
“Oh, he’d be discreet. And I think he’s always been bit afraid of Charlotte,” said Ruth having seen the way he’d looked at his sister as she confessed to what she’d done.
“I’m afraid of her too,” said Kathy softly.
Ruth knew what she meant. Both women were silent a moment.
“There’s something else isn’t there?” asked Ruth.
“There has to be,” said Kathy, nodding. “I just don’t get why Charlotte didn’t say a thing over all these years. Unless of course, she isn’t telling the truth.” Kathy thought a moment. “And Sarah always kept that inhaler with her. That’s the thing. And the police did find one in a ditch on the road by the pub.”
Ruth agreed. “I think that something else happened in the cabin that day, Kath. You could tell from Charlotte’s body language she wasn’t telling everything. She’s hiding something. I just know it. I don’t trust her story.”
“It’s creepy isn’t it?” asked Kathy. “You think you know someone and sometimes you don’t know them at all,” she said softly. “Maybe, it’s that we choose not to see what’s staring us straight in the face, Ruth. All I know is that I’ll never trust Charlotte ever again. The way she spoke in there – it was just so cold and so detached. I don’t think I could ever look her in the same way again.”
“Me neither,” said Ruth.
It was time for a new beginning. For them both. The time for guilt and recrimination had passed. Ruth’s therapist had been telling her that for years. Up to now, the blight of guilt had cast a shadow over every aspect of Ruth’s life.
If they were to take what they heard at face value, Sarah’s disappearance had been the result of a twisted series of events, each one compounding the other. The way Ruth saw it, they had little option but to believe what they had just heard. Ruth and Kathy had been the casualties in this whole tragic episode, that poor hapless creature, Nathan Queally included. He’d stayed quiet only to protect his sick wife.
“I wonder if they’ll charge Charlotte with anything,” Ruth said as she toyed with the cardboard drink coaster.
“Is what she did a crime?” Kathy asked, looking at Ruth. “I don’t know. And you can be sure as hell that Richard will make sure that she gets a good lawyer,” Kathy added, wryly.
“I don’t know about that, Kath. You should have seen the look on Richard’s face in there,” said Ruth. “And I’d say his career trajectory could be in jeopardy. Did you see the way Inspector Shaw was looking at Richard? Shaw was not happy that Richard had never mentioned meeting Sarah in Dublin that summer.”
“Yes, I noticed that,” said Kathy. “Although, to be fair to Richard, he can be a bit dim. Maybe he never realised that Sarah had a crush on him. Anyway, I guess the last person he was going to discuss that with was Charlotte.”
The two women spent another hour mulling over the confessions they’d just heard. They aired suspicions and bounced questions off one another as they sipped their double gin and tonics. When the time came to part, Kathy agreed to stay in closer contact with Ruth. It had been the strangest day either of them had ever had.
Despite being exhausted when she arrived back in Ascot, Ruth recounted everything that had happened to Colin. He brought her a tray of sandwiches and tea as she poured out the whole sorry tragedy to him. It took a while.
Earlier, as the plane landed at Heathrow, it occurred to her that England was no longer a place of forced exile but somewhere she really enjoyed living. She had so much to be proud of – her career, her husband, the kids, the home she had made, and the friendships she hoped to develop.
She no longer needed to feel ashamed. Whether or not she became captain at the golf club melted into insignificance. It really didn’t matter anymore. So many of the projects that she’d thrown her energy into over the years had been distractions to help her blur the past.
Kathy had promised her that she would get in contact with Ava and Penny Nugent. She’d promised that she’d keep her up to date with any new developments. And for once Ruth felt confident that Kathy would do just that.
Kathy was the only one who could really understand. For over a quarter of a century, the two women had shared a dark and hidden history.