CHAPTER 11

When Allyson came down into the kitchen that night, she knew something was wrong. Her dad and mom sat close together at the kitchen table. She opened the cupboard to get a glass of milk when she glanced at her father’s face. He looked old and tired. Her parents sprang away from each other, as if they’d been caught telling each other a secret.

“I can tell something’s up,” she said.

Her dad looked up from his coffee cup. “They found BSE in Ray’s herd,” he said.

“What does that mean?” she asked.

Her dad explained the government had been trying to find the origin of BSE, and they’d been testing the brains of cows that had been slaughtered. They’d been looking for abnormal traits in the brains to try and found out more information about how BSE had gotten into Alberta. They’d found some of those traits in a cow Ray slaughtered a few months ago.

“The government guys are going to come out and take away all Ray’s cattle,” Gord explained. “We can still go on and off his farm, but it’s been quarantined, and he can’t move or sell his herd.”

Gord shook his head. “Ray said this is going to take him out of the cattle business. They’re coming to take the cows away tomorrow.”

“Are the cows contagious?” Allyson asked. She knew there was no danger of people getting sick, but she didn’t really know how the whole thing worked.

“They just don’t want them to get into the food chain,” Gord said. “And they need to test the rest of them.”

Donna stood up. “I’ve got some pies and a lasagne in the freezer. I’ll get everything together and you can take it to Ray when you go over there tomorrow.”

Allyson hadn’t wanted to go over to Ray’s with her dad to watch the whole thing. But her dad asked her to go. Even though she was old enough to stay alone, the look on her dad’s face was enough to make her hop in his truck and sit beside him in silence as they drove to Ray’s. Gord had loaded Temple into the trailer they were pulling behind the truck. He’d asked Allyson if she wanted to ride and help round up the cattle but she had a feeling she would probably be in the way.

“Ray doesn’t want to watch the men come and take his cows away, but he can’t make himself leave,” her dad told her as they pulled up to Ray’s house. She got out of the truck. Craig, Gord and Phil were mounted on horses, ready to go. Ray trotted up on his own palomino, slowing down as he approached the car.

“This is like watching a man take his last ride,” Gord said to Allyson, while Ray was out of earshot.

The two of them sat in silence in the truck and watched Ray approach.

Once her dad put the tack on Temple and mounted her, the four men drove the cattle into a pen, and then up the chute into a cattle liner. The cattle would be trucked to a special slaughter plant, where plant workers would kill them by shooting bolts into their brains. From there, their bodies would be burned down and rendered. The cattle probably weren’t sick, but the government couldn’t take any chances, so they had to kill them all, separating the infected material, all the spines and the brains— any of the tissue that could possibly infect anyone. Ray had to give the government all his cattle records, so the government could do a trace back on all his animals. The government inspectors would work as though they were solving a mystery, visiting farms and looking through records.

For Ray and the rest of the men, this herd was the only one that mattered now. Ray sat on his horse and watched as the truck drove off with all his steers, bulls, heifers and cows. The men stayed around visiting with him for a bit. They had a few beers, ate some chips and shot the shit. Allyson had a ginger ale. But eventually, they all had to go home and leave Ray alone.

“I don’t know what Ray is going to do now,” Gord said, when he was back at his kitchen table. “Jackie is coming out to get him. Said she’d take him into the city for a week, so he could hang out with the grandkids.”

“So sad,” Donna said, sipping on her coffee. “Why do bad things happen to good people?”

It was just the three of them in the house. Who knew where Colton was? As Allyson watched, Gord and Donna both took sips from their coffee, raising mugs to their mouths in unison. How long did it take before a couple adopted each other’s mannerisms? Would that kind of thing happen to her someday? Would she eventually look old and tired like her parents? She didn’t like that thought.

*

The annual post grad/post Stampede party was coming up. It was a town tradition. For the past few years, Tim and Tracy Coates held parties when their parents were out of town.

“I think you should go to the party,” Donna said, leaning into her daughter’s room.

Allyson looked up from her copy of Keeper of the Isis Light.

“Why?” she asked.

“You need to get out more,” her mom said. “It’s not good for you to keep moping around your bedroom all the time. You need to hang out with more people. What kind of kid doesn’t want to go to a party?”

This one, Allyson thought. She looked up from the pages of her book to her mom’s face. Her mom had her no-nonsense look on.

“I can’t believe this,” Allyson said.

“What kind of life are you going to have if you just sit in your room and read all the time? Besides, you can’t spend all your time alone. It’s a good way to get depressed.”

Allyson opened her mouth to say something and then closed it. She wanted to tell her mom that she was worried about her dad. Both her parents had been somber and quiet through the long, dull, boring winter. Her dad paced around outside all the time. Her dad had always loved spending time in the yard, but now he was out there all the time, wandering around, aimless. Uncle Craig was always off on other jobs, trying to help people with their crops, doing carpentry work. When Clay was home for grad and Stampede, her dad had roped him into helping with fencing. But whenever her dad was in the house, he didn’t talk much, just sat slumped in his chair, drinking beer and eating Cheezies. He flipped through TV channels without seeming to watch anything except the news and the odd sports game. Western Producer articles piled up next to his chair. He was obsessed with the border closure and the cattle markets. He had taken to cutting out articles about cattle, BSE and cattle markets out of the newspapers with the kitchen scissors. Her mother had thrown some of the articles away a few months ago, and Gord yelled at her. Now she didn’t dare touch them.

Everything was different since Grandpa Al died. Even though it was only about twelve months ago, Allyson felt a lot older since the accident. It took more energy to get out of bed in the morning. It was as though someone was sitting on her shoulders, pressing down. Sometimes, when she woke up in the morning, she wondered why she was getting out of bed.

“You should go to the party,” Donna said, interrupting her thoughts.

Allyson looked away from her mother and back at her book. She kept reading, ignoring her mother, until she heard the footsteps that indicated her mother had left.

The day of the party, Allyson walked into the barn, looking for a quiet place to read. Chloe was inside, feeding the cats.

“You’re coming to the rager tonight?” Chloe asked, as she leaned down to pet Willow.

“Nope,” she said.

“You should come with us,” Chloe said. “Jamie and I were at Joe’s and we asked Jeff if he was going. He asked if you were going to be there.”

Allyson thought about the last time she’d seen Jeff, at grad.

“Do you want to go outside?” Jeff had asked her. “I need some air.”

She nodded. Had he read her mind? She had been thinking about sneaking out and reading the book she had in her bag, just to deal with her boredom. Jeff stood up and she followed him, wondering if anyone in her family was watching her leave with him. Outside, she and Jeff talked about Princess Mononoke and Frank Miller and the Dark Knight Chronicles. They sat on the bench outside the school. As she watched, Booger’s truck pulled into the parking lot. She hadn’t even noticed that Colton had left the gym, but now she saw him run over to the truck and lean into Booger’s open window. Booger’s truck blared loud, angry rock music; Korn or Limp Bizkit or one of those other bands with lead singers who postured like angry roosters. Colton walked over to the passenger side of the truck to talk to someone. Colton climbed inside the truck and the person shifted over. Allyson could tell it was Lily by the long dark hair that hung down the side of her face. Booger gunned the engine and the truck peeled out of the parking lot.

“Weird,” Jeff said. For a moment, she had forgotten he was there.

“How are your parents doing?” Jeff asked.

His question sounded so adult, so formal.

“I mean, with everything happening,” he said. “When my grandma died, my mom took it really hard.”

Jeff’s grandma had come over from China and spent her days in the restaurant. She never learned how to speak English, except to say “thank you.” His grandma toddled around the restaurant, smiled, wiped the tables with her gnarled hands and cleared away plates when people were done eating. Allyson had never known her name. She was a fixture in the restaurant until one day she was just gone.

“I think my parents are okay,” she said. She didn’t want to talk about it.

“You should come over and watch a movie with me,” Jeff said. “It’s been a while since we did that.”

He shifted his body next to her on the bench. His arm brushed against hers. The warmth of his body was startling, and she shifted away from him. But then she willed herself to relax. What would she do if he reached out and touched her? What if he put his arm around her? Did he like her?

She became aware of her own breathing. Should she touch him? She could smell him beside her, a faint smell of woody cologne. He smelled different than her brothers. Better somehow. Was this what it felt like to like someone? Or were they just friends?

Jeff was talking. They needed to hire someone in the restaurant that summer. Emily would be leaving soon and they needed someone to pick up extra shifts.

“I should go back inside,” he said. “They’ve probably stopped playing that god-awful country crap.”

Allyson stood up with him. “At least you don’t have to listen to country all the time,” she said. “My mom is crazy about that stuff. If she had her way, we would have moved to Texas. Or Nashville.” She laughed. “I should show you some pictures of my parents when they got married. My mom had really big hair, like she wanted to be Tammy Wynette or Dolly Parton. My dad looked like a cowboy out of the movies.”

Jeff opened the door to the school. She wasn’t sure if he was listening to her. Was she babbling?

“My mom says she fell for my dad because he looked like a cowboy,” she said. “She thought she was going to be living in Lonesome Dove. Instead, she ended up here.”

Inside the school gym, people had gathered in a circle and were dancing around to Boney M’s “Rasputin”. There were cheers as someone’s dad ventured into the circle, doing high Russian kicks.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Jeff said. “Maybe we can catch up on IM.”

She nodded. Had she done or said something wrong?

“See you,” she said, watching him go. Then she went back to the table where her family was sitting, even though they weren’t there anymore. She saw her mom and dad on the dance floor. Eventually Clay came back and sat beside her. After a few minutes, she convinced him to give her a ride home.

Chloe cleared her throat. “I asked you a question.”

“Sorry,” Allyson mumbled. “What did you say?”

“So do you want to come?” Chloe asked. She scooped Willow up into her arms. The orange cat leaned against her chest and purred like a tired motor.

Allyson looked at her cousin’s face. Soon Chloe would move to the city. The two of them barely talked any more. Chloe was asking her to do something, and Jeff was going to be there too. She’d have to be around Jamie, but she could suck it up and deal with it.

“Okay,” Allyson said. “I’ll go.”

“Great,” Chloe said. “We’ll be ready to come get you around nine.”

*

After dinner, Allyson changed her clothes. This rager was legendary. Chloe had gone last year and told Allyson about it.

“People were wandering all over the riverbank, making out and drinking beer,” Chloe said. “I’ve never seen anything like it. Cody Turner brought his guitar and was serenading a girl. And Body Count was there.”

Body Count was a local death metal band. The lead singer, Brett, was known for his love of metal. He could do a high-pitched scream that sounded like Axl Rose, but his favourite thing to do was a death metal growl. Before Chloe had ditched Allyson for Jamie, she dragged her to see a free all-ages Body Count show at the Royal Canadian Legion in town. The band had played some Metallica covers, a bunch of Guns N’ Roses and some originals. For most of the concert, Brett screamed and growled in a way that reminded Allyson of Cookie Monster. She wasn’t sure why anyone would pay to listen to that music.

Allyson didn’t know what a person wore to the summer rager.

“Are you ready yet?” Chloe asked, poking her head into Allyson’s bedroom.

Allyson thought about telling her she didn’t want to go, that the whole thing was stupid. But part of her was curious. Wouldn’t it be worthwhile to go and see what actually happened? It couldn’t be as great as everyone said it was. Even her dad used to tell her about the bush parties he and Craig had gone to back in the day. After-grad parties around Stampede had been a tradition since he was in high school. Her dad, Craig and all the rest of their graduating class had partied at the river. The location of the party changed over the years, but it was a tradition as old as the town.

“Can I wear this?” Allyson asked, pointing down at the black t-shirt and jeans she was wearing.

Chloe nodded. “It doesn’t really matter. You’ll need to put on a jacket later. It gets cold near the water.”

Chloe wore coral-coloured lipstick, and heavy kohl ringed her eyes.

“Jamie is waiting out in the car,” Chloe said. “We have to hurry.”

Allyson followed her cousin down the stairs. As she left her room, she glanced at the book lying on her bed. They stopped at the front door to put on their shoes. Allyson tied up her favourite red Converse high tops. Chloe said they looked like something an artist would wear, and that made Allyson like them more.

“Bye girls,” Donna called from the kitchen. “Have a good time. Drive safe.”

Outside, Jamie waited in the passenger seat. Ben, her boyfriend, sat in the driver’s seat. Allyson had never really talked to him, but she nodded at him in acknowledgement as she scrambled into the back seat.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said. Her voice sounded high and squeaky, like a little kid. She felt like one right now. Even though Jamie and Chloe were only two years older, they looked so much more worldly. Jamie’s lips were bright red. Allyson touched a finger to her own unadorned lips. She’d tried wearing lipstick once but she hated the waxy feeling of the lipstick on her mouth. When her lips were outlined in a bright colour, it felt as though her lips were oversized and crooked. She watched Jamie’s perfect mouth as she talked.

Allyson reached into her pocket, pulled out her lip chap and ran it over her lips as Ben started the car and drove down the driveway. Jamie leaned over and turned up the stereo, which was playing that Blue song that had been so popular a few years ago. The chorus was something about living in a blue house in a blue window in a blue world. Allyson hated the song because it didn’t really mean anything. She knew Chloe hated the song too, because she’d told her so.

“I love this song,” Chloe said to Jamie. “Can you turn it up?”

Jamie leaned over the back seat, turning around to face Allyson and Chloe. “Want a smoke?” she asked. Chloe nodded. Jamie lit up and handed the cigarette to Chloe before lighting one up herself. Soon everyone in the car was smoking except Allyson. She was going to smell like an ashtray. If she had had a bottle of perfume, she would have sprayed it all over herself. Her eyes started to burn, so she rolled down a window. The sound of air rushed into the car.

They had to drive through town to get to the Coates’ place.

“I need to get some pop for my mix,” Ben said, turning into the 7-Eleven parking lot.

He stopped the car and hopped out. “You guys coming?”

Jamie and Chloe got out of the car. Allyson didn’t need anything, but she didn’t want to stay alone in the car. Chloe and Jamie were already a few steps ahead of her, giggling about something. Allyson couldn’t hear what they were saying. She looked at their backs and remembered when she and Chloe had giggled together like that.

Inside, Ben filled up a Big Gulp cup with Coke. Jamie and Chloe got Slurpees. Her cousin went from lever to lever, layering coloured ices over top of each other.

“Gross,” Jamie said, filling her own large cup up with lime.

Allyson walked to the stand-up coolers and got herself a bottle of Fresca before heading to the candy aisle for some sour soothers. You were supposed to use tongs to pull them out, but she never did. The clerk behind the counter was busy helping customers ring through their purchases. When she was satisfied that he wasn’t looking, she grabbed the sour keys with her fingers and stuffed them into the baggie.

Chloe, Ben and Jamie were already in line. Jamie looked at Allyson’s hands to see what she was buying.

“Fresca,” she said. “That’s what my grandma drinks.”

Allyson paid without saying anything and followed the other three out to the car. As she walked, she pulled a bit of her hair past her nose and took a whiff. Her hair stunk like cigarette smoke. She heard Booger’s truck before she even saw it. The loud music sounded like AC/DC, or some of that older rock stuff that Colton listened to.

“Hey,” she heard Chloe say. “Are you heading to the party too?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Colton said. She watched as her brother and Lily walked towards the store. Booger stayed in the driver’s seat of the truck. Her brother saw her and raised his eyebrows. “You’re going to the party?” he asked. “People are going to be doing shit there,” he said. “All kinds of things. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

He gave Chloe a look. Allyson ignored him and headed toward the car. Ben was already back in the car by the time Allyson climbed in the back seat. She watched out the window as Booger hopped out of his truck and joined Chloe, Colton and Jamie on the sidewalk. She wanted to go back home more than ever. She couldn’t ask Ben to take her home because she’d look like a baby. It was too far for her to walk. Maybe she could fake some sort of illness, call her parents from the 7-Eleven and ask them to pick her up.

Before she could even figure out a plan, Chloe and Jamie were back in the car. Allyson opened the crumpled baggie in her hand and pulled out a sour soother. The candy was hard and acidic in her mouth. She chewed, forcing her teeth down on the stiff shape. She leaned towards the front seat as Ben started the car up again, and passed the bag to Jamie.

“Take some,” she said, looking out the window as they drove through town and onto the highway to the Coates’. The Coates family had a long driveway with high hedges leading up to their house. Allyson had been there years before, when she was about eight years old. For her birthday, Tracy Coates hosted a pool party and invited everyone in the class. Then Tracy’s mom had served them lemonade and they ate cake and watched Tracy open her presents.

It seemed like forever until they reached the Coates’ house. People in town always talked about the house’s design. Donna said it was inspired by Tara in “Gone with the Wind.” The Coates house was a large, sprawling white mansion that belonged in the deep southern United States, not in rural Alberta.

Cars and pickups were parked all over the property. Ben pulled his car up next to a red truck and killed the engine. Jamie leaned over the front seat and handed the bag of sour keys back to Allyson. Allyson had forgotten that she’d even handed them over. Clutching the bag, she got out of the car, and waited as Chloe and Jamie stood around the trunk of Ben’s car, watching him fiddle with the lock.

“Brain freeze,” Chloe yelled, putting her hand on her forehead. She was still holding her Slurpee in the other hand.

“Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth,” Allyson said. Clay taught her that trick. Chloe looked at her, and Allyson could tell that she didn’t believe her. Ben finally popped open the trunk and pulled out two backpacks. He passed a blue backpack to Chloe. From the first backpack, he pulled out a large thermos. He poured a generous amount of vodka into the thermos, followed by a splash of the Coke that he’d bought at the 7-Eleven. Leaning his head back, he took a large swig of his concoction.

“Tastes like a good night,” he said, grabbing Jamie’s hand. “Let’s go.”

Off in the distance, Allyson could hear loud music. Jamie and Ben started walking in the direction of the river. Chloe crouched beside the back of the car, fiddling with her shoelace. Allyson kneeled down so her mouth was close to her cousin’s ear.

“Isn’t Ben driving?” she asked. “Shouldn’t he be sober?”

Chloe looked up from her shoe and raised her eyebrow. “We’re going to be here a long time,” she said. “Ben will be sober by the time we go home. Don’t worry about it. He knows what he’s doing.”

Chloe abandoned her Slurpee cup by the back wheel of Ben’s car, stood up and hurried after Jamie and Ben, her backpack slung over one arm. Allyson trudged along alone. She could hear voices in the distance, and the sounds of laughter. It reminded her of a Buffy episode, or the horror movies she’d seen. If she were some sort of monster, this was where she would strike. She looked around at all the greenery and shrubs around her. She kept on walking, and caught up to her cousin, who had stopped to fumble around in her backpack.

“Do you want a vodka cooler?” Chloe asked, reaching into the bag. Allyson heard the sound of the cap twist, and the rush of air as her cousin opened the cooler. She shook her head and held up the Fresca she had brought from the car.

“Didn’t think so,” Chloe said. “But figured I’d offer.”

Allyson followed her cousin down the gravel path. There were a few people coming back up, but she didn’t recognize any of them. After a few minutes, the narrow path grew wide again. Allyson could smell campfire and saw fire pits scattered in an open area.

Jamie and Ben were already sitting at the nearest campfire. Josh Hutchinson sat beside them, roasting a hot dog.

“Check out his stick,” Jamie laughed. Josh’s hot dog rested in front of a little wire man, so it looked like the hot dog was the man’s giant penis.

“So gross,” Chloe giggled. Allyson blushed. Josh was asking what their plans were for the summer, if they were going to go away. Chloe would be working at the feed store, the same place she’d worked last summer. Josh said he was going to see the Tragically Hip concert at Klondike Days. Did Chloe want to go with him? They could go to West Edmonton Mall and go to the water park. They should all go camping this summer. Josh knew a place in Kananaskis that was right near a mountain. They should all have one last hurrah before they went off to university.

“I can’t wait to move,” Chloe said. “Can’t wait to get out of this shit hole,” she said.

“Here’s to graduating and leaving this dump behind,” Jamie said, holding up a can of beer. The four of them clinked bottles and cans while Allyson watched. She wished for the day when she would be them, ready to leave, heading into the city. Jamie stood up and grabbed Ben’s hand, pulling him up with her.

“I need to talk to you alone,” she said, leaning towards him.

Chloe wiggled her eyebrows at Jamie. “Sure you do,” she said, as they moved away. “Go ahead and talk.” As they walked away, Ben put his hand in Jamie’s back pocket, and Allyson looked away.

“I need to go find the buns and the ketchup,” Josh said, pulling his hot dog out of the fire. “Want to come with me?”

Chloe stood up. Allyson wondered what she was supposed to do. Was she invisible? Did they even care that she was here?

“I’m going to see who else is here,” she said. “I’ll find you in a bit.” She hoped she could find Jeff. She just didn’t want to be around Chloe if her cousin was just going to ignore her. She walked away from the fire, towards small groups of people scattered around the open area. Was Amber here? Probably not. Amber had better things to do. She was probably at home reading or practicing the piano, or sleeping. Maybe there would be some other people from band that she could talk to. She wandered over to one of the other fires and sat down next to it for a while, staring at other groups of people sitting with friends and laughing. She recognized lots of people but they were all older. They were people she had never spoken to. All the groups of people talking, laughing and drinking around her made her feel even more alone. Why had she even come to this party? She wasn’t made for parties. Not this kind. Maybe the kind you had in the city, where people talked about books they’d read, or movies they’d seen. She’d never been to a sophisticated party, one where people dressed up and talked about things that mattered. She pretended to be deep in thought as she stared at the fire. Maybe if she stared at it hard enough, people would just think she was really stoned. If there was more light, she could study the faces of the people around her, and try to figure out how to draw them. Instead, she looked at the shadows playing on people’s faces. Everything was more sinister this way.

“Hey,” she heard as Jeff sat down beside her. She was surprised to see a beer in his hand.

“I didn’t know you drank,” she said. She sounded stupid even to herself.

“Sometimes,” he said. “My dad likes me to drink Johnnie Walker with him every once in a while.”

Allyson twisted the cap off her Fresca and listened to the satisfying fizz of the air escaping the bottle. Tipping her head back, she took a long pull on it, tasting the citrus tang and the burn from the carbonation.

“What have you been up to?” Jeff asked. “You here alone?”

“Not much,” she said. “Same old. Reading and drawing. I came with my cousin and her friends, but I don’t know where they are.”

Even as she said the words, she knew she sounded lame. Even though she talked to Jeff all the time, she felt nervous. Sitting with him in the dark near a campfire was different. Jeff threw his head back and took another gulp from his beer bottle.

“How long have you been here?” she asked. “We came around 9:30.”

Why couldn’t she think of anything good to talk about?

“We’ve been here for a while,” he said. “Came down with Emily earlier.”

“Really?”

“I think there’s something going on between her and Tim,” Jeff said. “Are you sure you don’t want a sip of my beer?”

Allyson hated beer, but she didn’t want to tell Jeff. She put her Fresca on the ground and took the bottle from him. When the cold glass of the bottle touched her lips, she thought about how his lips had touched the same bottle. She swallowed, handed the bottle back to him and took a swig of Fresca to chase the taste away.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Jeff asked. He leaned towards her and she smelled beer on his breath. She shivered. The sun was completely gone and the air was a lot colder.

He put his hand on her knee. She thought about moving his hand off her knee just because it felt so strange. It felt sort of nice, though. Should she lean closer towards him? Before she could think about it, his mouth was on hers. He was kissing her. Her first kiss. She wasn’t sure what to do, so she stuck her tongue in his mouth. That’s what you were supposed to do when you were kissing, right? That’s what happened in the movies. He tasted like beer, but she could feel the soft warmth of the inside of his mouth too. His hand tightened on her knee. Did this mean they were boyfriend and girlfriend now? Were they together? Did he like her, like her? Did she like him?

“Woo hoo!” she heard, and Booger, Colton and Lily approached and stood by the fire. Allyson could tell her brother was drunk or high by the way he was standing, and by the way he stared into the flames, transfixed as if he was searching for something.

“I’m going to lay some pole tonight,” Booger said.

“What?” she said, mostly to Jeff.

“I don’t know,” Jeff said to her. “Maybe it means he’s going to get laid.”

Jeff had taken his hand off his knee and moved away. “What did you want to tell me?” she asked. She leaned towards him, so he could whisper it in her ear if he wanted to.

“I’m kind of drunk,” he said. He touched her hair. “You’re so pretty,” he said. “I just think you’re pretty.”

“Are you hitting on my sister?” Colton asked. Lily laughed, a loud high-pitched cackle. Her laugh didn’t match her looks, Allyson thought. But maybe it suited her personality.

“He’s a nice boy,” Lily said. “Leave them alone.”

“I don’t know,” Booger said. “You gotta be careful with Chinks these days. They’re the ones who carry SARS. Everyone knows they’re the ones who brought it to Canada.”

Jeff raised his head to look at Booger, whose hulking shape towered over him.

“Shut up, asshole,” Jeff said.

Booger laughed. “What did you call me, chink?”

“Shut up, Booger,” Lily said, and Allyson was glad she was there. Colton laughed and slumped down on his back to watch the stars. He held out his arms and made grabbing motions with his hands.

“They’re so close,” he said. “Feels like I could touch them.”

Jeff hauled himself to his feet and stood beside Booger, who looked at him and laughed.

“What’s up, Chinaman?” he said. “What are you going to do, cough on me?”

Jeff lurched forward, and Allyson could see that he was drunker than she’d originally thought. He bunched his fingers into a fist and aimed for Booger’s face. Booger grabbed Jeff’s hands with one hand and punched him in the nose with the other. Allyson froze. She couldn’t move, couldn’t believe this was happening. She leaned over and grabbed at her brother’s hands, trying to make him pay attention, make him stop laughing at the sky.

“Do something,” she said, yanking at his arm. She kicked him with one foot, but he didn’t move. Booger kept on punching Jeff. Jeff tried to punch back, but he wasn’t big or fast enough.

“Booger, stop,” Lily said. She moved in and tried to grab Booger’s arms. “Just stop it. Calm down.”

A crowd had gathered, moving from the other fires to watch.

“Fight!” someone said. She couldn’t tell who had yelled the word, but she hated that person, hated their voice and all the other people who were gathered around. None of this would have happened if she’d stayed home, safe in bed with a book.

Colton sat up. “Fight!” he said, and laughed a crazy gurgling laugh.

Lily forced her thin, small body between Jeff and Booger. Jeff’s arms swung out wildly as he tried to hit Booger. Then someone grabbed Jeff by the shoulder and started to pull him away. Allyson stood up and grabbed Jeff’s other hand. “Come with me,” she said, even though she wasn’t sure where she was taking him. She looked to see who had pulled Jeff away. It was Tim Coates.

“Colton, help me,” Lily said. Colton pulled himself to his feet. “Help hold Booger back,” she said.

“Break it up, guys,” Tim said. “No fighting down here. We don’t want the cops to shut us down.”

Jeff nodded and took a deep breath through his mouth, inhaling it in a whinny. “My nose hurts,” he said to Allyson. His voice was a high-pitched whine.

She had to get Jeff away from all this, as far away from Booger as possible.

“Chloe,” she called. “Chloe, where are you?”

She scanned the groups of people, but couldn’t see her cousin. She searched for her cousin’s familiar strawberry blonde hair, but it was nowhere to be seen.

“You need to get him out of here,” Tim said, looking down into her face. “You need to leave.”

Allyson grabbed Jeff by the arm and started away from the river, weaving through groups of people. Her breath was rough and shaky in her chest, as she pulled at Jeff, yanking him through the crowds. Away from the bonfire, everyone was just shadows and bodies, and she couldn’t find the way back to the house. Branches from a bush scraped against her face. “Ouch, ouch, goddamnit,” she said, waving her arm in front of her to push them away.

“Do you know where the path is?” she asked Jeff.

He brought his hand to his nose. “It’s bleeding,” he said.

“Chloe!” she called again. “Ben!” She wished they would come to help her. She felt as if she was trapped in a funhouse maze. How come the entire school was here, and she didn’t recognize anyone? How come no one would help her?

“Emily!” she yelled. Maybe Jeff’s sister was there.

“Where is the path?” she asked a girl standing beside her. When she took a good look at the girl’s face, she recognized her as one of the girls who went to the Catholic school down the road. The party was so big that even the Catholics were there.

The girl looked from her to Jeff, who was holding his nose with one hand.

“Follow me,” she said. “I’ll take you.”

Allyson followed her back onto the gravel path. She had never been so happy to see dirty old gravel in her entire life.

She started up the path, holding Jeff by one arm. The two of them walked without speaking until they arrived at the house. After they’d climbed the steps, Allyson stood on the porch, wondering what to do. After a few minutes, she walked to the door and knocked. No one came to the door. She tried the handle. It was unlocked, so she opened the door and walked into a back hallway of the house. Jeff followed her inside and as they entered the house, two small Shih Tzus came running towards them, barking.

“Gotta find a bathroom,” Jeff said, as he lurched down the hallway. Drips of blood slipped through his fingers and spattered onto the floor.

“You’re dripping,” she called after him.

She sounded like her mother.

The dogs ignored her and went off after Jeff.

“Hello,” she called. Was there anyone else inside the house? It was as fancy as it looked from the outside. She walked a few steps down the hallway, which opened into a large, white kitchen. Pots hung from a copper rack on the ceiling and a stainless steel stove and fridge gleamed against the white walls. Allyson had only seen kitchens like this on television. Jeff leaned over the sink. There was a roll of paper towel next to the sink. Jeff unwrapped a few sheets of it and pressed them to his nose.

This kitchen was nothing like her kitchen at home. Even though her mother kept their kitchen spotless, the kitchen at the Klassen house looked used, like people actually lived there. The Coates’ kitchen looked like a showroom. And here was Jeff, wearing dirty running shoes, bleeding on all the whiteness.

Allyson heard a door open and shut and turned to see who was coming through the door. Tracy.

“Tim sent me here,” she said. She opened a drawer, pulled out a white tea towel and handed it to Jeff. He pulled the bloody paper towel away from his nose and winced. “I don’t think it’s broken,” he said. “Do you want me to put this nice towel on my nose?”

“It’ll be ruined,” Allyson said. “Don’t you have any rags?”

Tracy shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got lots.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeff said, his voice nasal and scratchy as he pinched his nose with the towel. “I’m sorry about this.”

“You should probably just go home when you’re done bleeding,” Tracy said.

Had Tracy seen what happened? Had Tim told her to tell them to leave? Had Booger been asked to leave? There was nothing Allyson wanted more than to go home. But how would she get there? There was no way she could go back to the river and look for Ben or anyone else who could give them a ride home. If she lived in town, it would be another story. Uncle Craig, Aunty Linda and her parents had always said that any of the kids could call any time they needed a ride and someone would come get them, no questions asked.

“Can I use your phone?” she asked.

Tracy handed her a white cordless phone. Allyson dialled the number. Her mother picked up on the third ring.

“Mom,” Allyson said.

“Are you okay?” her mother asked, and there was a wave of panic in her mother’s voice. “Is Chloe okay? Is everything all right?”

She heard her dad ask who was on the phone. He must be lying in bed beside her mother.

“Mom, I’m fine,” she said. “We’re fine.”

“You freaked me out,” her mother says. “Every time the phone rings at night, I think . . .”

“I need you to come get us,” she said. “Me and Jeff. We need a ride home.”

“Where’s Chloe?” her mother asked.

“I don’t know. She’s fine. She’s down at the river. Just come get us.”

“Why isn’t Chloe with you?”

Allyson wished she could reach through the phone and slap her mother upside the head.

“She ditched me,” she said. And as she spoke the words, she felt like crying. “Now can you come get me? I want to come home.”

“I’ll go get her,” Gord said. “Is she still at the Coates?”

Her mother must have put her on speakerphone. Allyson heard the creak of the bed as her father shifted his weight and sat up.

“Yeah, we’re at the Coates,” she said.

“He’s on his way,” Donna said. Allyson pressed the off button, cutting her mother off before she could say anything else. Why had she come to this stupid party anyway?

“Thanks,” Allyson said, as she handed the phone back to Tracy.

Tracy put the phone in its cradle. “You can wait in the front room if you like.”

“It’s probably better if we wait on the porch,” Allyson said. “That way he doesn’t have to come into the house.”

“Suit yourself,” Tracy said.

Outside, Jeff and Allyson stood on the porch, looking out towards the yard, which was still full of cars and trucks.

“Your dad doesn’t have to give me a ride home,” Jeff said. “I’ll go back down to the river and find Emily. I think Cody’s down there too. Doesn’t make sense for your dad to drive all over town.”

“What about Booger?” Allyson asked. “If he finds you, he’ll beat the shit out of you.”

How could Jeff have been so stupid? Why had he hit Booger? Everyone knew you didn’t touch Booger. He’d broken someone’s arm back in grade school and had been the enforcer when he played hockey.

“I’ll take my chances. I’ll find a ride before he finds me.” He touched her on the shoulder. “Thanks for helping me tonight.”

“Whatever,” Allyson said. Jeff was just like the rest of them. She’d thought he cared about art, books and movies and all the things that mattered, but he was like everyone else in town. Just another person who wanted to drink, and get into fights and get involved in the town drama. Just another townie.

She started down the steps. It would be a while before her dad got here. Maybe she’d walk to the end of the driveway. There was a large streetlamp at the end of the road. If she stood by the Coates family sign, her dad wouldn’t miss her.

Jeff stood at the bottom of the steps. She thought he had already gone back to the river, but he was waiting for her.

“Remember earlier when I wanted to tell you a secret?” he asked. She could smell the scent of beer and the iron tang of the blood that had soaked into his jacket.

“Go away, Jeff,” she said. “I don’t want to talk to you right now. I just want to be alone.”

Jeff opened his mouth, like he wanted to tell her something. Then he leaned in, and hugged her tight. She wanted him to let go at the same time that she wanted him to keep holding on.

She let go of him and walked a few steps away. “You’re just like everybody else. I thought you were different. I thought you were like me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just got caught up in things. I don’t like it when Booger insults me. How can I let him say all that racist shit to me? It’s hard.”

“Just go,” she said.

She stood under the lamp at the end of the driveway, watching the cars on the highway. She wasn’t sure how long she ­waited, but it felt like a long time. When her dad’s familiar, tired-looking truck trundled up the driveway, she’d never been happier to see anyone in her whole life.